Warp That Aesop / The Binding of Isaac

• Crying always solves all of your problems, including your abusive mom and hideous, deformed monsters in the basement trying to kill you.
• Giving a little boy cancer is great!
• One of the best ways to gain power is to turn into a dead cat.
• Your dead pets' body parts are magic. Carry them with you at all times.
• No matter how it may appear, killing your child is a good thing because he's secretly The Antichrist.
• Making many deals with the devil will help you succeed in life.
• If you find pills lying about on the ground and you don't know what they do, take them.
• Horrifically mutilating yourself just makes you stronger.
• Peeing on the floor will help you kill Satan.
• Anyone can get a PhD just by buying one from a shop.
• Beggars will give you presents if you give them enough money.
• Baby corpses make the best familiars.
• If you have no money to give to a beggar, blow them up instead. The same goes for arcades.
• If you destroy a statue then angels will try to murder you.
• Don't trust your parents. Instead, trust people with biblical Names to Run Away from Really Fast. ^note  Cain, Judas, Azazel, Lilith, Apollyon.
• Making yourself cry blood or projectile vomit is a good thing and is in no way detrimental to your health.
• All religious people are nutjobs who'll murder their children at the drop of a hat because God told them to.
• Kill yourself. And then kill your own corpse.
• Drinking spoilt milk and eating dog food is good for you.
• Always play with shite. There may be money inside.
• Avoid soy milk like the plague.
• Never try to use explosives while holding a mirror.
• Killing your mom is necessary to progress in life.
• God Is Evil and wants your child dead. The voices in your head are not a sign of failing mental health. In fact, you should obey whatever they tell you, because this is the only way to go to Heaven.

Meta:

• A playable character who's slightly more powerful than everyone else is a terrible thing and deserves a nerf. A character who is significantly weaker than everyone else to the point of being unplayable is a great idea, and in no way needs a buff.
• Finding out secrets in any way other than the exact way the creator intended makes you scum.

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