The strangest thing you've said today...

Holy crap, it's Lincoln's birthday tomorrow...

...Not Abraham Lincoln. *Greg* Lincoln, the guy next door.

[while laughing loudly] "That isn't funny."

edited 11th Feb '16 10:36:13 PM by SmartGirl333

Said to a psychiatrist who I'm paying hundreds of dollars to see: "Stop telling me I have anxiety, it's making me anxious!"

edited 12th Feb '16 3:48:21 AM by trashconverters

"That's what happens when you stick your hand up Nutella's ass."

"This is a strange mix of serious stuff and "yes become the temmiearchy"."

"I don't care what you say, you can't reenact the Star Destroyer scene from The Force Unleashed with just a skirt, a buzz trimmer, and the dead body of your old mentor."

*Sung to the tune of Hakuna Matata from The Lion King* Vagina Dentata... what a wonderful phrase/Vagina dentata ain't no passing craze/It means no penis for the rest of your days/It's our penis free philosophy/Vagina dentata!

edited 13th Feb '16 9:12:18 AM by TheWanderer

"I handle so many Vietnamese dongs each day, you'd think I meant something else."

"This is why aliens shouldn't allow Germans to acquire firearms. You'll have some crazy guy singing the Reforging of Nothung while going to town with a shotgun."

"My desk creaks more than a mattress with people having wild sex atop it."

"What was that bit about the climate change hockey stick? Garbage?"

(as a caption for a photo of a hockey stick stuck in a garbage can, with what seems to be early spring in the background. Yes, it's 47 degrees Fahrenheit in Poland today)

"YOU KILLED MY BUG BABY!"

"Don't scream at me from the bathroom, okay?"

and

"But you do realize that in the case of the Pruszkow mob, they could *Knuckle Cracking* talk to the prosecution witnesses too?"

edited 14th Feb '16 4:19:41 PM by NotSoBadassLongcoat

I never knew my Noivern knew how to play drums for Chris De Burgh...

Said while playing Pokémon X and listening to music, on discovering that one particular Chris De Burgh song's rhythm line almost exactly syncs with the flapping of the Noivern's wings during combat scenes. The effect is actually quite mesmerizing...

edited 16th Feb '16 1:07:51 AM by WillowFiresong

"Personally, being American, I define your North as anywhere that people talk like they loik roosty spoons."

"Excrement, urea, vulva, fornication, fellatio, Oedipus, areola, flatulence, stool and irritation."

Or, if you prefer: Shit, piss, cunt, fuck, cocksuking, mother fucker, tits, fart, turd and twat.

"One of these days you'd think the pigeons would stop falling down the chimney. Oh wait, they're pigeons."

"i can't believe that you let a flower kinkshame you."

[in my office with coworkers, after being told to Google image search "Yoshida soy sauce daughters"]

"I dunno, 'Yoshida soy sauce daughters' sounds like it could be a shock image."

[Beat]

"Now I'm imagining Tubgirl but with soy sauce."

[Beat]

"...That would be so bad for your colon."

"But you kept talking about souls and freckles and left-handed people..."

Ohhh Chrysler Town & Country... Oh, son of a preacher, that burns!

"The toilet paper on the penguin. Wow, they've really stacked it high and put a bee on it!"

My little brother and dad were stacking toilet paper on a stuffed penguin, just to see how high they could go, I guess. They put a stuffed bee on the top. This one really doesn't make much more sense with the context, does it?

"Oh, you... person! That's right, if you try to bump me of the road, you get to take a bath. Hmph!"

"This isn't russian roulette! This is just you shooting me with a gun!"

“Yay! Pudding Explosion!”