Quotes: Never Trust a Trailer

"When the picture opened, it was a big, big flop...I went to David Picker and said, "You can't do this. No wonder the fucking picture is failing. It's giving the wrong impression. You make it look like a thriller and it's not, it's a satire.""

"Here is a teaser for the upcoming Ant-Man teaser, which I don't want to watch on principle, because FOR FUCK'S SAKE. How desperate for a goddamn Ant-Man movie do you have to be to get a boner over an ad for an ad for an ad?

It's a remarkable work of corporate brainwashing that anyone could give a shit about something like this. Everyone in the universe loathes advertising EXCEPT when it comes to movie advertising. They don't even call it advertising: It's a TEASER or a TRAILER, a little bit of linguistic jiu-jitsu that tricks you into thinking that you what you are watching is somehow more substantive than a standard 30-second spot for boner pills or tampons...In fact, the trailers are usually significantly better than the movies, because all a movie can do, at this point, is crush your expectations."
Drew Magary, "They Have Teasers For Trailers Now"

"You know all that monster-punching in the trailer? Literally all of it takes place in the first ten fucking seconds of the movie. Some dude is going on and on, braggin' about the tales of Hercules, and he's like 'he fought this lion real good one time' [lion clip], and 'then he fought this hydra' [hydra clip], and 'also this boar thingy' [boar clip], and you're like...but...wait...if he already punched all the monsters, then what is Hercules going to do for the whole rest of this movie, which presumably isn't just 84 seconds long?"
Lindy West, "Brett Ratner's Hercules Is Bullshit and I Will Never Forgive Him"

Jay: After the play bombs on opening night, a space meteor gives Riggin the real powers of the fictional Birdman character, and he fights to save the world from the an evil entity known as Moogootu, winning back the love of his estranged wife and daughter! A giant laser beams gets shot into New York City, as well! Mike, what did you think of Birdman?
Mike: Trailer's a bit misleading.

"Maybe I’m wrong, but I can clearly remember being excited when I saw the trailer for a new Star Wars movie some 17 years ago, and we all know how that turned out."

"Before I get into anything, who was the drugged up dipsh*t who made up the trailer. It has absolutely nothing to do with the actual movie. The trailer would have you believe Crowe’s character was having a private war with DiCaprio’s character. It makes it look like Crowe is setting up plots to kill DiCaprio and that Crowe’s character is bent and corrupt. That is not what this movie is about. What is really weird is that the dialog in the trailer is cut from all over the movie and not just between Crowe’s and DiCaprio’s character. So now you have our title characters making threatening statements against other characters, but are now making it look like in the trailer that they are threatening each other. I just can’t believe that. I literally have to ask what they were smoking when they made the trailer."

"Voyager may be the last defence against an all out invasion of Earth!" — nothing of the sort is on the cards but you know this line was included so they could slip it into the promos and try and get more people watching! We’re so far from Earth at this point the statement is laughable and Janeway should be sectioned for her hysterics."
Joe Ford on Star Trek: Voyager, "In the Flesh"

"Why not check out this game we made, called The Evil Within. Look, you're in a creepy hospital and have to sneak around a chainsaw murderer!"

"Looks like my cup of tea," I said, but then I reached the end of the starting section, which coincidentally marked the end of the E3 gameplay video I'd seen, and the game went "BORED NOW! Let's have a car chase."


"And here's a pistol and a shotgun and a crossbow that shoots lightning somehow! And now you're in the woods massacring zombie farmers and avoiding traps that only the twitchiest caffeine-riddled paranoid would be able to anticipate!"

"Wait a second, I recognize that voice! (tears off mask) Resident Evil 4!"

"According to the now-infamous trailer, Snake is the one who fights Fortune, not Raiden, and Snake is the one who walks through the bloody corridor next to the transformer room; he fights a harrier jet too, but this time it’s on the Verrazano Bridge! He even meets Cyborg Ninja. It was all lies, of course.

These lengthy, exciting clips got massive attention at the time, crashing the Konami servers due to the enormous traffic, and cementing the idea that it would be everybody’s favourite smoker who would do the sneaking and shooting throughout the entire game. Cheekily, the trailer ends with the mysterious words
"MGS2 Submerges”, which meant that nothing more would be revealed until the game was released. It was a press blackout. Altogether, the trailer poured gasoline on the already huge fire of hype."
Terry Wolf, "The Selfish Meme"

"Though we were shown trailers that made it look like the game would have tiny little flies that were as detailed as the whole environment, in the final game, everything smaller than a fucking wall looks like it was ripped from YouTube...Duke Nukem 3D had more interactivity in 1996."
George Weidman on Rage