Roleplay / Gregoryisgodistan

Gregoryisgodistan is a nation in the online nation simulator NationStates. Founded on June 22, 2013, it is ruled by a leader named Lord Almighty Gregory who proclaims himself to be an almighty deity and demands the public worship him. Gregoryisgodistan is widely known as one of the worst dictatorships in NationStates, with numerous capital crimes as well as many crazy laws and public executions on a daily basis. It even has Human Sacrifice to Lord Almighty Gregory as well as legalized slavery.

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This Roleplay contains examples of:

• A God Am I: Lord Almighty Gregory in a nutshell.
• Airstrip One: Instead of city and town names, there are 36 numbered Districts, each with a number of Wards, which also have numbers.
• Arch-Enemy: Numerous, but the biggest ones are East Saintland (or "east Saintland" as Gregoryisgodistan calls it) and San Jose Guayabal.
• Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking:
  • The long list of capital crimes in Gregoryisgodistan, including the three in the trope name, assault, saying the word "coconut", farting, sneezing, treason, and about a hundred other things.
  • According to King Petrus XX, the chaos caused by the Enemy Crushers at World Cup of Hockey 23 includes "The destruction of the St. Petrus gallows, several murders (along with several other attempted murders) and the theft of a taxi.
• Big Brother Is Watching: There are spy cameras in every home. Attempting to locate or disable them is a capital crime, as is accidentally disabling them.
• Blatant Lies: Almost everything that comes out of Lord Almighty Gregory's mouth, such as the claims to have assassinated King Paulus XV, the claims that they killed 10 million people in Saintland with solar-powered bombs, which is ten times the actual population, and the claim that the military killed Maria Polus and the woman claiming to be her is an impostor. Plus the fact that he's God.
• The Brute:
  • Enemy Crushers are morbidly obese thugs, weighing at least 400 and often up to 850 pounds, who crush enemies in an effort to torture them and extract information, then often kill them anyway for fun.
  • The national football and ice hockey teams have Enemy Crushers who play for them and will regularly crush referees for making calls that go against them, fans for heckling them, or opponents for no good reason at all.
• Cassandra Truth: Gregoryisgodistani assassins really did kill Consul Piazza, but everyone outside Gregoryisgodistan believes it was done by Feministvs Sanctvsterra and that Lord Almighty Gregory's claims of responsibility are propaganda (see False Flag Operation below.) It doesn't help that Gregoryisgodistan has falsely claimed to assassinate several world leaders before as well as ridiculously inflating death totals from their solar-powered bombs by six to seven orders of magnitude.
• Church Militant: Gregoryisgodistan has an extremely large army, and all citizens between ages 5 and 105 are eligible for conscription if selected. They have fought many wars in the name of Lord Almighty Gregory, resulting in millions of deaths worldwide.
• Crapsack World: Constantly living in fear of execution for a trivial offense, subject to selection in the annual Slave Draft, forced to worship a man as a crazed deity, unable to eat anything except government-issued prune juice and gruel rations laced with mind control drugs, things are pretty bad.... Unless you're a government VIP.
• Creation Myth: Lord Almighty Gregory supposedly created the Multiverse on November 5, Year 0000. That day is observed in Gregoryisgodistan every year as Creation Day, and everyone fasts for 24 hours while chanting constant praise of Lord Almighty Gregory. They're not even allowed to go to the bathroom.
• Disproportionate Retribution:
  • If you commit any of numerous capital crimes, including perfectly innocuous acts like sneezing or farting, you and your entire family will be executed.
  • They also once executed a soccer player for missing a penalty kick in the Cup of Harmony final that would have continued the shootout. That, and they have "literally fired" more than a few soccer coaches, two of whom were actually burned at the stake and one of whom was fired out of a cannon and over a cliff.
• Does This Remind You of Anything?:
  • The country itself, including many claims about Lord Almighty Gregory (such as him never pooping) is based on North Korea.
  • Many of the crazy capital crimes are based on crimes elsewhere. For instance, chewing gum is illegal in Singapore, and riding an ugly horse is illegal in Wilbur, Washington, though neither of those are capital crimes in real life. Writing a story about how you shot your neighbor' pet dinosaur? Someone was arrested for that too.
• Et Tu, Brute?: Whenever an athlete gets executed for poor performance and there is an executioner on the team, guess who does it? And when they fired the soccer coach over a cliff to his death for his poor performance, the cannon they used was borrowed from the circus by midfielder Guy Who Cleans Up Behind The Elephant at the Circus P0120AZNNAU.
• Even Evil Has Standards: Even though Gregoryigodistan is one of the most evil nations in the multiverse, it is very critical of Saintland's oppression of women. In Gregoryisgodistan, men and women have equal rights (albeit not many, unless they are government VIPs) and the government is strongly critical of any nation whose laws say otherwise.
  • Additionally, Gregoryisgodistan has criticized certain other nations for their homophobia, and gays and lesbians are treated well there. While you can only have sexual relations with someone of the same sex if they're your spouse, who is assigned by the government, the same is true of someone of the opposite sex. Go figure.

• Falling Chandelier of Doom: Played With in "Kill The King", Gregoryisgodistan's musical threat to King Petrus XX of Saintland in WorldVision
  Kill the King, kill the King
  He will fall like a chandelier
  Kill the King, kill the King
  Lord Greg is without peer

  — Singer 0PALZLAMZLAPA
• False Flag Operation: The military once blew up several sporting venues and bombed a beach in their own country, then blamed it on New Wolfopolis. This was done as revenge for New Wolfopolis arresting a Gregoryisgodistani Pervert Chaser (see below) for cutting off the privates of an opposing baseball player who was competing in the nude while in that country.
  • They also accidentally framed Feministvs Sanctvsterra for assassinating the Consul of the Free Republics.
    • It was much more complicated than that. Gregoryisgodistani assassins killed Consul Piazza prior to a soccer match in the Free Republics. Just before halftime, an assassin from an underground terrorist group known as The Brotherhood attempted to assassinate Samuel Izmailov, considered a favorite for the next Consul election, but was caught. Rather than being forced to admit the truth under torture, she falsely claimed to be a member of Feministvs Sanctvsterra and took responsibility for both assassinations. As a result, nobody outside Gregoryisgodistan believes their claims that they assassinated the Consul.
    • Gregoryisgodistan had absolutely zero incentive to frame Feministvs Sanctvsterra for the crime, considering it nearly led to the downfall of the one organization capable of overthrowing the Church of Saintland, Gregoryisgodistan's Arch-Enemy.
  • Lord Almighty Gregory has pointed out the (In-Universe) Fridge Logic in the claim that the same individual who killed Piazza tried to kill Izmailov as well - Piazza was killed with a gun, so why wouldn't the killer shoot Izmailov dead instantly rather than stab him and risk getting caught before he was dead (which was exactly what happened)?
  • According to Gregoryisgodistani propaganda, King Paulus XX of Saintland was assassinated by a Gregoryisgodistani death squad and replaced by his identical twin brother, also named Paulus. A few months later, when King Paulus was Killed Off for Real, Gregoryisgodistan claimed that the "twin" was killed by the Sanctii military in a False Flag Operation to cover up the fact that Gregoryisgodistan had already killed his "brother." In reality, the actual King Paulus XX was killed by The Brotherhood, the same shadowy group that tried to kill Izmailov, he does not have a twin brother with the same name, and even if he did, said brother would not become King upon his death.
    • It goes even deeper than that. The Brotherhood then proceeded to frame Feministvs Sanctvsterra for the regicide after being caught following the Izmailov incident, meaning nobody inside or outside Gregoryisgodistan knows who was truly responsible.
• Fun with Acronyms: The NATO Option, or Nuclear Attack Troop Obliteration. Doubles as a Shout-Out to The Day After, as it's based on NATO actions in that film.
• Grammar Nazi: Or rather, Grammar Enforcement Officer, who will round you up and send you to a Reeducation Camp if you use bad grammar.
  • There are also Spelling Enforcement Officers, Vocabulary Enforcement Officers, and Mathematics Enforcement Officers, plus appropriate Reeducation Camps.
  • During one football tournament, after the referees decided to review a play to see if it was a touchdown or the ball carrier was down at the 1 yard-line, the referee declared that "After reviewing the play, the ball crossed the line before the runner's knee was down" and a Grammar Enforcement Officer (who was also the backup quarterback) had him arrested for using a dangling modifier. Even though the revised call favored his team.
    • Actually, since the match was not being played in Gregoryisgodistan and it would not be easy to transport the official to a Reeducation Camp, the Grammar Enforcement Officer ordered him executed by Enemy Crusher (see above) and several of the Enemy Crushers on the team carried it out.
  • And when we say "football", we mean "American football" since referring to soccer as football will get you sent to a Vocabulary Reeducation Camp.
  • It happened again a few tournaments later, though this time the match was in Gregoryisgodistan so the ref actually went to a reeducation camp.
  • During International Baseball Slam IV, hosted by Gregoryisgodistan, a Grammar Enforcement Officer on the baseball team arrested his teammate for telling him he "did good" during the game earlier that day. He then proceeded to add to the sentence after said teammate attempted to fight the charges while using a grammatical error in every sentence. It ultimately resulted in the teammate receiving a life sentence.
  Construction Worker XUAHAUAH: You did good [today].
  Grammar Enforcement Officer OOA0010: I did well. If I saved a baby from a burning building, that would be doing good. I hereby sentence you to 28 days in a grammar reeducation camp.
  Construction Worker XUAHUAH: But that's not fair.
  Grammar Enforcement Officer OOA0010: You can't start a sentence with "but." Now that's an additional 60 days for a second offense, for a total of 88 days.
  Construction Worker XUAHUAH: If I was you, I'd knock it off.
  Grammar Enforcement Officer OOA0010: If you were me, you'd know how to use the subjunctive properly. That's another 180 days for a total of 268 days.
  Construction Worker XUAHUAH: I have a team to play with.
  Grammar Enforcement Officer OOA0010: You ended a sentence with a preposition. One more year; now you're at one year, 268 days.
  Construction Worker XUAHUAH: I could care less about grammar rules.
  Grammar Enforcement Officer OOA0010: No, you couldn't care less. That's five more years for more repeat offenses. Now you're at six years, 268 days.
  Construction Worker XUAHUAH: How about if you and me take this outside?
  Grammar Enforcement Officer OOA0010: How about if you and I don't take this outside because that's another 10 years, for a grand total of 16 years, 268 days. If you stop now, you'll get out before you die.
  Construction Worker XUAHUAH: You are literally the biggest moron in the world.
  Grammar Enforcement Officer OOA0010: I'm only about 6 feet tall and 180 pounds. I'm not literally the biggest anything. If anything, Enemy Crusher Porky von Porker is literally the biggest idiot in the world for getting himself arrested, but it certainly isn't me. 25 more years. Now you're at 41 years, 268 days.
  Construction Worker XUAHUAH: I'm not going to no "Grammar Reeducation Camp."
  Grammar Enforcement Officer OOA0010: That's a double negative, but technically it's true. You're not going to no grammar reeducation camp. So I will not give you an additional 50 years for that. The rest of the sentence still stands.
  Construction Worker XUAHUAH: [tries to run away] Hiding in the cupboard, you'll never catch me!
  Grammar Enforcement Officer OOA0010: You just told me you were hiding in the cupboard. So I will easily catch you. Also, there is no cupboard in the clubhouse. Most importantly, that's a dangling modifier. 50 more years. You're at 91 years, 268 days. Maybe by some miracle, you will get out of this alive. One more grammar mistake and you'll be sentenced to life in a grammar reeducation camp. Come with me now.
  Construction Worker XUAHUAH: Can I at least go to the bathroom first?
  Grammar Enforcement Officer OOA0010: I think you mean may you go to the bathroom, and NO. That is another grammar mistake, so now you are going away for life. You will learn grammar 23 hours a day and have one hour to eat, sleep and go to the bathroom. Come with me NOW or I will get the enemy crushers to make you.
• Human Sacrifice: Citizens are randomly selected for Human Sacrifice in a matter similar to Jury Duty. Apparently they consider this an honor.
• Innocent Swearing: At WorldVision 30, the Gregoryisgodistani singer was singing "The Execution Song", which lists all of the offenses punishable by death in Gregoryisgodistan. When she got to the line "Don't Say Coconut, That is a No-No" she was executed right on the stage for saying "Coconut." The Secret Police who execute her lampshade this by saying she really should have thought this through better considering the song was called "The Execution Song."
• Moral Event Horizon: Many people view the World Cup 74 cycle as this if Gregoryisgodistan hadn't already crossed it, as it included an unprovoked full-scale nuclear strike on another nation leaving no survivors, the addition of numerous nations to the Enemy List, threats galore, attacks on opposing soccer players, and the coach suffering a brutal public execution for poor performance along with his entire family, including his one year-old son.
• Nobody Poops: On Creation Day, at least.
  • And Lord Almighty Gregory all the time, allegedly.
• Noodle Incident: Clown 0813UUXB (aka Clowney the Clown) performs at kids' birthday parties and once performed at a pedophile's birthday party as part of a police investigation. He doesn't like to talk about the details, other than that as a result of the incident, the pedophile's privates were cut off by a Pervert Chaser and he was executed.
• Obvious Rule Patch: Domestic violence used to be a major problem in Gregoryisgodistan, as the law that an offender's family be executed as well meant that victims wouldn't report these crimes, lest they be executed too. Eventually, the law was changed so that in cases of domestic violence, only the offender is executed and not his/her family.
  • The law was also modified so that individuals who report a family member for a capital crime are not executed, though the rest of their family still is (unless they help report the crime.)
• Poe's Law: At WorldVision 34, Gregoryisgodistan gave full points to Gregory Llama Land's satirical song "Here's To The Land of Gregoryisgodistan" (based on the Phil Ochs song "Here's to the State of Mississippi"), believing the praise to be perfectly serious.
• Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil: Zig-Zagged. Sex crimes are treated severely enough that the offender's privates are cut off by a Pervert Chaser prior to the (usual) execution. However, the definition of "sex crime" is broad enough to include not just rape and molestation but also streaking, mooning, indecent exposure, and being in public without a shirt, all of which are also capital crimes.
  • Not all sex crimes are capital offenses. For instance, telling a sexual joke is punishable by an additional fine of 50,000 greggygodbucks (only about three dollars due to hyperinflation creating Ridiculous Exchange Rates), while drawing pictures of genitalia will also get you six months of slave labor. Both are still punishable by dickapitation and castration.
• Ridiculous Exchange Rates: The current exchange rate is about 160,000 greggygodbucks to one dollar, with the currency being consistently more and more devalued due to hyperinflation. This led to an incident where a football referee was given a one million greggygodbuck speeding ticket on the way to a game and died of a heart attack due to the shock at seeing the amount. At the time, 1 million greggygodbucks was only about 135 dollars, and now it's less than 8.

• Show Within a Show: Several RPs consist of episode recaps of hit TV shows Costa Lunians Say the Dardnest Things and Real Husbands of Saintland, both of which insult other nations.
• Shout-Out: Costa Lunians Say The Dardnest Things and Real Husbands of Saintland
  • The NATO Option, dropping nuclear bombs over your own country to stop advancing troops, is a Shout-Out to The Day After, where NATO did exactly the same thing to West Germany to stop Soviet troops from crossing the Rhine into France and taking over the rest of Europe. In-universe, it stands for Nuclear Attack Troop Obliteration.
• Suspiciously Specific Denial:
  • Invoked many times, such as "We do not drug our gruel with mind control drugs. Anyone who says that is a liar." Often linked directly to the trope page.
  • They once even said "This is not a suspiciously specific denial."
• Take That!: "Real Husbands of Saintland is a Gregoryisgodistani reality show. Like all reality shows, it is not remotely realistic."
• Taking You with Me: The Enemy Crusher Biggy McParis Option, an Expy of the Samson Option, named after the Enemy Crusher who caused the gallows of St. Petrus to collapse under his own weight as he was being hanged for attempting to crush opposing hockey players.
• Would Not Shoot a Civilian: Totally and utterly subverted. Gregoryisgodistan's "human blitzkrieg" strategy deliberately targets civilians. Heavily armed soldiers will parachute into the enemy nation and shoot everyone they see, civilian or soldier, while setting fire to every building they come across.
• You Are Number 6: Commoners' names consist of their job title plus a government ID sequence, for instance Plumber KL0030ASDP. Only government VIPs get real names, and even those are preceded by their job title. Only Lord Almighty Gregory himself and his wife Cleffie Martinez do not have names which follow that format.

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