Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted but some dickhead stole your car.

I wish my previous wish wasn't ignored by that slowpoke.

It somehow goes wrong.

I wish I enjoyed country music more.

Granted. Country music is terrible and your newfound love of it alienates all your friends.

I wish I were neither a Soulless Shell nor a rock.

Granted. You're a leech.

I was I was better at suturing.

Huh?

Yeah, I got it, but why would I suture there in the first pl- Eh, nevermind.

edited 17th Mar '15 2:37:39 PM by Elva

Granted, you can never use the bathroom.

I wish for a lot of money.

It's more of the line of Sacrificed Basic Skill for Awesome Training... Like you cannot use the bathroom should you learn an obscure skill.

edited 18th Mar '15 1:02:43 PM by TheFarmboy

It's a Body Horror joke, I think. Like, your genitals are very skillfully sutured shut.

Granted, but a "lot" is subjective. Enjoy your $10.

I wish I were not a leech.

Granted You weren't but now you are

I wish that my wish will have no drawbacks.

edited 17th Mar '15 2:27:09 PM by RPGLegend

Well, then what are you doing here?

Granted. This one won't, but your next one will.

I wish for a high-quality camera.

arrrgh, 'd!

Granted; It will only take pictures when out of focus.

I wish I were capapble of teleportation.

edited 17th Mar '15 2:31:26 PM by Ripsaw

Granted. You can't control where to go at all.

I wish I had a clone that could do stuff for me.

You clever bastard.

Granted. It does stuff for you, but not by command. Every couple of years, it does your laundry. The rest of the time it just sits in the corner, eats your food, and shits itself.

I wish I... weren't.

edited 17th Mar '15 2:38:24 PM by SolipSchism

Granted; you are now (paradox, divide by cucumber error; please reinstall universe and reboot)

I wish I were better than writing.

Granted. But your wish was so abstract and hard to quantify than nothing actually happens. However, your objective moral value has changed: You are, in fact, better than writing.

I wish dividing by cucumbers didn't cause computing errors.

whoops, typo. still, nice response

Granted. The entire mathematical system collapses in on itself, and it shows.

I wish to be better at dice-based games.

Granted. The G Ms kick you out on suspicion of using trick dice.

I wish for all the gold in Fort Knox.

Granted, the gold appears directly overhead and promptly crushes you.

I wish for a mirror that would allow me to view any location I wish to.

Granted, but it's fragile and irreparable.

I wish for inexpensive, good-quality, unbreakable fiber glass slippers that fit me.

Granted. Your life is now a parallel of Cinderella, but with a crappy ending this time.

I wish to be a well-written superhero in either DC or Marvel.

Sad to say, you're overshadowed by the resident darkhorses.

I wish for summer to arrive right now.

Granted. Summer is at your front door. Wait, is that a corruption or an improvement?

I wish the collapse of mathematics didn't show. I'm okay with mathematics still collapsing—just so long as it doesn't show.

Then mathmatics disappear I wish that I could when in the arena

Granted, but your wish was not understood. Try again later.

I wish court systems resembled more Ace Attorney

Granted. Which means that now, every lawyer in the world has to shout to make a case. Outbreaks of deafness around the world begin happening in courts.

I wish for sandvich.

You get sandvich, but you also get transported into the universe of Team Fortress 2, with no means of defense, and on the losing side. Have fun surviving!

I wish I was not sick.