Tony draws Carmela's civilian cousin Brian further into his circle, inviting him to the welcome home party for recently-released Paulie Walnuts at the Bada Bing. The next morning, Brian, Tony and Ralph are the only partygoers left. Going out for breakfast, the conversation turns to real estate and Brian offhandedly mentions a HUD scam he heard about in college. Despite insisting they are just talking as friends, Tony and Ralph are impressed enough to carry out the scam for themselves. Tony brings the plan to Assemblyman Zellman and his associate Maurice Tiffen, who runs a non-profit low-income housing organization that can be used as a front to buy up derelict properties. After Tony and Ralph meet with Zellman and Tiffen, they agree to the plan. After the meeting, Zellman confesses to Tony that he is now dating Irina, Tony's former goomah. Tony doesn't seem to mind.
After watching an episode of Murder One on television, Adriana gets the idea that a wife cannot be called to testify against her husband, and quickly jumps on the opportunity, asking Christopher to set a wedding date. Christopher is receptive, but when the topic of children comes up, Adriana confesses the secret that she may be unable to conceive. Christopher quickly storms out in anger and shoots up heroin in his car. He later consults Tony, Silvio, and others, who all recommend he marry Adriana despite her possible infertility. Lifelong bachelor Paulie is the exception, insisting that marriage and the mob don't mix, but nobody takes his input very seriously. As the wedding plan is set, Adriana tells the other mob wives - Carmela in particular is elated to hear the news.
Tony drives AJ around Newark, first showing him a church and commenting on the integrity of the structure, attributing it to the dedication and craftsmanship of Italian-American stonemasons like Tony's grandfather. AJ is mostly disinterested in Tony's history lesson. Later they stop by the properties Tony plans to flip, and Tony has a confrontation with some of the crackheads who live there, a brother and sister who tell him to leave their block while he and AJ make fun of them. When the brother shows Tony a gun, he relents and leaves, not wanting to start trouble in front of his son. AJ is much more interested in this encounter. At a session with Dr. Melfi, Tony complains about his son's skewed priorities, but Melfi changes the subject to Tony's temper problem, referencing his recent outburst in her office after learning about Gloria Trillo's death, as well as other incidents in which he was physically intimidating towards her. Tony references his de-escalation of the situation with the crackheads as an instance of improvement with his temper problem. Dr. Melfi asks Tony to have the same patience with her he'd have with a crackhead.
As Furio waits in the car while Tony meets with Zellman and Tiffen, he looks through an envelope of photographs, focusing on pictures of Carmela. He calls her under the pretense of asking if he left a pair of sunglasses at the house, and takes the opportunity to compliment her appearance in the photos. Both quickly back away from this more overt flirtation, with Carmela quickly steering the phone call in a more formal direction. Fearing he has crossed a line, Furio refuses to go inside the Soprano home for coffee the next time he picks Tony up, leaving Carmela disappointed.
As Adriana tries on wedding dresses with a bridesmaid, she casually references the law against compelling spouses to testify against each other. The bridesmaid is skeptical, claiming this is an urban myth. Adriana consults with a lawyer, learning the stipulations of the law in question and given the short answer that she can probably be compelled even after marrying Christopher. The FBI, meanwhile, is optimistic about the upcoming marriage, seeing it not as a roadblock but as an opportunity to get their informant closer to the organization. In light of this discouraging news, Adriana has trouble putting on a happy face at her own bridal shower.
Paulie meets with Johnny Sack in person, continuing to feed him information. This time, he tells Johnny about the HUD scam. Johnny is bothered by this lucrative real estate deal Tony is running without cutting him in, and the fire is further stoked when Paulie mentions that the scam is mainly a collaboration between Tony and Ralph, who Johnny still despises. Meanwhile, Tony makes an unexpected visit to Zellman's house. After briefly encountering Irina, which unsettles Tony, he gets down to business, telling Zellman that the crackheads squatting in the HUD properties need to be cleared out so that $7,000 worth of piping can be stripped from the houses to maximize the profits of the scam. Zellman is reluctant, and assigns responsibility to Tiffen, suggesting he send black kids from his after-school program to do the task, as white men violently clearing the properties would draw too much attention. Tiffen is reluctant to carry this out, but ultimately none of the men want to lose the $7,000. A group of kids roll up to the block and open fire into the crackhouses. Among the squatters forced out are the brother and sister Tony had confronted earlier and the woman's young daughter. During the shootout, the brother catches a ricocheted bullet in the groin, while the child witnesses everything.
As the properties are stripped for extra profit, Zellman visits them and has an uncomfortable encounter with a young boy who asks if the houses will be nice now. After making their profit, Zellman expresses guilt to Tiffen, who has made his peace with the immorality of their actions despite once being fairly idealistic. Tony, meanwhile, invites cousin Brian into his house to give him the gift of a $15,000 watch, saying it's a reward for giving him the idea for the HUD scam. Brian is disturbed to learn that the scam he told Tony about was actually implemented. Later, Tony is bothered when he hears a Chi Lites song on the radio. He impulsively drives to Zellman's house late at night and beats the half-naked Zellman with a belt as a bizarre form of punishment for dating Irina. Zellman is left writhing in pain on the floor while Tony walks out, and Irina watches helplessly.
Tropes
- Actually Pretty Funny: Tony can't help but smirk a little when Dr. Melfi asks him to show her the same degree of restraint that he did towards a 'crackhead'.
- Armor-Piercing Question:
- When Tony drives out to an old Italian church to show AJ the virtues of Italian construction methods and how the Italian immigrants gather at the church from miles around to keep its history alive. AJ then asks him why they don't then? There's a long pause as Tony realizes he doesn't have a good answer for that, so he changes the subject and just tells AJ to buy land when he can.
- A Black kid in Newark asks Assemblyman Zelman, "Is there going to be a nice house here now?" Not a word in reply emerges from Zelman's mouth.
- Belt Whipping: Tony gives Zelman one for seeing Irina.
- Blatant Lies:
- The HUD scam itself relies on a corrupt property appraiser artificially inflating the value of the Garside Street houses through a false appraisal, with Tony and his partners pocketing the windfall.
- Johnny Sack telling Paulie that Carmine thinks the world of him.
- Also, Johnny saying he's hurt that Paulie even asked whether his information leak will be kept confidential.
- Caught in the Bad Part of Town: A downplayed example. The locals in the rundown Black ghetto make it clear to Tony and A.J. that they aren't welcome if they aren't there to buy drugs. Despite one of the locals drawing a gun, and Tony Tempting Fate being a Deadpan Snarker, they're allowed to drive out without further incident.
- Chekhov's Classroom: Brian explains how a previous HUD scam worked to Tony and Ralph, both of whom don't even skip a beat into implementing one of their own.
- Crazy Jealous Guy: An unusual one of the "dog in the manger" sort. Tony has no use left for Irina, and yet he can't stand the thought of Zelman helping himself to her.
- Descent into Addiction: Chris is falling harder and harder into heroin use. Doping up in his Range Rover, and almost getting into an accident with that Range Rover, both double as instances of Foreshadowing.
- Despair Event Horizon: Adriana starts to veer hard towards one when her Hope Spot based on spousal privilege gets crushed. She's the least joyous and enthusiastic of all the participants at her own bridal shower.
- Don't You Like It?: Brian is very reluctant to accept the gift of an expensive new watch from Tony, as it ties in with his reaction (noted below) of My God, What Have I Done?.
- The Dreaded: Tiffen is initially reluctant to send black youths armed with guns to rout out the squatters. All it takes is for Zelman to indicate that guys like Tony are not to be crossed to bring him in line.
- Evil Is Petty: Tony has no use for Irina, but just the thought of Zelman seeing her after the fact is enough to provoke Tony into Belt Whipping him.
- Gilligan Cut: Tiffen getting the HUD application approved cuts to Tony and Brian entering Tony's basement. The sequence conveys the Irony that Tony's basement doesn't look that different from the rundown houses that are the subject of the HUD scam.
- Golden Age: Tony relates to A.J. that Newark was once a great Italian-American neighborhood and the equivalent of Ellis Island for immigrants coming to New Jersey. He bemoans that it has since become a dilapidated Black ghetto.
- Greed: A defining attribute for many of the main characters in the series, especially Tony. But it takes center stage and up to eleven in this episode. The HUD scam itself amounts to taking selfish advantage of funds that are meant to ameliorate the impoverished conditions of Black urban communities. But even that isn't good enough for Tony. He wants to maximize value by pillaging the houses for their piping, even if it means having Tiffen send youth gangsters armed with guns to roust out the squatters.
- Tony also physically assaults Zelman for daring to date his old flame Irina, not because he wants to get her back, but because Tony can't stand seeing someone enjoying something that was once "his".
- Groin Attack: The squatter who had confronted Tony earlier ends up catching a ricochet bullet from one of the youth gangsters right where it hurts.
- He's Back!: The welcome home party for Paulie.
- Heroism Won't Pay the Bills: One of the reasons Tiffen involves himself in the HUD scum is that he's undergoing an expensive divorce.
- Hope Spot: Adriana hopes she can force herself out of her Morton's Fork by getting married to Chris, thereby protecting herself against any legal compulsion to testify. However, the realistic outcome happens...
- Hypocrite:
- The HUD scam itself is such on multiple levels. First, it involves enriching guys like Tony the Mafiaso, Zelman the Corrupt Politician, and Tiffen the Sell-Out with government funds that are meant to improve impoverished Black neighborhoods, not exploit them further. Tiffen also heads a youth program that's meant to get Black youth out of youth gangs, not encourage them to sink even further into the lifestyle. And yet he does the latter, albeit with some coercion, because Tony really wants that extra $7,000 for the piping in the houses.
- While Tony boasts about how Italians like them have kept Saint Elzear’s Church alive by continuing to attend services even after the old neighborhood deteriorated, AJ points out that Tony himself has never brought the family to a Sunday Mass there.
- I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Once Furio recognizes his feelings for Carmela, he becomes uncomfortable with the repercussions, especially should Tony find out. He begins distancing himself from her, staying out in the car instead of coming to the house.
- In Love with the Gangster's Girl: Furio now moves squarely into this territory. He gazes longingly at a photo of Carmela from Tony's glove compartment. He then comes up with losing his sunglasses as an excuse to call her, just to hear the sound of her voice. But it also coincides with a parallel move into I Want My Beloved to Be Happy.
- Insult Backfire: Paulie tries to hold out his single status as a more enjoyable life than being shackled in a marriage. Silvio and Tony end up turning the joke around on Paulie.
- Law of Inverse Fertility: Chris and Adriana want children together. Problem is that Adriana had her uterus damaged by a previous abortion.
- Loophole Abuse: Adriana watches an episode of Murder One and gets the idea that getting legally married to Chris can shield her from testifying, thereby giving her a different kind of Third Option out of the Morton's Fork she's been placed in. It doesn't work as she imagines, though.
- Loose Lips: Paulie leaks information about the HUD scam to Johnny Sack.
- Maintain the Lie: Brian takes the power drill up with him, to maintain Tony's Blatant Lie to Carmela that they were discussing tools in the basement instead of the HUD scam.
- Manipulative Bastard: Johnny Sack continues to stroke Paulie's ego for information.
- More Dakka: How the youth gangsters hired by Tiffen chase the squatters out of the Garside Street houses. Some Batter Up! is mixed in too when they catch a stray squatter close enough to them.
- My God, What Have I Done?:
- Brian has this reaction when he realizes that Tony took his explanation of how a HUD scam works and put it into motion.
- Assemblyman Zelman develops one after being on the receiving end of the Armor-Piercing Question from the kid in Newark noted above. Even Tiffen notices that he's unusually quiet afterward.
- Non Sequitur: A homeless man to the squatter brother and sister, just after they got chased out of the houses by youth gangsters using More Dakka: "I told you young people, that crack is some bad shit."
- Noodle Incident: We're never told why "Nancy the Laughing Face" by Frank Sinatra is Paulie's song; most likely it refers to an Old Flame.
- Pet the Dog:
- Tony gives Chris some surprisingly tender advice about his love life and convinces him to forgive Adriana.
- Silvio joins Tony in defending Ade to Christopher.
- Politically Incorrect Villain:
- Ralph makes no bones about viewing Blacks as 'deadbeats' living off the crutch of government assistance.
- Paulie refers to Assemblyman Zelman as a "Christ-killer".
- Sarcasm Mode: The F.B.I. agents don't exactly wish Adriana and Chris happiness when they discuss the possibility of the pair getting married.
- Sell-Out: Assemblyman Zelman and Tiffen admit to each other that they've become sellouts, and a far cry from the younger idealists they once were.
- Suspiciously Apropos Music: "Oh Girl" by the Chi-Lites is playing just as Assemblyman Zelman lets Tony know that he's now seeing Irina. It also doubles as Meaningful Echo, since Tony hearing it on the radio a second time during the episode prompts his Belt Whipping of Zelman.
- Took a Level in Cynic: Both Assemblyman Zelman and Tiffen admit to each other, years after having started out as young idealists and getting nowhere with it, that they've become sell outs.
- Ungrateful Bastard:
- Tony gives Paulie a big wad of cash and throws a welcome back party for him. So it's a given Tony has a negative reaction when Paulie brings up his financial grievances right away.
- Paulie in turn feels the same way about Tony never having visited him, or called, during the stint in jail.
- Wrong Genre Savvy: Adriana decides to marry Christopher so that through Spousal Privilege she won't have to testify against him, an idea she got from a TV show. An actual lawyer has to explain to her that that's not how it works.
