Fly Air Madeline
You can focus it on a very specific target anywhere in the world, thereby instantly ruining the reputation of anyone or anything you want.
Being a rather good Speed Reader.
"I'll show you all of Paris, I'll take you on a tour, we'll go up and up and up so high they'll long for an encore!"
You are SO good at speed-reading that you're able to instantly absorb the written knowledge of anything you touch, and even remember it all with great detail.
The power of being a jerk.
Blerg.
You are so good at being a jerk that you took it Up To Eleven. You eventually become so famous at being a jerk that you get invited on talk shows where you get paid just to insult people. You become rich and live comfortably for the rest of your days, your 'work' simply being inventing new ways of being a jerk.
Being able to lift only 100g with telekinesis.
edited 28th Apr '18 8:26:06 AM by Cheion
I write occasionally
You can send that 100g of whatever flying at insane speeds. Also, the 100g limit only applies to individual objects, not the total. So you could move a whole bunch of little things at the same time.
The power of Epic Fail.
The Senate
You can inflict and control the occurrence of failure on anyone. Or stop it from happening to you. Or upgrade it so it accomplishes something useful through failure at the immediate task.
Never changing altitude, ever.
Edited by Emperor_Ing on Jul 31st 2018 at 10:10:38 AM
How unfortunate that you are attempting to deceive me.
You could climb/"climb" Mt. Everest. If the former, you could be famous! If the latter, you could cheat any anything involving going up hills!
Having a pecan pie and not exploding.
Since you don't explode you can easily get rid of explosives, bombs and mines resulting in you being able to save hundreds if not thousands of lives.
The power to have every absolutely completely useless power at once.
Strongest In History
The powers actually work freaking amazing with each other, and you become very useful to the hero or villain team you sign with, gaining fame or infamy to rival the Big Three and the Avengers.
Anytime you do something, it has a random chance to fail miserably or work too well just as much as it has a chance of succeeding.
"DIO is the ultimate being! The being of the future! Dare you not to rival me!"
You invade supervillian groups by pretending to be a Badass Normal. They think you just suck, but you’re actually sabotaging them from within. By the time they suspect anything, you’re already 6 states away and halfway through fabricating a new identity. Countless schemes fall to your weaponized incompetence. You are... the greatest hero the world will never know.
From the cherry, to the apple, to the peach, to the plum
SCP-3778-A
Just because the world will never know does not mean that your friends and family won't know about your heroic deeds. Also, you don't have to deal with the hot mess that is celebrity status.
You cannot move past a door if it is open.
There is always a possibility, no matter how improbable it may seem. Just start thinking about it, and it will haunt you forever.
chaos catby with a flannel shirt addiction
You can go through walls instead.
You have the wonderful power of always being the first person to encounter a spider when there is one in the house.
I used to plug my deviantart here but turns out the link was too long.
Too old for this
This is a side effect of being able to telepathically converse with and give orders to spiders anywhere in the world.
The power to be affected by temperatures as if they were one degree closer to what would be comfortable for you.
Edited by C105 on Aug 9th 2018 at 6:57:49 PM
Whatever your favourite work is, there is a Vocal Minority that considers it the Worst. Whatever. Ever!.
The Senate
You can change the temperature that’s comfortable for you at will, effectively giving you heat control.
The ability to pronounce anything correctly on your first try.
How unfortunate that you are attempting to deceive me.
SCP-3778-A
This also extends to other languages, so you can easily learn any language. Being able to develop a vocabulary and a grasp for grammar in those languages is a different story.
Everything you touch will disappear within 1 year.
There is always a possibility, no matter how improbable it may seem. Just start thinking about it, and it will haunt you forever.
Too old for this
And reappear wherever and whenever you want (possibly before you touched it in the first place).
The power to never miss your train.
Whatever your favourite work is, there is a Vocal Minority that considers it the Worst. Whatever. Ever!.
i lived bitch
Said train is owned by you and is a flying death machine that literally cannot be destroyed or controlled by anyone else.
The power of nothingness.
If Sirin was the main protagonist... Kinda, anyway.
chaos catby with a flannel shirt addiction
You can turn other things into nothingness.
The power of having everything you eat taste like three week old milk.
I used to plug my deviantart here but turns out the link was too long.
The Ice Queen
You really, really like that taste. And you can subject others who don't to it.
The ability to turn into a hairless cat. Once. And then not change back.
Granted, you'll never turn back into your original form... BUT, you can still shapeshift into other hairless animals.
The power of Shit-Posting.
Mario's not the only Wonder here.
You become one of the most influential and unimpeachable politicians in the world.
The power to turn make anybody instantly dirty and filthy with a Badass Fingersnap.
Addendum: Only now do I realize that I topped this page with a similar weaksauce power. Oh well.
Edited by aNinjaWithAIDS on Sep 25th 2018 at 3:48:44 AM
These two may literally be more bark than bite, but they are no less tenacious than everyone else.
...and the heartbeats of any other living being in sight. Heart Is an Awesome Power at its most literal and Logical Extreme.
The inverse of my last ability: the power to make things instantly filthy and messy.
These two may literally be more bark than bite, but they are no less tenacious than everyone else.