This time, the oldest four Loud sisters have brought Chaz along and they'll be reading The Edgy House. It opens on a rude narrator who turns out to be Lincoln and, once again, is claiming he's in Hell, much to the annoyance of Lori. He begins by saying that his parents are hardcore Catholics who don't believe in abortion or contraception, which is why they have eleven kids.
He then adds that after Luna was born, their marriage started to suffer and Lynn Sr. began going away, ostensibly on business trips, and drinking — and he's a mean drunk. The real Lynn Sr., on the other hand, only gets sleepy when drunk according to Luna and Luan. Rita, meanwhile, became an apathetic and neglectful parent. Then, fanfic Lincoln decides to give the readers the rundown on all ten of his sisters:
Lori is described as both "hot" and a "bitch". He goes on about how bossy she is, and how she apparently hates him and swears at him. Then, he reveals that she has sex with him, which began when she raped him when he was eight (and he describes the eighth-grade Lori as beautiful, prompting a teasing match between Lori and Luan) and Lynn Sr. got mad at him, because apparently he rapes her too and considers her his "property"! Fanfic Lori apparently doesn't commit incest nearly as often nowadays, but only because of Bobby.
Onto Leni, who is almost instantly described with the R-word for thinking zebra is a colour. This prompts a conversation about the zebra pattern and how it is defined. He finds her hot too and has sex with her to "console" her for the parents' abuse. And, as it turns out, fanfic Lynn Sr. rapes her too, though she doesn't realize it's rape.
Fanfic Luna is next and Lincoln complains about her music but reveals that she's okay as she introduced him to smoking and drinking. He bangs her too, this time as payment for the drugs.
Fanfic Luan apparently was brought home by Lynn Sr. from one of his trips, and it's implied that she's the daughter of a woman he cheats with and he somehow convinced Rita that baby Luan was hers. We get more complaining and fanfic Lincoln suspects that Luan's crazy April Fool's behaviour is revenge. He also sleeps with her, but only when she's sad.
Fanfic Lynn is next, and she apparently rapes Lincoln several times a day, and in random places. Then, fanfic Lincoln begins talking about himself, and he apparently inherited his white hair from either Mr. Grouse, Flip, or Dr. Feinstein because Rita is apparently a cheater too.
Then comes Lucy, whose paternity is unknown because she is apparently an albino and her hair is a wig. Fanfic Lincoln describes her as an emo (even though she's actually a goth) and apparently belts her for scaring him.
Next up are the twins, who are apparently Lori's, but their father is still Lynn Sr. Lincoln claims he hates them the most out of his sisters and abuses them, doing things like ripping Lola's toys and hair, dunking her head in the toilet, kicking Lana, killing her pets, dunking her head in the bathtub, or giving the twins black eyes. One time, they got revenge by giving him cookies that had Lana's excrement mixed into the batter. He retaliated by taking their teeth out and force-feeding them to each other.
Lisa, the only younger sister who has the same parents as she does in canon, is next. Lincoln complains about her intelligence (Leni suspects he's jealous) and her know-it-all attitude. Fanfic Lisa apparently stays in her room all day and is hardly ever seen.
Finally, we get to Lily, who is the main reason why fanfic Lincoln never runs away, and is his (but Rita is still her mother). She is the only one who fanfic Lincoln genuinely loves. Then, he reveals that there were more babies, but they were put up for adoption: Lori has a son, Luna has a daughter whom Lincoln sired, and Leni was pregnant once but lost the baby.
Then, comes the big reveal: it was all a school project done by Lincoln! The family then says, "We're the Aristocrats!", making everyone on the couch laugh.
This episode provides examples of
- Absurdly Youthful Mother: Fanfic Lori is said to be the mother of the twins. Doing the math, that means she had to have given birth when she was eleven.
- Abusive Parents: Fanfic Lynn Sr. (until the story is revealed to be a joke) rapes Lori and Leni, blames Lincoln for being raped, calls Leni slurs, and feels up Luna and Luan.
- Adaptation Personality Change: Before the reveal comes along, everybody except fanfic Leni seems to be a much meaner and (for the pubescent and older characters) more perverted version of themselves.
- Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: Until it's revealed as fake...
- The siblings are changed from a chaotic bunch who sometimes fights but loves each other just the same, to an abusive, incestuous lot.
- The parents are no longer Happily Married and are abusive/neglectful to their kids.
- Lincoln is changed from Clyde's best friend to his bully.
- Adaptational Angst Upgrade: Until it's revealed at the end to all be fake, the Loud kids are said to be raised by abusive parents, who themselves have a shaky marriage.
- Adaptational Explanation: Subverted when it's revealed to be a joke, but...
- Fanfic Leni's dumbness apparently comes from her not getting enough oxygen at birth.
- Fanfic Luan's lighter brown hair is said to come from her being the result of Lynn Sr. cheating. Similarly, Lincoln's white hair is said to come from him being the result of Rita cheating.
- Adaptational Jerkass: Before the reveal that none of the fanfic events were true, it seems as though...
- Fanfic Lincoln insults the reader and his sisters, calls Leni a retard, belts Lucy, and does all manner of mean things to the twins.
- Fanfic Lori hates Lincoln and Leni and calls them many names, some of them profane. She's also a rapist.
- Fanfic Lynn Sr. is an abusive dad, a rapist (of his own daughters, no less), blames Lincoln for being raped, feels up Luna and Luan, and is implied to be an adulterer.
- Fanfic Rita insults Leni all the time, even using slurs and cheats with Mr. Grouse, Flip, and Dr. Feinstein.
- Fanfic Luna enjoys screwing her brother and once smashed her guitar on his head when he said no. She is also a bad influence on him, introducing him to tobacco and alcohol.
- Fanfic Luan is also an incestuous rapist.
- Fanfic Lynn rapes Lincoln several times a day.
- Fanfic Mr. Grouse sleeps with Rita despite knowing she's married.
- Age-Inappropriate Art: Fanfic Lincoln gives a very raunchy school project and his younger sisters join in.
- Alcoholic Parent: Fanfic Lynn Sr. apparently started drinking after Luna was born, and is a mean drunk.
- The Aristocrats: The whole story turns out to only be a variation on the 'Aristocrats' joke, with the Loud siblings presenting a project to Mrs. Johnson and saying, "We're the Aristocrats!".
- Bad People Abuse Animals: Fanfic Lincoln, prior the reveal, is an abusive brother and kills Lana's pets.
- Big Brother Bully: Up until the ending reveal...
- Fanfic Lincoln belts Lucy, tears Lola's stuffed animals, rips out her hair, dunks her head in the toilet, kicks Lana in the stomach, kills her pets in front of her, gives both of the twins black eyes, and force-feeds them their teeth.
- The older fanfic sisters all rape Lincoln except for Leni, and Lori swears at him and Leni too.
- Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick:
- The descriptions of the four eldest sisters tend to start with complaining and end with incest.
- Fanfic Lucy apparently reads depressing stories, writes depressing poetry, attempts black magic, and cuts her wrists.
- Brother–Sister Incest: Fanfic Lincoln, at least until the reveal, screws all of his older sisters, and Lori and Lynn occasionally rape him.
- Can't Hold His Liquor: Lynn Sr. apparently gets sleepy after drinking two drinks and once got drunk on rum cake.
- Character Exaggeration: Lisa is a bit of a loner, but fanfic Lisa hardly ever comes out of her bedroom.
- Child by Rape: The twins in the fanfic are said to come from one of the times Lynn Sr. raped Lori.
- Childhood Brain Damage: Fanfic Leni's dumbness apparently comes from oxygen deprivation at birth.
- Chocolate Baby:
- Fanfic Luan's lighter brown hair and different facial bone structure are signs that she was an affair kid.
- Fanfic Lincoln apparently has white hair because his mother cheated with Mr. Grouse, Flip, and Dr. Feinstein.
- Continuity Nod:
- The "I don't believe in Jebus" joke from After Dark 3 is mentioned again.
- Luna remembers the time when she and Lana were roommates in "Room with a Feud".
- Country Matters: Fanfic Lincoln calls the twins "those two little cunts".
- Creepy Child: Fanfic Lincoln, up until the reveal, has sex with his older sisters and his mother.
- Death Glare: Leni glares at Chaz for claiming most dogs are inbred.
- Dirty Kid: Fanfic Lincoln, pre-reveal, calls his older sisters hot and has sex with them (true, sometimes it's rape, but oftentimes it's consensual) and nailed Rita.
- Disabled in the Adaptation: Fanfic Leni is said to be dumb from brain damage due to not getting enough oxygen at birth.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Fanfic Lincoln claims he belts Lucy for scaring him.
- Enfant Terrible: Fanfic Lincoln is said to bang his oldest sisters, including taking advantage of Leni. He also belts Lucy and does all manner of mean, even abusive, things to the twins.
- Family Relationship Switcheroo:
- Fanfic Lincoln and Luan are apparently not blood siblings, because Lynn Sr. had an affair and produced Luan, while Rita had an affair and produced Lincoln.
- Fanfic Lori is apparently the twins' mother as well as their sister.
- Fanfic Lily is apparently Lincoln's daughter as well as his sister.
- Foreshadowing: There are some plot holes and biology flubs, which hint that the events didn't really happen:
- Fanfic Lynn Sr. had an affair and somehow managed to convince Rita that baby Luan was hers.
- Fanfic Lincoln has the stamina to have sex at least five times a day.
- Fanfic Lori gave birth to the twins when she was eleven.
- Full-Name Ultimatum: Leni calls Chaz "Chaz Mitchell" when telling him off for claiming most dogs are inbred because that would ruin Corgis for her.
- Hidden Depths: Chaz watches a lot of movies, as shown when he compares a pregnant eleven-year-old Lori to fat or swollen characters from various movies.
- The real Luna is very passionate about animal welfare, as shown when she threatens to beat up fanfic Lincoln for killing Lana's pets.
- Hypocrite:
- Fanfic Rita and Lynn Sr., prior to the reveal, consider abortion to be murder and therefore a sin, but they commit incest, adultery, and all kinds of messed-up stuff.
- Fanfic Lincoln calls the readers perverts, but he himself commits incest.
- Innocent Inaccurate: Fanfic Leni doesn't realize that Lynn Sr. is raping her, thinking it's just "kissies".
- Lame Comeback: Fanfic Lincoln asks the reader what their name is, then says that he doesn't care. Leni says that, as a comeback, she will say her name: Leni, Leni, Leni!
- Literal-Minded: When Leni tells Chaz that he's so funny, he replies, "No I'm not. I'm Chaz." He also literally says, "Hi, Chaz!" when asked to say hi.
- Making Love in All the Wrong Places: Fanfic Lynn is said to love doing it in random places where she might be seen.
- Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe:
- Inverted. Fanfic Luan is said to be ambiguously the result of Lynn Sr. cheating, and he managed to convince Rita that the baby was hers.
- Played straight when fanfic Lincoln says that he reckons Mr. Grouse, Flip, or Dr. Feinstein is his real father, admits that he has no idea who Lucy's father is, and wonders whether Lori's son belongs to him or Bobby.
- Morton's Fork: Chaz says that they're "boned" and that it's Morton's Fork however they look at the scene of Lincoln "consoling" Leni with sex: either they deny her agency or downplay his amorality.
- Noodle Incident:
- Apparently, Chaz once babysat for a couple named Mr. and Mrs. Thorn and now hates their baby.
- Apparently, Luan once mentioned spirit animals on Tumblr, which caused people to want her dead.
- No, You: When fanfic Lincoln calls Luna's rock music loud and annoying, she says, "You're loud and annoying!".
- Original Character: There are three characters unique to the (joke within the) story: the woman who fanfic Lynn Sr. cheated with to produce Luan, the son Lori had, and the daughter Luna had.
- Parental Incest:
- Fanfic Lynn Sr. is said to rape Lori and Leni, conceiving the twins with Lori.
- Fanfic Lincoln had sex with Rita to conceive Lily.
- Queer People Are Funny: Fanfic Lincoln thinks it's "hilarious" that Clyde has two fathers.
- Revenge Is a Dish Best Served: Fanfic Lincoln claims that he abused the twins in various ways, so they got back at him by feeding him cookies that had Lana's poop in the batter.
- The Runaway: Fanfic Lincoln apparently only doesn't run away because he has nowhere to go and because of Lily.
- Self-Harm: Fanfic Lucy apparently cuts her wrists.
- Shared Family Quirks: Played for really gross drama (up until the reveal) where the fanfic versions of Lynn Sr. and Lori are both incestuous rapists.
- Shout-Out:
- Luan ironically calls Chaz "Sherlock".
- Chaz claims that if Lori really did become pregnant with twins at age eleven, she'd have looked like Violet Beauregard from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
- When talking about having sex with his mother, Fanfic Lincoln compares himself to Eddie Puss, a cat with an Oedipus Complex who is the protagonist of the eponymous strip drawn by Chris Savino, creator of The Loud House.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: There are a great many cuss words in fanfic Lincoln's narration.
- Sleep Deprivation: Fanfic Lincoln claims his crankiness is caused by sleepless nights brought on by the incest and by Luan's sleep-crying.
- Stepford Smiler: Fanfic Luan is said to be faking her positivity.
- Swirlie: Fanfic Lincoln apparently dunks Lola's head in the toilet when he's frustrated.
- Tangled Family Tree: The Loud family tree is depicted as a snarled mess thanks to adultery and incest — both parental and sibling — among the members... at least until the reveal.
- Teen Pregnancy: Fanfic Lincoln claims that Lori had the twins at age eleven and a son later, Luna had a daughter, and Leni was pregnant once but lost the baby.
- Teeny Weenie: Chaz claims that fanfic Lincoln must be pretty small down there if Lynn can talk with his member in her... y'know.
- The Teetotaler: While Luna does do pot and Adderall, she doesn't drink.
- Troubling Unchildlike Behaviour: Fanfic Lincoln is said to have sex with his older sisters, smoke, and drink.
