Quotes / Idiot Plot

"... with tongue firmly in cheek, she [Stephanie Beacham] would often wind me up by asking what her motivation was for a particular action, just as I about to call Action!, knowing full well that my answer would be: Because it's in the script."
Norman J. Warren, director of Inseminoid

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    Film — Animated 

"Did you all take stupid pills this morning?"
Mr. Potatohead, Toy Story


How mortals take the gods to task!
All their afflictions come from us, we hear
And what of their own failings? Greed and Folly
double the suffering in the lot of man.
Zeus, in The Odyssey, pointing out how the story of the Trojan War and its aftereffects often amounts to this.

    Live-Action TV 
"I'm just saying that the plan was genuinely dumb! ...as many of our plans are, I now realize."


"Why don't they think? Because no one is allowed to think in this movie. Not one single event in the entire plot can possibly take place unless every character in the cast has brains made of Bac-O-Bits."

    Web Animation 

"It's like every character put their retard hats on that morning by mistake."


"It's at times like this that I question my policy of doing whatever dumb thing pops into my head."
Helen, Narbonic

    Web Original 

The cruise ship you're on is out of control, taken over by terrorists. They tell you that if you jump off you'll be sucked into the boat's propellers. Do you:

A: Laugh at them for being total idiots and jump off anyway
B: Open the rear ship doors and walk off, past the propellers and at sea level
C: Believe them, even though it's the biggest load of donkey bollocks anyone has ever said to you

Well the answer here is C. And that's the problem.
Chris Parry on Speed 2: Cruise Control

"Not a single character's master plan in this movie makes sense. Don't even get me started on Penguin's grand babynapping plan, which required A) every single adult in Gotham to be at the same party (which they were), B) not a single babysitter being hired, and C) not a single cop being out on patrol, allowing them to drive their roadworthy carnival train on the open streets."
ComicsAlliance on Batman Returns

Chernobyl Diaries: It should have been called Six Dumbasses In Search of a Clue
Slate headline

Data: The transporters conveniently failed after sending Picard, so I'm going to leap across space to get to Shinzon's ship.
Geordi: What about the transporters in the shuttles?
Data: Shut up.
Geordi: What about the Captain's Yacht?
Data: Shut up.
Geordi: Why didn't we just send a bomb instead of Picard?
Data: Shut up.
Geordi: What about the transporters in the cargo bays? They're independent units, remember?
Data: What part of "shut the fuck up" do you not understand? This is my big heroic exit, asshole. Don't fuck it up.

"Can you imagine, say, Jean-Luc Picard bringing his dog down to an alien planet? Yeah, I didn't think so. But even if he did, and that dog whizzed on cultural landmarks, I can only see Picard being swiftly contrite and apologetic, immediately making amends to get that needed component. Hell, I think Wesley Crusher whizzed on some bushes in the first season of TNG, and Picard groveled his ass off to save the kid. But Archer, as you probably guessed, is about to have a slightly different reaction."
The Agony Booth on Star Trek: Enterprise, "A Night in Sickbay"

"Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari's woman costumes were about as believable as two men in wigs making no effort to disguise their voices. They lived in a world where everyone was so easy to trick, there was no need for the elaborate scheme. They might as well have put a jar of mayonnaise on roller skates and shoved it into the manager's office shouting, 'That's not male mayonnaise! Rent her an apartment! Actually, RARGH! I'm God! Rent an apartment to Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari!'"

"The Doctor manages to convince Vicki and Steven in record time that he is a younger version of the Doctor, partly because he is such an amiable fellow that it is hard to distrust and partly because these companions ask intelligent questions. Listening to this story is almost enough to make you weep: Davison instantly raises his game when he is paired up with two such fine actors for his companions and it makes you wonder just how his era would have fared had he been traveling with characters of the calibre of Steven and Vicki rather than the drudgery of Adric and Tegan."
Joe Ford on Big Finish Doctor Who, The Secret History

"What we're getting here is that this episode is already stupid before it even starts. That's how dumb it is."
Chris Sims on Smallville ("Collateral")

"Reading a story written by idiots is bad enough, but reading a story written by idiots that's also about idiots is even worse."
Fred Clark, criticizing Left Behind

"The plot is bad just because any amount of common sense cop work would solve this case. There is one scene where Dave is framed for murder. Dave is shot at in the dark and Dave fires blindly in that same direction. When he goes over to investigate, he finds the body of an informant he was going to meet thereby framing him for murder. Of course that becomes a plot cul de sac when the cops get it through their thick skulls that the bullets from Daveís gun donít match the one in the victimís head and, oh yeah, the victim was dead about 32 hours prior to Daveís incident! We are not talking CSI future crime lab work, we are talking about common f*cking sense! Thatís 20 minutes wasted and that is just one example of the type of writing throughout the entire movie."
Miles Antwiler on In The Electric Mist (2009)

"So, if I'm understanding this right, the Head-Staplers wanted to be off the planet, but once they got what they wanted, they decided to get revenge. Just read that again and realize how stupid this plot truly is. This film didn't need a rewrite; it needed a bullet between the eyes."

"The government controls the city of Blüdhaven because they're idiots. The Atomic Knights are running around Blüdhaven with no clear end goal because they're idiots. The Secret Society of Super Villains send two teams of nuclear-themed characters into Blüdhaven because they're idiots. Firebrand... is an idiot."
Linkara on The Battle for Blüdhaven

    Web Video 

"In case you can't remember what led him into this mess, he gives the kids a "hypothetical" question in which he tells his story of delivering secret packages to the millionaire, and which the kids say that that's naive and stupid. If only they could have been in the pitch meeting for Bushwhacked."

"That's their ship? A little shuttle?? Admirals always travel around in style on big Federation ships (At the very least an Excelsior class)! But this situation requires even more attention, because we're dealing with a truly priceless advancement in technology. And we're also working with a really sketchy alien race that look like monsters. And they've got five huge, powerful warships. What's to stop them from just killing all the Federation people, takin' the goods and leaving? A couple of ships on our side would strengthen our hand a little in preventing that. But a starship or two there would mess up the plot."

"It's clear here that everyone in the future, including Skynet, is dumb."

Mike: Neither character is smart. No one says, "Isn't he gonna be weirded out or suspicious that you just gave him all this gold in bar form?" And then when John Travolta sees it, he assumes that they smelted it, even though they have no smelting equipment or any kind—
Jay: These are cavemen. They have no knowledge.
Mike: —And no one knows how to do that. Or to achieve the temperatures needed to melt gold. Both characters—our hero and villain—are idiots.

"Goodnight, the stupid is spewing out of these characters like it's Mt. Vesuvius!"
Rowdy C. Moore on the plot of the Star Trek: The Original Series episode, "Turnabout Intruder"

"This story can only happen because everyone's retarded!"
Diamanda Hagan on Urban Gothic, episode 8 "Cry Wolf"

"So as soon as he starts going down, the bitch runs off without any notice to go and try and get a signal...Why wouldn't she just say she's gonna go check for cell phone signals so that last guy waits with the rope and they all don't get trapped down there? Oh, right: because the plot depends on stupidity."
Phelous, reviewing Incubus

     Western Animation 

Edd: We could just go to our house, Eddy.
Eddy: What, and ruin the plot?
Ed, Edd n Eddy, "Knock Knock, Who's Ed?"