History Film / RollerBlade

* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe: The movie is filled with characters who use middle English (or what they think it is) so expect to hear "thou", "thee", "thine" and "ye" a lot, especially by the nuns but also unexplainably by Marshall Goodman who combines it with a southern American accent and 80s slang.

After another nuclear holocaust, the story takes place in "The City of Lost Angels" during "The Second Dark Age". The Sisters of the Holy Order of Roller Blades, led by Mother Speed and their ally Marshall Goodman have to fight against their enemy Saticoy, who wants to become the lord of the wasteland. Enter Hunter (aka Sister Fortune) who joins the Order and fights for justice and peace. There are punks, bums, samurais, a speaking hand puppet, a strange mix of 80s slang and middle English, some gore, lots of nudity and the heavy use of the "smiley"-face. If this wasn't all crazy enough, you have to imagine this film as completely meant seriously, if you don't see it as a StealthParody and StylisticSuck right away, there won't be many intentional jokes for you.

* FightingWithChucks: One of the punks is playing around with nunchakus, but he never uses it to fight.

* ButterflyKnife: Seen many times in the film and used by Hunter and Sister Cross. Of course with playing around and AudibleSharpness.

* BlondeBrunetteRedhead: Three naked women take a bath together during Hunter's inauguration ritual. They look so much like Franchise/TheWitchesOfEastwick you could think it's a direct ShoutOut (but ''Roller Blade'' came one year earlier).

* {{Delinquents}}: The other gang consisting of three guys that are not the punks. They kidnap Goodman's son and Waco wants to beat them up, but accidentally go to the punks (and gets smashed).

* MundaneMadeAwesome: Despite the pretty obvious roller skates, the film makes also good use of shopping carts and a group of mooks are almost never seen without it. They even use it to kidnap Marshall Goodman's son and hang him (inside the cart) from the ceiling.

-> ''Skate or die!''
-> - '''Tagline'''

''Roller Blade'' is a 1986 zero-budget post-apocalyptic roller skates film with nuns (yes, it's as crazy as it sound). Made for no more than 5000 dollars by Donald G. Jackson and only sold on video, it became a hit and made no less than one million dollars in the video rental stores, successful enough to spawn no less than '''four''' sequels. Up to date, there's still no release on any digital medium.

After another nuclear holocaust, the story takes place in "The City of Lost Angels" during "The Second Dark Age". The Sisters of the Holy Order of Roller Blades, led by Mother Speed and their ally Marshal Goodman have to fight against their enemy Saticoy, who wants to become the lord of the wasteland. Enter Hunter (aka Sister Fortune) who joins the Order and fights for justice and peace. There are punks, bums, samurais, a speaking hand puppet, a strange mix of 80s slang and middle English, some gore, lots of nudity and the heavy use of the "smiley"-face. If this wasn't all crazy enough, you have to imagine this film as completely meant seriously, if you don't see it as a StealthParody and StylisticSuck right away, there won't be many intentional jokes for you.

Note that the title is not lying - almost every character in this movie is constantly skating, being on roller skates or on skateboards, even if that isn't the best they can do in this situation.

Still under construction!

* TheEighties: It's almost impossible to have more of the 80s in one movie: Hunter is a roller skating blonde bombshell with a spandex suit, a walk man and a butterfly knife. There are also punks and everything that can be seen on a typical American mall of the decade.
* AcidPool: Saticoy has a huge one in his hideout. Marshall Goodman [[spoiler:even throws a bad guy into the acid with disastrous results]].

* AudibleSharpness: The butterfly knives make huge noise when being thrown around.
* BigBad: Saticoy seems to be a speaking hand puppet and is super evil [[spoiler:but it turns out that he's just a minion of a guy in samurai suit who is really called Saticoy, the name of the puppet is never revealed]].
* BigGood: Marshall Goodman is technically this (also hints the name) and he tries to keep up the law in the post-apocalypse but he's quite clueless too. He gives a speech to his son but he runs away immediately afterwards and gets kidnapped for no reason.

* CassetteFuturism: Hunter goes nowhere without her walkman and her headphones, in the beginning at least. The whole future just looks like the 80s.
* CluelessDeputy: Goodman's deputy is completely useless. Best example is when he imprison the punks he gets knocked out by them and they can escape easily.
* CosmicKeystone: The nuns have a magic stone that is the source of all of their power. For some reason Saticoy needs it for his rocket sled.
* DeceptiveDisciple: [[spoiler:Hunter gets ordained and IMMEDIATELY betrays her new friends by stealing their magic gemstone for her own profit. They still give her a honorable funeral by the end.]]

* DestructiveSaviour: This seems to be implied in the ending song "Savior"

* GraffitiTown: It looks like spraying is still quite a thing in the post-apocalypse. There are many messages, faces and of course smilies.

* HollywoodAcid: The acid in Saticoy's acid pool is capable of burning an arm off in one second and of course is slimy-green and makes "zsshhhhhh" on contact.
* HyperspaceArsenal: The bum that hangs around near Saticoys hideout (called "The Wong Ryder") at least ''claims'' he has this. When Hunter wants to pass him, he lists all the stuff he supposedly has in his [[InformedEquipment jacket]]:
---> '''The Wong Ryder:''' ''"... smith, wesson, luger, uzi, bazooka, uzi special, 38 special..." (gets hit)
* IdiotBall: Although it doesn't further the plot very much, Waco does this. He wants to take revenge on the three guys that have kidnapped Marshall Goodman's son but he instead fights three other random guys (the punks). After being defeated and resurrected by the nuns he immediately goes back to the punks and fights them again for absolutely no reason at all. He loses again but claims that they're getting weaker after all.
* IronicNickname: The leader of the nuns is "Mother Speed", although she sits in the wheelchair and never leaves her church.

* NaughtyNun: With the exception of Mother Speed all of the nuns qualify as they look like (and are played by) playmates and skate around naked much of the time.
* NewRulesAsThePlotDemands: After having ressurected Waco no less than two times, Sister Sharon Cross is completely sad when [[spoiler:Hunter aka Sister Fortune]] has died and it's not allowed to resurrect [[spoiler:a nun]] three times. She even asks why it isn't possible but keeps the answer to herself.
* NoBikesInTheApocalypse: Zigzagged. While there are no bikes in this future, you can't say that there aren't other things like roller skates, skateboards and shopping carts, although they appear far too common now.

* RandomEventsPlot: Until we finally learn what Saticoy really wants (at this is very late in the movie, namely to build a rocket sled with the nun's gemstone to fly over a huge ditch to reach the next town) completely random things happen: Hunter fights and gets a member of the nuns, Waco takes random fights, Marshall Goodman's son gets abducted and some other nonsensical stuff.
* RollerbladeGood: An ExaggeratedTrope here, almost EVERYBODY is going around in roller skates, with absolutely zero explanation as to why they just can't walk. It also seems that they summon there power from it, when Hunter (Sister Fortune) awakes with the nuns without her skates, she immediately panics (but they're just cleaned). There are also characters who use skateboards (like the punks) and even moments where people don't skate at all (like Marshall Goodman's son or Hunter at one point), but this doesn't go well for most of the time.

* SensualSpandex: Hunter's default outfit is this (as can be expected from a skating movie) and she makes a good shape in it. Later she replaces it by her nun's robe.

* TalkToTheFist: When the Wong Ryder tells Hunter about his HyperspaceArsenal she isn't impressed in the slightest and just beats him up with no warning. Afterwards he just lies around and plays his mouth organ because that's fun, right?
* TechnicalPacifist: The nuns refuse to use deadly violence and are only allowed to stun their victims (this extends even to butterfly knives).
* TribalFacePaint: Waco has red color all over his face. With his long hair he looks like Wrestling/UltimateWarrior.

* WackyWaysideTribe: The punks have nothing to do with anything, but as soon as they cross the "holy boundary" (obviioulsy between them and Marshall Goodman) the are constantly fought buy Hunter and Waco (a guy who helps her find Marshall Goodman's son). He is stupid enough to fight them three time for no reason at all.
* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe: The movie is filled with characters who use middle English (or what they think it is) so expect to hear "thou", "thee" and "ye" a lot, especially by the nuns but also unexplainably by Marshall Goodman who combines it with a southern American accent and 80s slang.

-> '''Tagline'''

* DeceptiveDisciple: [[Hunter gets ordained and IMMEDIATELY betrays her new friends by stealing their magic gemstone for her own profit. They still give her a honorable funeral by the end.]]

* StealthParody: You have to imagine this movie (with smiley-worshipping skating nuns fighting hand puppets with butterfly knives in the post-apocalypse with worse production values than any Ed Wood film) as completely meant seriously in the sense of there's no intentional humor to be found. However many people have missed that this is exactly the point and makes fun of audiences that take it seriously. Many people involved in the movie basically confirmed that it was StylisticSuck.

* TribalFacePaint: Waco has red color all over his face. With his long hair he looks like Wrestling/UltimateWarrior

-> ''Skate or die''
---> '''Tagline'''
----

* IdiotBall: Although it doesn't further the plot very much, Waco does this. He wants to take revenge on the three guys that have kidnapped Marshall Goodman's son but he instead fights three other random guys (the punks). After being defeated [[spoiler:and resurrected by the nuns]] he immediately goes back to the punks and fights them again for absolutely no reason at all. He loses again but claims that they're getting weaker after all.
* TheManBehindTheMan: [[spoiler:Saticoy is in fact not the puppet, but the host and reveals his identity only later on.

* OffTheShelfFX: There's absolutely nothing in the film that could have costed anything, so they had no make every prop from junk, most notable [[spoiler:Saticoy's rocket sled]].
* PerversePuppet: Saticoy [[spoiler:or better said, his puppet]] seems to be quite amused when he can get hold of a nude woman and laughs in a very dirty manner.