Recap / Cheers S 5 E 21 Simon Says

Episode: Season 5, Episode 21
Title: Simon Says
Directed by: James Burrows
Written by: Peter Casey and David Lee
Air Date: March 5, 1987
Previous: Dinner at Eight-ish
Next: The Godfather, Part III
Guest Starring: John Cleese

"Simon Says" is the twenty-first episode of the fifth season of Cheers.

A friend of Frasier's from school, Dr Simon Finch-Royce (played by John Cleese), stops by Cheers on a visit to America. Dr. Finch-Royce, it turns out, is a well-known and successful marriage counselor. As an engagement gift to Sam and Diane, Frasier suggests Simon, in his capacity as a marriage counselor, give Sam and Diane a session.

Simon does, but things don't go well when Diane isn't taken with Simon's harsh assessment of their romantic future being doomed to failure, and is determined to prove him wrong.

This episode won Cleese the Emmy for Outstanding Guest Performer in a Comedy Series.

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Tropes:

• All Men Are Perverts: Diane's idea of talking about her history is to go back to the womb. Sam? He starts off talking about baseball, but a scene transition later finds him discussing how groupies flocked to him when he was a baseball player. Simon seems quite interested in this.
• Armor-Piercing Question: As Diane rants about Simon saying she and Sam have nothing in common, Norm asks what they do have in common. Diane instead changes the subject.
• Bathe Her and Bring Her to Me: A gag. After Frasier introduces Carla to Simon, he says "Have her scrubbed and sent to my tent."
• Brief Accent Imitation: Diane tries affecting an English accent around Dr. Finch-Royce.
  Sam: Hey, what's with this English accent? Ever since he walked in here, you've been talking like the Queen was your Aunt Betty or something.
  Diane: Oh, tosh! What twaddle.
• Brutal Honesty: Simon's analysis of Sam and Diane: They're completely unsuited for one another and should really split up and never come near each other again.
• But Not Too White: Carla says Simon would be her first Englishman, but then corrects herself, noting she did try to have sex with one, but kept losing him in the sheets.
• Character Filibuster: Asked to talk about herself, Diane starts giving Simon her entire life story, starting from the womb. Sam manages to take a nap through it, while it seems Simon just zones out.
• The Cobbler's Children Have No Shoes: Sam is morbidly amused to find out that Simon the marriage counselor is on his second marriage.
• Cool and Unusual Punishment: Frasier hoped Simon would give him a discount as a service to a friend. When Simon doesn't, Frasier points Diane back in his direction as revenge.
• Deadpan Snarker: Where Simon starts at. The events of the evening drive him to ever-increasing levels of snark.
• Drama Queen: Diane doesn't take being told the truth well.
• Hidden Disdain Reveal: In a phone call to his wife Simon describes Frasier Crane as "unbearably pompous" and "worse than usual" and expresses satisfaction that he stuck Frasier with a $1500 bill. Frasier's revenge on the "limey bastard" is to let Diane know where he's staying.
• Idiot Ball: After a while, Finch-Royce has no-one to blame but himself for his repeated Diane woes, since every time she comes knocking he opens the door to let them in without checking who's on the other side.
• I Reject Your Reality: Diane is in her own world in this one, steadfastly determined that she and Sam are destined to be together forever, refusing to listen to Dr Finch-Royce when he tells her repeatedly that she and Sam are utterly dysfunctional, and when he tells her he's not testing them, takes it as yet another test.
• Jerkass Has a Point: Dr. Finch-Royce is astoundingly blunt, but he's right that Sam and Diane's relationship is unhealthy, with no real trust between them and it'd never work. In case the four years of The Masochism Tango weren't a hint as was.
• Know-Nothing Know-It-All:
  • Cliff momentarily corners Simon at the bar and starts engaging in some Cultural Posturing about the then-recent Falklands Wars. Norm is able to save Simon by telling Cliff someone said he knows nothing about photosynthesis, and Cliff charges off to show them what's what.
  • Diane, once again. The few moments she acknowledges Simon's increasingly Brutal Honesty and plain insults about The Masochism Tango she has with Sam, she insists that they must be some kind of test.
• Large Ham: Dr. Simon Finch-Royce starts off pretty calm, but eventually an evening of being pestered by Diane at her nuttiest drives him to a frothing breakdown as only John Cleese can deliver. And it got him an Emmy.
• Not Helping Your Case: While trying to plead their (or more accurately, her) case to Simon, Diane takes the time to insult Sam's intelligence, not exactly disproving the doctor's analysis.
• Only Sane Man: Sam in the later part of the episode, who gets dragged along for the ride with Diane to harass Simon and, would just as soon just leave the poor guy alone.
• Opinion Flip Flop: Diane's opinion on Simon changes depending on how she feels about him at that moment, meaning in the space of a few minutes she goes from loudly denouncing him as a quack to declaring him brilliant when she "deduces" he was testing her and Sam.
• Opposites Attract: Utterly blown to pieces by Simon ("Ah, the song of the truly desperate.") In his professional opinion, all opposites attract is divorce.
• Rage Breaking Point: After an entire day of dealing with Diane at her most implacable Will They or Won't They? mode, Simon explodes.
• Sarcasm-Blind: After Simon finally flips his lid and goes on an epic rant, Diane's only response is to turn to Sam and say "See?"
• Shout-Out: On seeing each other, Simon and Frasier sing out "Three Little Girls From School" from The Mikado.
• Therapy Backfire: Diane completely and utterly refuses to accept Simon's Brutal Honesty (that Sam and her just do not work, period, just drop each other like hot potatoes before they do something truly stupid, like marrying then divorcing. Diane even decides to believe said statements are some kind of Secret Test of Character about their devotion) and chases him around trying to make him change his opinion, even barging into his hotel room (at Frasier's urging). After the Nth time of this (the aforementioned barging into his hotel room), Simon explodes (and Diane still does not gets it).
• They Wasted a Perfectly Good Sandwich: Simon is just about to tuck into his hotel dinner when Diane shows up. His subtle hint dropping that he'd like to eat it before it goes cold flies right over her head.

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