The TV Tropes Vending Machine

You get a serving of "mulk"-flavored pudding.

I carefully (because I'm not sure what it is) stuff the wambler back in.

You get HAVOC AND DISCORD spewed all over you. It's kinda mushy and probably won't wash off easily.

I insert some small people hands. They look like they've been chewed on recently.

You get big hands with teeth.

I take a long, hot shower in an RV and conserve all the water (and havoc, and discord) collected in the tank, which I then pour into the machine.

Lava pours out of the vending machine.

I insert a dragon.

You get a snapdragon.

I catch the lava in a bucket and pour it back in.

You get a fluffy afterlife

I insert a Picasso painting.

edited 26th Feb '15 10:32:37 AM by yellowturtle

You get a Gonk.

I put my afterlife back into the machine.

You get Killed Off for Real.

I insert a mushroom.

You get a Mushroom Samba!

I'm not sure why the machine gave me a printout of the Killed Off for Real article, but I feed it back in.

Well, everyone seems to keep resurrecting in the thread, so I thought maybe that would finish you off. Are you now dead?

I insert a banana peel.

You get a blue shell.

I apparently didn't get anything, so I insert the nothing I just got back in.

It's not that "everyone" keeps resurrecting, it's that "everyone" keeps trying to kill me, for some reason.

You get a box-set of Cute Bruiser Tan: The Complete OVAs. On Betamax.

I insert an Elizabeth I penny.

edited 26th Feb '15 3:15:32 PM by TheLyniezian

Out comes Elizabeth I's severed finger and a note reading "It's a start. 2,999,999 pence to go."

I insert 2,999,999 pence.

You get Elizabeth I's corpse, minus one finger.

I insert the jam I got on Page 42.

You get a plateful of jam sandwiches.

I insert an M16 rifle.

You get bullets. At high speed. Basically the machine shoots you

I insert a fez

You get a bow-tie. BOW-TIES ARE COOL.

I insert a 15 second unskippable You Tube ad.

15 seconds later, the machine slaps you.

I insert one of the sandwiches I just got. But only one. I eat the rest. They are delicious.

The machine yells, “MAKE ME MOAR SAMMICHES!!”

I insert my unfinished report.

You get an F

I put in some monopoly money

You get a "get out of jail free" card.

I insert SolipSchism.

You get Rene Descartes' Meditations on the First Philosophy and a crack in spacetime.

I pop back out and yell, "NO U" into the coin slot.

Edit: Well fine, I guess we don't have a page for Descartes.

edited 26th Feb '15 7:22:43 PM by SolipSchism

The machine falls on you

I leave a piece of lego on the back of the fallen machine

It starts singing Everything Is Awesome.

I insert a nice slice of thread-poison...

You fail, and get a complete-series box set of Avatar and the Airbending Fellowship of Vampire Slayers, which for some mysterious and obscure reason is also on Betamax.

I insert a Matilda IV groat that I got from an alternate universe.

edited 9th Mar '15 7:52:08 AM by TheLyniezian