Self Harm. Men vs. Women

So one of the characters in my has self destructive borderline personality disorder. He ends up self harming at a couple points. I personally, am a woman who has never self harmed, so I have very little experience with this topic \ I'm aware that women and men often have different approaches to suicide (women will often try to do something that won't leave much of a mess (pills, Bath Suicide, etc.) while guys are more likely to be spiteful and angry and want to leave a mess ((Eat Your Gun, etc.) \ So I'm assuming that men and women also do this in different manners (I know everyone's experiece is different, but if you could make a generalization)

• Resources online haven't been particuarly helpful. And all that I've managed to find is that guys are more likely to do things like punching a wall, so that it can be blown off later as an accident. (please correct me if this is wrong)
  • I'm also wondering if 'cutting' is as prevalent with male self harmers as it is with female ones. Also, if it is, is it more likely for them to cut different bodies than women usually do? (writsts/arms, thighs, I know people cut other parts, but those are the most common ones)
    • I'm well aware this is a sensitive topic, so that's why I want to ensure that I'm portraying this realistically.

edited 30th May '13 4:49:06 PM by TheMuse

I don't think it's possible to make such generalizations. Everyone is different.

Gave them our reactions, our explosions, all that was ours For graphs of passion and charts of stars...

I just wanted to see if that was the case. Thanks

I think the bigger factor is the intention behind the self harm. Is the person genuinely attempting suicide? Or is it attention-seeking behaviour? Or perhaps it is a means to "feel something"?

While still somewhat of a generalisation (predicting behaviour and/or intention in self harm patients is not a science!), the first group would likely act with more planning (e.g. setting affairs in order, buying a rope to hang oneself, etc) and make themselves difficult to find to increase the likelihood of success. In contrast, the second group would likely harm themselves in a public setting (i.e. with friends or other people close by) using less permanently damaging means. The third group is a little bit of both - the classic "wrist cutting" is unlikely to cause severe enough bleeding unless you go for the big veins and arteries though the cutter will often conceal the scars it leaves behind.

As such, as you can imagine, another big factor is a person's understanding of the severity of harm inflicted. If a person thinks that cutting their wrists is enough to kill themselves, a genuinely suicidal person will do that. Likewise, a person who thinks paracetamol/acetaminophen is safe to overdose on (note: it's not!!) might accidentally take a fatal dose when s/he didn't intend to.

As for the difference between genders with respect to self harm? I don't think there's much of a difference there. Or at least, not one that is obvious enough for people to have published in the literature. At least, not to my knowledge.

Hope that helps.

edited 30th May '13 7:49:32 PM by peasant

That methods of suicide differ between the genders is something they teach to homicide detectives, with the caveat that people are individuals and CAN act against type, but that statistically few do. Women are much more likely to poison themselves or slit their wrists, men more likely to shoot or hang themselves.

In general, too, one is much more likely to go with the method of suicide one is least familiar with.

Self-harm is not a matter of wanting attention most of the time.

Really, you do not know how offensive that remark is. Or perhaps you do, which is honestly infinitely worse.

I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.

Natasel, if that's really what you think, then you need to leave this discussion now. And this forum if you keep it up. If you're joking, then ... don't.

edited 31st May '13 8:21:21 AM by Fighteer

"It's Occam's Shuriken! If the answer is elusive, never rule out ninjas!"

These are generalizations, mainly based on anecdotes, personal experience, and statistics.

Cutting is much more a female phenomenon than a male one.

When men self-harm from depression, they tend towards Macho Masochism in ways they believe will impress people, or other testosterone-driven behaviors that aren't intentionally meant to get themselves killed, but have a high chance of it. Binge drinking, speeding, and starting fights are the most common ones. Death Seekers are almost Always Male*

, as are people that commit Suicide by Cop.

However, drinking and drug abuse seem to happen in equal amounts in both genders.

When it comes to suicide, more women attempt it, but more men succeed. (I remember reading that that's changing, but IDK if that's right.) That's because, as you mentioned, women tend to favor "neater" methods like the Bath Suicide and pills, which almost never work.

Men, however, go for ugly-but-direct methods like jumping off of buildings, hanging, and the aforementioned gun-eating. But although cases of women doing the same are much less common, they're still far from unheard-of.

As another troper mentioned, how much the individual has made up their mind that they actually want to die is probably the deciding factor in how they'll do it. No word in how asphyixiation or car-in-garage suicides break down along gender lines, though.

edited 1st Jun '13 4:54:40 AM by Wheezy

Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)

I will also add that while cutting is more frequently seen in women, there are plenty of men that do cut themselves in various ways. How severe these cuts are and whether they are meant to cause actual damage or simply cause pain varies. Burning is another notable self-harm behaviour; it seems to occur more in men, but I am not sure.

I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.

But is it known that guys are more likely to hide their scars, cut in places that are less visible, or do they often cut in a manner that they can handwave as a Cut Him Self Shaving type thing? I know female self-harmers often feel very self concious about their scars, but couldn't some guys handwave it as being in a 'nasty fight' or the like...

edited 2nd Jun '13 6:45:03 AM by TheMuse

Not necessarily, although how they hide them might be different. Women often use makeup, which men are less inclined to do, preferring to obfuscate with long sleeves or some other covering that can be explained away reasonably. Cutting of the legs seems to occur in both genders, although given that it is certainly not as common as cutting the wrists and forearms, the proportion is unknown to me.

edited 3rd Jun '13 1:33:17 AM by JHM

I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.

Self-harm, regardless of gender, can also be a (bad) coping mechanism for the feeling that they have no control. Overwhelming feelings, bullying/prejudice, family/relationship problems, that sort of thing.

Their thought process would be something like, "I can't control [Issue X], but I can control what I do to myself in response."

Sometimes it's an immediate response (shit happens, so they go to a private place and self-harm to keep/regain composure), but sometimes it becomes a part of their routine (Every day/week/time, they need to self-harm or they'll get worse because their routine is thrown off).

Basically, self-harm can be a different version of drug abuse. And physically, your body can't tell the difference because it releases the same chemicals in response.

edited 4th Jun '13 11:34:32 AM by Sharysa

A better comparison might be anorexia nervosa: The sensation is painful, and there is an intellectual understanding that the activity is harmful, but the compulsive control aspect keeps one from stopping. It is a ritual and a kind of discipline in addition to being an emotional release.

I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.

Huh, that actually does fit a lot better.

Anorexia tends to be strongly associated with women, though.

Compulsive bodybuilding is often considered to be the male equivalent. (In terms of the sheer numbers of the gender it effects. Some guys do get plain old anorexia, but it's much more rare.)

Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)

Not bodybuilding per se, but compulsive exercise, which is itself a frequent symptom of anorexia in both sexes. Simple self-starvation is rarer in men, but burning off a dangerous excess of calories regularly is not. Unfortunately, this makes it harder to track how many men actually have some form of anorexia nervosa, given that it is a more socially acceptable and less easily monitored behaviour.

I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.

We also tend to make fun of men who spend "too much" time exercising (ie, they're gay/narcissistic/vain).

Hard to track if something's wrong when asking about it will almost definitely lead to a joke.

edited 5th Jun '13 10:28:41 AM by Sharysa

Just an observation from above comments: It was mentioned that women statistically are most likely to attempt bath suicide and overdose (to "avoid a mess"), whereas men gravitate towards suicide by hanging and gunshot(either self-inflicted or by-cop), but a reason for the latter's preference was not given. It struck me that the methods most chosen by suicidal men are those of formal execution (think gallows and firing squads). I'm not sure if there's anything to this though.

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