Video Game: Clarence's Big Chance

The man himself!

Clarence's Big Chance is a platformer made by Pseudolonewolf of Fig Hunter games. In it, you play as an ugly 35-year-old virgin who lives with his parents. However, recently, through an online dating site, he found a girl willing to date him! This is his titular "big chance", and he can't afford to mess it up. The game revolves around Clarence going through humorously over-the-top adventures to accomplish everyday tasks, such as getting dressed and going to work. Interestingly, though there are lots of things to do and each area is quite large, most of it is optional, and can be sped through quickly if the player so desires. However, how much you explore and what items you obtain heavily influence the outcome of Clarence's date.

The game is split into four main areas; Clarence's house, where he must prepare for the day and find the front door keys to get out; the suburbs, where he must travel to work; the workplace, where, depending on how many tasks he does, Clarence can be either promoted or fired; the city streets at night, where Clarence must buy gifts for his girlfriend; and finally the date itself, which consists of a long Dialogue Tree revolving around impressing Clarence's girlfriend. Depending on how well you perform, you will receive one of five endings.

Unlike Pseudolonewolf's other works, there is little in the way of actual plot development, and more of a focus on over-the-top comedy and humour. Expect near-constant Lampshade Hanging of typical platformer conventions and the absurd situations of the game itself.

As of late, Psuedolonewolf has been working on an RPG sequel, which seems to be very comical in nature, to this called "Clarence RPG: Clarence's Unsurprising Marital Problems." The sequel features Clarence and his wife, whose name is now officially Sally, and takes place chronologically after the Best Ending of Clarence's Big Chance. The game is meant to be non-violent: while the battles use the same mechanical concepts - hit points, skills that deal damage, turns, etc - bloodshed and spell flinging aren't there. Instead, the battles represent "social interactions". Rather than having HP, characters would have 'willpower' instead, and rather than having elemental skills like fire, water, etc, each skill would have an emotional 'flavour' like 'happy', 'angry', 'friendly', 'disgusting', and so on. Characters and enemies would have weaknesses and resistances to these like creatures do to elements in 'MARDEK'.

Play it here.

This game contains examples of:

  • Absurdly Spacious Sewer
  • Acrofatic: Clarence can jump several times his own height while still being fat enough to crush enemies with his sheer mass.
  • All Girls Want Bad Boys: Subverted. Some of the NPCs do, and Clarence's girlfriend might, but more often than not, she won't.
  • Apathetic Citizens: Clarence's coworkers, Played for Laughs. One even stands around impassively while the room is on fire.
  • Asteroids Monster: The computer virus, which is the closest thing the game has to a Boss Battle.
  • Basement-Dweller: Clarence in the beginning and in the Bad Ending.
  • Better Than a Bare Bulb: Due to the game's parodic and humourous nature, Pseudolonewolf is able to hang even more lampshades than he usually does.
  • Casanova Wannabe: Clarence.
  • Collision Damage
  • Corrupt Corporate Executive: Parodied.
    Executive: Crawl around, little ants! One day, daddy's gonna stand all over your faces and make him bum-loads of sweet dough! You know it!
  • Cool Shades: Clarence can get them if he is promoted to executive.
  • Cyberspace
  • Dating Sim: At the end.
  • Dialogue Tree: During the date.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Some of the signposts act like this. See also Lemony Narrator, below.
  • Despair Event Horizon: Clarence in the Bad and Worst Endings. In the Bad Ending, Clarence simply becomes a Basement-Dweller again, but in the Worst Ending, he is Driven to Suicide.
  • Driven to Suicide: Clarence in the Worst Ending. Subverted, however; he survives due to his Super Not-Drowning Skills.
  • Everything Trying to Kill You: From office supplies to water droplets. Also lampshaded, in both cases.
    "While submerging yourself in water is fine and dandy, you wouldn't want to get bonked on the head with a nasty water droplet! That kind of thing causes injuries, you know. And death."
    Programmer: Whatever maniac decided to give [the office supplies] real, beating, flesh-and-blood hearts was sadly mistaken when he said they'd only cause them to be more loving!
  • Excuse Plot: Averted. Though the plot isn't very deep, it doesn't just get forgotten immediately after the beginning.
  • Face Palm: Clarence's girlfriend will do this if he performs badly enough.
  • Forgot About His Powers: Clarence in the Worst Ending. His Super Not-Drowning Skills put a wrinkle in his suicide plans.
  • Gag Nose: Clarence.
  • Goomba Stomp: Lampshaded and justified; Clarence is so heavy that he crushes enemies by jumping on them.
  • Gonk: Clarence.
  • Happily Married: Clarence and the girl in the Best Ending.
  • Hit Points: You can restore them by eating literal hearts. Lampshaded;
    "Like so many cyberland characters, Clarence, you can rejuvenate your vim by devouring the hearts of your fallen victims. Go on. Give 'em a scoff to fill up your lovely heart points and stave off death for another day."
  • Ice-Cream Koan: One of the dialog choices during the date is "You're like a summer breeze blowing in the wind". Selecting it makes your date think you're poetic.
  • Interchangeable Antimatter Keys: One of the few tropes the game doesn't lampshade.
  • Jump Physics: Lampshaded.
  • Justified Save Point: Televisions store a copy of Clarence's soul whenever he walks by them, apparently.
  • Leet Lingo: Clarence and his boss talk in chatspeak.
  • Lemony Narrator: It's one of Pseudolonewolf's games, so this is pretty much a given.
  • Loser Protagonist: Clarence.
  • Lost Forever: Generally averted, as you can return to previous levels through the interdimensional hub. However, whatever you do, do not eat the burger for breakfast, as it will give Clarence permanent bad breath note . (That is, unless you kill yourself before walking through a door or past a television, in which case you will be reset to a point before you ate the burger.)
  • Mercy Invincibility: It actually lasts for quite a while.
  • Metroidvania: Sort of. Though the game itself is very linear, each level is very open and full of secrets.
  • Multiple Endings: 5 in all.
    • Worst Ending: The girl is repulsed by Clarence and leaves him. Clarence is Driven to Suicide and jumps in a lake, but his Super Not-Drowning Skills kick in. He meets a group of people like him at the bottom of the lake and decides to spend the rest of his days with them.
    • Bad Ending: The girl is repulsed by Clarence and leaves him. A depressed Clarence loses his will to continue chasing girls, and spends the rest of his days as a Basement-Dweller with the internet as his only companion.
    • Neutral Ending: The girl decides Clarence is not for her, although they remain somewhat friendly for a time. She introduces him to some of her friends, but he is unable to pursue romance with full vigor due to his initial failure.
    • Good Ending: Clarence and the girl date for a while, although they eventually decide a romance between them is simply not meant to be. They remain friends, and Clarence gains new confidence due to his experience and continues trying to find the woman of his dreams, although the girl continues to hold a special place in his heart.
    • Best Ending: The two fall in Love at First Sight, and Coitus Ensues. Clarence, beyond all belief, is able to not screw up his new-found relationship, and he and the girl are Happily Married and spend the rest of their days together. This is the canon ending, and leads into the sequel.
  • Nintendo Hard
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Clarence totally isn't Christian Weston Chandler. Not at all.
  • No Name Given: Subverted with Clarence's girlfriend. She does have a name in each game — one picked randomly out of a possible three. There is no official name for her, however.
    • In the sequel though, her official name is Sally, which was one of three possible names for her in the game.
  • Noob Cave: Clarence's room.
  • Path of Most Resistance
  • Poison Mushroom: The hamburger. It will give Clarence "breath like an ogre" and make him look fat, which will cost you a lot of points at the date section.
  • Scary Scorpions
  • Shout-Out: The plumber enemies look very similar to Luigi. The narrator even tells you, "Just don't let them near any mushrooms and you should be fine." The credits show you that the enemy is named "Bluigi," making the reference even more obvious.
    • If you get the best ending, it is actually a reference to the other guy. Clarence himself is the 'Mario' based upon how his sprite moves. The girlfriend also looks a little like Pauline.
    • Clarence himself, as well as certain NPCs, have noses resembling Wario's.
    • If you look close enough at the internet trolls you're supposed to kill, they have horns that look very similar to a certain other kind of troll.
  • Story Overwrite: It doesn't matter if you ended the game in your underwear or the fancy executive suit, Clarence will still be wearing his pink suit in the ending cutscenes.
  • Stupid Boss: Clarence's boss may well be, given that he talks in chatspeak and that Generic Company in general seems rather incompetent.
  • Sunglasses at Night: If you get the promotion, Clarence changes into a swanky business suit, complete with sunglasses.
  • Super Not-Drowning Skills: Actually a plot point in the Worst Ending.
  • Temporary Platform
  • Threatening Shark
  • Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: Clarence and the girl in the Best Ending.
  • Understatement: Parodied in the Worst Ending. "Clarence was slightly distressed by the outcome of the date."
    • Also parodied in the Best Ending. "All in all, Clarence was somewhat pleased with the outcome of the evening." *picture of Clarence in bed with the girl with a giant grin on his face*
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential: You can jump on Clarence's pet cat, pet dog, and even his own mom and dad (and then eat their still-beating hearts for sustenance.) The game lampshades it, of course.
  • Wrap Around: Some pits will do this. Lampshaded, of course;
    "Sometimes, space just all like warps in on itself, y'know?"
  • You Bastard: Parodied.
    "Looks like Cuddles, your cat, is free of its regular confinement! Why not put the fluffy bugger out of its misery of coexistence with you, you heartless monster? Go on, just hop on its skull. It'll crack like an egg."

Alternative Title(s):

Clarences Big Chance