The Official Bad Puns Topic

I thought it was because 7 packed some heat.

No, 7 has cold dead e's.

Did you hear about the stuttering ballerina who had a nervous breakdown? She was insti-tutu-tionalized

I came up with this because I was writing down the track-list to a mix cd, and I misspelled the Suicidal Tendencies song "Institutionalized" that way. Also, if you wanted to make this less harsh (and/or less Black Swan-esque, it could be changed to something about her going to college and paying tutu-ition

double post.

edited 29th Sep '14 6:22:50 PM by MikeK

I once told my parents that I wanted to make a living as a scam artist.

They told me to think about the pros and cons.

This reminds me that I recently had the opportunity to attend a few fan conventions, but I realized it would probably leave me with less time to write my novel. So I, too, had to consider the prose and cons.

This reminds me of the lessons learned by Gandalf and Saruman over the course of their battle of wits throughout The Lord of the Rings trilogy - that is, never neglect to consider the crows and pawns.

On that note, for the If I Was A Supervillain List: Keep your hand white. Don't antagonize your neighbors (who speak longly and carry a big effin' forest). And don't allow your Eye to get distracted, or you might develop an inconvenient Hobbit.

(Uruk) Hai to you all, and good morning!

edited 30th Sep '14 6:03:32 AM by PointMaid

A politically liberal shrimper living in Louisiana who also regularly reads the site Daily Kos could start a diary series about local politics called "Considering the Kos and Prawns".

Meanwhile, an essay about the socioeconomic reasons why people enter the sex industry could be called "Considering the Cause of Porns".

It all started innocently enough, when Joe downloaded a video of two cats in heat. But soon he was trading pictures and videos, and before long the FBI arrived to arrest him for distributing kitty porn.

edited 6th Oct '14 9:31:49 AM by BlueNinja0

A boy wanted to impress a goth girl at school, so she told him he had to be "more goth", being a massive Tolkien fan, he started wearing a crown and took lessons in hypnotism, and started wearing reflective lenses (he could see through them) that made it look as if his eyes were glowing.

See Characters.The Silmarillion if you want an explanation Morgoth

I would laugh, but I don't think kitty and kiddie sounds that similar.

A man became a famous rapper known as Kid E (I think you all know where this is going). He and his crew were going to be depicted in a chess set, but the distributor was arrested by the FBI for trying to distribute Kid E's pawns.

Heh.

math-related pun◊

You know what Pony!Falco said?

Personally, I prefer the mare!

The Centers for Disease Control are confirmed to be a sketchy, untrustworthy version of the Vatican.

That's because the Vatican is the Holy See, while they're the Seedy See.

What is the first thing to do when you find yourself turning into a curtain?

Pull yourself together.

What did the dog say when he walked into the Wild Western saloon?

I'm looking for the man who shot mah pah

Do you know what's in the farthest Northeastern Afghanistan?

Badakhshan!

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked “Are you two an item?”

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

• "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
• "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
• "Is it common?"
• "Well, It's Not Unusual."

A Zen master walked up to a hot dog vendor and said, "Make me one with everything."

So the vendor made a hot dog with the works for the Zen master and told him it would be two bucks. The Zen master gave him a $20 bill, which the vendor promptly put into the cash drawer. The Zen master then asked, "Where's my change?"

The hot dog vendor replied, "Change must come from within."

edited 22nd Oct '14 6:25:31 AM by Landorkus

A necromancer, a shaman, and a psychopomp walk into a bar. Each of them places an order for their favourite spirit.