Quotes / You Are Fat

"We've got a fun night planned for you, viewers at home! But, uh... heh, potentially, you folks might need a widescreen for this guy! I mean, seriously! You really gotta lay off the meatballs, Mr. Pisghetti! You're startin' to look like one!"

— Pizza Tower: Peppino Vs. The Noise

Stephen Nolan: Do you know what my passion is? My passion is-
Katie Hopkins: Eating.

— The BBC

Cell: Oh, my dear boy. I think I finally realized what I inherited from you...
Gohan: Not my BMI, obviously.

— Dragon Ball Z Abridged

Kyle: Cartman, you're such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street people go, "GOD DAMMIT, THAT'S A BIG FAT ASS!"
Cartman: No, they don't, you jealous weakling!
Passerby: Goddamn, that's a big fat ass!
Cartman: Ay!

— South Park

There are five levels of fatness, there's Big, Healthy, Husky, Fluffy, and DAMN! I'm still Number Four. "Well, how do you know when you're Number Five?" 'Cause people will tell you. You try to get on a crowded elevator, and the people will go "WOAH! DAMN!"

— Gabriel Iglesias, some time before he classified Number Six as "Oh, hell no!"

"Gordon came into the garden and said, 'Thank you very much, Marco, for ruining a nice day.' I said, 'Why don't you sue me for loss of enjoyment?' He came back with, 'You fat bastard. I've always wanted to call you that'. I said, 'Is that the best you can do?' Gordon left. There was silence in the garden."

— Marco Pierre White, White Slave

<+DethFromAbove> rmuser she is not ugly
<+DethFromAbove> she is fat yeah
<+DethFromAbove> but I saw past that
<+DethFromAbove> I don't know what to call that
<+DethFromAbove> I'm not sure if it's love or what
<@rmuser> gravitational lensing

— Bash.org quote #828460 [1]

HE'S FAT!!!

— Scott Steiner on Samoa Joe

Heckler: You're fat! I'm unsubbing!
Brian: There's something I don't get about that comment: in every video, I'm fat. Did you not notice I was fat when you first subscribed? It's kind of apparent.

— Brian Hull, "Disney Villains Read Mean Comments"

Lana Loud: Hold on there, Lola! I'm not so sure you should be eating this.
Lola Loud: Why not?
Lana Loud: Because... because you're not gonna win any more of those pageants if you get fat!
Lola Loud: I am not getting fat!
Lana Loud: Are too! You're turning into a little piglet! Piggy piggy piggy!
Lola Loud: Yeah, well, look who's talking, tubby! You're the fattest one in the house!
Lana Loud: Nuh-uh! Only girly-girls get fat. Girls like me get pudgy.
Lincoln Loud: Girls, please! Neither of you are fat, okay? Just eat your breakfast.

— Birthday Breakfast

Andy Larkin: I'm on a roll!
Jen Larkin: Looks like the roll is on you— roll of fat that is!

— What's with Andy?, "Weight to Go, Andy"

Miles Morales: Why do you look like Peter Parker?
Peter B. Parker: Because I am Peter Parker.
Miles Morales: Then why aren't you dead? And why is your hair different? Why are you older? And why is your body... a different shape?
Peter B. Parker: Pretty sure you just called me fat.

— Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Engineer: That's right! It was me [who killed Heavy]!
Spy: You Monster!
Heavy: But WHYYYYYYY!?
Engineer: 'Coz you're fat, boy!

— Heavy is Dead

"Listen, you look like a seal."

— Unknown P, to Charlie Sloth

"Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? There's nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two-hundred and ten. Fatty."

—Wheatley, Portal 2

Professor Ian Duncan: Yes, Fat Neil.
Neil: Just "Neil" is fine.
Prof. Duncan: Not from an actuarial standpoint.

—Community, "Asian Population Studies"

Chris: Now, if you'll excuse me, I shall select three things from Stewie's room that I wish to be mine!
Stewie: There's a book in there on how to eat healthy! Why don't you take that, you fat bitch?

— Family Guy

Mrs. Applegate: Jerome...do you know how bad my head hurts right now?
Jerome: Not more than the waistband on those shorts I'm guessing.
Mrs. Applegate: Okay, now I'm mad!

— Kindergarten 2

"Better end your stream, you FAT MOTHERFUCKER! RONALDO BETTER! Fatass! You fatass! Chubby fuck! You got four necks! Don't ever draw me like that! The fuck is wrong with this fatass? You better end your stream! Big boy! You big monster!"

— IShowSpeed to Steak

CJ: Toreno, where are you?
Truth: Wrong devil, CJ!
CJ: Truth, how are you?
Truth: In better shape than you, fat ass!
CJ: What - hey, you watching me?
Truth: Can't talk now. I need your help for something special. Come back here when you've lost some weight, fatso. I'll be waiting.
CJ: Hey, man, what the? Damn! [looks at his stomach in dismay] I ain't that chubby...

— Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, "Black Project"

CJ: Man, why I gotta wait in the middle of the desert for this maniac all the time?
Truth: Carl, it's The Truth.
CJ: Hey man, where you at? You sound like you're in a cave, or something.
Truth: Around. Been eating a lot lately, Carl? Not getting enough exercise?
CJ: Yeah... I guess.
Truth: Look, I want you to use that gizmo you acquired, but you gotta lose some of that ballast first, fat ass. Hurry, we've only got a short window for this one.
CJ: [meekly] The hell with you! Man, I'm just big boned, shit, that's all...

— Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, "Green Goo"

Davey: Foul on this kid for eating everything in sight. Jelly jugs, the next time you come on my court, you better wear a bra, okay?
Whitey: [comforting the fat kid] He was just kidding son, you've got very nice boobs.

— Eight Crazy Nights

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