Rate the above poster's character

Out of curiosity, would it be too off of the line to include a character that is supposed to represent a philosophical point of the story, represent an idea, or be there in order to partially question something?

War is God.

From just that description, that sounds like a character that won't really be well formed due to not having evolved naturally. Almost like a cardboard standout equipped with talking points. But in the end you'll just have to post it and let people decide for themselves.

Forget the tropes until after you're done.

Not true. Philosophical representatives can be perfectly well thought out characters.

Read my stories!

Therefore, post the character.

"Allah may guide their bullets, but Jesus helps those who aim down the sights."

Anybody who didn't get a comment yet?

Nous restons ici.

Not I.

In this episode, Michael attempts to construct a time machine to escape debt and dinner party obligations.

I'm...reasonably sure your post back on page 2 got commented on, since I remember somebody made specific comments pertaining to it, but I can't find them now.

Clearly I'm just going insane. So!

Personality Appropriateness: I feel weird trying to judge this from so little info (oh god completionist tendencies showing) but I'll give it a 9 since what I know seems to fit reasonably though not perfectly.

Character Backstory: I'll give it a 9. There is a nagging feeling I'm missing one of the edge pieces to the puzzle; like the above this probably comes from the abbreviated format. Setting Appropriateness: Absolutely. 10 easy.

Role Appropriateness: Depends on sense antiheroic is being used in. Classic, yeah, that'll fit. Less than classic not so much. In addition I'm not seeing the deconstruction; you appear to be describing a different trope altogether, The Chains of Commanding, not a deconstruction of A Father to His Men. (I suppose an argument can be constructed that the trope is a deconstruction; on the other hand, it can also be argued they are in fact supertrope and subtrope.) Gotta hand over a 5; increase it to a 8 if you're describing a Classical Anti-Hero.

Trivia Appropriateness: The first one gets a minor lolwut from me, due to my overly practical nature; an empty weapon in a city known for its infestation by dangerous things and people strikes me as unwise but possibly acceptable since major portions are safe; split on this. The other two, however, appear to fit perfectly.

edited 19th Sep '11 7:09:53 AM by Night

Nous restons ici.

Thanks for the review! I believe the post said that the review was to follow soon, but then it was edited. Also, thank you for pointing out the flaw in the original role, The Chains of Commanding is a much more appropriate trope (also, I can't really see him being a non-classical anithero).

And, as far as loading his weapons on-site, most of the more openly dangerous areas are on the outskirts of the town behind what can best be described as a second wall/ abandoned ghetto. Monsters generally avoid highly populated areas, but regardless of dangerous people lurking about, he's careful to a fault when it comes to his guns.

But anyways, like I said above, thanks for the review

In this episode, Michael attempts to construct a time machine to escape debt and dinner party obligations.

I know Parable's and mine didn't. I got ninja'd by Parable's

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am...

I had a look at Parable's character.

Character personality: Good; she has a very realistic teenager feel to her.

Character backstory: Somewhat sparse, but of course you'd expect that for a 15-year-old. I like her relationship to her parents and friends.

Setting appropriateness: This is where I get a bit hesitant. Obviously we don't have a ton of detail, but from what you've describes, it sounds like a reskinned version of our world.

Role appropriateness: My one question is why violence-abhorring 15-year-old girls would be allowed in the army (in combat roles, no less).

Trivia appropriateness: I want a pig-frog.

I give this character a 7. She seems nice, but I'm not sure she belongs where she is.

edited 19th Sep '11 12:39:04 PM by jewelleddragon

Jewelleddragon: Thanks for taking a look at my character. To address some of your concerns, I will admit much of the world is indeed a version of what we experience here and now. I have a "The more things change the more they stay the same" theme going on. You're second concern about her being in the military (she's 17 by this point) despite her aversion to fighting, well, she is out of place, and she doesn't belong there, but it is her planet under attack, and all her friends have signed up (peer pressure is a wonderful thing aint it?). She was in a supporting role but battles can go crazy really fast and that's how she ended up in a firefight.

—

Merlo:

Character personality: He sounds like a crusty old man even though he's only 31. I find this highly amusing. I like how he is not constantly uptight all the time. Having just a single trait, and that trait being "I am cold and unfriendly" can get boring, you gave him more to work with. This allows you more to work with as well, since you don't have to be worried about writing yourself into a corner. I will say I find his crucial conflict between his darker urging and his Christian principles seems rather contrary to his "Ends Justifies the Means" philosophy that he already has when the story starts, as it implies he has already abandon the later.

Character backstory: I believe we discusses some of this this elsewhere. I like his buddy, Marcel. I guess he keeps him down to earth. I like how he seems to blame Mr. Peg Leg for the death of his parents. I found it odd that one of his annoyances listed is "Protestants" considering Texas is full of 'em, especially post-Civil War.

Setting appropriateness: A lone minister not really doing anything Church related is an odd thing on the frontier/Texas badlands. But he has his reasons, so I'm more interested in the magical side to things, but you scarcely mentioned that. >:( I'm guess he dabbles in magic of the Lousiana variety, voodoo and such, while encountering more mystical forces the local Indian tribes have to offer?

Role appropriateness: As a protagonist he has a hook factor, being an interesting guy with an interseting quest. Most of his goals and missions seemed rather mundane but earlier you said, "Oh, and if you've ever met a man about "yea height" with a lisp and a peg leg, Cawley would like a word with you." I get the feeling this is his more overall goal?

Trivia appropriateness: Kicking an addiction is hard, Cawley has more will to him them I woulda given him credit for.

-9/10-

edited 19th Sep '11 7:48:00 PM by Parable

"What a century this week has been." - Seung Min Kim

@Merlo:

Considering the answers I gave to your doubts about my character, what is your verdict?

"You cannot judge a system if your judgement is determined by the system."

@ Parable: Thanks for R&R, I 'preciate it. :)

Ah, my bad for not clarifying. The "ends justify the means" thing is something he's not entirely comfortable with, but he puts off thinking about it most of the time. It's hypocritical, but humans aren't perfect.

... did I write Protestants? Oops, should've been Anglicans.

Sorry, sorry D: I didn't want to get into magic systems too much here, maybe another time . "Up and down the Mississippi" was supposed to imply New Orleans, so yeah, you're pretty much spot on. Runes are Norse and sigils are old as heck, though. He uses those to fight demons/creatures from myths, skinwalkers, other "European"-style and hoodoo-style magic-users, etc. There will be Indian magic.

If by "overall" you mean constant, yes. To say more would be getting into plot. Another time, maybe.

Well, magic may or may not have factored into that :P

@ Teraus:

If she's not a protagonist then it's not that much of an issue. I'm imagining that one of her pissed off moments would be interesting to read.

Ah, gotcha. Sounds good to me.

It still bothers me a bit. Are there other Guides who bend/break the rules with good results? Do the other Guides punish her or rub it in her face or feel smug about themselves something when she's not right? Rules are generally in place for good reasons (or at least people respect them enough to follow them for a non-stupid reason). It seems to me that if she breaks the rules "often" and good things happen, then either the rules aren't working and need to be changed, or the rest of the Guide society should be divided towards her: some think she's a genius, some think she's strange but don't bother her because she gets the job done, and some think she's a dangerous maverick who's bound to get into trouble. Something like that.

edited 19th Sep '11 9:33:35 PM by Merlo

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am...

Also, if a fight between Guides is a "stream of ideas and concepts designed to destroy the mind of the opponent", how do they have fighting tournaments? It's hard to collect your winning when you're missing large chunks of your psyche.

edited 20th Sep '11 1:36:51 AM by TheMalignancy

hm..sorry if this isnt any good at parts, i havent tried this before. ive also never tried to describe a characters personality before, so sorry if that part in particular is nonsensical.

A) Overall Background:

• Genre: Suburban Fantasy/Sci-fi
• Setting: Alternate!Earth, Europe, primarily around France, Belgium or Germany.

B)Personal Detail:

• Name: The Contractor/Céleste(alias)
• Race: Human, kinda.
• Age: unknown, could be anywhere from millenia to mere centuries.
• Appearance: Tall, lanky, covered in small burns on his face and arms. Brown hair and blue eyes.
• Desired role in story: As the catalyst for the plot in most stories. protagonist in the final story, and the side story.

He's mainly just there to do his job, which inconveniences most other characters in the series. he has 2 jobs: the first and most important is to collect contracts, the other is to find and deal with Verdandi (the point of the sidestory), who is the Lore character of the series.

C) Relationship:

• Other relatives: Becomes an adoptive uncle to April (Erin's reincarnation)
• Friend and acquantance: The Observer, Verdandi, Eirienn/Erin, Rhys and Eli. Close friends, like brother and sister, mutual respect, drinking buddies and begrudging acceptance of each other, respectively.
• Love interest: 2 possible interests in both Verdandi and Erin, neither of which happen.
• Enemies both major and minor: Jeff, initally a major enemy, due to being a contract. a misunderstanding caused him to entire a contract to find his wife, only to find out Céleste and her having to do with each other. seeks revenge at first, but temporarily teams up with Céleste to get April out of the crossfire. Eli is also a major enemy, for various hard to explain reasons that spoil most of the plot. theres another group of 7, who are also major enemies, some of which are contracts.

D) Character Details:

• Character history: originally a normal human (albiet with pyrokenesis, but he never used it), when Verdandi entered into a contract with the eldritch abominations that govern the world, and began working with them, he joined her alongside The Observer. He took on the mantle of the one making the deals, with verdandi serving as the one giving power. initially he enjoyed his work with her, but after an unspecified amount of time, his Ripple-Effect-Proof Memory started to wear him down, and he began searching for ways to escape the contract. eventually, for reasons he doesnt understand, Verdandi herself attempted to leave the contract; by Retgon. it didn't work out exactly as she planned, and arguably made things worse. All current contractors were sent to the void regardless of wether they broke their rule or not, Céleste became emotionally crippled for a large time because of his incredibly confused memories, The Observer was so distracted by the contradictory memories he had of Verdandi, leading to his Cosmic Labotomy to make him focus on his job, and Verdandi herself still existed, but with no memory of her original life, her powers completely subconscious, making them more dangerous, and her mere existance a threat to the world. To keep the contract working*
  ^{the cosmic powers do not go back on contracts}
  , Céleste's job was altered. He now gave the power, alongside making the contract, and he was given additional powers to make this work.
• Skills and powers: He has minor Pyrokenesis, but rarely ever uses it, leading to disasterious results the few times he does use it. The burns are from those times. He has the additional power to turn a contract into a god-moder, the power to send them to the void for breaking their contract rules, and the power to talk to them without actually entering the void. However, neither of these powers is his own, and belong to the eldritch abominations Verdandi made the deal with. Finally, he can release people from the void, but in the end its not actually his decision. He has to work around a lot of things to finally get someone out, so its only happened 1 or 2 times since he started the job.
• Personality: Before he ever appears, when mentioned in the first 6 stories, he's portrayed as cold and methodical, and keen to use people as experiments. this turns out to not be true during the finale story, where he's very much just a regular deadbeat, reluctant to open up to anyone, with guilt issues that govern a lot of his actions. However, in the side story, which takes place a year before the final story, and he actually has to do his job, he does display a much more methodical side to his personality, and spends much of the story distancing himself from the people involved in the incident, in order to end the ordeal as soon as possible. however, due to the inital victory being phyrric (and eventually completely pointless), he starts to go out of his way to not just end the problem, but end it in the best way he possibly can.
• Goal, dream and motivation: he has 2 goals: to find Verdandi (for personal peace), and to protect April (out of respect for Erin)
• First appearance: his first actual appearance is him in the finale story, making a contract with Jeff. it initially paints him in an unfavourable light, as he's supposed to come across as smug, underhanded and manipulative. however this is more to do with the scene actually being Jeff, recalling the event, while bitter about his perceived manipulation.
• Last appearance: due to the story being unfinished (need to finish the previous 3 stories first) i havent actally decided. However, possible last appearances will be either a heroic sacrifice, or a happy ending.

E) Character Trivia:

• Céleste sort of has a rock paper scissors relationship going with Verdandi and the Cosmic Powers. that is the say: Céleste > Verdandi > Cosmic Powers > Céleste.
  • Due to their unique position in regards to the retgon, Both The Observer and Céleste are in a position to get rid of Verdandi, and thus stop the world from ending. however, The Observer is stopped from doing this by his Cosmic Labotomy, and Céleste seeks her not out of duty, but for personal peace, and thus has no interest in killing her.
• Entering into Verdandi's contract made him immortal (although he has no healing power so if crippled, he remains crippled for the rest of his life.)
  • Due to his immortality, he isnt part of the reincarnation cycle; because of this, he can see how the system works (through vague means i havent properly thought out yet)

edited 20th Sep '11 6:45:40 AM by Tarsen

EDIT: answering Tarsen's

@Merlo

Actually, the rules were created to guide the less experienced Guides, who could easily screw up if they got too focused in a few individuals, or interfered too much with the variables of a universe. The main interest is to optimize evolution, and if there is a good enough reason to break them, most Guides won't mind. However, most Guides who break them cause problems because they don't always see the long term implications of their actions. Experienced enough Guides can mostly avoid that. Also, she doesn't break the rules that often, and she doesn't break all the rules.

Think about something like this: traffic rules. Let's say you are an extremely skillful driver and need to get somewhere to save someone as quickly as possible. Are you going to stop at every red light when you know nobody will get hurt if you pass them at a specific moment? Are you going to respect every speed limit when you can easily avoid accidents? Something like that. The difference is that Guides are more interested in the long term results than the means, keep in mind that they are also responsible for the bad situations in a person's life (or, if not directly responsible, they at least allow them to happen). Merely "enforcing" a rule because it is a rule is not very wise, for them, unless it's a really crucial rule (the ones Eluxya doesn't break)...

The kind of trouble she got in when she made bad decisions? Some Guides actually tried to banish her a few times, but as no other guide could do her job done so well in the universes she worked at, they had to call her back. Those incidents happened when she was a much younger Guide, though, and she has clearly improved.

About the Guide society being divided towards her: pretty much. Though the third group you mentioned is a minority.

@The Malignancy

Ideas and illusions, actually. Of course, they are not going to the extent of actually destroying their opponent's mind in a competition, and there are always other Guides watching to avoid any trouble. Like I said, the battles are there to prepare them for events of extreme pain/fear/confusion, but those battles focus more on the "confusion" aspect because any damage done in that aspect can be repaired without much trouble.

In some serious fights, like the one between Eluxya an The Error, the enemy mind is so overwhelmed with information, with every sense being stretched to its limit, that the damage is pretty much permanent. In The Error's case, he actually had to start over as a young spirit and was so different from what he used to be that no Guide, including Eluxya, recognized him (until my third book...). No spirit can actually stop existing.

edited 20th Sep '11 7:35:15 AM by Teraus

"You cannot judge a system if your judgement is determined by the system."

@Tarsen

Personality Appropriateness: Seems fine. It makes sense for him to avoid opening up to most people considering his traumas. But what are his guilt issues? Is it an actual mistake he has done in the past or is it just part of his confused memories?

Character Backstory: No problem, I guess.

Role Appropriateness: If his guilt issues are related to the contracts he has given in the past, then it doesn't make sense that he is there mostly to do his job. If that's not the case, though, I guess there is no problem.

Trivia Appropriateness: Okay. It doesn't really seem that trivial, to be honest. How does that rock paper scissors relationship works? Céleste dominates Verdandi, who can control the Cosmic Powers which Céleste is weak to?

"You cannot judge a system if your judgement is determined by the system."

yeah. verdandi, post retgone, basically falls off the cosmic power's radar. they're aware she exists, but cant figure out where she is or what she's doing, but they are aware she's causing problems, and that she will be the end of them.

Céleste answers to the cosmic powers, and due to his ripple proof effect memories, he can actually track her down (and presumably harm her.) thats basically their relationship in a nutshell, really simplified.

i put it in the trivia section mainly because, as big as it might seem, due to the fact Verdandi is a lore character, and thus never actually shows up in person, it never really matters as far as the stories are concerned.

as for the guilt issues, its a bit of both. the confused memories contribute to it a lot more than actual mistakes. while not a mistake, the contract with eirienn in particular, haunts him, because he allowed her into the contract knowing full well that she was being manipulated, and actually had no desire for one. the contract with Jeff is an actual mistake, with it being started on a mutual misunderstanding, and no way to fix it. it gets worse by the halfway point in the final story, where Jeff, in order to help April (and by extension, Céleste) willingly breaks his contract rule and gets sent to the void, and Céleste is unable to negotiate a workaround to get him out, and in an unrelated story set a millenia later, Jeff is still in the void (albiet, fine with his fate)

also: i forgot one bit of trivia, this time one that is important to the story. (also fits in the motivation section) see, in order to force Céleste to keep doing his job, there is a side effect to not doing it.

essentially, if he doesnt do his job and earn contracts, he becomes a Cosmic Plaything. he gains more and more consistant bad luck, to the point of it becoming fatal. in the side story, this is his original motivation in trying to solve the situation as fast as possible, and the end result of him taking his time to engineer a happy ending for everyone is that by the time the final story takes place, he's nearing lethal levels of bad luck.

this is actually the reason the final story happens then, as opposed to any number of years later.

edited 20th Sep '11 7:48:50 AM by Tarsen

Oh, I see. Interesting.

"You cannot judge a system if your judgement is determined by the system."

I'll do another one of mine.

a) Overall background:

•Genre: Drama/Fantasy/Tragedy

•Setting: The Inuyasha universe - expanded. In short, Feudal Japan with lots and lots of demons, ghouls, and monstrosities (humans included).

b) Personal detail:

•Name: Inagi

•Race: Wolf demon

•Age: 23 (mentally, emotionally, physically - he has lived for close to 600 years). It should be noted that full-blooded demons age at a different rate than half-breeds.

•Appearance: He is tall, with tanned skin, a hard face, and grey eyes that show only suspicion and malice. He is muscular from days spent working outside and fighting. He wears a wolf pelt around his waist, and is largely bare-chested aside from a strip-like piece of metal armor. He has long claws and fangs, and proportional differences in his skeleton compared to a human. He generally has a stern expression.

•Desired role in story: Antagonist, villain, examination of Freudian Excuse and Complete Monster.

c) Relationship:

•Identity of and relationship with father: Name unknown. Relationship was harsh - his father was not a nice person. He was an alcoholic, and treated his wife and son badly. He was killed in a battle when Inagi was a tween (about 11). It impacted Inagi greatly, in a decidely negative way.

•Identity of and relationship with mother: Name unknown. Inagi's relationship with her was unpleasant. She didn't try to protect him from his father, and she took his treatment without speaking up, even to the Tribe's Alpha. For that, he disdained her and thought her weak and good only for serving the males. This view eventually extends to all women. She died in a different skirmish soon after his father did.

•Friends and acquaintance: He is oppositional and overbearing in nature, so people tend to stay away from him. He doesn't really have friends, due to this. His acquaintances are those who follow him, either agreeing with him or thinking that it is the safer path.

•Love interest: His former wife, Yuki. He did love her, and she used his position as Alpha (he won the position when he grew older) to enhance her own social status. He was oblivious to this, and she had numerous affairs (this is against their laws). Eventually, he caught her in bed with another man; her response to his angry question of why was, "because you could never satisfy me." He's enraged, and his love turns to hate. After this, he becomes cruel and demanding, very stringent with regards to their laws. He is, in short, no longer the leader he was, and he is eventually deposed (by necessity, he was running things into the ground) by Kouga.

•Enemies both major and minor: Kouga, who he feels unfairly usurped him and placed him in the absolute lowest possible social rank of the Pack; Akiko, who reminds him of his wife (in her selfish behavior) and who he has racial prejudice against.

d) Character details:

•Character history: He did not have a happy childhood; his father was an abusive alcoholic, his mother a battered wife who was too beaten down to protect her son. He suffered because of this, and it made him harsh and angry. Both of his parents died when he was about 11, leaving him alone. Another family took him in, but he wasn't paid the same amount of attention as their own children. When he's about 18, he challenges the sitting Alpha and wins. He is made the new Alpha, after a further series of tests. He falls in love with and marries Yuki, oblivious to her motives. She is unfaithful, and he eventually finds out. This causes his anger to emerge, and wreck his ability to lead. He is later challenged and defeated by Kouga, who takes his place. He is 23 by this point.

•Skills and abilities: He is good at listening and picking up small details, he has special skill with the spear and with hand-to-hand combat. He's also a good strategist and tactician, as well as at convincing others to follow him (through coercion, threats, or actually persuading them). He has the same basic abilities as Akiko.

•Personality: He is generally cruel and harsh. He is a stickler for the rules, but does not play by them. He holds himself above law and morality, and always looks to satisfy his desires, and damn the others. He is conniving, and percieves slights where there are none. He takes things out of proportion frequently, and plays favorites. He uses threats, violence, and blackmail to get what he wants. He also has a Madonna/Whore complex.

•Goal, dream and motivation: His current goal is to "revenge himself" on Kouga, and he will do anything to do that (including use Kouga's wife). His dream is unknown, and his motivations are pure self-interest, a sense of entitlement, and greed.

•First appearance:

A few of them snickered, made ugly comments that Akiko swore had the words “half-breed bitch” in them, a couple even made catcalls. She ignored them all, standing straighter, determined not to let them get to her.

One of them, an older male, tall and strong with messy, shoulder-length red-brown hair and cold grey eyes said loudly, “Hey, Kouga, the half-breed’s back! Come ‘n’ get ‘er! Or I will....!”

Several of the others hissed at him to shut up, one of them throwing something that hit him on the back of the head. They called him Inagi.

e) Character trivia:

• He is the go-to playmate for the Tribe's youngsters; it is part of being the lowest-ranked individual

• Despite his quick judgements, he can be very patient

• He is a sociopath

• His favorite color is red

• He drinks heavily when upset, often to complete inebriation

• His favorite food is beef

• He feels that only he has the right to judge others

• If he sees something shiny, he'll go after it

edited 20th Sep '11 9:08:02 AM by punkreader

Well, posting a character now. I tend to write pretty long, and I'm leaving most spoilers except the truly important ones unmarked. Feel free to ask anything you need for a better judging.

After this is done and I return from lunchtime and stuff, I'd like to give my rating of Tarsen's character, which I found interesting on a quick reading, or perhaps someone else.

---

Overall Background

• Genre: not sure; might be an Epic, but it diverts enough from one of its basic tenets that I'm asking around.

• Setting: a Pokemon verse setting in a floating chronology somewhat concurrent to the Generation I or Generation III games. Details follow.

Planet is pretty much Earth-like, although a bit larger. Politics-wise there are countries and small states, plus plenty of (intentionally) uninhabited lands. Intranational matters run on a mixture of Asskicking Equals Authority and social stealth mentorship.

Technology is of the Schizo variety focused on interoperation with Pokémon for education, medicine, military (infantry) and legal matters. Energy is pretty much free in terms of currency, and instead you work or fight for the privileges on which types or amounts of energy can you use in an undisputed manner.

Society-wise, humans are the most diverse and organized civilization, but they are clearly aware that they are not the only one cultureset around. For long distances, zeppelin, train and ship are the preferred means of travel. For short distances, one's own mons and, where available, biking (which, as a nod to the games, are suspiciously superexpensive) or jetpacking for the more experienced-craziest people around.

Human-like Pokemon, be it in physical appearance or mental capacity (advanced Psychic types, for example) can opt in for some limited social roles when living among humans. On the contrary, Pokémon with too prominent wild attributes and behaviour are shunned even when under tutelage of a Trainer. This leads to some forms of Fantastic Racism between or inside Pokémon species.

Personal Detail

• Name: Thom Eisenhorth.
• Age: 13 to 16, undecided yet.
• Appearance: Well.. I suck at this but let's say.... human, pale-skinned, slightly short for his age, with a wide ("flared"?) nose and green eyes. Azure hair, to avoid the word "blue" as all his siblings. As most trainers his age, good muscular build in his legs and back. Tends to dress lightly and prefering orange or red colours.
• Desired Role in the Story: one of the three lead characters, representing the struggle to build up one's own identity, separated from that of the family, as one grows up. He is the youngest son of a family of three siblings.

Relationship:

• Father unnamed in the story (blame the recurrence of Adults Are Useless in Pokémon, yeah...). Thom's relationship with him is better than his brothers's and they spend some time together, but it is not explored beyond that. Father's not given Thom "The Talk" yet.
• Mother' is also unnamed in the story. Works as an engineer in the region's capital and not much is seen or heard of her. She used to maintain a closer relationship to her children before Jovi, the second, died.
• Siblings were two: Ravir the eldest son, and a Trainer of very high capabilities, and Jovi, who died a year previous to the story after a fulminating sickness. Thom tends to see Ravir as his personal Always Someone Better due to the age difference scaling on their abilities as Trainers and the fact that Thom is still dependent on his parents for much of his training and travelling around, whereas Ravir has earned full independence.

• Team:

Figured it would be good to put this one here, since it's deeper than "friends and acquaintances". Starter was a male Totodile, now a Croconaw by the time the story begins. Other team members at the start of the story are Rufflet and Mawile, and an early catch is a Nincada. Thom tends to go on with a small, simple team of up to 5 members, and tries to build up a personal relationship with his Pokémon beyond merely battling by trying to discover what things do they like and spending time with them while they enjoy their activities. To his surprise, for example, he will discover that his Nincada likes business reports on TV, even if it can't understand them, so they'll watch them together when they can. Follows a continued-but-soft training regime, so his Pokémon are always busy doing something.

Mawile is Thom's "walk-along" (ie.: á-la-Heart Gold / Soul Silver). Croconaw fits the role too when not in crowded places or inside buildings, as Totodile have a sort of bad rap and are mostly seen as vicious creatures even while in training in this setting.

• Friends and Acquaitances:

Thom is somewhere between "acquaintances" and "friends" with the other two lead characters of the story, girl trainers Matja and Adanei. He follows news of Adanei's feats closely, she being his weakness in the Elemental Rock-Paper-Scissors of starters and the such. They also tend to call each other for adventure team-together or when in danger, as the three trainers have proven effective in the past when working together.

Thom also has some friends at school, who are going on their own Trainer Leaves, but keeps little communication with them. He tries to get closer to Jovi's school friends too (the two were about the same age).

A relatively important acquaintance and personal role model early on is a Pokémon Ranger of name Denos, who is stationing at a nearby island to help introduce Pokémon from other regions to the country's experimentation habitats. Thom sees Denos as an approachable and trustworthy person who is willing to teach him the mysteries of the world and can walk among Pokémon and understand them in a manner Thom can only envy in the beginning.

• Love Interest: None. I mean, he's kinda young.

• Major Enemies: Later in the story, Thom joins forces with other Trainers to declare a sort of war against two separate group, one of pinchers and the other of scientists, who are battling for control of the eastern side of the country. He sees the leaders of those factions as the anti-image of the kind of person Denos and Ravir have been, and despises them for using the illnesses of Pokémon to their advantage, of which Thom suffers personally.

In a more philosophical sense, he feels restrained by the memory his family and friends still hold of his brother Jovi, and feels other people are pressuring him to take Jovi's place.

• Minor Enemies: Gym Leaders, who go beyond mere Punch-Clock Villains in this story, and a wild Ninetales bent on making his life a hell during the middle part of the story.

There's also a sort of unilateral rivalry going on between Thom and Adanei's older brother, a Weak, but Skilled trainer. Thom believes, due to sibling comparisons being so prominent in his life, that by defeating Adanei's brother he can also prove himself superior to her, and thus insistently chases him when he has the chance.

Character Details:

• History:

Thom is the youngest of three siblings who for the most part grew together. However, the age difference between the first, Ravir (20), and the other two (14 and 12) eventually separated them. Thom started his Trainer's Leave with some other kids from his school and has done relatively well ever since. However, before one year, his brother Jovi died, an event which followed by a national event shortly after prompted the family to reunite and seclude.

Thom resumed his journey sometime after, with the intent of clearing his mind, learning more things about the world to "grow out" of his family, and find out why his brother is even more isolated from the family than Thom himself is trying to be. He meets again two Trainers who are resuming their leaves too and the three of them depart separate or together in different adventures. This is the point where the story proper begins.

At some point early in the story, Thom starts looking for jobs trying to familiarize himself with the marketplace for young adults, and ends up pursuing several small-time jobs as guard or escort while he travels between Gyms. He also makes the mistake of trying to battle and capture a Ninetales at some point. While the Pokémon flees, this prompts his mate to come in and cast a curse on Thom's lead, Croconaw, that somehow disables all of his Water-type attacks, rendering him useless for long-range combat and constraining his abilities.

• Skills and Abilities:

Thom is your average human, with physical, analytic and emphatic abilities pretty much normal for his culture and age. He has not acquired a particular hobby or skill that he shows special dedication yet, although he grows fond of traversing the countryside by himself during the story and takes somewhat dangerous trails and courses without facing strong perils himself.

A shared family trait is that he and his brothers have (had) a better than average sensitive memory for tastes and smells, and because of that they are compared to Zigzagoon and Linoone by their classmates sometimes, but I have not brought that into the story yet.

• Personality:

Thom is a person for whom things like motives and intentions are black and white — you either intend to do good or evil, for what he can understand of them. Or you can just be a lazy do-nothing, the "lowest form of life". He likes to be at the center of where the action is, and tries to hide his fear or distrust when he is busy or interested in some action. He also strongly dislikes being offered help, and instead prefers to admit his limitations and seek for help himself. He also dislikes somewhat being offered gifts. While he is still young to understand much of the basis and procedures behind hierarchy and authority, he is essentially happy to support the "nice guy on top" in the meantime.

• Drives and Motivations:

What motivates Thom to look forwards and try new things every day is the idea-realization-fear that, ever since his brother has died, he might become a sort of substitute for him in other people's eyes, including his own family. He looks forwards learning to do something unique that can mark him as his own person rather than part of the family's name and lineage. This fear is enhanced when eldest brother Ravir earns the title of Champion, which Thom feels will make him a substitute for both of his brothers in other people's eyes.

Before this motivation, he simply tried new things because it was fun to spend time with his father this way (trying new sports, clothes, etc).

Thom does not see Ravir's successes as examples that he should follow, although he realizes people around him will expect him to follow on his brother's steps.

• First Appearance:

In the story's second chapter, when Thom tries to locate his brother Ravir and challenge him to a last battle Just for Fun before Ravir is publicly announced Champion of the National League and thus more constrains are placed on his official battles. This also marks the moment he meets again Matja and Adanei.

• Last Appearance:

Doing some action of his own, separated from his friends during the outcome of the final battles. Pretty nasty things happening around, until a point where he is almost dead and has yet to face entire hordes of Pokémon alone. Don't worry, he earns his happy ending.

Character Trivia

Not much I can think of as Trivia, although I know he was born sometime late November. Also, him and his brother having similarly coloured and styled hair despite the age difference but being different in most other traits (Ravir is 21, Jovi would be 15 if alive, Thom is ~13) is sort of a running gag inside the story.

Meta-Trivia: Thom and his Croconaw are the characters for which a weird character development thing is happening. They are provided with harder and more mysterious tests each time, and each time there are worse things happening to them and torturing them. Every time my mind thinks of a new bad scenario for the work, it automatically tries to apply on them first. In my own mentality, Thom has become a sort of Cosmic Chew Toy, which is one of the reasons I usually ask advice to develop him so I don't go overboard.

Fanfic Recs orwellianretcon'd: cutlocked for committee or for Google?

• a) Overall background:
  • Genre: A psychological mystery desert-island story, told in first-person as a memoir.
  • Setting: A desert island following a plane crash, the characters being members of a youth club and mostly neighbours. The island is revealed about 1/3 through the story to be inhabited by a group of children and adolescents whose parents were similarly stranded. This group (led by the authoritative Joshua) killed the adults several years prior to ensure never having to leave the island.
• b) Personal detail:
  • Name: Andrea Moore
  • Race: White (Irish)
  • Age: 15
  • Appearance: Quite attractive, though considered at best the second most attractive girl in the cast. Somewhat tall, very athletic (runner's body, as in slender, lithe, firm but understated muscularity, etc.). Described as having a "fawn-like" face, being heart-shaped, narrow, with round eyes and a small mouth. Gives an impression of youth and perhaps innocence in her face, but the eyes (brown) display high intelligence, perception, keenness, perhaps aggression. Her hair is more than shoulder length and described as dark brown, "near-black".
  • Desired role in story: Love interest of the protagonist/narrator. Also espouses order and rule of law. Her struggle (and ultimate failure) to deal with the chaos of the world (exterior) can be seen as a mirror/foil of the protagonist's overarching conflict with guilt and self-loathing (interior).
• c) Relationship:
  • Identity of and relationship with father: Hoo, boy. She was brought up in a rather strict household which taught her to obey her parents and their rules. However when Andrea was 10 or so, her father briefly (two/three months at most) lapsed into alcoholism. This didn't result in violence but made her home life (previously safe and regular under the wing of her parents' authority) extremely chaotic — frequent arguments, being left home alone, no one picking her up from school for hours, etc. As a result, both Andrea's faith in her father as a protective male authority figure and her personal sense of security were destroyed, which had a greater impact on her worldview than on her relationship with him. They are somewhat distant with each other, since she unconsciously sees him as a failure as her father and harbours a secret animosity towards him. He in turn sees that his daughter has little/no love for him and so retreats from having a close relationship with her.
  • Identity of and relationship with mother: Andrea is closer with her mother but again shies away from an openly affectionate relationship. She unconsciously holds her mother as also guilty in her sense of security being broken as a child. She seeks no intimacy from her.
  • Friends and acquaintance: She's the type of person who makes a few very close friendships and is described as caring very deeply about anyone she cares about at all. When she feels secure in a relationship and has either equality with them or a fair amount of power/control, she can be a very intimate friend and confidante.
  • Love interest: About halfway through the story, the protagonist/narrator (Darren) rescues her from Joshua's camp, where she and several others were being held captive for information about their group. In rescuing her from being utterly vulnerable and powerless with Joshua's people, Darren (perhaps deliberately, he's never quite sure) fills the void of a protective father figure which her own father left vacant years ago. As the story progresses she becomes more dependent on Darren (she always prides herself on being very independent) and begins losing her personal strength to him.
  • Enemies both major and minor: She is extremely frightened of Joshua, the surprisingly Reasonable Authority Figure who ordered her and several others kidnapped. The kidnapping itself once again destroyed the fragile sense of safety she had on the island and the whole ordeal of being held captive basically manifested her worst fears of helplessness against the chaotic world. Joshua comes to represent all these things.
• d) Character details:
  • Character history: described above (sorry about that). She had always been a mature, intelligent and self-controlled child. After her father's brief bout of alcoholism, Andrea's parents' authority was shown to be hollow and meaningless and her sense of security under them was broken. Instead she taught herself how to feel secure and guarded on her own, in a world she perceived as chaotic and threatening. This manifested in simple ways — she kept herself neat and organised, kept a routine in her daily life, used her friends as a moral support. She learned to live her life in a small sphere of orderliness in which she had a relative amount of control, with little chance of any great upset (chaos getting through her defenses) like the one she had been through as a child.

On the island in the story, despite the trauma of the plane crash itself, she does essentially the same thing to accommodate for her usual defences having collapsed. She builds her own tent and makes it into a home for herself to give a sense of place and being grounded, she helps the camp organise itself to replace the society they're cut off from, and so on.

• Skills and abilities: She is intelligent and very rational, believing in clear logical solutions to problems that arise. She is also a good mediator, objectivity coming easily to her, but often lacks compassion and the ability to see a conflict as more than two clashing opinions. She is a good planner an organiser but reacts badly to the unexpected, having to pass the job over to someone else who can deal with that. Several characters go to her for advice or at least respect her opinions.
• Personality: Andrea's personality can fluctuate quite a bit depending on the circumstances she finds herself in (woops, ended on a preposition). When she feels at ease, she is carefree, lighthearted and enjoyable to be with, a dynamic person. The badness in the world is being kept at bay and she feels damn good about it, as if there's now nothing she can't deal with. This gives people the impression that Andrea is a very strong and independent person, when really she just has very strong walls to feel safe and powerful behind. She almost never lets herself actually depend on anyone else or be vulnerable with them, as the collapse of the security as a child taught her that others (especially men) will only ever let her down and leave her feeling worse.

As mentioned above she can also be quite intimate and emotionally open with people. On the one occasion where she lets herself be vulnerable with someone else (her relationship with Darren) rather than on an equal standing, she even becomes quite physically affectionate and shares her deepest feelings, fears and thoughts. However, when things are going badly or are just unpredictable, she can easily feel stressed, overwhelmed and helpless. She has a tendency to give up when she feels she's reached her limit. She can also become stubborn and easily frustrated and impatient. What annoys her most at these times are people — confused, confusing, frustrating, dirty, flawed, irrational people. She tends to become short with those around her, as if blaming them for her feeling powerless. However if she finds someone she can use (she seems to use people a lot) as a safety net, who can rescue her if needs be, she frees herself of the pressure and appears strong once more. This is a role most of her friends fill.

An important part of her character is that Andrea has a strong sense of morality, with shades of absolutism. She believes that certain things are inherently right, and others are wrong. This is again Andrea imposing order on a threatening world — putting her experiences, actions and decision in terms of black and white morality forces the randomness of life into categories and allows her to make sense of it all. Being a moral person (she's distinctly described as moral rather than ethical, since what she's after isn't really the common good of mankind but simply wanting life to have rules she can follow) means others go to her for advice but often leads her into conflict — she strongly opposes the camp leader (Emma)'s decision to hide evidence of other people on the island from the rest of the camp, seeing it as identical to lying, despite it being the utilitarian thing to do. Similarly she is deeply disturbed by Joshua's (and eventually Darren's) amorality. When she discovers Darren's murder of Joshua, she finds it unforgivable and hates him for it.

• Goal, dream and motivation: If anything, peace and quiet. She wants to enjoy her life and live it on her own terms, with as few upsets and catastrophes as possible. On the island, she specifically wants to reestablish her various defences which the trauma of the crash destroyed, i.e., setting up her "home" on the beach, forming a new routine, etc. This leads into her dependent relationship with Darren.
• First appearance: Darren first sees her after the crash huddled in a circle of friends, slightly closer to the centre, partially forming a wall of people around herself to fend off the trauma of the crash.
• Last appearance: She and Darren briefly meet in the present day and it's clear she still hates him, but also implied that her feelings for him never quite went away. She's an angry person, dissatisfied with a life that hinged on not needing other people and yearning for order rather than accepting that she's merely afraid of the world and her own weaknesses.

• e) Character trivia:

Not a whole lot that I can think of. She's not terribly fond of animals, particularly cows or horses which people have to work with, since they have minds of their own and can be unpredictable and frustrating. She loves physical contact sports like football and hurling, since they're a sort of controlled chaos that let her loosen up, indulge in what she's uncomfortable with. She could also be seen as a deconstruction of the "civilisation vs. wilderness" themes (basically order vs. chaos repackaged) that often show up in Robbing the Crusoe stories, since her story arc shows that chaos is an inescapable fact of humanity, and any civilisation or imposition of order is somewhat unnatural and is only a temporary artificial construct.

edited 20th Sep '11 5:16:15 PM by everyfloatingcat

Ho, talk save us!

Rating the person above you? What's THAT?

Read my stories!

But those above me had already been rated. I'm not so sure about the two below me...

@Thom:

• Character personality: Well, the Pokemon games never really give you much other than Black And White Morality outside of the Team Magma/Aqua thing in Gen3. I can see why a child that young would be that naive. At the same time, I find the thing about not liking being offered help a bit... off, I guess. Most 13-year-olds aren't really mature/wise enough to admit their own limitations as easily as you make it seem. And if he is, he should probably be past the "everything is either good or evil" stage.
• Character backstory: It fits as good as any Pokemon character's should.
• Setting appropriateness: Same as above.
• Role appropriateness: Like I said, if this is a Grimdarkish take on the Poke-World, I could see a lot happening with (and to) Thom. But is Thom interesting in and of himself? I'd say he's alright.

9/10

edited 20th Sep '11 7:02:24 PM by SalFishFin