Quotes: You Bastard

Comic Books

There, happy now? Pleased to see the mystery resolved? … God, you’re such an asshole, and I speak from experience. It only seems like yesterday I was at your level on the Pathetic-o-meter. Why should you give a shit how my life works out? You’re killing yourself working twelve-hour days, getting fat on cheap take-out food, and your girlfriend is almost certainly fucking other guys. Just because you’ve got a plasma screen TV and a big DVD collection doesn’t mean you’re a free man, motherfucker. You’re just a well-paid slave like all the other cattle out there. Even this comic was just a fifteen-minute respite from how hard we’re working you. You used to think the world was always like this, didn’t you? The wars, the famine, the terrorism, the rigged elections. But now you know better, right? Now you know what happened to the heroes. And you know the funny thing? You know what makes me laugh now that I’m on the other side? You’re just going to close this book and buy something else to fill that big, empty void we’ve created in your life.
Wesley Gibson, Wanted


What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, 'That's the bad guy.' So what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy!
Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

We're not up to feature length yet. What you want is a real ending with plausible plot development.


You could thumb your emergency cutoff, turn your eyes from the screen, walk out of the theater, close the book...but you don't. You are my accomplice, and my destroyer. My nemesis. My insatiable, blood-crazed god.

Ah, ahhh, Christ...it hurts.
Caine, Heroes Die


Cuz I need to watch things die, from a distance.
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies.
You all need it too don't lie.
Why can't we just admit it?
Tool, "Vicarious"

Stand-up Comedy

'I must talk to Jesus Christ! Where is Jesus Christ?!', and St. Peter goes 'Hey, Jesus, did you call a cab? C'mon!' (the audience groans) A-ha! Yes! I heard it! Finally, the P.C.s! (hisses) We've crossed the politically correct line! It was okay to beat the shit out of him, but don't do the ethnic joke! (hisses) How Buddhist of you. Yes...
Robin Williams, after a joke about Osama Bin Laden's death, "Live on Broadway".

Video Games

Well done, Walker. You've done what the storm could not: destroyed the Damned 33rd. Do you feel like a hero yet?
John Konrad, Spec Ops: The Line

You've destroyed a beautiful planet . . . um . . . you horrible person.

Why do you continue to follow your orders while your superiors betray you? Why did you come here? Well, I'll tell you then. You enjoy all the killing, that's why. Are you denying it? Haven't you already killed most of my comrades?"''
Liquid Snake, Metal Gear Solid

Web Original

A turning point comes when Walker and the player unwittingly do a bad thing. I felt like shit afterwards, like I played the Modern Warfare 2 airport scene with every civilian replaced with Bambi's mum. Stop guilting me, Spec Ops! That was YOUR idea, you asshole!

I played through the game at the same time as a friend. He chose the Bachelor, and I was the Haruspicus. Because we played at the same rate, we had the chance to discuss developments in the plot each day. This went wrong fast.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” he asked me after we’d both finished day three.

It took me a few seconds to figure out he was referring to the Haruspicus. In his game he’d been sent to investigate a body of one of the infected citizens that had been sliced open and left in the street, and his investigation ended up pointing to me as the perpetrator...“I needed to see the infected organs” I told my friend, realising as I typed that this defense probably wouldn’t hold up in court.

I’m sorry, there is nothing new to this story anymore so dispense with all that and embrace what you really are. You are an exploitation film with a semi clever satirical bent. But even that is a little sabotaged when the characters pull out the ole soapbox and outright preach what we are seeing is wrong. That is the real lesson to be learned here. Satire can be brilliant at delivering a message while at the same time being very entertaining. When you deliver A MESSAGE you finger wag your audience and we just have to sit there and check our watches and wait for you to sit down so we can enjoy Michael C. Hall chewing the scenery.
Miles Antwiler on Gamer (2009)

Web Video

Gabriel: Did you just shoot your way through your problems?
Yahtzee: Yes, we just shot the security guard in the face.
Gabriel: And is he, like, and evil security guard? is he part of the conspiracy?
Yahtzee: Nope, he was a nice, friendly security guard who was being a bastion of civility to us, and now we've shot him in the face, because they couldn't come up with any better puzzles.
Lets Drown Out Dreamweb

Western Animation

Stan: Oh my god, They Killed Kenny!
Kyle (looking and pointing directly at the viewer): You Bastards!!
Running Gag from South Park, at least once an episode for the first several seasons.

What kind of sick twisted creature gets enjoyment from playing this kind of game?
(Looks at camera)
Dot, ReBoot

And that horrible act of child abuse became one of our most beloved running gags.
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, "Behind The Laughter"

Real Life

When you see me smash someone's skull, you enjoy it.
Mike Tyson

From the imaginations of bored housewives, I think. They're sitting around, husbands are at work, their vibrators on the blink, they're watching Jerry Springer and they come up with these ideas. Probably to get their own sexual pleasure. They're imagining me with an animal, they're fondling their genitalia. I think that's how it all starts.