The strangest thing you've said today...

"I don't drink weird shit like automotive coolant, window cleaner or shandy!"

Courtesy of my younger sister:

"After this, I want Po on my baseball team!" - Watching Kung Fu Panda 2

I need to stop focusing on meaningless phrases and repeating them over and over. The dead will outnumber the living, under the one-hundred flags, to the sound of the one hundred-anthem cry.

"what does donut + bow and arrow equal, weaponwise?"

My gun doesn't work! oh, it's a table.

A dialogue, actually:

Friend: "What is a cougar?"
Me: "Literally or figuratively?"
Friend: "Literally?"
Me: "An American wild cat."
Friend: "...and figuratively?"
Me: "A sexy woman over forty."

"You just got archaeologist'd!"

"I don't remember often, but when I do, it's dwarf spatula"

"Go food yourself."

"I just remembered I have a family."

The Spazer has made my life a whole lot easier. Now I can cut tough grease on my countertop with the Spazer.

"This is Dream Drop Distance as fuck."

"Boners are mankind's greatest invention."

"HERE I COME TO SAVE THE GAY!"

It Makes Sense in Context - there's a particular Camp Gay guy who while not a stereotype does sometimes pull it off for jokes, and he was being held in a joke hostage crisis by another man with a massive false gun made of paper. So I said that and ran in with a plastic knife to carry on with it.

edited 23rd Aug '16 2:42:57 AM by RatherRandomRachel

Are there any bees in the theatre tonight? Get them up against the wall... (Bzz! Bzz! Bzzzzzzzz!)

and

"I need to get to Nevada, but ughhh, I can't walk there." "Aren't you driving a car?" "Ah, yeah!"

I was having fun reading the English phrases on the Japanese Wikipedia article on the English language, which, by the way, contains the awkwardly phrased gem "He would say that the building had been being built." and the common English expression "Who left their dirty socks on the breakfast table?".

edited 24th Aug '16 1:25:56 AM by Fuzy2K

I dunno, I'm not the Mastery Master.

"Someone - please add to my "angry fetishism Marge Simpson!""

"I'd like to smoke The Colonel's eleven herbs and spices."

"Don't worry, we're not creating life! Just ending it."

"After all, this is a game where you live in fear of a phantom ice cream truck that teleports around the level and can run you over at any moment unless you pop it like a balloon by throwing tomatoes at it - the tomatoes themselves having been gained by sneaking up on Santa Claus and taking some presents from his bag, after which he flew away with his jetpack and you paid a man in a carrot suit to tell you what your new items were."

It's actually part of a YouTube comment I was posting on this, but I'm pretty sure it still counts since I read it out loud.

Nothing says "Buy my product!" like having somebody's eyes sucked out through a tube...

In reference to a Sega Saturn commercial

"the rumor is out of standardize of hoax"

"No, Dad, you're not giving the dog soda!" - Me

(Don't worry about animal abuse, my dad was just joking.)

"...and can you make a less dying face?"

"Yellowstone Park needs to stop calling me."