"How mortals take the gods to task!
All their afflictions come from us, we hear
And what of their own failings? Greed and Folly
double the suffering in the lot of man."
— Zeus, in The Odyssey, pointing out how the story of the Trojan War and its aftereffects often amounts to this.
"Funny, how some movies will seduce you into their stories while others remain at arm's length. Titanic was just as artificial and effects-driven as Hard Rain, and yet I was spellbound. Maybe it was because the people on the doomed ship had no choice: The Titanic was sinking, and that was that.
In Hard Rain, there is a bad guy (Morgan Freeman) who has a choice. He wants to steal some money, but all during the film I kept wondering why he didn't just give up and head for dry ground. How much of this ordeal was he foolish enough to put up with? Water, cold, rain, electrocutions, murders, shotguns, jet-ski attacks, drownings, betrayals, collisions, leaky boats, stupid and incompetent partners, and your fingertips shrivel up. Is it worth it?"
"Not a single character’s master plan in this movie makes sense. Don’t even get me started on Penguin’s grand babynapping plan, which required A) every single adult in Gotham to be at the same party (which they were), B) not a single babysitter being hired, and C) not a single cop being out on patrol, allowing them to drive their roadworthy carnival train on the open streets."
"The plot is bad just because any amount of common sense cop work would solve this case. There is one scene where Dave is framed for murder. Dave is shot at in the dark and Dave fires blindly in that same direction. When he goes over to investigate, he finds the body of an informant he was going to meet thereby framing him for murder. Of course that becomes a plot cul de sac when the cops get it through their thick skulls that the bullets from Dave’s gun don’t match the one in the victim’s head and, oh yeah, the victim was dead about 32 hours prior to Dave’s incident! We are not talking CSI future crime lab work, we are talking about common f*cking sense! That’s 20 minutes wasted and that is just one example of the type of writing throughout the entire movie."
Jay: If I were that lady, I'd be like, 'Those two are fighting each other. Imma get outta here now. I got out of the temple, I'm off.'
Rich: Well, to be fair, she knows that that thing has to die, or the aliens might be trapped in Antarctica where they can't hurt the rest of humanity.
"Long ago, in order to create Energon for the first Transformers, they would destroy stars... Our galaxy alone contains a hundred billion stars, so we can spare a few; so the Primes said, 'Fine, we'll do that, but first we'll make a rule: No destroying inhabited worlds.' And this's why The Fallen lost his shit at the beginning of the film. He was all set to harvest our sun, but then the humans show up, and now suddenly he can't? Well, what's he supposed to do, just chalk it up to dumb luck? No! He will defy the Primes and harvest this sun anyway! That's right: the 'Revenge' that The Fallen is seeking is because he is a lazy-ass robot who could not be bothered to walk next door and consume its sun instead."
"So the plot is that someone's trying to kill Amidala for no reason, and Anakin and Obi-Wan are assigned to protect her. So, she doesn't sleep in an interior bedroom of this building with no window where it's safer, but rather in a room where the blinds are half-open in a city where nine hundred quadrillion people can see her—especially the robot that's here to kill her. They say they're doin' this so she can be bait to lure out the assassin—but she turns off any camera surveillance so she can have her privacy. Is that more important than your life, you dumb bimbo? You could at the very least aim the cameras at the windows, 'cause that's the only way in! ...Also, it's revealed in a bit that this assassin is a shapeshifter, which could very well be the most advantageous attribute that an assassin could possibly have. But instead he went with the whole 'bugs through the window' approach. Y'know, the classic."
Data:: The transporters conveniently failed after sending Picard, so I'm going to leap across space to get to Shinzon's ship.
Geordi: What about the transporters in the shuttles?
Data: Shut up.
Geordi: What about the Captain's Yacht?
Data: Shut up.
Geordi: Why didn't we just send a bomb instead of Picard?
Data: Shut up.
Geordi: What about the transporters in the cargo bays? They're independent units, remember?
Data: What part of "shut the fuck up" do you not understand? This is my big heroic exit, asshole. Don't fuck it up.
"Things must be pretty quiet in the Delta Quadrant if Janeway is wasting her time explaining away her existence to her holographic sexual aid. Why doesn’t she just shut the damn programme down and get B’Elanna to tweak it? When her talking dildo turns up on the bridge to starts questioning his existence I had given up all hope for this series...How can holodeck characters shoot actual equipment on Voyager? Its real and they’re not! Who is thinking up this shit? Torres (the only person on board with a brain cell or two in this episode) suggests cutting the power to the hologrid and deleting the programme when Tom and Harry’s lives have been put in danger, and Neelix objects because the crew will lose Fair Haven forever. Are you fucking kidding me? Then Janeway says that she would like to find a less drastic solution. Are these supposed to be real people because I refuse to buy into such blatant stupidity. A quick morality lesson, a replay of the events of Who Watches the Watchers (a primitive being given a tour of the ship) and everybody is smiling and laughing and happy again. Oh go fuck yourself Fair Haven…and Spirit Folk too while you’re at it. What a complete waste of my time. Is this really the sort of thing Paramount would rather see Braga and company conjuring up? No wonder the Trek franchise was on borrowed time."
"Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari's woman costumes were about as believable as two men in wigs making no effort to disguise their voices. They lived in a world where everyone was so easy to trick, there was no need for the elaborate scheme. They might as well have put a jar of mayonnaise on roller skates and shoved it into the manager's office shouting, "That's not male mayonnaise! Rent her an apartment! Actually, RARGH! I'm God! Rent an apartment to Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari!"
"We last left our alleged heroes at Hawkman’s funeral, where they were all knocked out by technology... This brings up an interesting point, and by 'interesting,' I mean 'one of many plot holes that makes me wonder if the scripts for this show are actually printed on Swiss cheese.' If the government already has something that can knock out a Kryptonian — not to mention the Flash and Aquaman and whoever else the extras were dressed as at Hawkman’s funeral — then why do they need to develop more methods for rendering them helpless? They already have them! What we’re getting here is that this episode is already stupid before it even starts. That’s how dumb it is."
"Two weeks ago, Clark punched Lex. One week ago, Lex tortured his friend nearly to death and killed all the fish in the lake. Now, they're hunky-dory again, with one line. 'Lex, I know things haven't been easy between us lately, but please, help!'
Lex doesn't say, 'Uh, you beat the crap out of me a little while back, you're researching a book that's being written to tear my company down, and now you're accusing me of creating a vampire sorority.' He simply says, 'Oh, hey Clark. Here's the ready-made antidote I haven't been using for a long time for no apparent reason. Just stab it into her chest and she'll be fine. By the way, it only works around Kryptonite. Convenient, huh?'
Clark, clutching at the table. 'Excuse me...must have...drank...Lex-lax...er...ex-lax.'
Lex: 'You're a Kryptonian, aren't you?'
Clark: 'Oh, no! Seriously...just some bad...picadillo, hombre. I gotta, er...YOINK!' He then takes the syringe and runs. Now that, at very least, would have been entertaining."
"Reading a story written by idiots is bad enough, but reading a story written by idiots that’s also about idiots is even worse."
"Chernobyl Diaries: It should have been called Six Dumbasses In Search of a Clue"
— Slate.com headline
"Goodnight, the stupid is spewing out of these characters like its Mt. Vesuvius!"
"Oh, that's right. Because we wouldn't have a movie if people weren't stupid."