Not really. Maybe a Broken Bird / Shrinking Violet mix as far as I can see, but it depends on how you handle her. Like, don't make the plot revolve around her or turn her into your darling. She has some redeeming qualities balanced out with some flaws, which is a very good thing to do. Good luck!
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Insert witty title here
Errrr... Thanks. I added a few more things about her, could you please read and she if she's still not a sue?
edited 14th Mar '11 6:21:44 PM by risingdreams
She still seems okay.
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Insert witty title here
Thanks!
Errr... Forgive me for asking you, but would be better, in her situation? Be a swordfighter or fight with guns (creating her own)?
Well, what do you think she would prefer using? I'm not sure exactly how good her machinery skills are. Guns have a lot of moving parts. Earthen guns took several centuries and thousands of people to perfect. Since you seem to have a mideaval-ish fantasy thing going, she probably associates swords more with killing than something she builds herself. Who knows, maybe she could even build guns that could fire magicked bullets! That would be cool. Just make sure it fits. She had better be good to build those things herself, though.
edited 14th Mar '11 6:33:38 PM by CrystalGlacia
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Luna sounds good to me, looking like a well-balanced character. I might suggest expanding on the point of her boosted self-esteem — why she feels the compulsion to stand outward when she is shy at the core. I think she can try adopting a pragmatic approach to her fighting (guns outdo swords many a time), seeing how her badly dancing suggests a lack of grace.
Insert witty title here
She would like to outdo herself simply because she wouldn't want to be known as Lisette and Lorena's useless sister - she wouldn't want to embarrass her beloved adoptive sisters.
She would also want to become a warrior to protect people. Besides, being a warrior is considered a respectable profession in the world the story is set, so she wouldn't embarrass anyone.
Maybe I should remove the part about her outdoing herself.
I also had a plotbunny, but that would have caused some angst and stupidity. As in, rather than being adopted by her godparents, she would have wound up at an orphanage and being a Stepford Smiler and trying to be perfect would have been her strategy for people to like her and adopt her.
Or maybe she would simply consider herself unworty (even if some people want to slap her for not listening to them when they say this isn't true) for having caused her parents' deaths and would try being perfect to compensate for that.
I don't know which would be best, though.
edited 14th Mar '11 6:50:18 PM by risingdreams
SURPRISE
Remember, Sues are only such if the plot bends over backwards for them. This is far from a Sue, and it'll depend on the writing.
Was Jack Mackerel. | i rite gud
Insert witty title here
I see... I'll try not to make her a sue, then.
Errr... Any of the two explanations for the fact she wants to be "perfect" makes any sense X_X?
I get the impression that you're afraid to write. Don't. Several people in Real Life go through phases of wanting to be perfect, and both of your reasonings make sense with something a person might do, but be careful with the second one. When people do feel like slapping her for blaming herself, make sure that she eventually realizes that it's not her fault or accepts what happened rather than stubbornly insisting that it's her fault.
Also, you may never really see if some of the stuff you come up with makes any sense until you actually try writing it.
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Insert witty title here
To tell you the truth, I'm really kind of afraid to write X_X.
As for Luna's backstory, kind of liked the first one better, but there are two problems:
1) Why would a couple with two (grown up daughters) daughters adopt an orphan child? Sure, the father is an orphan himself who lived at an Orphanage of Fear until he was adopted, but...
2) Luna's parents would have adopted a little boy, too. Why, exactly? Unless the kid was Lisette's son who was pretty much raised by his grandparents because his mother was never home due to being a singer.
As for the second, she would only realize it wasn't her fault after Character Development. Hum.
edited 14th Mar '11 8:05:49 PM by risingdreams
Kindness and kindness. If you want to work out the details, let those questions mull over in your brain for a little while. In fact, that's how I built my own world and plot- I came up with a new aspect, and before I knew it, within a few hours or a day or two, Fridge Logic would hit me and I would start asking questions. And then Fridge Brilliance would follow as answers came to me. Story writing involves a lot of questions and pondering. Get familiar with it.
In fact, there's a name for what you just did with those questions- you were brainstorming.
edited 14th Mar '11 8:13:13 PM by CrystalGlacia
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Insert witty title here
Fridge Logic seems to love me XD. And brainstorming is kind of fun.
Kindness, hum? Maybe Luke could be the baby brother who somehow managed to survive, for all I know.
Maybe Luna had two biological sibilings, Luke and maybe an older sister. Her parents could tried to save their children, but died in the process and the older sister didn't even made it.
There we go! You're on a roll now. But we can't have you spoiling your entire plot here, so go out, brainstorm, and write!
And as for me... I'm off to bed.
edited 14th Mar '11 8:29:30 PM by CrystalGlacia
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Errr... Forgive me for bothering you, but I have a character I'm worried about being a Mary Sue. I'm not giving a lot of detail on the plot, because I think the post is tl; dr enough as it is.
Her name is Luna, and she's a seventeen years old born in a fantasy world plagued by Fantastic Racism towards mages. She's accepting of them, but believes she's the one wrong (this should clue you in about her true personality and Extreme Doormat tendences, courtesy of her abysmal self-steem).
She gets adopted after biological parents die in a fire she (acidentaly) causes. The same fire badly scars the right side of her body. She's very self-concious about her scars, even though she does a good job in not showing. The incident pretty much killed her self-steem.
Her adoptive sisters, Lisette and Lorena eventually become famous and she's a bit worried about embarrassing them in public. She eventually decides being a warrior like Lorena, but doesn't know wheter she dislikes being in her shadows, or if she deserves it.
Quite smart and a fast learner when it comes to fighting, but sadly, a disaster when it comes to dancing, which leads to bad situations at balls, much to her annoyance. She doesn't even like balls, but believes she should because most girls her age do.
The eldest sister eventually teaches her to fight. Innitially, swordfighting, but since Luna is a bit of a geek who likes making things, I was thinking... Maybe her sister could have taught her how to shoot, and for all we know, Luna could create her own weapons?
She enjoys reading, specially scientific books, is fascinated with airships but is embarrassed of it because many people consider liking such things to be weird.
Acts cheerful even when she's not and tries to be perfect so people will like her. Many people can see through it and call her on it.
At the start of the story Luna herself to save one of her friends, the more self confident Lily from a bounty hunter (there are some people after Lily). Luna was supposed to have died doing so, but this doesn't happen because death gets kidnapped by some dead mage sick of the Fantastic Racism.
Luna doesn't die, but doesn't survive either, forcing her to look for death if she has any intentions of either living or dying. But the mages' motivations doesn't really have anything to do with her.
She also has a dead friend in her backstory. It's thanks to this dead friend that she got to meet and befriend a mage who sometimes wants to strangle her because of her lack in self-steem. They eventually fall in love and hook up, but only after their character development. Said guy is a noble as fucked up as she is, but his coping strategy is different than hers.
During the course of the story, Luna is forced to realize death is a part of life, become more self confident and accept she can't be her sisters, or any of her friends.
edited 14th Mar '11 6:26:28 PM by risingdreams