I AM THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN THEW HEOSLE WOR: Illuminatus!

Well... it's already full of pauses... but, META-PAUSE. Hiatus. I have college and things to worry about. I'll be doing this later, though, it's too interesting a book to abandon.

Doin' one once a day, hopefully. Think of it as a Saturnalia present for the damned if you're so inclined, although I am of course an avid celebratrix of Buy Everything Possible Day like all True Americans and all you pagan commies will be burning in hell. I read a lot of Discordian literature over the period, so I'm feeling Uninformed.

Saul calls home on a payphone to tell is wife that he's going to be a while. Again with the unsecured lines! Don't people know anything?!

Anyway, she says she'd have been pretty angry if they hadn't had "a ball" earlier.

Saul thought, suddenly, of how this conversation would sound to an outsider. A sixty-year-old man and a twenty-five-year-old wife. And if they knew she was a whore and a heroin addict when I first met her...

Shea and Wilson, breaking new ground in mildly creepy kinky relationships.

I don't particularly want to summarize the rest of their flirting, but you get the idea. Luckily Saul apparently doesn't much want readers listening in either, so he asks her what she knows about the Illuminati. Apparently she was an anthropology/psych major/minor in college before Drugs.

According to her, some Berzerkeley students created it as a hoax in the sixties, based off of the ancient dead society. This is perfectly sensible and not at all what an ancient conspiracy would want people to think. After all, what conspiracy as ever had any interaction with crazy hippies?

How about the Ishmaelians, though? Well, according to her, they were founded around the turn of the millenium (1090 CE), originally persecuted, later okay, bla bla bla. It has twenty-three divisions. "pretty weird" doctrines. Oh boy oh boy, I hope they're gnostics! That would be fun!

Anyway their founder was a guy by the name of Hassan i Sabbah, who taught that nothing is true and everything is permissible. She also says that the word "assassin" is a corruption of his name. I find it funny that I believe this book's explanation more than I can believe Dan Brown's. Fuck I hated that book.

Sabbah also introduced the West to that elixir known as Mary Jowana. "hashish" is derived from his name as well. Boy, one of the most over-awesomeified professions in fiction and a drug? This guy has got it going on!

More flirting. Although somehow I can't help but hope that it gets kinkier than "old guy" later. I mean, I'm used to threesomes and shit.

There is an Illuminati, whether or not those kids at Berkeley are kidding.

As he walks out of the phonebooth he runs into noted reporter Clark Kent.

(page: 23, heh)

IT RETURNS!

Was this a more coherent part? You're sounding slightly less surreal than before.

It was mostly just a phonecall, and I need to get back into the groove. Don't worry, there's a fistfight with Superman next.

Attack of the Return of the Revenge of the Livebloggening: The Movie!

He came out of his concentration and realized where he was. For the first time, he noticed a sticker on the door:

THIS PHONE BOOTH RESERVED FOR CLARK KENT◊

He grinned: an intellectual's kind of joke. Probably somebody on the magazine.

However, a meek looking man with glasses and hats accosts him as he leaves. It's... Clark Kent! What the fuck? Isn't he copyrighted? No matter! After briefly and calmly stating why he's doing so, he clocks Saul and sends him through a wall!

Well not really. Saul shakes his head in confusion and moves on.

Instead of dying horribly maimed he thinks about the application of Hassan's doctrine to anti-Semitism and related genocides and such. Geez, you'd think that everything Arabs did to Jews was evil! When I signed up for this book, I expected a Mind Fuck, not Zionist superhero propaganda! What the hell man. I should go back to reading something more wholesome and unbiased, like the Gospel of John.

So Barney tells Saul that Malik thought that the assassins were headquartered in Mad Dog, Texas. Why does Texas have all the cool city names?! Paradise, Hell, DISH... There Oughta Be A Law. Equal distribution of cool city names between states! IT'S ONLY ETHICAL! Fucking commies.

Malik sent a staff writer there by the name of George Dorn. I guess his name was to counteract the coolness of Mad Dog's. He used to be in the SDS and the Weatherman faction. I know what the latter is but not the former... hm. A Slovenian. What could this signify?! Well, Slovenia borders the Alps, so Dorn must be a skier. Therefore Malik wouldn't have sent him there unless Mad Dog is in the mountains... of the moon. Holy shit! The assassins are run by ilmurov from his Japanese moonbase in Minnesota Texas! Holy shit! This book predicted ilmurov!

Anyhow, the First Universal Cybernetic-Kinetic-Ultramicro-Programmer is a very sophisticated computer running the Synthesis kernel. Impressive - that wasn't written for years after this book's publishing! Anyway, clever thing about it, it can generate an I Ching hexagram whenever it wants by randomly breaking three wires. That's a pretty ridiculous way to generate randomness, technically speaking, but what the hell. It generates a bunch of hexagrams, cross-checks it with the traditional interpretations, and then meteorology news astrology etc. to predict trends for Hagbard Celine, who if you'll remember Krinzi doesn't know yet.

It generated the 23rd (...), "Breaking Apart".

This traditionally unlucky sign was cast by Atlantean scientist-priests shortly before the destruction of their continent and is generally connected with death by water. Other vibrations link it to earthquakes, tornadoes and similar disasters, and to sickness, decay, and morbidity as well.

Chinese fortune telling: Grimdark.

The first correlation is with the unbalance between technological acceleration and political retrogression, which has proceeded earthwide at everwidening danger levels since 1914 and especially since 1964. The breaking apart is fundamentally the schizoid and schismatic mental fugue of lawyer-politicians attempting to administrate a worldwide technology whose mechanisms they lack the education to comprehend and whose gestalttrend they frustrate by breaking apart into obsolete Renaissance nation-states.

Hey that seems pretty lucid WAIT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT A COMPUTER WOULD WANT ME TO THINK

World War III is probably imminent and, considering the advances in chemicalbilogical warfare in conjunction with the sickness vibrations of Hexagram 23, the unleashing of plague or nervegasor both is as probable as thermonuclear overkill.

HUMANITY FOREVER! VADE RETRO COMPUTER VADE RETRO COMPUTER

General prognosis: many megadeaths.

There is some hope for avoidance of the emerging pattern with prompt action of correct nature. Probability of such avoidance is 0.17 ± 0.05.

Wow "of correct nature" that's pretty helpful BURN YOUR COMPUTER BURN BURN BURN

I think I understand the skin of it...

===SPECIAL COMMERCIAL BREAK===

Hello, citizens? Have you been enjoying tonighreallylongtime's performance of ''Commentary on the Gospel of Shea-RAW? Are you tired of your standard-issue Madness Tropes day after day? Want an excuse for your erectile dysfunction? Well have we got the trope for you! Just call 555-7FiveFiveFive and you too can have a copy of the brand new product from Tzetzecorp Incorporated PLC: Mind-Control Conspiracy! Yes, that's right, you too can *bzzt* Hagbard doesn't take accusations of blamelessness lightly, and reprograms the First Universal Cybernetic-Kinetic-Ultramicro-Programmer  ^*

Dr. Charles Mocenigo on Feb 2 (it was Mar 13, remember when I told you that?) had a dream. A lucid dream, specifically, which has a bigass pyramid that lumbered around bowling. I think I had that dream once but it sat on me. Except I didn't die or wake up. That was really painful. ANYWAY he starts looking for irregularities in the 23 bonding ångströms of the DNA double helix, but instead they weren't there. They were at the seventeenth.

Now let's think about this for a moment. 23 has been reoccuring a lot but suddenly it doesn't. Instead it's on the seventeenth. Well what does this mean? Why, it's obvious: this is the DNA of somebody immune to the Law of Fives. A nonhuman, incapable of the pareidolia we so cherish. A philosophical zombie. A sin against nature. This is what they want to enact.

Anyway there's a devil-related pun and he wakes up with Anthrax-Leprosy-Μ in his mind and jots it down in his bedside notebook. Aw man, all I ever jot down in mine is nightmares about coeurl zombies- What the hell is Desert Door? Well I don't know Mr. President, but mabye something door-related? Holy fuck, man, you're the PRESIDENT, you should know this shit! HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU NOT KNOW ABOUT YOUR OWN PROJECTS?! JESUS YOU'RE MAKING ME ANGRY Oh, it's germ warfare. That stuff the First Universal Cybernetic-Kinetic-Ultramicro-Programmer doesn't like. Okie then. Different versions of anthrax, boring. So the prez signs up on the budget and kills children. Good use of a day. Then it only comes up later during Fernando Poo as an alternative to nukes on the 29th but whatever, I'm going back to watching TV like the radio tells me to.

Five Five Five-7FiveFiveFive

Five Five FiveFiveFiveFive-7

5+5+5+5+5+5-7

i c wat u did thar

So are you ever going to continue this? Because this has been great so far.

I was under the impression that interest had waned. In addition, I got the ability to see the future back in August, so it might get kind of hard to read if I continue.