Jupiter Ascending

It's on Xbox Video now. I would watch it, but not until it has the option to rent. It looks like one of those So Bad, It's Good movies where you watch a movie because it looks interesting but not something you'd want to watch again.

It's very, very pretty. It's also a regency novel in space set in a setting shaped by what has got to be one of the darkest pieces of world-building I have ever come across.

Indeed. The setting is very interesting, but apparently the movie doesn't do a good job of showcasing it.

Also, there's a female butt. And an Asian alien baddy. And a black guy baddy. God, this movie sucks.

At least the dragon henchmen are cool.

Unfortunately, while the movie is now finally out on Xbox Video, it's only available to buy. I'm not spending 17 dollars on this, thank you.

Good choice. Wait for it to come to Redbox or something, it's not worth it new or even for the special features.

I thought the movie was pretty damned awesome, but Dorothy here has a bad case of Pinball Protagonist. Reminds me of Harry Potter in his first year. Then again, that's typical when the Fish out of Water gets thrown into an epic fantastic setting with lots of plots going on and spends most of the story finding out what the heck is going on and how the setting works. They just don't have the information to make proactive decisions.

Although, yeah, my first instinct at Humperdnick here was to finish sealing the marriage then shoving Wesley's gun down his throat. "As you wish," BLAM!

The music was gorgeous, the visuals were gorgeous, the setting... the setting was basically the Inner Imperium with one of the backwater worlds thinking they're Earth, and with a plot involving a Noble family. They even had the Rejuvenat. Really, this film could just have been set in the Grim Darkness of the Far Future, where There Is Only War (in the borders of the Empire, the inner worlds are actually on average quite peaceful).

Now the romance, the romance subplot was the standard Romantic Comedy setting where the guy would do absolutely anything for The Girl but can't bring himself to admit it, and the girl's job is to get him to open up to her.

It's... unhealthy.

edited 7th Jul '15 4:42:34 PM by TheHandle

So you thought it's nowhere near as bad as the Nostalgia Critic and others claim it is?

I must say though, I'm tempted to watch it just so I can witness Eddie Redmayne's Chewing the Scenery performance.

That's pretty awesome, the guy is perpetually whispering unless he's EXPLODING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS.

The Nostalgia Critic is an Accentuate the Negative guy, don't take his reviews seriously unless he's doing them as Doug Walker rather than as CRITIC.

Seriously, though, the knight suicidally protecting the damsel is so archetypical and so wrong, regardless of gender...

edited 7th Jul '15 4:43:27 PM by TheHandle

Well, NC isn't accentuate the negative in Jupiter Ascending, since it got a 25% on RT. It's just a bad movie.

It seems from what I saw most of the reviews from people that saw it was mostly that it relied way too much on exposition, the characters were uninteresting, and they didn't develop the world enough.

All the same it's on Xbox Video so I'll probably rent it at some point.

Apparently, Doug really does think it's as bad as his review made it out to be, with him calling Jupiter an extremely poor female protagonist (even worse than Bella Swan!). Is she really that bad?

For that matter, he also literally can't understand why this film has a fanbase.

edited 7th Jul '15 8:33:59 PM by LDragon2

Without seeing it I mostly like it for the aesthetic.

At least half its fan base is in the Bile Fascination way, calling it "the movie of my Old Shame fanfic."

That about sums it up, with a Gravity Sue.

... Please don't tell me the Watchowskys intended that pun...

But, again, you know, space cathedrals! Gorgeous clothes! Spectacle! Every other cute guy wearing eyeliner and lip gloss! And the finale takes place on an oil refinery that is built like a cathedral, is on fire, is tumbling through a gigantic thunderstorm in Jupiter. There has never been a more Interesting Situation Duel than that. It has everything.

edited 8th Jul '15 3:13:54 AM by TheHandle

It is without doubt one of the most visually stunning films of the year, possibly even the decade. That doesn't excuse every other thing about it being utterly awful, in every way.

Wait, the music isn't awful!

... No that's true. Okay, it looks and sounds spectacular. But it's basically the shiniest of shiny turds as far as I'm concerned, probably the worst film I have seen for a while.

A diamond-encrusted, gold-plated turd may still be a turd, but it's still damn shiny and expensive.

I kinda wanna see it to see if it's enjoyably bad, but it being 2 hours long is a bit off putting.

Also, is the heroine that bad?

Just watched the first hour and a half. Will save my thoughts on the movie and the heroine for tomorrow when I finish it.

All I can say for now is that the second act is agonizingly BORING.

The idea was apparently to homage Dorothy from Wizard Of Oz, so she's not very proactive or dynamic but it's her influence on everyone else that gets them to act.

Which is interesting in theory, but in Oz, Tin Man, Scarecrow and the Lion were all pretty fun and interesting characters, in this one we have Channing Tatum at his most bland and wooden and dull and Sean Bean who is clearly just in it for the money.

Even Eddie Redmayne SUDDENLY SHOUTING with very LITTLE CONSISTENCY can save it. Though he's clearly having a GOOD TIME.

No, no, you HAVE... to do it right. His... his character is petulant, and disjointed. WHY DOESN'T HIS MAMA... love him?

I was mostly enjoying the scenery by then.

Also worth noting is that Dorothy is a child (supposed to be ten, though the Dawson Casting is evident) but Jupiter is a grown woman, so her inaction stands out more. At least in the climax she fights Baelem, but it appears be too little too late, hence why most reviews of the film don't mention it.

edited 28th Sep '15 6:28:52 PM by Tuckerscreator

I'm not sure why all the critics hated Eddie Redmayne in this film. He is by far the most enjoyable and entertaining character.

On the note of Jupiter, I do applaud the Wachowski's for trying to do something different with their female protagonist besides just another Action Girl, but they really fumbled the ball when it came to the execution.

And really, she is definitely not worse than Bella Swan. Methinks that Doug Walker has a rather limited view on what he views as making an "interesting and strong female character".

edited 9th Jul '15 1:02:45 AM by LDragon2