The Official Bad Puns Topic

Hmm, we have more info on this Southeast Asian race!

Turns out that Philip and May's tie won, meaning that they both won first place at once.

As a prize, they both got copies of a Donkey Kong bootleg called Hong Kong.

Overly Long Gag much? Looks like Asia is the new Undertale...and so soon after the thumpfest too.

edited 25th Feb '17 8:08:11 AM by Theatre_Maven_3695

And Now For Something Completely Different.

I heard Iron Man had a Face–Heel Turn. You could say he went stark raving MAD!!!

that was terrible, wasn't it

Harsh.

edited 26th Feb '17 8:38:24 AM by StarAndroidJaguar

You said it, not me

This sentence is very ill: it got colon cancer while on its period, and now it's in a comma.

So The Question got blown up with a bazooka. There was a whole detective episode where they had to find where they died because Question marks the spot where all the evidence was, and the evidence implicates a killer.

Did you hear about what happened to Cheech & Chong? They went up in smoke.

There was once a restless soul, whose funeral was postponed indefinitely.
The ex-owner of the soul was very afraid of fire.
The soul went mad from lack of rest, and eventually started tyrannising the land.
Eventually the people resorted to kill it with pyre.

I'd tell you a joke about a disease, but you might spread it.

I'd tell you a joke about music as well, but I'm telling you, the joke is way too catchy!

Noted.

edited 2nd Mar '17 9:17:53 AM by Theatre_Maven_3695

It's morning and I'm glad you came and spent the night.

Pun and Double Entendre. Winning!!

They dog shit about me.

You're defecating- uh, I mean suffocating my hopes for humanity here...

edited 11th Mar '17 6:20:08 AM by SparkPlugTheTroper

How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler!

If you're going to bisect a donkey, you need to go all the way. You can't do it half-assed.

What did the potty-mouthed kid get in his English essay?

An F. His grades bombed.

sorry, I just thought of a better one.

So we have a time traveller. She goes back in time, to before the position of the Pope was invented. To her surprise, a fruit is currently the ruler at that time. So what does she write up? "There is no Pope, only this pear. (despair)"

edited 15th Mar '17 11:55:51 AM by StarAndroidJaguar

I Campbellieve I have to carry all these whale oil tanks all the way to the other side of Kaldwin's Bridge. They musta weigh a Pendleton.

okay that sucked lord take me now

edited 16th Mar '17 8:49:06 AM by fdiaperhead

Why are your ears ringing? I'm your only belle!

Did you hear the one about the bomb factory's undercover CEO?

His cover was blown.

edited 19th Mar '17 12:15:26 PM by SparkPlugTheTroper

One day I went over a friend's house to watch a movie, and I noticed he had a very tall shelf of DVDs, but the very top row only had one movie on it, that one semi-autobiographical movie about a rapper starring Eminem. I wondered about why this was, then it occurred to me, he's a fan of The Byrds, so of course 8 Mile's high

edited 25th Mar '17 11:34:36 PM by MikeK

So one day an old guy signs up to WWE as a jam-themed wrestler. And his name is Jam Senior!

I just keep coming up with music-related ones lately:

So, there's this company that makes earbud-style headphones, named after its founder, Leonard Payne. They recently announced a line of contact lenses, of all things, and started using a hit by The Beatles as a Repurposed Pop Song to promote it: "Lenny Payne is in my ears and in my eyes"

Someone offered me a stereo where the volume knob was stuck on the highest level. I couldn't turn it down.