Stuck between two (well, three) versions of my main character. Halp?

I just realized there are three versions of one of my main characters (in a story set in a steampunkish fantasy world), and I don't know which one I should use, or if I should use all of them.

While I'm aware this is something I should decide by myself, I would like to hear some thoughts on them before doing so. The story is about having to rescue death, who vanished thanks to a dead Elementalist sick of Fantastic Racism.

Version 1: Luna has two sisters: the eldest (deceased) was a famous singer, while the other is a well known warrior. The singer turns out to be her mother.

After listening to some of her warrior sister's stories, she decides to become a warrior as well. She dreams of being as famous as her sister and sometimes feels envious of them, even though she knows this is wrong. She does want to be someone as special and good at something as her sisters.

Her sister supports the idea and pays her a fighting instructor. She acts polite around people, and most see her as a pleasant young woman. Unlike the other two versions, this one ISN'T a doormat.

She's a realist and has a self-conscious personality, mainly because she doesn't want to embarrass her famous sisters. She sometimes hides her negative emotions ,when she believes she has to be strong for her family or no one else will be.

She's neutral when it comes to Elementalists, who are subject to fantastic racism. She's also a hard worker and tends to think quite a bit. Interested in history and mechanics, specially zeppelins because her "eldest sister" used to take her in zeppelin travels when she was a kid.

Her character development is about accepting herself for who she is.

This one is a serious candidate for becoming a separate character, as I don't have many down to Earth characters in my novel.

Version 2a: Luna is an orphan adopted alongsides her younger brother. She lost her biological parents in a fire she caused (either while trying to cook, or because a noble torched it after she pissed him off).

She spent some time at an orphanage, and started to believe she had to be perfect or no one would ever adopt her. Has horrible burning scars she manages to hide. Of course, people wonder why she wears winter clothes in the summer.

She has a sensitive personality, is highly intelligent and interested in history and mechanics. While the previous version of her is worried about what people will think of her, this one is obsessed with it. She has an abysmal self-steem due to causing her parents' deaths and the fact no one wanted to adopt her for a while, so she believes believes everyone else is better than her.

Has trouble standing up for herself and is a big Stepford Smiler, acting happy when she's feeling anything but. Many people can see through her facade, and are bothered by it. Is seem as nice by some, but as a big fake or a big pushovers by others.

Is even more interested in books and mechanics than version 1, but doesn't studies them much because most people see people into technical books and science as, to put it bluntly, nerds.

Decides to become a fighter, like her adoptive sister, after hearing her stories. Once again, her sister is paying for her fencing classes. Like her first version tries be funny, but it's awful at telling jokes.

Is smarter than version 1, but version 1 is far better with people. So , balanced.

Her character development consists of stopping to be a Stepford Smiler and growing a backbone.

Version 2b Just like 2a (down to the fire and the possible reasons), except for two things: she was taken in by her aunt and uncle (rest of her family hates her guts), so she lacks 2a's obsession with perfection and 2). Since she never spent any time at the orphanage, she never became a Stepford Smiler and, less obsessed with what people would think of her, nothing kept her from start studying mechanics.

Has yet to decide wheter she wants to become a scientist like her mentor or an explorer like her older cousin she idolizes. One of her teachers is an inventor and taught her how to make guns, so all her cousin had to do was to teach her how to use the guns she creates.

Is extremely shy and nervous around people and those who notice her see her as a shy, unlucky and sometimes even pathetic young woman. Also tries to be funny and fails at it, but only with people she knows well enough.

Is sensitive, pessimistic, shy and has a lot of trouble standing up for herself. Her tendence to think she's worse than anyone else persists. The main problem with this one is that she's very simillar to Hanako from Katawa Shoujo.

Her character development consists of opening up to other people and growing a backbone.

edited 5th Nov '11 10:16:53 PM by risingdreams

While (obviously) all of these versions can be made into viable characters, I think I'll go with Version 2a. There's some potential in there with the whole "noble starting a fire" element, and the Stepford Smiler angle leaves a lot of room for this character to grow. I can't help but wonder what sort of events will trigger her development — and more importantly, how she'll respond to them.

Like I said, they all have their potential. So, I'll leave it to you to make the final call.

The noble starting the fire would be present in 2b as well ^_^.

As for 2a's character development, mainly being directly comfronted with her biological parents and people having no choice but to rely on her, no matter how much she hates herself.

Aha, I see. Very interesting.

Out of curiosity, how does your character handle combat? There was quite a bit of mention of being a warrior and getting training, which is interesting. But I wonder if there's a distinct difference between how these three fight — that is, if one version is more timid than the other, is she more likely to freak out at the outset of battle? Hide, and wait for a tactical advantage? Or is fighting the only time she (wo)mans up?

Here's how far I got before I stopped reading for each version:

Version 1: Luna has two sisters: the eldest (deceased) was a famous singer, while the other is a well known warrior. The singer turns out to be her mother. After listening to some of her warrior sister's stories, she decides to become a warrior as well. She dreams of being as famous as her sister

Version 2: Luna is an orphan

Version 3: Just like 2a (down to the fire and the possible reasons), except for two things: she was taken in by her aunt and uncle (rest of her family hates her guts), so she lacks 2a's obsession with perfection and 2) she can't hide her scars and lost an eye to boot

I can't exactly put my finger on it, but these characters just don't seem to pop. I think you need to work on making them stand out a bit. For instance, in version 2, I've just read so many stories that involve orphans saving the world - I'm tired of it, you know? How about a hero who has a perfectly functional and loving family for a change of pace? Version 3 turned me off to her when you brought up facial scars, because it seems just a bit shallow that your characterization seems driven by physical appearance more than interesting motivations or even a quirky personality. Version 1 also seemed shallow to me, really - the whole "I want to be famous" just isn't a great start on designing a fantastic character. It works if you are writing for, say, a children's cartoon (because young girls do like to think about what it would be like to be a popstar, so they can sympathize with such characters), but for an older audience it just falls flat.

There's a lot of ways to make better characters, though, so don't despair just because some critic didn't really care for them! My advice would be to think about writing as a form of entertainment, and design characters that would be entertaining to read about. A lot of new writers end up falling into the Author Appeal trap, and forget that the goal isn't to write about the guy or gal that the author wishes she or he could be, but to write about a character that is fun to read about. I'd start over again, and build your character from the ground up with this in mind.

Because I hate being only negative when I do reviews, let me just say that you have a great concept with the whole "the hero has to rescue the Grim Reaper" - its ironic, its edgy, its a fun twist. Maybe you should try and work that into your characters a bit more, instead of giving them pretty cliche backgrounds like "my village got burned down". For example, what if the hero is the one responsible for the Grim Reaper being absent, and everybody wants to stop her from rescuing Death because they like living forever? But she insists on the rescue mission anyways, because restoring balance to the universe is just the right thing to do, dammit!

You see, already you get some level of conflict and an interesting bit of characterization with that one little tweak. Keep on trucking, I'm sure you can come up with something cool!

edited 5th Nov '11 10:06:32 PM by MyGodItsFullofStars

Fighting would be when the character womaned up. Basically, the more timid, the more batshit insane in battle the character would be XD.

I do have a second character who could be the main character and is from a normal and loving family. So I could just ignore Luna and use her instead. I like Celia better, anyway.

I do agree about orphans saving the world being bored. I intended to have 2a to be Happily Adopted, but... Well, that's just as cliched, I think. And she would be an orphan mainly because I thought the first time the character stood up for a mage having ended badly would create some interesting conflict, what with her best friend being a mage (and her symphatizing with the villain who caused death to disappear due to being a fucking history nerd XD).

But 2b wouldn't be the way she was because of her appareance. The difference between her and 2a is that unlike 2a, she wouldn't believe she needed to be perfect due to not having feared never being adopted. I only mentioned her facial scars because I was worried she could be an expy from a somewhat popular character XD, which was my main concern about her, really.

And 1 would eventually stop wanting to be special. But yeah, shallow.

edited 5th Nov '11 10:36:53 PM by risingdreams

I wouldn't worry too much about comparisons between your characters and Hanako from Katawa Shoujo (don't be alarmed, but not everybody has heard of this series). Also, its fine to say something like "she's kind of like A". The key, however, is to remember to follow that sentence with a ",but....". Stock characters and character archetypes are not a bad thing, the goal however is to distinguish your characters in some way. Give them some personality and flair!

And again, think about who you are writing this for, and try to imagine what the audience wants. Know your market!

XD Giving personality is probably why I like Celia better.

There are some great books for beginner writers out there, and I think that this one in particular might help to address some of the things I'm having issues with: On Writing, by Stephen King. He does a good job of explaining the importance of knowing your audience, and showing them some love. Its also a good book on life in general, its up and downs, lefts and rights.

My advice here would be to forget about your main character for a while, develop your setting, the villain, and the conflict that's going to start the plot. Once you've done that, go back to your main character and decide which version works better for the story, or even make up an entirely new main character.

Honestly 2a sounded really awfully cliche. And wangsty.

I liked 1 and 2b for their more complex back stories. I'd go for 1, partly because I think having a sisters dynamic can be interesting, and it had the most original-feeling to it.

2b also is also linked to the fire and is extremelly shy because of it, though (the one time she stood for herself and someone else would have ended BADLY). Wouldn't that make her cliched and wangsty too?

And for some reason, I imagine 2b as being having Cloudcuckoolander and Mad Scientist moments. This, and being of a Covert Pervert and one big Crazy Cat Lady.

I have a longer profile for 1, too...

edited 6th Nov '11 5:42:08 PM by risingdreams

I like Ver. 1 so, so, so much. I want to read a story with that character. Please go with #1 and tell me when you get finished working on the story so I can read it.

I personally would like #1 far more then either variant of #2 as well.

I do like 1 better, but maybe 2b would fit in with the theme about death present in the story. Hum.

1 could be a foil to the Cordelia, the Hot-Blooded... Secondary protagonist thingie (Is there a name to it)? Someone more grounded. Then again, both Cordelia and 1 are realists.

Come to think about it, I could just use the princess, but that would make her even more speshal than she already is. There's also Amity, but I doubt I would manage to make the Lovable Alpha Bitch sympathetic. Even though it would be interesting having a pious girl question how the gods decide things.

But yeah, 2a sounds emo.

edited 6th Nov '11 7:15:55 PM by risingdreams