"I want, in my life, to get to love somebody who loves me."
"You don't get to re-live your life. That's the whole point.."
As long as we gives a voice to all those who died; as long as we educate the young and as long as we shame those who were there and over-reacted — then we will have suceeded.
— Director Simon Kajser
"And it was those who loved the most... Those by love possessed... They were the ones who fell to the frost."
- Closing Narration
"Torka aldrig tårar utan handskar" ("Never Wipe Tears Without Gloves") is a Swedish mini series in three parts based on three novels by Jonas Gardell (individually subtitled "Love", "Sickness" and "Death"). The series aired in the fall of 2012 and the books were published between 2012 and 2013.Set in Stockholm in the 1980s the series depicts the gay culture of Sweden, the spread of HIV and AIDS and above all the fear and the prejudice that came with the disease. It is narrated by Benjamin, a Jehovah's Witness who is invited to a Christmas party by Paul, a flamboyant homosexual man with a habit of taking young, insecure gay men under his wing. At the party Benjamin meets Rasmus, a young man from the small community of Koppom who moved to Stockholm to be able to explore his sexuality. Benjamin and Rasmus fall in love and begin to build a life together, facing problems such as prejudice and Benjamin not wanting to tell his parents that he is gay, but for the most part having a happy life and a great love. Then HIV and AIDS begins to spread among the gay community and Rasmus finds out he has the disease.The series is based on real people and real experiences of Jonas Gardell, himself a gay man who was around the same age as Benjamin and Rasmus in the eighties. It became a huge hit when it premiered in Sweden and a landmark piece of entertainment. It does not shy away from depicting gay relationships, it was produced by and aired on Swedish public service and when Jonas Gardell was named Homo of the Year at the Swedish Gay Gala in early 2013 it was the Swedish crown princess who handed him the award. BBC Four aired the series in December 2013, under the title "Don't Ever Wipe Tears Without Gloves". The series received great critical acclaim and is now available on DVD with English subtitles.
Adult Fear: Rasmus' parents are more than a little scared he might contract AIDS. Guess what happens... Watching Rasmus' father sob over his dying son is downright heart-wrenching.
The premise itself. A disease that kills you in a horrible way, spreading like wildfire, affecting you and all of your closest friends. Those who get it become outcast by society.
The third book has a heartbreaking scene where Rasmus breaks down over the knowledge that once he's dead he will be put in a black plastic bag labeled "Risk of contagion" and his remains treated like they're garbage.
All Gays Are Promiscuous: One of the prejudices gay men faced in the eighties. It was commonly used against the gay community at the time. Some of the characters in the story are promiscuous (Rasmus loves Benjamin but doesn't want a monogamous relationship at first, Paul Really Gets Around, Reine and Bengt are Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places) but many are not (Benjamin only ever sleeps with Rasmus, Seppo and Lars-Åke are monogamous).
All Gays Love Theater: Averted with Paul (who would rather watch soap operas on video), but played straight with Bengt.
Anachronic Order: The books jump back and forth in the timeline so often that you really need to pay attention to what's going on. The series does the same, though to a lesser extent.
Arc Words: "And God shall wipe away all the tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." Book of Revelation, Chapter 21. It's Benjamin's favorite quote from the Bible and it appears repeatedly through the story.
Ascended Fanboy: Sort of. Erik Engkvist wrote fan mail to Jonas Gardell and Gardell wrote back. Through their correspondence Engkvist told Gardell about his experiences as a gay Jehovah's Witness. When Gardell wrote the book he based Benjamin on Engkvist.
Attending Your Own Funeral: After Benjamin reveals his sexual orientation and refusal to live in celibacy to his parents, they pay him a visit, bringing cake and roses. While they are eating, Benjamin realizes that he is actually attending what his parents consider his funeral, since they will consider him dead once they leave.
Based on a True Story: Some characters are based directly on real people, other are composite characters and some are entirely fictional. The entire series is based on friends of Jonas Gardell and the things they lived through during the eighties.
The Beard: An involuntary example. At Bengt's funeral, his best friend Madde is said to be his girlfriend, to hide the fact that he was gay. She never acted as his beard while he was alive, though.
Book Ends: Each episode opens with the same piece of narration from Benjamin and the same bit of narration closes the last episode.
Benjamin: What is told in this story has happened. And it happened here, in this city. It was like a war, fought in times of peace. In a city where most people continued to live their lives as if nothing had happened, young men fell sick, wasted away and died.
But Not Too Gay: Completely averted. The series includes a couple of sex scenes between men and all gay couples are shown kissing and touching. Adam Pålsson (who plays Rasmus) said in an interview that he and Adam Lundgren (who plays Benjamin) agreed right from the start to allow each other to touch, kiss and caress one another freely anywhere on their bodies. The result is a couple portrayed on screen who display a heck of a lot of physical affection for one another which makes the romance very believable.
In the books there is a mention of an beautiful 19th century chair that was donated to the AIDS ward but was then draped in plastic to stop infection from jeans and underwear-wearing men and that people talked about their disease with their doctor, went home and then killed themselves. In the 2012 segment Benjamin sits his ass down on the normal chair in front of his doctor's table, shakes his hand, asks about his values but needs to ask what those values mean since he constantly forgets about the finer points about his illness, thanks him, get up and goes on with his absolutely normal life.
Driven to Suicide: Several gay men end their lives after being diagnosed, to spare themselves pain and humiliation. One of them is up-and-coming actor Bengt.
Dwindling Party: Most named characters have died of AIDS by the end of the series. The third part is called "Death" for a reason.
Dying Alone: Many of the AIDS victims. Reine is repeatedly stated to have chosen this, so as not to bring "shame" on his family. Benjamin, who has been ostracized by his family and lost most of his freinds to AIDS, fears that this will be his fate, but he survives.
Gallows Humor: Paul gripes about friends who commit suicide when they get their HIV diagnosis. He claims they should have the decency to waste away and not leave their poor friends to carry heavy bodies in caskets at the funerals.
Good Victims, Bad Victims: Paul angrily comments on a newspaper article that expresses shock and outrage over the fact that the first "innocent" victim of AIDS has died. (As in, someone who contracted the disease from a blood transfusion, rather than sexual contact.)
Paul: Innocent?! Then what does that make the rest of us, guilty?
Nothing Is the Same Anymore: Most noticeable during the last time the group gathers to celebrate Christmas. The only survivor's at this point are Paul, Seppo and Benjamin. Paul only has days to live, to boot. Instead of having the usual grand feast, they sit in the kitchen with no Christmas decorations and eat simple food.
Narrator All Along: Björn Kjellman stars as the Narrator, gives narration that isn't plot specific but is about AIDS in general in Sweden. Then at the opening of the third part we start at the 2010's where Kjellman enter an apartment, goes past a wall full of Pictures of the characters we know and love, takes a call on his mobile phone and calls himself... Benjamin Nilsson.
Paul: Girlfriend... It is one thing that this beautiful young man wasn't allowed to live his life — but must they deny him that short life that he had?!
At Lars-Åke's funeral, Benjamin curses when he hears that donations are being made to the Cancer Fund (implying that Lars-Åke had died of "legitimate" cancer, rather than "shameful, self-inflicted" AIDS).
Rules Lawyer: Paul tells the tale of getting a blow-job by an Orthodox Jew. When pointing out the paradox of this the man quipped that he had indeed "Never laid with a man as one lies with a woman" — he had been on his knees the whole time.
Sad Clown: Paul. As noted by Benjamin, much of his incessant joking and over-the-top mannerisms come off as forced. During the group's final Christmas gathering, this exchange takes place: