Word Choice + 4 year old's dialogue

Hi guys. So, I've been writing Remus for some time now, and have just noticed a problem with the first page. At present it looks like this, but I've had some people tell me that it's not entirely clear what's going on. As a result, I'm considering changing the word "Communist" to the word "Liberal" in order to more obviously convey the fact that the pilot is a Right-Wing Militia Fanatic. Would that be Anvilicious or necessary?

Next problem: I need to write dialogue for a four year old. I have no idea how four year olds talk. Here's what I have so far (note: John is the four year old):

JOHN: Mommy? Mommy, where are you?

RYAN (To JASON): Fine, you win. The silver was a good idea.

JASON: Thank you.

RYAN: But could you do me a favor next time and find a movie that isn’t complete propaganda?

JASON I could, if those still existed.

JOHN starts tugging on NICOLE's leg.

JOHN Mrs. Lady? Have you seen my mommy?

NICOLE No, but I can call her. Do you know her number?

JOHN I think so...

NICOLE (hands him her cell phone): Here you go. Just tell her you’re outside the Silver Theater, OK? We’ll wait here with you.

Later...

NICOLE Are you OK?

JOHN I’m scared...

NICOLE Of what?

JOHN My mommy says the Resistance comes out at night, and if I’m not careful, they’re going to hurt me.

At this point the conversation is interrupted.

edited 7th Jul '11 1:03:05 AM by KyleJacobs

As for John's dialogue, I skipped over your intro to your sample and could tell instantly who was four. I think that's acceptable.

Though John's mommy probably would've called the Resistance "the Bad Men" or something similar, since even "Resistance" might be too big of a word for a four-year-old. Like, "Don't go outside at night, or the Bad Men/Bogeyman/whatever will hurt/eat you."

The dialogue sounds right, but Nicole expects a 4-year-old to be able to work a cellphone he's never seen before?

It works, and without being stereotypical, either. (The word 'mommy' sticks out to me, but that s probably because I never called my mom 'mommy' so it feels unnatural to me.)

Most cellphones are the same, so as long as he has a keypad he shouldn't have a problem.

I dunno, to me, that's just a clanger. A four-year old might or might not even know his numbers yet. And his response to "do you know her number?" is "I think so." not "Yes."

It depends on the family, since some might really REALLY reinforce tech-savvyness. For example, I saw a kid at Dick's Sporting Goods, younger than four, playing games on her mother's iphone. So there is more and more tech savvyness being put. It would probably vary by kid, but I think it would be wiser to make them more inept than not.

I don't doubt the capabilities of small children. I was reading when I was four, so a kid knowing how to use a phone at the age of four sounds very plausible to me.

It's not a good idea to use yourself as a base in these situations. It's better to use society around you. Reality Is Unrealistic, and because you could be a special case, and reading does not immediately translate over to tech savvyness.

Exception or not, it's not a big stretch to me. It's not like we're having the kid operate a helicopter.

edited 7th Jul '11 7:42:06 AM by annebeeche

Not a big stretch to you. Like I said, you can't work with personal assumptions, you have to go with general, and try to get an idea of what the majority will react to.

edited 7th Jul '11 7:43:55 AM by MrAHR

FWIW, I couldn't remember any phone numbers when I was that age. But then, that's no longer necessary on a modern mobile, is it?

"Mommy" seemed natural to me, but it's not a word that exists in my dialect (over here the word is "mummy") so that may not mean much.

It's a pad with numbers on it. You push in the numbers. I really don't think it's too complicated for a child to understand. As a matter of fact, I don't think you even need to know how to count yet to operate a phone, just read numbers. My only issue is that the numbers are probably small so the kid may have trouble recognizing them.

As a matter of fact, they even make toy phones for toddlers, and I'm sure most have kids had exposure to one. I'm pretty sure the reason why they caught on is so that kids can pretend to call 911 or their friends or somebody without disturbing anyone.

Mummy is close enough. It's just that I only remember ever saying Mom and Dad, so seeing otherwise looks a little off to me. It's just a personal thing.

edited 7th Jul '11 7:54:30 AM by annebeeche

It all depends on how much they've been exposed. The most simple things in the world are complicated to a 4 year old that has never had to do it before.

Yeah, I wouldn't expect the four-year-old to operate a phone either. Kids that age may have memorized their home phone number (I know my siblings and I had; my mother used to make up little songs for us as mnemonic devices), and they might be able to make the call themselves, but they might not. It would be a safer bet for the adult to just ask him for the number and dial it herself, so that the kid doesn't call 911 or China or something/accidentally mess up her settings/break the phone.

"Resistance" is also a big word for a four-year-old; in the event that his mother didn't simplify it to "bad men" or something like that, he would probably be likely to mispronounce it or use a malapropism.

Otherwise, looks fine to me.

Even if the kid did know how to work the phone, it's pretty obvious from reading this thread that the adult wouldn't necessarily assume that. It might be better to have something like, "Do you know your mommy's number?" "I think so." "Okay, here's my phone. Do you know how to work one?" "Yes, my mommy taught me."

Still, I agree with the person who said she would likely key it in for him. I probably would.

He could screw up the word resistance. It'd emphasize his age and be kind of cute, like "restinsa" or something like that. Or if you like shout outs as much as I do, "resisty".

Or have him make a couple tries to get it right — "retisance? resitnance? Resistance!"

There's a very good reason why this particular four year old can say the word "Resistance" properly, but I won't spoil it for you except to say that he's not Really 700 Years Old or something like that. Also, it's set roughly 20 years in the future, so I think it'll be reasonable to expect a 4 year old to know how to work a cell phone. Meanwhile, can I get some input on the "Liberal" vs. "Communist" issue?

Oh, and what's "Resisty" from?

EDIT: Looked it up. Definitely going with Resisty.

edited 7th Jul '11 11:39:55 PM by KyleJacobs

Very few 4 year olds can read. If you're a child prodigy you can't expect most kids to be as capable as you were at that age.

Yeah. I began reading at three years old because I have hyperlexia. I believe most children don't learn how to read sentences until they're five. Individual words? Maybe.

edited 8th Jul '11 5:59:05 AM by chihuahua0

Y'know a better way to figure out if th average four-year old can worka cell phone would be to call or stop by a couple of day-care centers or preschools and ask "How many of the four-year-olds here would know how to call home on a stranger's cell phone?"

Just saying, everyone in my family was reading by 3. Now, about the "Communist" vs. "Liberal" issue...

edited 8th Jul '11 8:54:32 AM by KyleJacobs

I'm sure I wasn't reading at four, at least not beyond books where the only word was "look".

Aren't "liberal" and "communist" basically the same in this context?

Kids can learn by age four, but they won't learn what hasn't been taught to them.

If you were being sarcastic about the Really 700 Years Old thing, then isn't this entire conversation irrelevant? Wouldn't he be acting the way he assumes a four-year-old would act, not the way they actually act?

Also, yay! My suggestion's being used. My suggestions never get used.

Actually, the communist bit seems pretty good to me. Liberal expresses just how right-wing he is, but communist expresses how impractically anti-government he is. But I guess blowing up the white house does that, too. I don't know why people are complaining, it seems pretty straightforward to me. Crazy anti-government loon blows up the white house. Anything else will probably be cleared up later.

Relax, he really is 4. Or maybe younger. I just need a ridiculously cute kid in this story so that I can Gut Punch the readers when the time is right.