Quotes / You Bastard!

Comic Books

There, happy now? Pleased to see the mystery resolved? ... God, you’re such an asshole, and I speak from experience. It only seems like yesterday I was at your level on the Pathetic-o-meter. Why should you give a shit how my life works out? You’re killing yourself working twelve-hour days, getting fat on cheap take-out food, and your girlfriend is almost certainly fucking other guys. Just because you’ve got a plasma screen TV and a big DVD collection doesn’t mean you’re a free man, motherfucker. You’re just a well-paid slave like all the other cattle out there. Even this comic was just a fifteen-minute respite from how hard we’re working you. You used to think the world was always like this, didn’t you? The wars, the famine, the terrorism, the rigged elections. But now you know better, right? Now you know what happened to the heroes. And you know the funny thing? You know what makes me laugh now that I’m on the other side? You’re just going to close this book and buy something else to fill that big, empty void we’ve created in your life.

— Wesley Gibson, Wanted

Film — Live-Action

What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, 'That's the bad guy.' So what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy!

— Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

We're not up to feature length yet. Is that enough? But you want a real ending with plausible plot development, don't you?

— Paul, Funny Games (while looking directly into the camera)

Right now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner, who mocks him and laughs at him as he's repeatedly crushed and maimed! I hope you enjoy it!

— George Newman, UHF

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

—Maximus, Gladiator

Literature

You could thumb your emergency cutoff, turn your eyes from the screen, walk out of the theater, close the book...but you don't. You are my accomplice, and my destroyer. My nemesis. My insatiable, blood-crazed god.

Ah, ahhh, Christ...it hurts.

— Caine, Heroes Die

Music

Cuz I need to watch things die, from a distance
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
You all need it too, don't lie
Why can't we just admit it?

— tool, "Vicarious"

Stand-Up Comedy

"I must talk to Jesus Christ! Where is Jesus Christ?!", and St. Peter goes "Hey, Jesus, did you call a cab? C'mon!" (the audience groans) A-ha! Yes! I heard it! Finally, the P.C.s! (hisses) We've crossed the politically correct line! It was okay to beat the shit out of him, but don't do the ethnic joke! (hisses) How Buddhist of you. Yes...

— Robin Williams, after a joke about Osama Bin Laden's death, "Live on Broadway"

Tabletop Games

If the Antediluvian does succeed in its ritual — or even if it simply kills all the opposition — it then turns on whomever else is present, including Romans and the player character.
You didn't really think the progenitor of Clan Lasombra would keep its word, did you?
By this time, the characters are most likely too weak to resist, so it stands to reason that the creature destroys or devours them, surviving to escape on if it's circumvented the Curse of Caine by killing Caine or sacrificing Lilith and transformed itself into a being of pure shadow. This might seem to be a harsh end, but if your players have allied themselves with an evil as great as the Lasombra Antediluvian, they deserve every bit of what they get.

— Roleplaying notes on the Lasombra ending of "Fair Is Foul," Vampire: The Masquerade — Gehenna

Video Games

Marlene: You can't save her. Even if you get her out of here, then what? How long before she's torn to pieces by a pack of clickers? That is if she hasn't been raped and murdered first.
Joel: That ain't for you to decide.
Marlene: It's what she'd want. And you know it. Look. You can still do the right thing here. She won't feel anything.
[...]
(Joel hesitates, shoots Marlene in the stomach, and puts Ellie in the car)
Marlene: Wait...! Let me go...please.
Joel: You'll just come after her. (shoots Marlene in the head)

— The Last of Us finale^note Ellie is immune to the zombie plague, and Joel just rescued her from having her brain harvested to create a vaccine.

Why do you continue to follow your orders while your superiors betray you? Why did you come here? Well, I'll tell you then. You enjoy all the killing, that's why. Are you denying it? Haven't you already killed most of my comrades?

— Liquid Snake, Metal Gear Solid

HE TURNED US INTO FUCKING KILLERS!

— Staff Sergeant John Lugo, Spec Ops: The Line. "He" as in the player.

Well done, Walker. You've done what the storm could not: destroyed the Damned 33rd. Do you feel like a hero yet?

— John Konrad, Spec Ops: The Line

You've destroyed a beautiful planet... um... you horrible person.

— Parasite, upon winning the game

You... you killed him, didn't you? Very well. I can no longer resist you. Do as you like. Take your precious Demon soul.

— Maiden Astraea, Demon's Souls

A bump from a poor Whacka. Fills 30 HP and cures poison. How do you sleep at night?

— Item description for Whacka's Bump, Super Paper Mario

now, i understand acting in self-defense. you were thrown into those situations against your will. but... sometimes... you act like you know what's gonna happen. like you've already experienced it all before. this is an odd thing to say, but... if you have some sort of special power... isn't it your responsibility to do the right thing?
(if the player answers "no"...)
heh. well, that's your viewpoint. i won't judge you for it. ...You dirty brother killer.

— Sans, Undertale

i always thought the anomaly was doing this cause they were unhappy. and when they got what they wanted, they would stop all this. and maybe all they needed was... i dunno. some good food, some bad laughs, some nice friends. but that's ridiculous, right? yeah, you're the type of person who won't EVER be happy. you'll keep consuming timelines over and over, until... well. hey. take it from me, kid. someday... you gotta learn when to QUIT. and that day's TODAY.

— Sans, Undertale

It all started because I was curious. Curious what would happen if I killed them. "I don't like this," I told myself. "I'm just doing this because I HAVE to know what happens." Ha ha ha... What an excuse! You of all people must know how liberating it is to act this way. At least we're better than those sickos that stand around and WATCH it happen... Those pathetic people that want to see it, but are too weak to do it themselves. I bet someone like that's watching right now, aren't they...?

— Flowey, Undertale

There is a reason you continue to recreate this world. There is a reason you continue to destroy it. You. You are wracked with a perverted sentimentality.

— The Fallen Child, Undertale

Guess what? You got it for free. Are you proud of yourself?

— The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening, after you steal from the Mabe Village shop

Another soul battered and broken, cast aside like a spent torch.

— The Ancestor, Darkest Dungeon, upon you firing a hero

Do you like hurting other people?

— Richard, Hotline Miami

Snotty will remember what you did!

—- Pizza Granny, Pizza Tower

Web Original

"But Trump is objectively a piece of shit!" you say. "He insults people, he objectifies women, and cheats whenever possible! And he's not an everyman; he's a smarmy, arrogant billionaire!" Wait, are you talking about Donald Trump, or this guy?

You've never rooted for somebody like that? Someone powerful who gives your enemies the insults they deserve? Somebody with big fun appetites who screws up just enough to make them relatable? Like Dr. House or Walter White? Or any of the several million renegade cop characters who can break all the rules because they get shit done? Who only get shit done because they don't care about the rules?

— Cracked, "How Half Of America Lost Its F**king Mind

I know that ‘business’ and ‘art’ are almost seen as opposites, and for good reason, but video games cannot escape the fact that they are constructed in order to persuade people to buy them and play them. That’s not to say that every game has to be fun, but they do have to be rewarding in some way. And there’s something about designing a video game for people to spend money on so that the video game can criticize them for playing the video game, that strikes me as wrong on every possible level. That’s not a bold, daring move, having the guts to stand up to your audience. That’s condescension. That’s patronising. That’s genuinely asking people to give you money so that you can call them a piece of shit for giving you money.

The only game that I’ve played that came close to accomplishing this is Undertale, because that game does go out of its way to call you a piece of shit if you play it in your standard RPG ‘Kill the enemies to gain EXP!’ way, but the huge difference between Undertale and Spec Ops: The Line is that you genuinely do have alternative choices within the game. In Undertale, you have to go out of your way to play the game in a way that the game warns you is depressing and not fun, and it’s entirely your choice because there’s another way to play that’s much happier and more rewarding. In Spec Ops, there is no other choice.

Oh, wait, I’m sorry. The developers have said that you do have another choice. And that choice is to stop playing the game.

This is where we come back to what I would describe as ‘fundamentally wrong’. Because I know, I’m sure it’s all very artsy or some shit, but what you’re telling me, Yager Development, is that you want me to spend £30 on your game so that your game can criticize me for playing your game because the morally superior thing to do is not to play your game. Y’know what? I’m kind of glad that this game’s sales were disappointing. And I’m sure Yager are too; after all, they very clearly wanted people to not play their game, right?

—The Dopefish reminds us how this trope can risk becoming hypocritical, regarding Spec Ops: The Line

"Cruel, irresponsible owners can abandon their unwanted Neopets and hope that someone will eventually come along and care for them."

— Neopets

what have you done

— Lacey's Wardrobe once the player forces Lacey to go outside, where she will be promptly killed and eaten by her stalker.

Western Animation

Stan: Oh my God, They Killed Kenny!
Kyle: (looking and pointing directly at the viewer) You bastards!!

— Running Gag from South Park, at least once an episode for the first several seasons.

"What have you done?! YOU MANIACS!!!"

— Randy Marsh reacting to the election of Herbert Garrison, South Park

What kind of sick twisted creature gets enjoyment from playing this kind of game?
(Looks at camera)

— Dot, ReBoot

And that horrible act of child abuse became one of our most beloved running gags.

— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, "Behind The Laughter"

Real Life

When you see me smash someone's skull, you enjoy it.

— Mike Tyson

From the imaginations of bored housewives, I think. They're sitting around, husbands are at work, their vibrators on the blink, they're watching Jerry Springer and they come up with these ideas. Probably to get their own sexual pleasure. They're imagining me with an animal, they're fondling their genitalia. I think that's how it all starts.

— Marilyn Manson

This whole thing is making me so sick. This show is a show about entertainment. This entertainment is coming at a price. What it has cost us? Our friendships. Our feelings. Our pain. Our suffering. For entertainment!

— Jerri Manthey, Survivor: All-Stars Reunion^note Jerri was booed off-stage for saying this. She also came back for another season where she was warmly received.

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