History Awesome / KingOfTheHill

-->'''Hank:''' My mower is not too old and my Mom was not too old. But this isn't about my Mom and it certainly isn't about my mower! It's about a bitter old man who blames everybody but himself for his own problems. And if you ever talk about my Mom ''or'' my mower like that again, ''you're not welcome in my house!''

--->'''Dusty''': You've seen what we do to Hank and we like him. You better watch your back.

* During "Peggy Hill: The Decline and Fall" Bobby is left stuck doing all the care for Cotton and Didi's new baby, thanks to Didi's depression, and Cotton being...Cotton. After almost the entire episode, Didi innocently asks him to get her some lottery tickets. And he finally snaps.
-->'''Bobby:''' Gah! I am a twelve year old boy! I am the child's nephew! I cannot do this. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis I. CANNOT. DO. THIS!]] (Hands her the baby) If someone makes some food, I'll eat. But that's it! '''ALL I'LL DO IS EAT!'''

--> '''Peggy:''' ''Enough!'' Your son has always loved you despite your constant torture. You want to die alone? Fine. You want to keep coming back and never die? That's fine too. In fact, I hope you do go on living forever as the unhappy person you are in the hell you have created here on this earth. I hope you live forever. I really do.
** Of course, he then one-ups her and ''dies'', right then and there, with a "Do ya, now?" as his last words and a smile on his face. Then again, Cotton didn't really come off as "awesome" in this regard when you think about it. Either he's alone and miserable or he's dead. He played right into Peggy's hands. But what makes it such a great moment for Peggy is that even though Cotton had treated her like crap ever since he'd met her, she didn't chew him out in defense of her own ego, but rather in defense of Hank. It was a long-overdue TheReasonYouSuckSpeech that she delivered out of love for her husband instead of hate for her {{Jerkass}} [[ObnoxiousInLaws father-in-law]], and from ''[[SmallNameBigEgo Peggy]]'', that was pretty rad.

-->'''Hippy:''' Get your hands off me, you Nazi!\\

--> '''Peggy:''' Luanne, you have wanted to go to beauty school since you were six! You have wanted to graduate beauty school since you were twelve! If you give up on school, honey, you are giving up on your dreams. "Education is the sleeping pill that makes dreams happen." - Peggy Hill.

** It's one of the few times Hank actually makes good on his threat of "I'll kick your ass!" And by god, does he kick ass.

--->'''Big Willy:''' ''(throws a football at Khan)'' A little help?\\
'''Khan:''' Help?! How about I help you get the hell out of my neighborhood, you big, fat, muscle-headed, redneck load of pig-dog waste!\\

** Also to quote Khan-"Yes, yes, you're right! Connie like a beautiful lotus growing out of the muck! That's her hook!"

'''Bobby:''' Mom, I'm fat. But big deal. I don't feel bad about it, and you never made me feel bad about it. And just because there are people out there who want me to feel bad about it doesn't mean I have to. [[IAmWhatIAm So Bobby Hill's fat. He's also funny, he's nice, he's got a lot of friends, a girlfriend.]] And if you don't mind, I think I'll go outside right now and squirt her with water. What are ''you'' going to do?

-->'''Peggy''': While you're at it, you can use the leftover lumber, to build the wife you've always wanted too.

--> '''Wynonna Judd''': I was raised with charcoal. I'll ''die'' with charcoal. So back off!

--> '''Hank''': You shut your got dang mouth, or I'll shove that ditch witch down your throat and dig a tunnel straight through to sunshine!

--->'''Hank''': Get out, get out, GET. OUT! If you don't get out of that got dang rathole now, I'll get my circular saw, come down there, and cut off all your fingers and toes! Now move! Move! Move!\\

'''Dale''': [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Okay, Hank, now that we're out of the tunnel, what is so damn important?]]

'''Bobby''': My God! That is one ''heck'' of a deal!\\

--> '''Bobby''': What has this school taught us about the flag? I say the pledge of allegiance every day but I don't know what it means. I hear "The Star-Spangled Banner" before every football game, but by "o, say can you see", I'm looking for the guy with the peanuts. But today, I watched a grown man [Bill] cry while his flag burned. And when I saw how much it meant to him, I realized how much it should have meant to me. So tomorrow, if you're sitting next to me in detention and one of your spitballs comes anywhere ''near'' that flag, you'd better watch your back. Tom Landry rules!\\

* In "Pregnant Paws", Dale takes a cheap bounty hunting course and at a bail bond shop elbows his way to the clerk and asks why he's giving jobs to all the other guys there. The clerk's response? "[[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech Because they're experienced, professional bounty hunters? You're just some deluded bug-sprayer who took a four-hour course, learned some chokeholds, and got a hat.]]" It doesn't deter Dale (who gets a guy with unpaid parking tickets as his "target"-- he ends up being a [[SimilarSquad guy very much like Dale]] and they end the episode sitting on a couch, eating pizza and watching ''Series/WhatsHappening''), but points for trying.

* The bookends of the boxing episode. At the beginning of the episode, a perverted classmate is ogling Luanne, and she says "Take a picture, it'll last longer". [[{{Troll}} So he does.]] At the end of the episode, Luanne once again walks in, now sporting a ''lot'' of injuries from her fight with Frida Foreman - he takes out a camera again but he says this time he wants a picture ''with'' her - because Luanne, as a total amateur, lasted quite a bit against Frida Foreman (A professional).

* In "And They Call It Bobby Love", Bobby takes the Panhandler Steakhouse challenge, consuming a whole 72 oz. steak on his own in an hour, getting back at [[MeatVersusVeggies his vegetarian girlfriend]] in the process.

* "Life in the Fast Lane: Bobby's Saga", where Bobby has to work at the race track for a [[BadBoss moronic, drunk, abusive boss (Jimmy Wichard)]]. Hank doesn't see anything is happening until Dale (of all people) tells Hank who stupid and crazy Wichard really is, and then Hank sees Bobby is told to cross the race-track in the middle of a race to give his boss a soda. Hank [[PapaWolf pulls him back to safe ground, runs across the track himself, kicks through the chainlink fence separating him from Jimmy, and proceeds to kick his ass all over the back alley]].
** It's one of the few times Hank actually makes good on his threat of "I'll kick your ass!" And by god does he kick ass.
** The way he turns his "Bwaaah!" into a BattleCry.

* The finale of "Boxing Luanne." She finds out only after challenging Freeda Foreman --as in, the daughter of ''George'' Foreman-- that her boxing career has been a mere JiggleShow for a bunch of drunk men, and all her opponents were patsies hired to take a dive. Luanne takes a big payoff to throw the match she obviously can't win, but seeing the guys in the audience continuing to drool over her while she waits for the 10-count makes Luanne change her mind. She gets back up at the count of 9 and begins fighting for real, while the guys who were catcalling and ogling her moments before start cheering her on and yelling actual encouragement, and she even manages to get a few good shots in on Foreman. Does she win? [[CurbStompBattle Of course not; her opponent was Freeda Foreman.]] Does she lose on points, but still [[{{Determinator}} hold her ground and go the distance against a far superior opponent]]? '''HO YEAH!'''

* For all of his stupidity, Bobby still gets one in "Hank's Bully". Basically, a young boy named Caleb starts harassing Hank. Hank's hands are tied, because, well, the kid's very young, and his parents have no interest in disciplining him. So, Hank tells Bobby that he basically wants him to ignore everything he told him about being a nice person, and turns him loose on the Caleb's parents, being just as big a nuisance to them as their kid was to Hank. Having learned their lesson, they start punishing Caleb after that.

* When Hank rescues Bobby from Arkansas, and lets Buck Strickland jump in the back of his truck as he's being pursued by a bunch of thugs. Strickland shouts at them, taunting them and calling them sons of bitches, and Hank slows down just enough to let one of the thugs punch Strickland in the face. It's one of those rare moments of Hank punishing Strickland for being a sleazeball. Hank's little smile as he does so is just gravy.
** To make it even sweeter, at the end of the episode Buck is left shivering in the back of Hank’s truck. Shirtless, with only Golf Club socks to keep his greedy ass warm!

* Luanne in "Keeping Up With Our Joneses": The Hill Family becomes addicted to cigarette smoking, thanks to Hank. Luanne remains the only member of the household not addicted, and takes on the duty of making sure the Hills dodn't stray from their attempt to give it up. It reaches the point where all three Hills are willing to kill one another over a single cigarette, until Luanne locks them inside Hank and Peggy's bedroom. They remain there for the night until they beat their collective addiction together. It's what Luanne says as she's locking them inside that really clinches it:

* [[https://youtu.be/9YJBiO4ez6c Bobby saving the life of a pig]] in "The Perils of Polling". When he sees that nobody else is doing anything, he rushes to the pool, jumps in and frees the pig's leg from a hose. After surfacing, someone fears the pig is dead. Bobby then turns to the guy and states "[[BadassBoast Not this pig. ''Not today.'']]" He promptly gets the pig to resume breathing, and is proclaimed a hero.

'''Payton:''': Seeing Buck and Miz Liz back together must've thrown that pretty little tank wipe into a jealous rage. So when she went down to Sugarfoot's--\\

--> '''Payton''': IF you people are just about finished, I'LL tell you who killed Debbie. Debbie's phone records show she called Mr. Hank Hill a short while before her death, which means she was home at 6:00 p.m. Now, what would she have seen if she looked out her window at 6:00 p.m., hmm? Normally, she'd see Sheriff Mumford stuffing some Sugarfoot's ribs into his face, but on this night, she saw Mr. Buck and Miz Liz Strickland entering the restaurant which, according to the Sugarfoot's reservations book occurred at...?\\
'''Bobby''': 6:03 mister, and 6:04 missus.\\
'''Payton''': Seeing Buck and Miz Liz back together must've thrown that pretty little tank wipe into a jealous rage. So when she went down to Sugarfoot's-\\
'''Peggy''': Ah: [[InsistentTerminology ''Peggy's'' Sugarfoot's]]. ''(pause)'' At the time, it was.\\
'''Payton''': ...Yeah. The point is, she went there to kill Buck Strickland with the 12-gauge shotgun he had stashed in her apartment. So she climbed into the dumpster next to his Cadillac to lie in wait. Now, sitting in a dumpster full of half-eaten barbecue can make you hungry and, sure enough, Debbie went across the street, to the Get-in-Get-Out. According to the store's security videotape and a written deposition from a Mr. Freddy Hakimi, she purchased a Big Gulp and a 99-cent nacho plate. By buying them together, she saved 23 cents.\\
'''Bobby''': My God! that is one ''heck'' of a deal.\\
'''Payton''': When Debbie returned to the dumpster, she saw Mr. Strickland's car and assumed he was still there. What she ''didn't'' know was that the Stricklands had already left together in Mrs. Strickland's car, having reconciled physically in a storeroom, and again in the meat locker and, once more, in the slop sink. She had difficulty juggling the three items as she attempted to negotiate her way back into the dumpster. She put the gun in first. She wouldn't let go of that junk food, and ''that'' was the source of her demise, for as Debbie climbed into that dumpster, her foot accidentally tripped the hammer on the gun. So, Debbie Grund's killer was Debbie Grund.

-->'''Hank''': You want me to wear a fake heinie?
-->'''Dr. Tate''': Mr. Hill, are your shoes fake feet?

-----> COTTON HILL - 2 days
-----> BOBBY HILL - 3 days

-->'''Leanne:''' I kicked your brother's ass and I will kick yours too, sissy!
-->'''Peggy:''' Well, there is one thing that you did not count on! My brother has got size six feet! BUT I DON'T! '''HO YEAH!!!'''

--> '''Hippy:''' Get your hands off me, you Nazi!
--> '''Cotton:''' ''WHO ARE '''YOU''' CALLIN' A '''NAZZY'''?! (headbutt)''

-->'''Peggy:''' Whoa, little Missy, you-- hold it right there! I've had it up to here with your baloney! I have taken you into my home, I have sheltered and fed you, but if you step between my husband and his son, I will cast you out like yesterday's garbage!
-->'''Luanne:''' ''(stammering)'' But, but... ah--
-->'''Peggy:''' Uh-uh. From now on, you leave the parenting to us. We get a magazine about it.

-->'''Big Willy:''' ''(throws a football at Khan)'' A little help?
-->'''Khan:''' Help?! How about I help you get the hell out of my neighborhood, you big, fat, muscle-headed, redneck load of pig-dog waste!
-->'''Big Willy:''' ...[[BerserkButton Did you just call me a PIG]]?
-->'''Kahn:''' Oh, you don't like that? Well, too bad! I cannot take this any more! I don't get any sleep at night! I can't focus at my job! My little girl, she cannot study! And all because some big, dumb slob played a little football and "blocked a kick"! I don't even know that the hell it means to "block a kick," but I know that if ''you'' can do it, '''''ANY IDIOT COULD!'''''

-->'''Peggy:''' I actually let myself believe that these were beautiful. Can you imagine? Peggy Hill, that's stupid.
-->'''Bobby:''' I can imagine, Mom. I'm fat.
-->'''Peggy:''' Oh, no, honey, you're husky! It says so on your jeans.
-->'''Bobby:''' Mom, I'm fat. But big deal. I don't feel bad about it, and you never made me feel bad about it. And just because there are people out there who want me to feel bad about it doesn't mean I have to. [[IAmWhatIAm So Bobby Hill's fat. He's also funny, he's nice, he's got a lot of friends, a girlfriend.]] And if you don't mind, I think I'll go outside right now and squirt her with water. What are ''you'' going to do?

-->'''Hank:''' Yes, she used to live there. But it flipped over and now she lives with us.
-->'''Shark:''' Sir, if you're calling me a liar, you better be holding something stronger than an umbrella.
-->'''Hank:''' 9-iron?
-->'''Shark:''' ... Have a nice day, sir.

--->'''Cotton:''' ''I was 14, just a little older than Bobby. But I knew Uncle Sam needed me, so I lied and signed up. We had beat the Nazzys in Italy, and they shipped me to the Pacific theater. A Tojo torpedo sent our troop ship to the bottom. I could only save three of my buddies: Fatty, Stinky, and Brooklyn. They were kind of like you fellas [to Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer], only one of them was from Brooklyn. Out of the sun came a Tojo Zero and put fitty bullets in my back. The blood attracted sharks. I had to give 'em Fatty. Then things took a turn for the worse. I made it to an island, but it was full of Tojos! They were spitting on the U.S. flag! So I rushed 'em, but it was a trap. They opened fire and blew my shins off. Last thing I remember, I beat 'em all to death with a big piece of Fatty. I woke up in a field hospital, and they were sewing my feet to my knees.''

--> '''Hank:''' [[TranquilFury If I were you, I would get out of here right now.]]
--> '''Derek:''' ''(mockingly)'' Or what? You'll tell my mom?
--> '''Hank:''' No, ''I'll kick your ass from one side of the street and down the other.''
--> ''[[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Derek decides to back off]]]''

--> '''Cotton:''' [[BadassBoast Come on, you think I'm used up? I can outfight, outdrink and outdo anyone I know!]]

--->'''Peggy:''' You just got beat by a girl.

-->'''Hank:''' What the-? You already did that. He sent you to the other guy!
-->'''Junichiro:''' Japan can sometimes be tiresome in this way.
-->'''Hank:''' But you're only half-Japanese. Look, in America, when the traditional way isn't working, we improvise. I'd suggest telling this gentleman to give you the information or you'll kick his ass!
-->''[Junichiro hesitates, than angrily threatens the ticket vendor in Japanese. The man panics and points them in the right direction. Junichiro, in a visual BorrowedCatchphrase, is surprised for a moment, then smiles.]''

---> '''Dusty''': You've seen what we do to Hank and we like him. You better watch your back.

--> '''Hank''': Get out, get out, GET. OUT! If you don't get out of that got dang rathole now, I'll get my circular saw, come down there, and cut off all your fingers and toes! Now move! Move! Move!\\

* In "Death and Texas," after Peggy is accused of smuggling cocaine to a death row inmate, she gets out of it by basically pointing out that her accuser--a death row inmate who Peggy started talking too after he said she inspired him as a teacher--had no evidence other than an empty Boggle timer. Even if she got herself into that situation through falling for a transparent scheme, she still got herself out of it in the most awesome way possible.

--->'''Peggy:''': You just got beat by a girl.

* Everyone gets one in the Christmas episode where Hank, Bobby and friends go trucking to Hank's mom's retirement village. They get caught on top of a mountain while low on fuel and have to do a tricky maneuver to scale down the mountain. Hank and Bobby take the wheel and steer the semi '''backwards''' down a mountain road with Boomhauer giving commands on when to turn. When the stuff in the trailer starts to fall out, Bill charges at the massive pile and pushes it back single-handedly. Dale... well, he didn't screw anything up this time. That's pretty impressive.

** Later, the sexist coach gets back at Peggy and Minh and Kahn by pairing Bobby with Connie, trapping them in a no win situation. If Bobby wins, he will be labeled as a girl beater and Connie's chance for a scholarship will be jeopardized, but if Bobby loses, all the boys will make fun of him for losing to a girl. Bobby and Connie decide the only way to get out of this situation is to fake their fight using wresting moves used in the WWE, earning the respect of both the teachers and thr pupils.

** Anthony's boss firing him and throwing out the case after asking him if he talked to the Little League coach (who is friends with the child welfare office supervisor), which is the first thing child welfare officers must do in cases like this (talk to teachers, coaches, etc to see if the injury was from some accident that happened in school/during sports practice or a game).

* For all of his stupidity, Bobby still gets one in "Hank's Bully". Basically, a young boy starts harassing Hank. Hank's hands are tied, because, well, the kid's very young, and his parents have no interest in disciplining him. So, Hank tells Bobby that he basically wants him to ignore everything he told him about being a nice person, and turns him loose on the kid's parents, being just as big a nuisance to them as their kid was to Hank. Having learned their lesson, they start punishing their own son after that.

** This becomes slightly more awesome when you realize that "acquaintanceship" is a sixteen-letter word, that may not seem like much but considering that boggle only gives players sixteen letters to work with during a match that means Peggy managed to string together the word that won her the tournament using ''every letter'' in the boggle cube at once which is a fairly difficult task in itself.

* "Hank's Back" When Hank is brought to court for "Insurance Fraud", he brings up the fact that after exhausting all other options, he (grudgingly) tried Yoga. When everyone in the court room laughs it off as a silly excuse, Hank calls for the Yoga Instructor, Yogi Victor, to come in as well. With Yogi backing his claim up, Hank wins the case. Also qualifies as a funny moment, because of ''how'' he uses Yogi in order to win the case. After letting him interact with the judges in the courtroom for just a few minutes, the Judges are so thoroughly put off by him that they warn Hank that Yogi might cause him to lose the case. Hank responds by essentially agreeing with them, telling them something along the lines of "Do you honestly think I would voluntarily spend more than a minute with this jackass if I weren't in incredible pain?"
** Yogi also gets his moment too. Yogi was really being a jerk to Hank during his classes with him, but he does show results and has Hank up and moving as promised. However, Hank thinks he's finished with the class and leaves Not only that, even after it helped him, he still continues to badmouth Yoga and Yogi, even after the latter was kind enough to show up at the court hearing to back up his claim. As payback, Yogi tells the court that Hank is still visibly hurt, and with Hank stating that he is, the court orders Hank to continue his classes to avoid any relapse pain. Yogi takes the opportunity and demands Hank get a Tank Top.

* "Hank's Back" When Hank is brought to court for "Insurance Fraud", he brings up the fact that he was taking Yoga at the time, when everyone in the court room laughs it off as a silly excuse, Hank calls for the Yoga Instructor, Yogi Victor, to come in as well. With Yogi backing his claim up, Hank wins the case. Also qualifies as a funny moment, because of ''how'' he uses Yogi in order to win the case. After letting him interact with the judges in the courtroom for just a few minutes, the Judges are so thoroughly put off by him that they warn Hank that Yogi might cause him to lose the case. Hank responds by essentially agreeing with them, telling them something along the lines of "Do you honestly think I would voluntarily spend more than a minute with this jackass if I weren't in incredible pain?"

'''Peggy''': Ah: ''Peggy's'' Sugarfoot's. ''(pause)'' At the time, it was.\\