himitsu keisatsu
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And yet Lee was the first to push Gaara around like that.
Troll Logician
Quick Snippit of a fic I may or may not actually have the time to write. Rest of the fic will probably have the same tone. Probably going to be hard to write a depressing main character and have the story still be interesting, so any comments or advice would be appreciated.
Drip. Drip.
The sound didn’t bother her, not anymore.
It used to, in that brief period after she finally realized nobody else heard it, but before the long, far too long time called the ‘rest of her life.’ She couldn’t quite remember it, but she had a feeling it had been the happiest months of her life.
“Uzumaki Naruto, please enter the next room for the final part of your graduation exam.”
A tiny tilt of her head that wasn’t quite a nod, one last bite of the ration bar she had been chewing on—-they lasted longer than the kunai from before the teachers told her to stop it, some younger kids were cutting themselves trying to copy her—-and she was up, away, and inside the next room.
Why kids would copy someone like her, she had no idea.
Teacher Iruka and Teacher Mizuki were in the room, sitting behind a table of freshly minted—-pressed? forged?—-forehead protectors, to the unlucky many who will pass the exam.
“Clone technique, please,” said Teacher Iruka. “Two clones.”
She nodded, quickly forming the ram-snake-tiger handsigns for the technique.
One of her teachers once called the difference between good chakra control and bad as the difference between pouring tea from a teapot and pouring tea from a fire hose. ‘Isn’t the fire hose faster?’ was the question she had asked.
The forehead protector felt very cold in her hands. Cold like ice, like death, like tears falling onto the bottom of a cage.
Afterwards, Teacher Mizuki offered her a chance at extra credit, apparently better grades meant you’d get a better team, but she politely declined.
All deaths are horrible, all deaths are inevitable, therefore, since she would be seeing it all her life, why not make sure they were people she couldn’t possibly care about?
Her team was number seven, Teacher Kakashi Hatake, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno. She memorized their names because it was expected, with all the emotion of reading a particularly bad textbook.
There was another test tomorrow, with—-against?—-the rest of her team.
edited 24th May '16 1:40:14 AM by DNC
Bit melodramatic, and while being a mopey, mistrustful, distant sadsack is well within the perimeters of expected character traits for someone growing up as a jinchuriki I probably wouldn't read a story written like this. Which isn't to say I wouldn't read a story about a mopey, mistrustful, distant sadsack girl Naruto at all, this is just too 'emo' for me.
Fandom Heretic
Normally, this is supposed to go after a pun, but... (sunglasses) Now is good, too.
YEEEEEAH!
Rather than smart, I'd prefer to be wise. It would let me be silly more often.
Fandom Heretic
Not that I really needed an excuse, but I finally stumbled upon how to make a gratuitous Earthbound reference like I wanted to.
'cuz I can.
Gonna start on the next chapter now.
Oh for God's sake!
Though I'd just mention a pretty decent Naruto xover I've recently stumbled on, The Legacy of the Most Unpredictable Ninja, which combines Highschool Dxd and The Testament Of Sister New Devil plus one more series which hasn't appeared yet combined with the 'trapped in another world' plot of many fics.
And despite Naruto being a bit to powerful (he's post Pain pre war) and slightly OOC although for the most part he's in character, he's optimistic, a prankster and still Oblivious to Love.
Despite crossing over with two very ecchi anime there's very little in this fic. Hell the harem aspect is very dialled down (the author doesn't want to have it derail the plot and wants some depth). Hell we're 30 chapters in and there's been one moment of Bathtub Bonding and really only two girls are aware of their attraction to Naruto.
My critricisms are that the ORC club haven't had much to do due to Naruto's presence affecting the first arc and the engagement arc, but might have more to do in the future.
It does follow some of the Naruto xover clices but also tries a couple of new things.
Here's a link https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11431968/1/The-Legacy-of-the-Most-Unpredictable-Ninja
edited 2nd Jun '16 3:52:23 PM by Archivist10
himitsu keisatsu
Trust me, Naruto would not be overpowered in the DxD universe. They're very powerful. Late game, Naruto would actually be laughably weak compared to Issei and his literally infinite power or Vali and his bullshit plot device weapon. DxD has very powerful people, but the biggest problem when fighting them is their bullshit gimmicks.
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
Oh for God's sake!
Although I have not gone beyond the beginning of season 3 I'm inclined to agree with you. Its actually one of my criticism of this fic Naruto is too powerful, he beats Rias, Akeno, Koneko and Kiba easily without Senjutsu.
himitsu keisatsu
Did he at least use Kurama? Because I can see him beating them if he uses Kurama - mostly because Rias would not just instakill him with the Power of Destruction (which behaves in the way that the Naruto fandom wishes the Truth Seeking Balls behaved).
Also, at what point did he beat them? Because even if he pulls out Kurama, post Character Development Kiba would probably still beat him, since at that point Naruto really can't use Kurama effectively at all.
edited 2nd Jun '16 4:21:47 PM by IAmNotCreativeEnough
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
Oh for God's sake!
No he didn't. He used mostly distraction and other guerrilla tactics to beat them IIRC don't quote me on that.
PS: Before training to fight Riser.
But to be honest the biggest offender would be Naruto tanking Riser's flames casually. Even I called bullshit on that.
Also the author tries to mix it up, instead of going straight for the Kokabiel arc after Riser, although there is set up, the author adds another arc set in Kyoto focusing mostly on Naruto and a couple of character from the second anime I mentioned.
edited 2nd Jun '16 4:34:29 PM by Archivist10
himitsu keisatsu
Yeah I agree, that is fucking bullshit of the highest regard. Riser's flames could burn Issei. Issei. Even when he was weak as shit, he was still housing Ddraig, that has to give him epic levels of flame retardant skin.
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
Oh for God's sake!
Along with Naruto being possibly too smart at times, and some character suffering from Demoted to Extra at times, that's the only thing tat bothers me.
Other than that, I like the character interaction and the comedy and it does a good job of making Naruto being a Chick Magnet a bit more subtle (in comparison to most fics) while keeping him relatively in character.
himitsu keisatsu
Naruto ain't a Chick Magnet and he never will be, dood. It's just a fact of life. He's charismatic, yes, but his type of charisma does not inspire romantic feelings or lust.
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
Except apparently in prepubescent girls after he becomes Hokage.
himitsu keisatsu
Fangirls, dood. They're attracted to his fame and title, not him.
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
Fandom Heretic
Not even if we count filler chicks? Didn't some of them kinda-sorta have the hots for our hardly-humble hero?
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
After reading It's For a Good Cause, I Swear!, I'm tempted to write a For Want Of A Nail or Peggy Sue fanfic of my own.
If I do write it, though, I think I'm actually going to focus on Sakura, rather than other three, because let's face it, fics involving them are far more than enough by this point. XP
Given that she doesn't have much connection or bloodline, she wouldn't be able to make a whole lot of change with her knowledge (because, who the hell is going to believe her anyway) or learn super powerful spells. Instead, it would be better to have her act as a mediator between Naruto and Sasuke and learn how to use equipment and skill that are Simple, yet Awesome.
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
Oh for God's sake!
@IANCE: I meant in the fic. I said nothing about canon.
It's never stated , but I think Naruto's ugly, at least from a in-universe POV. It makes him a even bigger contrast with Sasuke, who is a bishonen.
Also, the whiskers on the cheek. It makes him looks he have huge scars on his face. It's definitively not pretty.
edited 5th Jun '16 3:25:37 PM by VengeanceIsMine
Before Watchmen: Made and filled with tropes. Next: The Wolf of Wall Street.
himitsu keisatsu
If not 'ugly', he's at least plain and not especially attractive. Of course, Kishimoto's art doesn't suffer from generic cuteness syndrome, so Sasuke, the one who's supposedly handsome, is also very plain.
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
It doesn't help Naruto was, for a long stretch of the series, constantly making goofy and stupid distorted faces while Sasuke kept on a dignified and elegant expression at almost all times.
Naruto isn't a Chick Magnet in the sense that bad fanfiction tends to turn him into. Hell, he literally only has 1 real love interest at a time in the actual canon.
himitsu keisatsu
He only has one love interest through the entirety of the manga. It's Hinata from start to finish. Sakura was never 'really' interested in him and he was later retconned into not being interested in Sakura in The Last, wherein it was 'revealed' his crush on Sakura was him wanting to one-up Sasuke (though how that could've possibly proved anything is beyond me).
Sakura never moved on from Sasuke, Kishimoto said she would be a terrible woman if she moved on from her abusive childhood crush.
In the entirety of the manga, only one girl has like Naruto for being Naruto, and that girl would've crushed on Lee instead had she met him first.
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
It also stops making sense once chakra streaming was introduced, a whole village of wind users and no one throws an enhanced knife straight through his shields. Unless Baki somehow doesn't know it or never tried.