"Rise up, gamers! Today, I have a hard cock!"
Diamond is Unbreakable Retold is an one hour and forty-minute long YouTube Poop Collab based off JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable, created by Jack Duripper. It is a skit video, yet it follows pretty much the same story as the source material.
In the town of Morioh, gruff Stand user Jotaro Kujo encounters his uncle, Josuke Higashikata, a high school student who is scared of ghosts and mine turtles, has a Stand that can fix everything it hits, and is prone to violent outbursts when others insult his pompadour. That guy ends up befriending two fellow students: wimp Koichi Hirose and MILF hunter Okuyasu Nijimura. Together, they end up coming across Stand users that are either dangerous, pervy or both, navigate the bizarre events of life with the help of new allies, and eventually, hunt a serial killer that only wants to get his hands on... female hands. Who may or may not be responsible for most of the explosions in this video.
Now that we think about it, we are only dictating so little of the insane plot, it's best to watch the full video here
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Tropes:
- Adaptational Alternate Ending:
- In one segment, Josuke uses Crazy Diamond's healing ability on Kira's severed hand, in a way that doesn't send the hand flying towards Kira to reattach itself, but rather the other way around. The bloodied hand fetishist can only stare in shock before Josuke, Okuyasu and Jotaro kick him to death.
- In the Highway Star battle, Josuke decides to walk straight towards the eponymous Stand, even while that Stand is absorbing Rohan Kishibe's nutrients. Because of Josuke's recklessness, Highway Star attaches itself to Josuke for its next meal, only for Josuke's father, Joseph Joestar, to pass on "[his] ultimate technique". That move is none other than driving away on a motorcycle.
- Adaptational Intelligence: While Okuyasu has his moments of stupidity at times, he is more smarter here. When Shigekiyo "Shigechi" Yanguu uses his Stand, Harvest, to take the lottery IOU, he responds with using his own Stand, the Hand, to swipe space in front of him, sending back the Harvest carrying the sheet.
- Adaptational Jerkass:
- Josuke commits more questionable actions here. To list some examples:
- Obliterates Okuyasu's testicles with Coca-Cola cans.
- Sings a song about hating his parents after his mother caused him to lose in his videogame.
- Suffocates Keicho Nijimura's electrocuted corpse and an unconscious Okuyasu later on.
- Rejoices with the latter over Shigechi's death.
- Yukako Yamagishi is more of a yandere than the source material. She suggests to Koichi the joys of cock-and-ball torture, and when chief beautician Aya Tsuji fondles Yukako's breasts to see what she needs to alter, this enrages the latter to the point where she kills Aya offscreen.
- Josuke commits more questionable actions here. To list some examples:
- Contrived Coincidence: Rain just happens to appear when Akira Otoishi and Josuke are about to deck it out. Since Akira's Stand, Red Hot Chilli Pepper, is based on electricity, he is immediately incapacitated.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Rohan punches Ken Oyanagi into the path of a truck because the latter pestered the former over a game of rock-paper-scissors."You're messing with the wrong artist, punk!"
- Epic Fail: When Rohan's house burns down, firefighters attempt to shoot water with their hoses... only to shoot piss/fire instead, making the flames burn higher.
- Ephebophile: Kira may be one, as indicated by a conversation he has with Shigechi. It is unclear if that's the actual reason or just an Embarrassing Cover-UpShigechi: And while we're on the subject, buster, why is some strange man hanging around at my school like it's another day at the office!?
Kira: CAUSE I LIKE HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS, THAT'S WHY!! - Groin Attack. Exaggerated. Josuke defeats Okuyasu by having his Stand, Crazy Diamond, pummel him with Coca-Cola cans, before launching a devastating hit at the genitals, destroying his testicles.
- Magic Misfire: Kira's stand malfunctions while trying to kill Shigechi.Kira: Sorry. But Deadly Queen has already left its mark on the doorknob...
[click]
[Beat]
[click]
[Beat]
Kira: (voiced by Gabe Newell) This isn't working.
[furiously keeps clicking until the stand blows up in his face, knocking him into a set of trash cans, before blowing up Shigechi and releasing Bomb Voyage] - Mistaken for Paedophile: Joseph is the unfortunate victim of this, all because he held a naked Achtung Baby. He ends up being chased by Josuke and the FBI for his troubles.
- Mundane Solution: Jotaro continues his trend from other Jack Duripper YTP videos. When facing a rat sniper called Bug-Eaten, Jotaro simply activates his Stand, Star Platinum. That Stand proceeds to use a trusty frying pan to block the three bullets that are fired. While Bug-Eaten is in disbelief over this, Star Platinum arrives and flattens the rat with the pan.
- No, You: Rohan's response towards the Stand, Cheap Trick, who is attached to him and demands that the former destroy his investigative photos on Kira. Cheap Trick suddenly explodes in response.
- Porn Stash: Kira tries to kill Shigechi because he ripped open the bag containing his stash (a pixelated Mona Lisa).Kira: The fact remains, no one knows Yoshikage Kira's true colors.
[Flashback]
Kira: It's called hentai... and it's art! - Running Gag:
- Whenever someone grabs a random item, there may be a scene where Yoshikage Kira tells them that "Killer/Deadly Queen has already touched the X", before using that Stand to activate an explosion.
- If someone is Impaled with Extreme Prejudice, there is always a reference to Kakyoin's death.
- "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue: Parodied during the burning down of Rohan's house.Josuke was never brought to justice for arsonry or fraud. He would go on to burn down 12 more houses across 23 years.
Rohan received no insurance money and had to commission hentai to get back the money he lost to Josuke.
Tanami smoked camels and died at age 27. Not from smoking, but from Josuke's arsonry. Which I guess is dying from smoking in a more literal sense.
