Pending A New Cyberpunk Series, Need Test Audience

Okay, before I go out on a limb here, I'm working on a Cyberpunk story 20 Minutes into the Future, focusing on the implications of Organic Technology. Starts off fairly hard on the Mohs Scale Of Science Fiction Hardness (as an undiscovered symbiote leads to humans weaponizing cancer), and may get softer due to getting more meta as it goes (dealing with Sci-Fi God does that). I've already condensed an 8-page universe bible on this so far, going into characters, setting, and all possible arcs, with the first arc is at least up to 18 episodes. For a taste of what's to come, this was inspired by the Capcom classics such as Mega Man X / Mega Man Zero, Resident Evil, and Strider; throw in some deconstruction in the style of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Also deconstructs what kind of Despair Event Horizon a Cloud Cuckoo Lander would need to become a physics-based, Lovecraftian superpower.

If anyone is interested, respond here. I'll PM you, then we'll go from there.

edited 6th Sep '11 9:45:46 AM by MadManX

Can we get a summary completely independent of trope names and titles of other works?

(Hope people got enough sense not to steal my baby... >.> )

Catalyst: The Melting Pot Experiments

The world we now see began at 2012, after the discovery of the Paragon symbiote, shortened to Paragyte. By this new method of introducing preprogrammed retroviruses to subtly rewrite current genetic material, scientists cheered at this new prospect of revolutionizing the field of medicine of the cure to cancer, with the discovery courtesy of Aegis Inc. Once a practically unknown oil stockholding company founded in 1977, this new breakthrough has put them on the top of the world as laboratory firms leaped into their lap to discover the wonderful implications of this new find…

That is, until the Breemans showed up.

Beginning in December of 2020, news reports picked up rumors of cancer patients, who underwent the symbiote transplant, vanishing from the hospital the next day. Stranger still, crime rates and murders are on the rise due to the stress of burgeoning populations. Murders have become increasingly gruesome, as victims have been reported of bite marks that could only be found in nature, as well as humans who have had their skin flayed off. Eventually, these murders were associated with the increase of trans humanists, humanoids with animal-like characteristics, in the population. Although they prefer to be called Symbiotic humans, their increased sexual drive has lead to the nickname “Breemans”. With the current war on terror at an all-time high, Breemans were outlawed and were ordered back to Aegis Inc. for rehabilitation. These were the last sparks before Breemans lead a civil revolt, and thus, were banished to the outlands and reservations, unfit for civilian life.

Despite this, Aegis Inc. has still risen up so far up the ladder that it was the No. 1 company for R&D in military technologies. Since it managed to become globally popular stock across the world, every country and their mother bought shares to have their own say in this revolutionary technology. And now thanks to this new One World Order (Ow O, as referred to fellow image boards); a new cold world war was ready to ignite. In other words, Aegis Inc. has conquered the world.

However, the world is not lost to this whirlwind of an ion storm – the veterans are not pleased to these new developments. Finally becoming vocal of their new kinsman, a rebel activist group named SPTN (spar-tan) was officially formed to counteract this measure at fall of 2035. Due to the measures they themselves have to take, the public doesn’t know whether to consider them friend or foe.

The year is now 2049. The cesspool is getting stale.

Enter Matthias Wyvern, an intelligent youth with borderline personality disorder, fresh out of high school. Having his father killed in a Breeman/SPTN skirmish in front of him, he now resides at his other relatives trying to "get a job", covering up his new addiction to Vigilante stunts such as beating down gangs in the black market...and sucking at it. Eventually, the cops get wind, and chase him down. Only by sheer luck is he saved by a man in a trench coat. In exchange for cover, the man gives him a syringe with a distinct color and says, "If you desire to let out the beast within, come meet me here by tomorrow evening, and I shall take you under my wing." And so, the plot thickens...

edited 6th Sep '11 12:03:40 PM by MadManX

I'd be willing. I am, I warn you, in reading intensive university courses, and engaged in other writing (the Shounen project, Na No Wri Mo in November). Despite that, I will read and make comments, I'm very good at that, if you don't mind the possibility of semi-long waits.

Thanks. I'll drop off the Bible on megaupload with your PM. Although the setting and science is comprehensible, the characters need...work. Although I have enough characteristics to separate them from the pack, some of them were...influenced if you look hard enough. And I apologize the arc outlines are in Tropese, it's hard to describe them without the shorthand.

In the meanwhile, I'll get to writing the prologue. Hopefully my writing style will say how far this will go.

Feel free, I very much enjoy world building.

I'm also interested. I'm a big fan of cyberpunk, especially postcyberpunk along the lines of Ghost In The Shell or Snow Crash, as well as stories involving the Singularity such as Accelerando. I'd like to help in whatever way I can.

edited 7th Sep '11 3:59:17 AM by RiotousRascal

PM given out to Rascal.

Now, in terms of characters, this seems to be the dealbreaker of the bunch. Since this is my first time writing something with continuity and original, writing Loads And Loads Of Characters is a big deal since my perspective is...limited. Specifically, for the first arc, the main protagonist is going to be the Spotlight-Stealing Squad most of the time, even though I go the other direction of pro sci-fi advice and use some of my characteristics to provide depth to what he says. Hopefully, the extreme of Contemplate Our Navels will make up for this, along with his PTSD and Death Seeker tendencies. And if anybody has noticed my writing tendencies, Mary Suetopia will be greatly exaggerated.

Oy vey, I could go on forever about the implications of this...hopefully someone will know what I'm talking about. @.@

Edit: Oh, fuck. I think I made a major booboo and mixed Cyberpunk with Heroic Fantasy - not just playing with it, embracing it. And That's Terrible. Methinks this requires a major Retool, and...I've got Creative Sterility.

edited 7th Sep '11 10:02:41 PM by MadManX

Hey, what's wrong with mixing genres? I think a Heroic Fantasy/Cyberpunk story could work very well.

Anyway, my comments:

• Paragyte. This is just a personal nitpick on my part - the whole background to how they work, Delta and Sigma versions, etc. is very well thought out. It's just that the name - Paragyte - sounds really stupid. Seriously, try saying it ten times fast. Just give it a new name, and you'll be mustard.

• Othello Zazalamel is a ridiculously awesome name. How on earth did you come up with it? (I tend to have great difficulty in naming my characters.)

• Gilgamesh...a continuous bloodline, going back that far, including Alexander the Great as well? Trouble with a lot of these mythical (or historical) dictators is that they really got around. By this point, probably around half the planet is a descendant of the historical Gilgamesh.

No, heroic fantasy in a Cyberpunk setting isn't a bad idea. Having an Author Avatar is, since I'm too new at this to go for generic Space Opera hero. Although I may have experience what PTSD may be like from my experiences as a child, if I open the bottle too much I'm gonna lose my audience because of my personal Wangst. Meh, I still have a way to off him, but sitting through one arc of his Inner Monologue and we've got the likes of Shinji and Fei Fong Wong when my hero's not wearing a a really bad mask.

Anyways, enough about my woes. Now 'bout those issues...

• Managed to come up with a better shorthand name: krankheit (disease in German). Brings up images of Overcrank (adrenaline), Overclock (Red Ring Of Death), and Farenheit (energy requirement). Now I need to decide whether to keep Paragon symbiote in there...

• Othello Zazalamel was a just a really lucky guess. ^^ Just thought up Othello from Shakespeare, Zazalamel from Soul Calibur, and the personality of Lex Luthor. Mix that in as a foil to Matthias and he's golden.

• As for that little schtick, let's put the tin foil hats on: life started out as dreamlike representations of God's personality after his death created the solar system. Once culture started to flourish, God subconsciously created his own Superhero as Gilgamesh. Unfortunately, he's a dick and Really Gets Around (and being his great nephew only allows you to handle the Sigma krankheit and being an heir passes of genetic memory of him). So, disappointed, God kept throwing temper tantrums at his mess, while more of these guys are created around the world, until Jesus came up from nowhere. Seeing Jesus' teachings from nothing decided him to wisen up and stop making his Jungian people go crazy. Unfortunately, Gilgamesh's heirs don't have it so lucky, since they're bona fide Jerk Sue, the universe eventually makes them the Cosmic Plaything. So, yeah, probably not gonna make it into the final script. But it would be cool if the Masamune was actually made of the Sigma krankheit and steal iron from blood to repair itself, explaining the Blood Knight myth.

Thanks for pointing those out, I appreciate it.

Okay, I'm a little more comfortable with releasing info about this, and since I'm up to my third draft (with new character names, a new story arc, and a race outline), it's time to update. So, what would people like to see first? The ongoing character list (up to 12 characters), the arc layout (up to 6 total), races?

Or, y'know, locking this thread and letting it die so I'm forced to write this. Any of it's cool with me.

Some idea as to the medium you're writing in might be nice. After that, arc layout.

edited 13th Sep '11 6:28:42 PM by KyleJacobs

There's so many ways I could interpret this as a medium. If I can have it my way, this would be a game. But, moving aside the fact I have no internal desire for programming myself (even though I told my dad I'd go into software engineering to shut him up), there's plan B)webcomic with acting. And unless I can get over myself and my art skills/get someone else to do it, scratch that. Plan C) Radioplay. I have connections with amateur Voice Actor sites, and I have written scripts before with decent direction, so this is the more likely route. If all goes to bust, plan D) post the write on Deviant Art.

tl;dr Radioplay

So, that said, here's the general outline.

Arcs (Likelihood rated 1-5/5)

• The Melting Pot Experiment: (5/5) See episode guide.
• Underworld: (3/5) After the revelations of the Singularity, much ado is drawn over the new orbital elevator, that appeared to spring from nowhere from the Aegean Sea. (This is actually the product of Atlantis, using the Krankheit as a rudimentary nanomachine and producer of unobtanium.) As the government goes deeper into the ancient conspiracy, products of this era, the changelings, appear from their disguises to keep the big lie intact. All stops are pulled from the changeling gangs, corporate businesses…even the UN itself.
• The Space Race: (4/5) Due to Metempsychosis, a new race has been born from the insanely huge biomass – the Uma (their attempt to say “human”). Adopted into society, their status as biotic technology (the reason why Humongous Mecha could be possible) puts them in the “slave” caste. One of these, an albino Uma (a reincarnated Jane Dou) is born with disturbingly graphic memories. She tries to escape the sculpting facility, setting free any Umae she meets. Meanwhile, Matthias, now in college, has…shenanigans with the U.S. government in exchange for education, now being used as a peacekeeper between all nations and races.
• M.I.N.D.: (4/5) As a result of modern research, the first computer with the ability to philosophize/think for itself is born, due to an algorithm that can feel how sensors work. Becomes the central network hub for all technology synced with internet/Wi-Fi, and leads to the construction of true robotic drones to compete with the Uma. It all goes to pot once the main hub is captured and brainwashed by the company who now owns the Umae, though.
• War from the AUC: (3/5) A completely alien, monsterlike species pays Earth a visit from space, and engage Earth in an Alien War. (Turns out the species were the Uma from another timeline where Matthias is used as the ultimate renewable power source. The Uma go mad from his pain, and eventually conquer space so well they figured out the key to Alternate Dimension travel. Oh boy, you’ve should’ve seen the Alien neighbors they decimated so they could get to Earth…)
• Hierarchy of the Heavens: (2/5) Pretentious shit happens. (God committed suicide creating our solar system, and now his “mother”, Mother Nature – Idola - , visits the solar system to cause the end of days. Resolution? Matthias gets sucked into a black hole to become an energy being, plays politics with Alien deities [non-Judaic gods], and faces off against Idola in a supernova of epic proportions. How does he win? Using Earth as one big Random Number Generator to predict Idola’s moves in metaspace.)

• Episode Guide – The Melting Pot Experiment
• 1. A member of the SPTN (?) stops by Chicago to make a special delivery via plane during the opening. He’s pulled over by Sam Slough, a rookie Aegis guard, and questioned. Using discreet espionage tactics, the agent makes short work of him. After so, for something completely different, we go into the main protagonist’s life before shenanigans – going to the zoo with his dad and little sister, as babysitter. Unfortunately, the Breemans and SPTN plan to raid Aegis Labs – Chicago underneath the zoo…at the same time. Skirmish ensues. Matthias escorts his sister away from the epicenter, then returns for his father, last seen heading for the bathroom. He’s found dead in the square, with the SPTN agent seen earlier. Matthias snaps and goes into adrenaline mode, putting up a decent fight with the agent. Unfortunately, the agent (?) takes off the gloves and knocks Matthias out. Aegis Inc. places a cover-up story on the incident.
• 2. Matthias makes it back home to the outskirts of Aegis control, a once peaceful suburban area ruined by gangs and Breemans, for one last sleepover with his little sister. Unfortunately, this is ruined by a gang burglary. Matthias, starting to suffer PTSD, shows them why he didn’t have any friends in high school. After the night, Carrie’s mother picks her up and quickly establishes a restraining order against Matthias.
• 3. Matthias loses the house after his inheritance croaks, and so his aunt and uncle invite him to stay for the time being. While Matthias is out in the city each day, “getting a job”, he exercises Black and White Insanity by beating the snot out of any gang making a moral booboo. Unfortunately, this backfires, as he’s seen coming back beaten and bruised night by night. One day, Matthias’s arrogance gets the better of him as he attracts the local cops. Enter Othello, who, disguised as a drug dealer, offers cover from the cops in exchange for giving a “sample”, and asks for him to come back when he wants more. Matthias eventually tries the drug out…when his aunt and uncle hire a therapist to talk to Matthias in their house. Therapist immediately backs out for backup, Aunt and Uncle are infuriated, and Matthias eventually sneaks out the same night, belongings in tow.
• 4. Othello shows his true intentions by explaining his first task: destroy all research in Aegis Labs – Chicago, in exchange for Othello not engaging instant death via nanomachines/sleeper disease. In the meanwhile, Othello trains him for combat, practicing Krav Maga and parkour in preparation for the raid. Once ready, Matthias raids the labs and acquires his first gadget – the biosuit. Othello manages to do the paperwork required to pin the fault of lax security, and Matthias escapes bruised and beaten. Othello then requests Matthias to head for the Pacific Ocean and destroy all labs on the way there. To complete his task, Othello is replaced by a personal agent who can establish any contact required.
• 5. Insert Filler Here. New characters – Jane Dou, Fredrick van Wutanfall.
• 6. Matthias makes it to California. He deals with the R.O.C. Squad for the first time.
• 7. Insert Filler Here.
• 8. (Bottle Episode) Matthias hops on a rogue train service to cut down walking distance. He meets an eccentric genius/hunter on board to keep the Breemans off while in Breeman territory. Hijacking ensues by the Breemans, where it’s up to Matthias to save the day. The first step of insane power begins, and in the end, Matthias is kicked off the train with scorn from the passengers.
• 9. Insert Filler Here.
• 10. Matthias makes it to Japan, which by this point is under so much cultural dissonance that it’s falling apart. Literally, as a villain splits the tectonic plates in the name of separate utopias. And it will be gloriously epic.
• 11. Insert Filler Here.
• 12. Matthias makes it to Russia, and stops a local serial killer/monster in a village in the mountains. He finds out this was previous prototype of integrating the Sigma Krankheit, introduced to tweens due to needing excessive hormones to give more power to the host. The “monster” is then given a mercy kill.
• 13. Matthias starts establishing a reputation as a hero to SPTN. The Russian Branch decides to cooperate with him to take down the next lab. The situation gets so out of hand, that Matthias has his first episode of spontaneously mutating. Jane Dou tries to calm/cool him down, with lukewarm results. The local government starts to question on what to do. The solution? Nuke ‘em, it’s the only way to be sure. Matthias survives by being stuffed inside a bomb shelter by Jane Dou. You can say she was “stuffed out the fridge” (ILP).
• 14. (Bottle/Recap Episode, Contemplating Navels Abound) Matthias explores the ruins of neo-Chernobyl, shocking the Id to the very core. By the end, the Superego assumes responsibility as the dominant persona.
• 15. Insert Filler Here.
• 16. Matthias finally makes it to Italy, headquarters of Aegis Inc. His plan to infiltrate goes sour FAST, as Fredrick is waiting just for him. During their “battle”, Fredrick spills the beans about how Othello’s coup d'état was a gambit on his part – the success of Matthias is just a bonus, and he explains how Matthias is the first “Person of Mass Destruction”. Using mind games, as well as disguising Krankheit spore bombs at the places Matthias has been for media backlash, the Superego breaks down in a fit of panic…leaving only the Ego (normal self) and Id Est. left.
• 17. (Recap Episode, Contemplating Navels Abound, Mook Horror Show optional) Matthias runs off to the countryside to take this all in, now a refugee in the biggest manhunt on Earth. Split personality is now more apparent, as Matthias frequently has fits of self-harm.
• 18. Matthias eventually stumbles into a city with an airport. He tries to get to the airport, separated by a raised bridge, by accelerating to 88 mph via motorcycle. Unfortunately, he ends up in the drink. While passed out, Id Est. takes over and, after a losing battle of sanity, begins spontaneous mutating and absorbing biomass in the ocean. Metempsychosis begins.
• 19. Matthias reappears in Kaiju form, heading towards the Aegean Sea. Everyone pulls out all the stops to kill the beast before Instrumentality happens.
• a. The Kaiju, from “genetic memory”, goes to where the ancient orbital elevator resides (Atlantis) and pulls it out. It then decides to climb up it.
• 20. The R.O.C. Squad and Matthias’s gang pulls an operation to disable the giant, and then head inside to the heart cavity. Turns out “Ego Matthias” is in a organic chamber as the “brain” in a constant nightmare, while Id Est. inhabits the body being the puppeteer. Once Id Est. is (boss battles, W007!) defeated, the group finds Matthias as…a gray-like humanoid. And it wants to give people hugs! Too bad one of the members is so creeped out; he socks the Gray’s lights out. They escape from the mess, as it begins shapeshifting…thanks to Fredrick.
• a. Alternatively, the member kills him, if the fanbase is displeased with The Scrappy. Either way, he now is influential to the plot, so he still “wins”.
• b. Alternatively-alternatively, once shit blows up, the Orbital elevator sends the “giant” into the moon and terraforms it.
• 21. The gang brings the Gray back to a hospital, and use “mind uplinking” (thanks to Webster) to dive into Matthias’ center of the mind. Turns out the real Matthias has gone insane from all that’s happened, and decides to incur Metempsychosis AGAIN so he could engage a Suicidal Cosmic Temper Tantrum. With the powers of GENETIC, MEMORY! And a visit from his ancestors, his freak-outs start tapering out.
• 22. Matthias, R.O.C. and the gang head toward the reforming giant, and notice the new…things being born from…”sweat pits”. (Imagine that “Orc Infirmary” in the Lord of the Rings.) Once they make it to the epicenter, they notice Fredrick with a newborn giant. Final boss battle ensues as Matthias scales the giant, and fights Fredrick with fisticuffs on top of the disabled giant.
• a. After the battle, Fredrick starts falling into a pool of…fluid. Matthias tries to save the villain and ends up in the drink with him. True final boss begins as Matthias duels…GOD’S, SUBCONSCIOUS!! (DUN-DUHNNN!)
• 23. ESOCENTRIC HAPPY EPILOGUE!! Yay.

edited 14th Sep '11 10:48:13 AM by MadManX