Corrupt-a-wish.

I wish for a bow and arrow that would never miss when I shot it.

You're doing it wrong.

You can make her in real life. Emphasis on can: you still do not have a PHD in engineering.

I wish that Jake Paul died.

He dies in a plane crash. Too bad you were also on that plane...

I wish I could hug every cat.

You can hug every cat. Every single cat in the world is in the room with you, just waiting to be hugged. You've met cats, right? And you know how they interact with each other? One Big Ball of Violence, coming right up! :D

I wish my lunch was here at work with me, instead of at home.

Whoops I done goofed on the last one

Granted. It's full of roaches.

I wish that I had a bow with a quiver of arrows that would always hit everything I aim for.

edited 23rd Jul '17 6:39:42 AM by FantasyLiver

Granted, but the arrows always hit what you aim for because they travel through every point in the universe, thus hitting your target eventually.

I wosh for a pet Parasaurolophus walkeri.

edited 23rd Jul '17 8:13:34 AM by TotallyNotAnAlien

You get one. He knocks down your fence and eats the neighbors' lawns. He makes loud noises at all hours of the day. He unintentionally, yet spectacularly, destroys property. Animal Control is called in to tranquilize him and return him to you, but being unfamiliar with dinosaurs, the officer under-doses him. After he charges the officer, he is shot to death. T-T

I wish for the ultimate painkiller.

You become hopelessly addicted to it, and withdrawal's a bitch.

I wish I lived in the Pokemon world as a trainer.

Granted. You should've known better than to fight a Latias, a legendary, with a Shedinja, a weak Pokémon. The outcome was never really a doubt.

I wish for No Ghost spray.

Granted. You don't have a ghost spray.

I wish for a staircase.

Granted, but it leads nowhere.

I wish neither Trump nor Hillary had won the election.

Granted. Literally every other candidate won.

I wish the Dark Ages never happened.

Granted. The sun has never sets in any part of the world, ensuring that Planet Earth is now uninhabitable.

I wish Spoony was no longer depressed.

Granted, he gets addicted to anti-depressant drugs.

I wish I was better at typing without looking at the keyboard.

Granted, now you have to look at your mouse.

I wish dogs didn't exist.

Granted, they're replaced by a swarm of flying cockroaches.

I wish I can marry a Tactical Doll in real life.

She then divorced you 12 minutes later. And you weren't able to consummate the marriage within that time.

I wish to go on vacation to someplace beautiful.

Granted. You visit Hawaii, and its beautiful. Still doesn't mean you're safe from lava.

I wish that Mhazard wasn't addicted to Miku Hatsune and Girls Frontline.

Granted, I'm now addicted to Dark Souls and Miki Sayaka.

I wish TNP would be addicted to the two things I mentioned above.

edited 24th Jul '17 9:46:35 AM by Mhazard

Granted. I then force you to play the Happy Wheels version of Dark Souls.

I wish for jeans.

You have some really nice jeans. Unfortunately, they're way too big in the waist and at least four inches too short.

I wish the weather was more comfortable here; not too hot, not too cold, and no natural disasters looming.

Granted, no NATURAL disasters. Enjoy the 5 seconds of comfortable weather while it lasts, before the nukes drop.

I wish i had a Pipboy 3000 in real life.

Granted so is the nuclear Apocalypse.

I wish the Trope Repair shop I started would get opened.

Granted, Legbreakers inc has thoughtfully loaned you $50000 to open your shop!

I wish I was a Sith lord.

You are so incompetent, your apprentice kills you after a few lessons, because that was all you had to teach

I wish for my sunburn to go away.