- Date First Aired: 04/02/1993
The leisure centre is raising money for a new trampoline so that they can introduce synchronized trampolining and the staff is doing it in a multitude of ways, including Gavin running a game where you can hit Tim with sponges (100 sponges per pound). Coming to this is a man named Michael T. Farrell III, who seems to be looking for Laura. It's also Laura's birthday today and Carole has written a book, Mistress of Kinvara, which she wants Brittas' opinion on (although everyone else is enjoying it). Too bad that Brittas is on an eight-hour silence thanks to Julie and can't give his opinion right now. Complicating matters is when Helen comes in telling Brittas that if anyone asks, she's been at the leisure centre all morning (although Farrell is able to help her with disguising her appearance).
Farrell tries to make it into the pool but it's in use for a sponsored swim. Regardless, he goes into the gallery but is stopped by Brittas, who tries to get him to leave: the resulting argument leads to Brittas breaking his sponsored silence. Whilst he's ridding the centre of Farrell, Brittas finds out that Helen has been convicted of shoplifting, which she has a habit of doing whilst pregnant. During this, Farrell decides to twist the rules by paying for the trampoline out of his own pocket. Of course, when Brittas finds out, he's furious and tries to get Farrell to leave once again. However, the staff allows him to get a free ticket. Farrell also shows interest in Carole's book and suggests giving it to his brother, who runs several publishing houses. However, Brittas tells her to leave the writing to the writers, causing her to give up her dreams of becoming a writer.
Brittas tells Laura about Michael and she reveals something surprising about the man - he's her husband. Laura confronts Michael and it's also revealed that Farrell has been estranged from her due to his habit of cheating on her with other women. Farrell is looking for Laura to produce his heir as his father is threatening to write him out of the will if he doesn't do so or gets a divorce. However, Laura refuses and leaves. As she's getting changed, Brittas comes in and apologizes for his behavior. This is enough for Laura to produce a "The Reason You Suck" Speech about his qualities, which concludes in a fairly dramatic manner - namely, her kissing him. This confuses Brittas greatly, who asks Helen whether Laura might be in love with him (although she denies it). On the bright side, the issue with Helen's shoplifting has been taken care of. On the downside, Brittas wants her to physically apologize to them and the episode ends with him dragging her to the store.
Tropes featured in this episode:
- Ancestral Name: Subverted when Michael T. Farrell III starts talking about an apparent son of his and Laura called "Michael T. Farrell IV".Michael: There's been a bit of talk at home about Michael T. Farrell IV lately.Laura: What about him?Michael: Well, the fact that you haven't produced him yet.
- Auto Erotica: Apparently, Carole's manuscript involves a lot of love-making on buses.
- Bag of Holding: Helen is shown to have a primal desire to go shoplifting when she becomes pregnant. After a significant amount of stuff is extracted from her coat, Brittas asks if there is anything else stored there. Helen lifts her coat up from the back and...Mr. Brittas: Good God, a barbeque set.
- Big Damn Kiss: Laura gives one to Brittas after enduring three series of annoyance-filled build-up.
- Birthday Episode: Laura has her birthday today, something that Michael appears to have forgotten.
- A Birthday, Not a Break: Laura has to deal with her Smug Snake ex-husband bothering her at work on her birthday.
- Blackmail Backfire: After Brittas breaks his silence in front of Farrell, Farrell tries to blackmail him, offering to not tell anyone that he saw Brittas break his silence as long as Brittas allows him to see Laura. Brittas isn't having any of it, however, being unwilling to lie, and he doesn't allow Farrell to do so. For bonus points, he proceeds to reveal to everyone that the silence is over.
- Conspicuous Trenchcoat: Helen wears a red trenchcoat, sunglasses, and a black hat in a bid to hide her appearance.
- Didn't Think This Through: When the telephone begins to ring whilst Brittas is in the office with Helen, he goes to pick it up, not realizing that, seeing as he's on a sponsored silence, he can't actually say anything. His expression upon realizing it is priceless.
- Even the Loving Hero Has Hated Ones: Brittas usually tries to see the good in people, even as he annoys them. Then he spends some time with Michael and concludes that he is a slimy Jerkass.
- Excellent Judge of Character: Whilst the majority of the staff are enamored with Michael, Brittas considers him to be a Rich Bastard. Laura's conversation with Michael reveals that his deduction was correct, having come off of a marriage that ended poorly with him.Laura: Well, he's just described you as a liar, a cheat, and someone who thinks money can get him whatever he wants. I think that's pretty good after two hours, it took me a year and a half.
- Fake Static: After Helen's disastrous phone call in Brittas' office, she ends it by claiming that the line is very bad.
- Fictional Document: Mistress of Kinvara, the manuscript which Carole has created and which the majority of the staff is enamored with.
- Forceful Kiss: Laura gives the bewildered Brittas a rather solid kiss after yelling about her unrelenting hatred of his idiocy at the end of the episode.
- Forgotten Birthday: Michael is genuinely surprised to hear that it’s Laura’s birthday at the beginning of the episode. Keep in mind the later reveal that he used to be her husband. He does get her flowers after he’s reminded however.
- Get Out!: Brittas clearly does not like Michael's presence in the centre and tries to get him to leave over the course of the episode.
- Happy Birthday to You!: Our first indication that it's Laura’s birthday is when Carole sings the first lyric of the song to her. For the sake of presumed copyright, however, it's just that lyric.
- Harmless Electrocution: Colin gets electrocuted trying to retrieve juggling balls from a live wire. Despite being electrocuted (and falling a significant height as a result) however, he's only mildly stunned, and he's okay several scenes later. In fact, he actually found it helped out his body and is even considering getting electrocuted on a regular basis.
- Hidden Depths: Carole is revealed to be an extremely skilled writer.
- Hypocritical Humour: When Brittas learns about Farrell's interest in Carole's novel, he tells Farrell that Carole's hopes have been dashed too many times and that he wasn't going to stand by and see it happen again. Right after Farrell leaves however, Brittas tells Carole to essentially give up on her dreams of publishing her novel.
- Innocent Innuendo: Colin's first appearance in this episode has him come in and proclaim that his balls were on fire. Turns out he was actually referring to juggling balls he had that have gotten stuck on a live wire.
- I Want Grandkids: Michael’s father threatening to cut him out of the will if he doesn’t father a child for him hints at this.
- Jaw Drop: Carole's jaw visibly drops when seeing just how much money Michael is willing to give for the purposes of their fundraiser.
- Locked Out of the Loop: Michael's father is still unaware of the fact that he and Laura are separated, even though they've been separated for two and a half years.
- Making Love in All the Wrong Places: Among all of the good memories of Michael and Laura as a couple involve doing it in the back row of the Sydney Opera House.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Brittas tells Carole (who has written a manuscript) to leave the novel-writing to the experts, leading to her giving the manuscript to Ben to use as coloring paper.
- No Challenge Equals No Satisfaction: Brittas does not like the fact that Michael paid for the synchronized trampolines from his own wallet because it removes the challenge and opportunity for team bonding from it.Mr. Brittas: We were goin' to work for that trampoline ourselves, penny by penny! And in the process, we were gonna bring people into the centre, we were gonna be drawn closer together ourselves, we were gonna work as a team. And then when we got the trampoline, we could say that it was ours, bought with the the sweat of our brow, and every time we saw someone bouncing up and down on it, we'd say, "We got it! That's our trampoline!". An' now we can't, we'll just think some rich Yank came in and bought it for us.
- Non-Answer: Michael is hoping for Laura to produce his heir. However, when he pops the question to her, she simply complements the flowers and leaves without answering the question.
- No Sympathy: Brittas' response to observing Colin get electrocuted and falling onto the ground? Tell him to get back to work.
- Oblivious to Love: Despite getting a Big Damn Kiss from Laura, Brittas is confused by her actions and outright asks Helen if she could be in love with him.
- One-Steve Limit: This is the third Michael introduced in the series, after Laura's friend in "Opening Day", and Helen's would-be fiance in "Back From the Dead".
- Pop-Culture Pun Episode Title: The title is a play on the film sex, lies, and videotape.
- Pregnancy Makes You Crazy: This episode reveals that every time Helen falls pregnant, she gains the desire to shoplift unnecessary stuff.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Laura gives Brittas one followed by a Big Damn Kiss.
- Rewatch Bonus: The reveal that Farrell is Laura's husband late in the episode makes a comment earlier on where he reveals that he doesn't know Laura's birthday much worse on rewatch.
- Rich Bastard: Michael T. Farrell III, an incredibly rich man who lies, cheats, and thinks money can get him whatever he wants, which is to say nothing of his previous marriage to Laura, which failed due to his adultery. He does grow out of this trait a bit in later episodes though.
- Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: Michael attempts this so he can visit Laura at work, paying for the synchronised trampoline in the hopes that Brittas twists the rules so that he can see her. Unfortunately for him, Brittas does not appreciate this.
- Slap-Slap-Kiss: Laura only gives Brittas a Big Damn Kiss after yelling at him about her unrelenting hatred of his idiocy.
- Sticky Fingers: It is revealed that every time Helen falls pregnant, she gains the urge to shoplift unnecessary stuff (one of the things shoplifted was a wedding dress that was too small for her). She had been convicted at least seven times before the events of that episode, leading to her freaking out when she was caught.
- Story Arc: This episode begins Brittas and Laura's feelings for each other which gets more focus in Series 4 and 5.
- Suddenly Shouting: Laura at the end of her "The Reason You Suck" Speech before she kisses Brittas.
- Take Our Word for It: What Brittas writes to Michael that leads to him taking off the sketchpad he was using to communicate is not shown to the audience. What Michael writes on it that causes Brittas to break his sponsored silence is also not shown.
- Talking with Signs: Brittas spends the first ten minutes doing this for charity, which becomes somewhat problematic when he needs to take a phone call asking for Helen. He accidentally breaks this though after getting into a fight with Michael.
- That Makes Me Feel Angry: Almost word-for-word by Laura during her "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Brittas seen in the page quote.
- What Does She See in Him?: This episode reveals that even though Brittas is a complete idiot who ruins everything, Laura still understands how he actually cares for and wants to help people succeed in their goals.
- Write What You Know: Hinted at to be the case with Carole's manuscript In-Universe, which is about a struggling receptionist who is working her way up (like Carole).
