History DeadpanSnarker / Literature

--> Lewis: ‘Would it help if I wrote you a list?’ I asked sarcastically. ‘The “Ten Commandments of Venturing”, perhaps.
--> Marsh (on being told Wilson could stop him getting a job in London): ‘There are many other cities in the Empire,’ Marsh replied. ‘And I have never much cared for English weather.’
--> Spangler/Lewis: ‘Well, well, old boy, you’re alive after all,’ he said, by way of a greeting.
‘I know, it’s a terrible disappointment for all concerned,’ I replied.
--> Wilson: ‘Teaching this lad here?’ Wilson said, turning a critical eye on Marsh, who was as extravagantly attired as ever. His gaze lingered on Marsh’s bandaged right hand. ‘I can see that has been going very well.’

*** She later admitted she ''made up'' the "Toenail of Icklibõgg" rumor (the "Pillar of Storgé" one, however? 100% real).

* Most characters in Jim Butcher's''TheDresdenFiles'' do this at least occasionally. Michael and Mab are probably the only two recurring characters who do not regularly do it (even Nicodemus has his moments).
** Harry, when asked who the hell he is, answering with "I the hell am Harry."

--->'''Hagrid:''' What're you doin' here? Get outta my house!\\

--->'''[=McGonagall=]''': Well, I'm glad that you listen to Hermione Granger, at any rate.

--->'''Pomfrey''': I'm afraid that would fall under "overexertion.

-->'''Snape:''' ''(voice heavy with irony)'' "Would you like me to do it now? Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?"\\

\\
Or this burn on Harry from ''PrisonerOfAzkaban'', after Malfoy saw Harry's head sticking out of the Invisibility Cloak in Hogsmeade:

* Marilla Cuthbert of ''{{Anne of Green Gables}}'' is an example.

* Levi, AKA Biff, from ''LambTheGospelAccordingToBiff, Christ's Childhood Pal'' is snarky enough to have invented the word Sarcasm. [[ItWillNeverCatchOn Literally.]]

-->''The Vicar''': No one is allowed to give communion unless they are ordained.

** Mr. Darcy is himself quite the Deadpan Snarker. This is how and Elizabeth are able to live with each other.

* When not being [[JerkWithaHeartofGold kind of a jerk]], Sydney Carton from ''ATaleOfTwoCities'' is like this.

* Professor Bernice Surprise Summerfield in the DoctorWhoExpandedUniverse. In ''No Future'', for instance, she dismisses the Vardans based on their only TV appearance.

'''Fred:''' I’m only yanking your wand, I’m Fred really – \

* Where do we start with {{Percy Jackson and the Olympians}}?

** Heck, even the ''chapter titles'' are snarked.
* Most of Jane Austen's heroines have a streak of this. See {{Emma}} Woodhouse, [[DeadpanSnarker Marianne and Elinor Dashwood]], etc. They get it from their author, as we see from Miss Austen's private letters.
* Elizabeth Bennett of JaneAusten's ''{{Pride and Prejudice}}'': "I give you leave to like him. You have liked many a stupider person." She gets it from her [[InTheBlood father]].\\

--->'''Caspian:''' There are some things no man can face.\\

--->'''Caspian:''' Y-you are a mouse.\\

** TheBoss, Queen Jadis a.k.a. the White Witch, practically lives for this role (and to turn people to stone).

--->''"Oh, Eeyore, you are wet!" said Piglet, feeling him.''
--->''Eeyore shook himself, and asked somebody to explain to Piglet what happened when you had been inside a river for quite a long time.''
** First line: WHAT.

::For that matter, Harry himself tends to cold, literalist sarcasm. From the fifth book:

::Also from the fifth book:

::And don't let's forget Draco's dad, Lucius:
--->'''Hagrid:''' What're you doin' here? Get outta my house!\\
--->'''Lucius:''' My dear man, please believe me, I have no pleasure at all in being inside your- er- d'you call this a house?\\

::Harry has this [[CrowningMomentOfFunny Crowning Moment of Snark]] in the sixth book:

::But perhaps Harry's [[CrowningMomentOfFunny Crowning Moment of Snark]] comes from ''Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone'':

--->'''Harry:''' "Don't call Hermione 'simple'!"
--->'''Phineas Nigellus Black:''' * sighs* "I grow weary of contradiction."

--->[=McGonagall=]: I hardly think that matters, Sybil, unless there is a mad axeman waiting outside the hall to decapitate the first person to leave.
** And:
--->[=McGonagall=]: Well, I'm glad that you listen to Hermione Granger, at any rate.

--->Pomfrey: You must not overexert yourself. You need rest.
--->Harry: I don't want to rest. I want to find [=McClaggen=] and kill him!
--->Pomfrey: I'm afraid that would fall under "overexertion."

--->'''Han''': ''What the Empire would have done is build a supercolossal Yuuzhan Vong-killing Battle Machine. They would have called it the Nova Colossus or the Galaxy Destructor or the Nostril of Palpatine or something equally grandiose. They would have spent billions of credits, employed thousands of contractors and subcontractors, and equipped it with the latest in death-dealing technology. And you know what would have happened? It wouldn't have worked. They'd forget to bolt down a metal plate over an access hatch leading to the main reactors, or some other mistake, and a hotshot enemy pilot would drop a bomb down there and blow the whole thing up. Now ''that's'' what the Empire would have done.''
* ''Darth Vader'' of all people in the StarWarsExpandedUniverse novel ''Patterns of Force''. Here's the set-up: Vader has just captured protagonist Jax Pavan and his friends with the assistance of [[spoiler:Dejah Duare]]. Jax and [[spoiler:Duare]] have a back-and-forth about the betrayal and how much Jax has figured out about before Darth interrupts them thusly:

* ''ArtemisFowl''

* Occasionally the titular character of ''TheBartimaeusTrilogy'', but he's more of an Uncontrollably Sneering Snarker, but we love him for it.

-->'''Athelney Jones:''' ''(talking about a {{locked room mystery}})'' What do you think of this, Holmes? Sholto was, on his own confession, with his brother last night. The brother died in a fit, on which Sholto walked off with the treasure? How's that?\\
'''SherlockHolmes:''' On which the dead man very considerately got up and locked the door on the inside.

* Pretty much everything DouglasAdams writes is bound to have a deadpan snarker in it somewhere, but the most well known are Marvin and Arthur. Actually, apart from being fantastically and intrinsically linked to the events of the Earth blowing up (repeatedly) and wondering where the tea is, that's pretty much all Arthur does, although everyone gets in on the act at some point. Even the narrative. Constantly. Then again, it is DouglasAdams.

* Many characters from "TheLordoftheRings" fall into this trope occasionally. Gandalf, though, is especially snarky.
-->'''Pippin''': "There must be someone with intelligence in the party."
-->'''Gandalf''': "Then you certainly will not be chosen, Peregrin Took!"
-->(After Bilbo pulls his disappearing stunt at the birthday party) Gandalf: "I'm glad to find you visible."
-->(Meeting the bristling three walkers, who have mistaken him for Saruman) Gandalf "Well met indeed, my friends. I wish to speak with you. Will you come down, or shall I come up?"
-->(Shortly later, after disarming them with barely a thought.) "Well met, I say again!"

* The mark of a genuine prophet is a tendency to snark -- sometimes at God.

* Gail Carriger's ''The Parasol Protectorate'' series has quite a few of these. Professor Lyall is a big one though. He has to be, being Lord Maccon's beta.