I didn't see any threads for this so I made one.

Essentially, post the concept for your story in whatever detail you feel is necessary. Critique and comment on others as you wish. This is a good excersize for polishing and fine tuning narritives.

Also, use constructive criticism, no one wants to see their Ideas get bashed. Of course, you all may already know better than to be rude.

I'll post mine after I finish typing up the draft in word (don't want to lose anything if the Internet takes a dump on me).

edited 16th Jan '11 9:47:06 PM by Talann_Zar

A story through the eyes of a Mook working for a villian.

It starts off with the Hero blindly killing the man, then it continues with signifigant events throughout the Mook's life, from the day he was born to when he was hired by the villian.

Alright, I finished typing it up, so here it is.

Concept: A man runs a mercenary company that consists of people who most would never even consider hiring. Many of his mercenaries have strange personalities or have done things in the past that resulted in them having nowhere else to go. However, one thing that they all have in common is that they are all Very good at what they do.

The company is divided into individual units consisting of between 5 and 12 people. The main characters are the man who owns the company and his 4 best mercenaries. The five of them make up the "first lance" (a lance being the term for one of the units of 5 to 12 people).

Anyway, the five of them have very unique personalities, each complete with skills and flaws. One character is a master marksman, but is also somewhat cowardly and needs to be kept in line. One is a brilliant technician, but is also completely insane. One is a killing machine, but is also.... well, a killing machine!

Overall, the plot follows the "first lance" on the many assignments that they are hired for. The main point of the story is to make the characters be what drives the narrative.

In a post-apocalyptic world where the only bastions of civilization left are high tech Citadels run by genetic “supermen” who only wish to bring humanity peace and harmony. A normal human man after discovering how to give the entire human race immortality and the “supermen’s” plan to breed out humanity’s more “destructive” tendencies is now on their most wanted list and must pull a “Paradise Lost” by gathering a horde of literal raider gangs, religious zealots, slavers, and the rest of the worst mankind has to offer in order to continue his research.

^... goddammit, it's happened again! o___O Not implying you're at fault or anything, it's just so weird and kinda discouraging when your ideas turn out uncannily similar to someone else's xD

^^ I'd read it if it was a comedic work. Or a comic with really great visuals.

^^^ What kind of Mook is he? I think it would be interesting to read if he was actually evil/morally ambiguous rather than Punch Clock Villain, and then it is explained why he is that way. Although I suppose the other way could work too, if he was simply a good person trying to do the best in his situation, it just might come off as Shoot the Shaggy Dog.

---

Anyway, my main project right now is a Religious Horror-inspired Weird West. I have two supernatural main characters (an exorcist/priest and a Norse monster), but I need at least one more for a proper melee a trois. I am not sure which mythology/religion I should draw on. I really wanted a Native American-inspired character, but I wasn't attracted to any of the mythological figures. Satan was a runnerup but I think him participating as a foil/antagonist to the other two doesn't really make sense.

So anyway, I'm looking for a mythology-inspired character that'll work well in an anarchic setting. My theme is the lawless frontier that is slowly being tamed, so a Lawful Evil-ish figure would be good. Or Lawful Neutral, that works too. I already have the Neutral and Chaotic slots filled, I need a foil/antagonist for them.

I'll research any wild suggestion, even if it doesn't necessarily fit the Lawful criteria, anything would help xD

edited 16th Jan '11 11:45:10 PM by melloncollie

A female FBI profiler must work within a largely male chauvinistic environment to solve a serial murder case. One of her subordinates may be the killer.

edited 16th Jan '11 11:47:02 PM by Koveras

@ melloncollie

WHAT!! Whose? My inspiration for it was mostly based on “Paradise Lost”

@ Generic Guy: Oh, I suppose I can't say that, not having read Paradise Lost yet xD. Another project I'm considering is a post-apocalyptic setting with Knight Templar superhumans (although they get their powers from magitek and not genes), the domains they control are peaceful but at the cost of free will. Everyone else would be outlaws, warlords, generally not very nice people. So yeah, obvious heaven-hell parallel xD

@melloncollie: Something like the Erinyes, perhaps? Very lawful, and very unforgiving.

Already posted this befre, but here it is again anyway...

Howard Regan, an idealistic, brilliant military scientist awakens in a hospital ward in Montréal. The last he remembers in the year 1996, he as old as he was at that time, but its the 2010s. Regan makes his way back to the states, embarking on a journey to find out what had happened to him these past fifteen years, he attracts the attention of several people familiar with him, some he knows, some he doesn't, but all say on thing; he is not Howard Regan.

Our hero eventually finds out the horrible truth, he is not Howard Regan, never was. The real Howard Regan had a start of darkness around 1997, he injected the sum of his knowledge and personality into the blank slate that became "Howard Regan's" mind, whoever he once was.

The story is about the battle of wits between the two Regans. The original Regan is a magnificent bastard who knows everything "Regan" knows and then some, but evil can't comprehend good, and "Regan" is at his creative prime, so he can't quite bring the experiment under control.

"Regan" wants to punish his future-self and resorts to extreme measures, such measures as he knows have led the old original Regan to be the man he is now.

@Cute: An interesting idea, but it seems like it would end up trying too hard to be a tearjerker.

@Zar: You...didn't actually really post your concept. You pretty much said 'I have characters, they are assassins, they are going to be really well developed characters. They will be what the story is about.'

@Guy: Seems ripe for lots of Unfortunate Implications and what not. Not to mention how some people might not understand why one side is supposed to be good, and the other is supposed to be bad.

@Mellon: Go on a wiki-walk in wikipedia. You'll find plenty of kick-ass deities that way. I speak from experience. Just type in 'gods' or something like that and start clicking.

@Koveras: So, it's an on-purpose feminist book? You might end up pissing off a lot of people. Not for the message, but because of how some people might find it being shoved down their throats.

@JW: Interesting idea, but the original Regan seems a bit too obviously evil. Plus, if the story starts off one way, the twist might come off as more of an asspull and a genre shift than anything.

On her sixteenth birthday, our main character starts experiencing strange changes to her body. She's always thirsty, always hungry, and her skin is starting to prickle and peal.

Eventually it starts getting worse, when her skin peals away she finds scales, when she scratches her ear it falls off, and she's having trouble moving her left hand, which has become really sort of green and numb.

And what's worse, her parents are acting strangely, and she thinks that they were talking to someone about her. But that's insane, right? They're her parents...

Her three friends and her come up with a plan, one of them has an older sister who is a marine biologist, she might not be able to get them answers but she's their best bet. So in the dead of night they sneak away in an RV, and from there starts a cross country journey where they have to deal with constantly avoiding being caught, and our main character's increasing disconnection from humanity.

(Dear gawl, I really wish I could figure out how to write this.)

@Rain: Well, it's not that bad of an idea, but there really isn't anything new. Plus, the genre seems rather vague. Is it supposed to be horror? Adventure? Fantasy? Sci-fi? It's important to know what you're aiming for, since a horror story and a fantasy story of the same concept will be quite different in many ways.

@Mr AHR: Can you please stop attaching labels to my work? You've only heard, what, three posts about it and you are already making conclusions of what is inside my head? I don't know how many people my story will piss off, but you are mightily pissing me off right now.

edited 17th Jan '11 9:49:12 AM by Koveras

...what? I was just going through all the concepts, and gave my thought on each one. Lighten up dude.

I would lighten up but unabashed arrogance always gets to me.

Let me get this straight: I am NOT writing a feminist book. I am writing a goddamn murder mystery. The chauvinistic environment is just a plot device like any other that plays a major but not central role in the story.

edited 17th Jan '11 9:50:10 AM by Koveras

I am not being arrogant, I am merely commenting. I didn't even realize you were the same person until you used your smiley typing-tic.

@Mr AHR: Well, I haven't really thought of a genre for it. I was hoping to focus on the psychological aspects of the transformation for the most part. Like there's one scene I plan to include where the main character, annoyed with her hand being essentially dead meat, simply chops it off and doesn't even marvel at the fact that she doesn't bleed when she does. I sort of want her to be getting gradually more detached while her friends are freaking out about it.

I have a major stink with this kind of thread, mainly because practically everything rides on how the story is executed. Plenty of great works have run of the mill premises, and plenty of bad works have good premises. An interesting premise can act as an initial hook, but not as much else.

We can give general impressions, but without reading the works in question, we simply don't have enough information, theres pretty much nothing too helpful we can say.

All right, then my advice would be to figure out what you want her to turn into (either by name, or in general), and work from there. Many times I have seen stuff like that, that starts sci-fi-ish or psych like you said, and then turns into some weird urban fantasy thing. It was not a good shift.

Very true, but I can still try, dammit.

edited 17th Jan '11 9:53:49 AM by MrAHR

@Mr AHR: Then please take note of my nickname and refrain from commenting on my story ideas in the future. I cannot stop you, of course, but I would be a much happier man without your insightful comments on the topic.

edited 17th Jan '11 9:54:35 AM by Koveras

I already sort of have in mind that she's turning into a water-based creature, with gills being a later stage of the transformation, sort of still humanoid and able to be on land but built more for water.

And now I think I'll stop taking up board space with my ramblings.

@Koveras- I don't think she was implying that it was going to suck or anything, dude. I think she was just sorta saying that it would really need to be handled lightly. I'll be honest with you though- you really would need to handle the whole "chauvinistic environment" thing with care. What's the time period? And could you give an example of, for instance, how they discriminate against her? The subordinate part sounds kind of neat, though.

AHR can be blunt sometimes, but I think you overreacted a bit thar.

@Koveras: ...you have a nickname?

@Rain: No problem. Have you seen Black Swan? It might be relevant to your interests.

edited 17th Jan '11 10:01:55 AM by MrAHR

It's just not the first time I get comments implying deeper knowledge of my writing style and a thorough disdain for my ideas from a person who doesn't know me enough to even recognize my forum handle.

As I outlined in the other thread, her new partner will be an old-fashioned guy who keeps her "out of trouble" by not telling her what's going on. The other (a subordinate of hers) will be a misogynist who denies the very notion of her having a brain at first, and refuses to follow her orders. The third is not really a chauvinist, but a guy who's extremely stiff around women, has a history of abuse, and is the one under suspicion of being the killer.

@AHR: "Forum handle" was too long to write out.

edited 17th Jan '11 10:07:10 AM by Koveras