All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

“I suppose I should see what is in the last two folders then, since they seem to be sort of important,” I said even as I wandered back to the counter.

“Important how?” Rikalous asked.

“Well, the first folder has four dollar signs at the top. Money is usually important if you are in a strange place,” I said, taking the file in question from the case and opening it. After giving the contents a quick perusal, I glanced up at the others and said, “Stock certificates.”

SCM looked like he'd been kicked in his remaining leg. “Stock certificates?”

"Stock certificates?" perked up the newly-arrived Nobody. "To what? Are they bearer or registered?"

"We need to be careful with stocks, " said Sereg. "They can be hard to sell when you need the money. Trust me. I know that from experience."

I held up a hand to stop further discussion, “Considering that two of these certificates indicate shares in Starbooks, I would think some of you would be rather happy.” I resumed perusing the papers, “It looks like there are also shares in Microtech, Relational Software Incorporated, Air Southwest, and Sam's.”

“Sam's?” asked Anemoi.

I nodded, “Since the company logos are on the certificates, it's obvious that Microtech is Microsoft, Air Southwest is Southwest Airlines, and Sam's is Walmart. I'm not sure about this Relational Software Incorporated though.”

“Let me see?” asked Rikalous.

I handed him the certificates in question. He glanced at them and announced, “Relational Software is what Oracle's name was before it became Oracle.”

“Hmmm. Oracle has been around for ages right?” I asked.

Anemoi nodded, “Quite some time.”

“Which makes me wonder when these stocks were purchased.”

“What do you mean?” Rikalous asked. I became the center of attention again as everyone looked my way.

I managed to remain calm enough to answer, “Well... Think about it. One hundred shares of Walmart now is not worth a lot of money. But if those shares had been purchased shortly after they went on sale...”

“They would be worth much more.” IANCE finished.

I nodded, “Especially in paying out dividends. Which is what I think someone had in mind.” I handed the folder and certificates to Anemoi for him to hold before grabbing the last folder out of the case.

The heading read 'Paperwork.' I opened it up and glanced at the contents.

Everyone present saw me sigh and close the folder before I wandered over to the reading glasses display. Before anyone could ask, I answered, “I don't suppose anyone can translate Legalese into something resembling English can they?”

"Well, I can at least try to, " offered Sinclair. "I've read a few legal documents in my life."

As I looked for a decent pair of reading glasses, Eva Unit suggested, "Go at it one sentence at a time to keep from getting too messed in the head from it."

“I'm already messed in the head thank you kindly,” I muttered as I tried on a pair. Seeing as they fit my head comfortably, I returned to the counter and started studying the paperwork in question. Sinclair came up and peered over my shoulder at the documents.

“What the heck?” he asked. “Iridia Investment Club?”

I nodded, “Now you understand why I wanted someone to help me read this.”

"I might help too, " Nobody lifted his hand. "Two heads are better than one."

"Microtech just ruined all possible 'Small Penis with Erectile Dysfunction' jokes I could have made, and this makes me sad,” IANCE said.

“Why is it every time I type 'win,' I lose?” I mused as I studied the paperwork.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The light had faded considerably when the three of us finished our efforts. By 'finished,' I mean 'gave up.'

“It's paperwork,” Sinclair answered when everyone turned to look at us.

I nodded, “Paperwork to be filed with the appropriate agencies for restarting a club, as well as a constitution, bylaws, rules, and liabilities. According to everything written here, those stock certificates were used in order to have the funds to found the club.”

“Really?” asked Eva Unit.

I picked up one of the papers and flipped it open so I could recite, “The initial funds for the founding of the Iridia Investment Club are as follows, then it lists all of the stocks afterwards. It even has the purchase dates of the stocks. Which is of relevant interest, since the shares of Sam's were purchased on October the first, nineteen seventy.” I made sure to glance at everyone before adding, “The day they were issued.”

“So, basically, they're worth a lot of money, right?” asked IANCE.

“If they were to be sold since the stock has split numerous times since that date. But it also means that the money from the dividends is also worth quite a lot as well, Especially if that money has been sitting in a bank like the paperwork suggests.” I said.

Anemoi nodded, and pursed his lips. "Sounds like someone's put a lot of thought into this whole thing."

I looked up at him. "Yeah, most of this stuff doesn't look like it was easy to set up. I had no idea that clubs had official paperwork to file, and who knows how much effort went into the stock purchases, bank accounts and such. Honestly, it looks as if this was all set up so that we wouldn't have to go looking for work right away, even though most of us had a resume or something like one in their file, as well as a note with suggestions written on it.”

"But if someone went through all the trouble to set this up, why not do something more proactive?" IANCE asked.

The Brooklyn giant stood up and sheathed his knife. "Dunno. Never had a head for riddles. I'm gonna go check on Negi and Nekane."

"You know, without this we would have so much trouble actually surviving without going the DF route that it wouldn't be funny. I mean, I can do a bit of carpentry and mechanics, but all our documents would be obviously fraudulent, and without them we can't hope to land a job. And I don't suppose any of you know gardening good enough to feed us, not to mention... I'm ranting ain't I?" Sinclair asked.

I said to IANCE, “Heck, why do this at all? I get the new papers and such in our folders, but why set up any sort of residual income for us? To me, organizing a club to use as a cover is enough.” I turned to glance up the hallway that Anemoi had just went into to see if he was out of earshot before continuing, “Speaking of the club, I noted in the paperwork that the positions had not been filled in yet. With that in mind, I'd like to nominate Anemoi as president.”

“Nope. You're it,” IANCE said.

“I agree with him. You're it Nimrod,” Eva Unit said. Limit, Rikalous, Cygnus and Mega-dark also nodded agreement.

“Now wait a moment guys. I have the diplomacy skills of a thrown brick,” I said.

“You're the oldest among us. You know more than we do,” Sinclair said. “Besides, you've been diplomatic n the boards.”

“That means nothing, you know?” I asked.

“Maybe so, but you're still leader. I certainly don't want the job,” Anemoi said as he reentered the room, “Everyone is still asleep by the way.”

“And I do?” I asked. “C'mon guys, I'm an idiot. If you knew about my past, you'd agree with me. I suck at taking care of stuff, plus I am the typical absent-minded genius as well.”

“I'm good at fixing things,” countered Anemoi.

“Maybe so, but if we are going to use a private social club as a cover, then someone diplomatic needs to be in charge,” I said. “Look, let me tell you a couple of stories about myself. Back when I was in college, we have Speech class that was taught on rotation. Meaning that we had a different teacher each week. When the head of the local NOW chapter came in...”

“Wait, NOW?” Sereg asked.

“National Organization for Women. Feminist group,” Rikalous explained.

“Ah. Ok,” Sereg nodded.

“When she came in, the first thing she said and wrote on the board was, 'Men don't listen.' Now most of us I assume have some sort of filter between their brain and their mouth so that they do not blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. That filter didn't get a chance because it couldn't stop the one word that escaped from my mouth,” I said.

I let a pause hand in the air while hoping someone would guess. After a few seconds, Eva Unit asked, “What did you say?”

I smiled, “What?”

“No really, what did... Oh. I get it,” he nodded.

“It was also proof that women don't listen either, since she blamed someone on the opposite side of the room we were in. Meanwhile, everyone else in that class stared at me as if asking, 'What the heck is wrong with you?'”

[Nimrod] nodded, “Paperwork to be filed with the appropriate agencies for restarting a club, as well as a constitution, bylaws, rules, and liabilities. According to everything written here, those stock certificates were used in order to have the funds to found the club.”

“Really?” asked Eva Unit.

“I agree with him. You're it Nimrod, ” Eva Unit said.

I let a pause hand in the air while hoping someone would guess. After a few seconds, Eva Unit asked, “What did you say?”

1983: War ends, Vesperania falls, Arika imprisoned

“I didn't do it,” Evangeline said in a voice of strained patience and an expression that said she was being very magnanimous and not tearing out the questioner's throat right that second because it was beneath her dignity to do so just yet.

The disbelieving looks of everyone looking at her was her answer.

"Eva-chan, that’s not really believable,” Asuna said. “’Cause didn’t we, I don’t know, find out you were a vampire while you were doing just that?-!-?-!”

Evangeline crossed her arms, still looking remarkably forbearing. “That was before. Now I have boya feeding me. Besides, if I wanted a snack, Kagurazaka, I’d have gone for Konoe or someone with more juice. Heck, even Kasuga would have done.”

“Why is everyone out to get my daughter lately?” Eishun muttered.

"Sex appeal?” Konoka chirped.

“She kind of has point,” Konoemon said, stroking his beard.

When they'd found the two unconscious girls that morning with fang bites— little dainty ones— on their necks, logical conclusions had been reached. The enchantment effect on the bites had been quite distinctive as well. But…

“Do you have an alibi?” Konoemon asked.

Evangeline gave him a flat look. “I was at home dating rosie palms.”

There was an awkward pause.

“Is there anyone that will corroborate this?” Konoemon asked.

“You mean, was anyone watching?” Evangeline said.

"Dammit Eva-chan!” Asuna exploded, leaping a the vampire and proceeding to pull at her cheeks. “Quit it with this loli sex crap! Did you do it or not?” she demanded.

Evangeline grabbed the taller girl’s face and began to pull. “Nwo, ayd didn’t!” she said through stretched cheeks. “Dwy boffer?”

“Well, if it wasn't you, then who was it?” Asuna demanded.

---

“I didn't do it!” Anya cried in protest. “It wasn't me! This is all a conspiracy by those boob monsters!”

“Loli... point hat... cape... you've got to admit, the evidence is damning,” Asuna pointed out.

“Having the same fashion sense as every other classically trained mage on the planet is not damning evidence!” Anya said.

“Loli... point hat... cape... you've got to admit, the evidence is damning, ” Asuna pointed out.

I said to IANCE, “Heck, why do this at all? I get the new papers and such in our folders, but why set up any sort of residual income for us? To me, organizing a club to use as a cover is enough.” I turned to glance up the hallway that Anemoi had just went into to see if he was out of earshot before continuing, “Speaking of the club, I noted in the paperwork that the positions had not been filled in yet. With that in mind, I'd like to nominate Anemoi as president.”

“Nope. You're it,” IANCE said.

“I agree with him. You're it Nimrod,” Limit said. Calm, Rikalous, Cygnus and Mega-dark also nodded agreement.

“Now wait a moment guys. I have the diplomacy skills of a thrown brick,” I said.

“You're the oldest among us. You know more than we do,” Sinclair said. “Besides, you've been diplomatic on the boards.”

“That means nothing, you know?” I asked.

“Maybe so, but you're still leader. I certainly don't want the job,” Anemoi said as he reentered the room, “Everyone is still asleep by the way.”

“And I do?” I asked. “C'mon guys, I'm an idiot. If you knew about my past, you'd agree with me. I suck at taking care of stuff, plus I am the typical absent-minded genius as well.”

“I'm good at fixing things,” countered Anemoi.

“Maybe so, but if we are going to use a private social club as a cover, then someone diplomatic needs to be in charge,” I said. “Look, let me tell you a couple of stories about myself. Back when I was in college, we have Speech class that was taught on rotation. Meaning that we had a different teacher each week. When the head of the local NOW chapter came in...”

“Wait, NOW?” Sereg asked.

“National Organization for Women. Feminist group,” Rikalous explained.

“Ah. Ok,” Sereg nodded.

“When she came in, the first thing she said and wrote on the board was, 'Men don't listen.' Now most of us I assume have some sort of filter between their brain and their mouth so that they do not blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. That filter didn't get a chance because it couldn't stop the one word that escaped from my mouth,” I said.

I let a pause hand in the air while hoping someone would guess. After a few seconds, Rikalous asked, “What did you say?”

I smiled, “What?”

“No really, what did... Oh. I get it,” he nodded.

“It was also proof that women don't listen either, since she blamed someone on the opposite side of the room we were in. Meanwhile, everyone else in that class stared at me as if asking, 'What the heck is wrong with you?'”

“Were you at least cleaning out your ear with your pinky when you said it?” asked IANCE.

“Nope. She was facing the board when I said that,” I replied.

"Do we have to choose the Club President immediately? We're in the middle of a half-destroyed town, surrounded by snow. I don't think this Investment Club business would matter for at least another month - and that gives us enough time to see who's good at doing what.

"Seconded. For now we need to concentrate on making it though the night, and the next few days, until we can get Nekane some help. Do you guys remember if there was anything in the manga about who originally found her?

"Speaking of which, did they slaughter the whole village but us?"

Brown winced slightly, hearing that. He furrowed his brow, but didn't say anything.

“No.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You will not put my students in Fate’s care.”

Whatever Konoemon was about to say was cut off by what Negi said next:

“I have seen lives of where he apparently verbally broke several of them emotionally for his own personal amusement, just because he was bored.” Negi’s left eye twitched erratically, indicating barely suppressed raged.

“Several times it did not end well. I can still see the blood.”

The implications of this statement hung in the air and whatever Konoemon was about to say died in his throat. To say that by this point the rest of the room was eyeing Fate rather coldly was an understatement. The cold was actually going all the other way around and coming back hot. It was an incredible display of willpower on Asuna's part that she didn't just whip out her artifact and bisect Fate right there.

“There were really two constants about my life, one: I was a teacher of Class 3-A and two: they were always there to support me. It is only proper I return the favor.” Negi gave everyone in the room a look.

“Understand this: those girls? They. Are. Mine.”

The fact that these two constants were only the only things that help keep him sane (both internally as something to latch onto and externally by the girls’ own actions once they understood the situation) under the storm of memories, feelings, and conflicting viewpoints his countless mirrored lives came with when the Mahora Tree shoved them all into his head went unsaid.

“If anything should happen to them I will devour the ones responsible.” Negi turns to stare at Fate as his right arm morphed into a mass of dark tendrils before reshaping into the head of a Tyrannosaurs Rex.