A challenge

To succeed, you must write a short story (as short as possible) containing all of the tropes listed in the Bad Writing index which are possible to include in a written story. I'd love to see that.

edited 25th Jul '11 7:35:34 PM by Teraus

Does fanfiction count?

Sure.

I am so doing this...

...short as possible eh. Shouldn't take too long, right?

Ok well... The Bad Tropes Index seems to require you need to have a good plot in order to start screwing it up with things like Shocking Swerve and Continuity Snarl .... But I did manage to cover tons of Bad Prose, Bad Characterization and Unfortunate Implications! Here goes... ENGINEERED TO BE BAD AS IT GETS.. Did I succeed?

Imperviousness: The Story of a Hero: Origins: Deluxe

“Impervious Man, please!” Esmeralda Della-Dosa von Voluptuous cooed, her blouse undulating in the mounting storm of fiery blood-feud power-hatred mounting between the two star-crossed foes, “You can’t fight this extremely vile, evil foe! I love you both too much!”

Impervious man circulated viscerally towards her, his burgundy-chartreuse cape oscillating in shocking parallel to the oscillating emotions of all those witnessing the unfolding battle. “I know, Esmerelda Della-Dosa von Voluptuous, but as you know, Doctor Vile (whom I am about to fight to the death) is very, very evil. And also French, which is arguably just as unforgivable!” He declared, striking his triumphant mid-air battle pose.

The citizens assembled to watch the battle immediately burst into heartfelt applause for their beloved hero’s undeniable sense of justice.

“Of course, I understand now. I’m so stupid, I don’t even deserve you!” Vociferated Esmerelda Della-Dosa von Voluptuous in a moment of feminine enlightenment, “But wait! I’m quite the proficient fighter myself, and as I’ve demonstrated before, I’m a very capable, strong woman. Perhaps I could help you-“ she could not finish her phrase as she had already been kidnapped by Count Babesnatcher, another foe of Impervious man.

Everyone within a mile radius gasped at once.

“No! I must rescue her at once, for the great power of love-freedom-justice!

“Aren’t we going to fight or some jazz?” Asked Doctor Vile, Frenchly.

“I’ll have to take a rain check on that, you sick, sick non-american."

“But I really want to kill you, because I’m really very evil and you’re good…” He said bashfully.

“Well you’ll have to sit down and be patient.”

“Can’t you just deal with me first? It’s never been hard in the past.”

“No."

“You sure?”

“Yes. Time is short; I am sure that even now Count Babe Snatcher has locked Esmerelda Della-Dosa von Voluptuous in a classy dining room with tablecloths and scented candles, and no doubt he intends to serve her [i]processed meat made[i] from innocent animal creatures with whom we share this earth! Doesn’t he realize that Esmerelda Della-Dosa von Voluptuous is a vegetarian? And furthermore, doesn’t he realize that his consumption of meat and dairy products perpetuates an industry that inflicts incessant cruelties on our innocent adorable fellow species and beguiles the public by trying to convince them that such practices are ‘part of a healthy diet’? Pah! Meats are not a food group, they’re a murder group.”

Impervious man shed a tear for the scars of mother earth. The crowd applauded and all resolved to convert to veganism. Doctor Vile is somewhat sceptical, but that’s because he’s dumb.

Doctor Vile and Impervious man immediately set off to rescue Esmeralda Della-Dosa von Voluptious. They travelled for a long time and things happened too. Finally they arrive! Too be continued..?

edited 25th Jul '11 7:17:26 PM by Boredknight

I laughed really hard and haven't even finished the first line. I'll read the rest now...

Edit: Yeah, it was pretty good. Your Purple Prose and Said Bookism were flawless, and the Unfortunate Implications were cool, too, but there are quite a few tropes I haven't seen there... Will they be in the sequel?

I'll edit the original post, since there are tropes in the index that are impossible to include in written form.

edited 25th Jul '11 7:33:38 PM by Teraus

Oh heck, sure. I'll even finish it. T He plot needs to thicken before I can make the plot suck really hard. Glad you find it amusing! Bad writing's my speciality, I suppose.

EDIT: I actually made a complete list of bad tropes this work includes, if anyone wants to see :P

edited 25th Jul '11 7:35:21 PM by Boredknight

I suppose Imperius Men will eat lots of burgers in the next chapter.

edited 25th Jul '11 7:44:52 PM by Teraus

I love it. Nice use of "as you know."

I want to encourage others to take a stab at it too, or even add on to what I did if they want. I think If we were to literally include every single bad writing trope we'd have to write something reasonably long, and we'd probably have to switch styles mid-way through (i.e. Purple Prose to Beige Prose). Also, it's only a matter of time before it gets erotic

On an unrelated note, here are the tropes I got so far in the post above: Marty Stu Concepts Are Cheap Informed Trait Double Standard Purple Prose Featureless Plane of Disembodied Dialogue Beige Prose Author Tract Meaningless Meaningful Words How Do I Used Tense Show, Don't Tell Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma Chickification Colon Cancer

edited 26th Jul '11 2:16:30 PM by Boredknight

I'm not sure if Doctor Vile can be considered a Generic Doomsday Villain... There's also Invincible Hero, Offstage Villainy, Rouge Angles of Satin...

I'll try to contribute to this story soon.

edited 26th Jul '11 2:44:45 PM by Teraus