Recap / The Nostalgia Critic S 4 E 38

Release: October 8, 2011

Film: The Haunting (1999)

This review contains examples of:

• An Aesop: That atmosphere and a strong characterization driven story make for better horror than how the remake handles its horror and plot.
  NC: I mean, when you get down to it, what is The Haunting about?
  Eleanor: It's about family!
  NC: NO, IT'S NOT...! (instantly calming down) ...No, it's not. It's about being scared, and I hate to break it to you, folks, but redemption isn't scary. The original is scary. There's no cartoon ghosts, dumbass subplots, or Disney-style good versus evil scenarios. It's just a ghost story, and a brilliant one at that. But, hell, let's remove that for a second and just look at this film on its own. It's still crap. The effects are laughable, the story is childish, and even its means of building suspense are totally backwards and nonsensical. It only gets worse every time I see it. It hurts me inside. I hope it burns in hell like that black bloated Beethoven bitch bucket at the end!
• Big "WHAT?!": See Head Desk.
• Call-Back: Critic says that Jan De Bont once made a tornado growl.
  • "Tiiiiiiiimiiiiiiing!"
• Captain Obvious: Critic hates Luke for being this, to the point where he's happy to see him die.
  Critic as Luke: Spinach is green. I'm just throwing it out there.
• Character Development: While he still thinks Girl on Girl Is Hot, especially when Catherine Zeta-Jones is one of them, he can also still work his bigger brain and be grossed out by the film using sexuality as just fanservice.
• Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Critic is horrified about his Freak Out and admits to thinking of impaling Jan le Bont with a tetherball pole.
• Dope Slap: Critic gets a couple for making a sexual comments and says he deserved them.
  • The third time, he stopped the hand and gave himself a slap.
• Freak Out: Critic's imitation of Jan De Bont.
  "I AM THE MASTER OF FUCKING SUBLTETY!"
• Head Desk: Critic does this in reaction to when Eleanor's big reveal.
• Hockey Mask and Chainsaw: Critic assumes the Dudleys' son greets people this way.
• In Memoriam: When two extras are kicked out of the house, Critic gives a moment of silence for them, calling the two "Don't Know" and "Don't Care". He later does one for a completely pointless scene.invoked
• Is This What Anger Feels Like?: Critic is a bit scared after his long, angry tirade.
• invokedJumping the Shark: Critic points out the scene where Luke loses his head as this, in the style of a football announcer.
• Lighter and Softer: Critic harshly criticizes the remake for throwing out the psychological depth and atmosphere of the original film in favor of a trite Good Vs. Evil story where the ghosts unambiguously exist.
  NC: How about Crain was the mastermind the whole time?! And he turns into this giant evil monster! And he makes all the scary faces! And then all the little Casper ghosts are like "OH, SAVE US! OH, SAVE US! HE'S GONNA KILL US, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE ALREADY DEAD! AAAAAAAHHH!!" Oh, God, there are so many complex issues here. Alright, and then, we're gonna see Eleanor literally—LITERALLY— defeat him with the power of love!"
• Madness Mantra: "I'M THE ADULT! I'M THE ADULT!"
• Manchild: What Critic makes Jan De Bont out to be during his mental breakdown near the end of the review.
• Nightmare Face: Critic sees one in his pillow, scaring him.
• Running Gag: "Really creepy".
  • Critic getting dope-slapped for making sexual remarks.
• Shout-Out
  • Critic shows a clips of gay stereotypes from In Living Color!, The Simpsons, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (despite South Park being satire) and Will & Grace.
  • "Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby."
  • "You will not give me Leia's buns of fun!"
  • Critic says the CGI effects are as creepy as Wallmasters.
  • "Grim Grinning Ghosts" plays during the climax.
  • Music from the Goofy short "How to Play Football" is heard during the "jumping the shark" joke.
  • He refers to Hugh Crane's ghost as The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Wolverine's flatulence and a see-through Wolfman.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Owen Wilson says that he's going to be in Ben Stiller movies because they're intentionally funny.
• Something Else Also Rises: When Critic finds out that Theo is bisexual, a nuclear explosion goes off in the background, and later a champagne cork pops.
• Take That!
  • Critic says the kid at the beginning can open Hamlet with his opening line, with a fake New Yorker review saying he's "worse than Jake Lloyd".
  • Critic says that Liam Neeson's voice can put an insomniac to sleep.
  • Critic refers to Theo as "Lady Gaga".
  • The ghostly statue tries to drown Liam Neeson for being in Clash of the Titans.

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"Really creepy."