What pointless/useless talents do you have?

Inspired by the #1 entry in this Cracked article. Are there any talents that you have that might be pretty cool but don't have any feasible practical use? Talk about it here!

I'm just gonna copy/paste the comment I left on that article here in order to explain mine:
I don't live too far from the Jersey Shore, so every summer my family goes to Point Pleasant a lot. Point Pleasant is this one town with a beach, boardwalk, arcade, the works. In one of the arcades they have there, there's this one jukebox-themed game—it has a spinning disc inside of it with slots for different ticket amounts, and when you drop a quarter into the dispenser, it falls into one of those (and obviously you get the number of tickets there). On each side, there's a JACKPOT slot right in in the center of each row—depending on how long it's been since a jackpot, you can get anything from 60 to 150+ tickets. Years and years of playing that game have taught me how to get that down to an exact science, to the point where I was bragging to one of my friends once about how good I am at it and was actually (thankfully, or else I'd look like a dumbass) able to back that up by getting a jackpot on the first shot.

The one downside to this is that whenever you get the jackpot in that game, it starts making a really loud alarm sound, so whenever I'm playing it, the entire place gets filled with that sound every ten or so seconds. And I just know everyone around me is judging me, staring at me with hatred in their eyes, just wishing for me to suffer a slow, agonizing death...but I ain't care, 14-year-old me just wanted to get a free motor scooter.

(Side note: I never did get that scooter.)

Insert witty 'n clever quip here.

I'm good at remembering lines and scenes from The Simpsons, verbatim. Damn good.

"We'll take the next chance, and the next, until we win, or the chances are spent."

Being a fountain of information on gaming history, especially on Sonic the Hedgehog. Sadly, not many people that I know IRL are even interested in the series anymore, making my knowledge useless IRL.

"Never let anyone tell you that something is impossible." - Monty Oum, 1981-2015

Perfect musical pitch

I know what offends people in other countries... .-.

And singing harmonies. And melodies. Just singing. WHEN will I use those?!

ppppppppfeiufiofuiorjfadkfbnjkdflaosigjbkghuiafjkldjnbaghkd

Well, I mean, there is a wonderful thing out there called the music industry...

(Actually, no, don't go there, it's bad for your health. Seriously, though, you can try for a career in music, or, if not a career, maybe singing in a local choir or starting a band or something, y'know?)

Insert witty 'n clever quip here.

I can touch my thumb to my wrist.

I can also quote almost an entire movie after seeing it twice.

what do you mean I didn't win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else

I can write backwards in cursive.

I can also cry on cue, but that has the potential to be useful if I ever wanted to go into acting.

Stupid doomed timeline...

I can proofread other people's work and could make quite a good editor

I can also sing in an accent.

ಠ_ಠ

I can put both my feet behind my head without using my hands. I can also put one leg behind my head and stand on the other leg. The second depends on my pants not being so tight as to crush my balls in that position.

I'm also quite lucky with dice, but my addictive personality means I can't go to a casino.

My other talents are all useful. Like problem solving and extrapolation.

I like charts! They're useful and easy to read!

I can hum and whistle at once

I know the history of almost every shopping mall in the US, from Mall of America down to the tiny, 20 store "malls" in smaller towns. Basically, if it has an enclosed or open air concourse and stores, I can tell you at least something about it. Even the previous anchor stores.

I have the ability to be able to judge tobacco crop origins based on its taste and smell.

And I can brew good vinegars from even the cheapest wines easily.

"Did you expect somebody else?"

I can silently fart, no matter how big the storm brewin' is.

Naturally, it's the only "talent" I have. But it can still backfire anyways and it can't land me a good future career.

edited 26th Apr '14 8:58:30 AM by NesClassic

🏳️‍⚧️she/her | Vio Rhyse Alberia

You could be the next Le Pétomane.

Maybe there can be a highway named for NES too.

edited 26th Apr '14 9:15:23 AM by RatherRandomRachel

"Did you expect somebody else?"

Whistling... by sucking air in instead of blowing it out. (Naturally I can whistle by blowing)

This one's not as useless, but I have an internal clock. Helps me wake up at the time I want to.

edited 26th Apr '14 9:54:34 AM by ironcommando

...eheh

That's actually pretty cool.

I'm good at speaking and rapping quickly, despite being the whitest guy you will ever meet.

I'm also good at remembering things I really like verbatim (my parents tell me about how when I was a kid I would quote entire TV shows verbatim, right down to the commercial breaks).

I also seem to have entropy powers. From the keyboard I use(d to use)◊ to the books I read◊ to the very chair upon which I sit◊, there is nothing I can not dissolve with my mere presence given enough time.

edited 26th Apr '14 10:17:00 AM by BaronPraxis

I can make my voice very, very deep. Not that useful for anything but Darth Vader impressions.

"We'll take the next chance, and the next, until we win, or the chances are spent."

My voice shape-shifts into a animalistic roar when I scream. It's only useful when I want to threaten something, but other than that it mostly serves to scare the fuck out of unaware people when I'm just trying to call their attention ("YOU THERE, BOY! You forgot your car keys").

Combined with that, I move very silently, often giving people the feeling I have the powers of Offscreen Teleportation ("I teleport" was a recurring joke when people asked me "When the Hell did you arrive?"). So people I talk to often briefly feel like they're in a horror movie.

I also have a remarkable amount of obscure trivia stored in my mind, resulting in a bunch of information that will never be uselful for anything ("Did you know Hugo Boss was the top tailor for Nazi Germany?")

"All you Fascists bound to lose."

I have an ability to hide my presence to others (in real life, not over the net). Not good for friendship, but great for stealth I guess?

...eheh

I am a walking encyclopedia of Civil War trivia. Tomorrow is General Grant's birthday!

I was also the absolute king of the multiplayer game in Bomberman 64. Never lost. Nintendo, do you see this! Give us Bomberman 64 on the Wii and I will give you all the money you want! I SHALL FEEL HIGH AND MIGHTY ONCE MORE!

I'm the best out of all I know at imitating accents.

what do you mean I didn't win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else

I have no talents at all, but I've recently been practicing speaking without moving my lips just in case I start a ventriloquism career.

"I like girls, but now, it's about justice."