Recap / Birds of a Feather S5E1: High Fidelity

Dorien: No, actually, recent tests have shown that you can teach an old dog any number of new tricks.

Sharon: An' that's straight from the old dog's mouth.

— Sharon Theodopolopodous taking the mick out of Dorien Green's age.

• Date First Aired: 05/09/1993

Tracey is reading when Sharon comes in, complaining about her job. Just then, Dorien comes in, wearing a ridiculous fox coat, which Sharon doesn't like. Dorien reveals that she has focused her sexual attention on a male model named Jason. Jason has shown up at a wine bar, and Dorien wants the other girls to join her, to which they agree.

At the wine bar, Dorien doesn't have much luck, especially when it turns out that Jason is supporting an anti-fur campaign. However, Sharon and Tracey have started to show a liking to his friend, Mark, who's apparently unable to read. The girls thus decide to give him lessons, using children's books for assistance.

Two weeks later, Mark shows a desire to show on to more adult stuff. During this, Tracey begins to gain romantic feelings for Mark but Sharon is beginning to feel the same as well and wants to have nights out with him. Meanwhile, Dorien, who has changed her opinion in a bid to get cozy with Mark, has expressed a desire to free an animal and return her fur coat. Tracey admits her feelings to Dorien. She also tries to talk about this with Darryl but she is unsuccessful, although she does find out that Chris was beaten up.

Sharon prepares to have a night with Mark, but he tells her that Jason and Dorien suggested meeting at the wine bar, much to Sharon's dismay. At the wine bar, Tracey suggest that everyone come back to her house to continue the night-out, much to Sharon's disgust. Tracey gets sick of this but collapses drunk. Back at home, Sharon confronts Tracey overs the events of the episode, accusing her of being jealous and of threatening her marriage by having feelings towards Mark.

Tracey talks to Mark and tells her that he can't come anymore, to which Mark sadly agrees with. She also apologizes to Sharon. Meanwhile, Dorien comes in, now wearing her fur coat again and going off to Scotland for a few days. As it turns out, the lunch date with Jason didn't go well and she's lost interest. On the bright side, Mark has expressed a desire to go out with Sharon.

---

Tropes In This Episode:

• Alliterative Name:
  • Darryl's cellmate is a guy called Buckets Butcher.
  • Tracey wants to order a Chigwell Chaser at the wine bar.
• Anorgasmia: Dorien references this when Tracey calls her fake.
  Dorien: I don't fake, Tracey. (Beat) Well, only with Marcus.
• Bait-and-Switch Comment: Occurs when Sharon is promising Dorien (who is wearing a giant fur coat) that she'll accompany her to a wine bar.
  Sharon: Oh, alright. As long as you promise to leave that 'orrible thing at 'ome.
  Dorien: It's a deal. See you later.
  Sharon: I was talkin' to the coat!
• Curse Cut Short: A frustrated Sharon stops Tracey from saying "dick".
  Tracey: 'Ere Shal. Wha's that one about the football 'ooligan with the whoppin' great-
  Sharon: I don't remember.
• Deadpan Snarker: Sharon is in a snarky mood at the start of the episode because she feels lonely.
  Tracey: There ya go Shal, ya never know ya luck. Maybe this bloke's mate a turn out to have buttocks like two eggs in a hankie.
  Sharon: Yeah, only with my luck they'll prolly be scrambled.
• Fictional Document:
  • Caracas At Midnight, the romance novel that Tracey is reading at the start of the episode.
  • Dorien makes the front page of the Chigwell Gazette.
• Free the Frogs: After Dorien claims to now be pro-animal rights, Tracey believes she wants to break into a lab and free animals when in reality all she's going to do is return her fur coat.
• Freudian Slip: Dorien accidentally calls Jason's muscles "eggs" to his face.
• Hangover Sensitivity: After a night out, Tracey has to hold a bag of frozen peas to her head and complains about the noise Sharon makes.
• Hypocrite:
  • Dorien mentions that it's hypocritical for Sharon to complain about her fox coat when she herself cooks cow's innards for a living.
    Sharon: Cows are food, Dorien. That's hardly the same as slitting some poor creature's throat cos you reckon it'll go very nicely with your George Armani.
  • When Tracey begins falling for Mark, Sharon reminds her that she is still married, despite the fact Sharon has had several boyfriends while their husbands have been in prison.
• Ironic Echo: After Sharon tells off Dorien for wearing a fur coat with a speech about poor animals having their throats slit, Dorien repeats the same speech to look better in front of Jason, who is strongly pro-animal rights.
• Never Learned to Read: Mark never learned to read, although this doesn't bother him too much. Sharon hence tries to give him lessons.
• One-Shot Character: Mark and Jason Morley.
• On the Rebound: Mark moves onto Sharon after Tracey rejects him.
• Opinion Flip Flop: Dorien changes her mind on fur coats in a desire to get cozy with Jason, who detests them. She reverts to her original opinion once she decides not to go any further with him.
• Orphaned Punchline: We hear one from an incredibly drunk Tracey at the wine bar.
  Tracey: So, so 'e says- (Mark and Jason laugh) No, don't, stop it. 'E says "'Ow do you know?", an' she says "You told me yesterday!".
• Pretty in Mink: When we first see Dorien, she's wearing a ridiculous fur coat, which Sharon doesn't like.
  Sharon: I reckon you better get your bikini line waxed a bit smartish, Dor. It's spreadin' all over your body.
  Dorien: Oh good. You're envious.
• Shout-Out:
  • Mark calls John "Arnold Schwarzenegger".
  • Sharon uses Frank Bough's name to teach phonics to Mark.
  • Tracey uses the Janet and John series of books in a bid to teach Mark how to read and later moves onto Winnie the Pooh.
  • Tracey tells Mark about a Phil Collins CD she bought.
  • Darryl complains about being unable to watch Bruce Willis films in prison.
  • Sharon compares Mark's ears to Mr. Spock's.
• Take That!:
  • Sharon brings up Oliver Reed when telling Tracey how much she's had to drink.
  • Sharon taunts Dorien by claiming her photo in the paper looks like Barbara Cartland.
• Time Skip: Once Tracey agrees to teach Mark to read, the episode cuts ahead to two weeks later.
• Titled After the Song: The episode's title comes from a song by Elvis Costello.
• Vomit Discretion Shot: Tracey ends up puking off-screen in the house after she gets drunk.
• Waving Signs Around: Jason takes Dorien on a date to a picket line at Skin of Romford.

---