Quotes: Giftedly Bad

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    Newspapers 

Bad films are easy to make, but a film as unpleasant as Baby Geniuses achieves a kind of grandeur.

    Webcomics 

Aram: To say that Jeriah's writings are actually poetry is much the same as saying that tripping down a flight of stairs and breaking your collar bone is ballet.
Gamal: What about the 20 minute speech comparing love to plate tectonics? Was that a poem too?
Aram: I don't even know what the hell that was.

    Web Original 

Florence Foster Jenkins was a TERRIBLE singer. If the world of opera were the city of Springfield, Ms. Jenkins would be Ralph Wiggum with his head stuck in a bucket. She was the only woman in the performing arts whose voice could strip paint. She made Yoko Ono stubbing her toe sound like Regina Spektor having an orgasm...For 32 years, the Rebecca Black of opera refused to believe she didn't have what it takes, and gave it to music regardless. She was so bad that being injured in a car crash actually improved her voice. But if that wasn't embarrassing enough, she made her own (crappy) costumes, was mocked by her pianist while she performed, and tossed flowers to the crowd during her acts and then took them back for the next show.

Lindsay Lohan talked to The Mirror about her first performance of Speed-The-Plow that some say was a disaster because she didn’t know her lines and the audience laughed at her ass. LiLo says that the negative shit hos say about her bounces off of her freckled zombie skin and she doesn’t care what the haters think. The haters can eat it, because LiLo ran into Al Pacino at a hotel recently and he told her he was proud of her for doing theater. Yeah, she probably didn’t run into THEE Al Pacino, she ran into some random dude who happens to be named Al Pacino. And he didn’t tell her he was proud of her for doing for theater, he asked her what her hourly rate is.
Michael K., "Lindsay Lohan On Her Messy First Performance Of Speed-The-Plow: “It Could’ve Been A Disaster. I Could’ve Not Shown Up.'"

As a case study, to look at his films, to step back with distance and chart the downfall, is to reveal a sedimentary-layer view of a man losing total control of his ego, and his own ability to objectively judge his own work. There’s a huge clue in the book The Man who Heard Voices, which is devoted to the production of Lady in the Water. The book covers, in great detail, how blown away Night is by a Disney executive who unthinkably failed to ‘get’ his script, and the soul-searching, sweaty-sheeted introspection about just what was wrong with other people, that they couldn’t see how incredible his story was.
Stuart Millard, "The Self-Destruction of M. Night Shyamalan"

It’s highly unlikely that a first-time director who compares Star Trek Into Darkness favorably to Raiders of the Lost Ark is capable of learning from his mistakes and making a better movie.

If you are having a bad day you simply have to watch the second episode of The Time Monster with the commentary switched on. John Levene's solo effort is a joy to behold because he seems to think that this is some kind of forgotten gem and his personal contributions are the work of a skilled actor at the height of his powers.

This whole episode is like a hobo trashcan fire from space.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Smallville ("Harvest")

    Web Video 

Jay: This is borderline experimental!
Mike: This makes no sense at all!
Jay: WHAT IS HAPPENING

Insurrection is a symphony of stupid. It's like Beethoven's Symphony No. 5, but for below-average Hollywood hack-job filmmakers and producers.

To forge ahead with a prequel series for a fandom that is known for obsessing over continuity gaffes? This is truly a brave thing to attempt... What we got had nothing to do with continuity gaffes, and everything to do with, well, EVERYTHING gaffes.
SFDebris on Star Trek: Enterprise, "These Are the Voyages..."

Mike: It is one of the worst fuck-ups in the history of humanity... it deserves not only to not be destroyed but—in a Best of the Worst first—duplicated.
Jay: You read my mind, Mike Stoklasa. Because I was going to say that we should not destroy it simply because George Lucas wants to destroy it. That's why it should continue on forever.

    Real Life 

Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect.
Mark Twain, in the introduction to English As She Is Spoke

I first read this sentence nearly three years ago. Since then, I have read it once a week in an increasingly desperate search for meaning. But I still don't understand it.
—Nick Page, In Search of the World's Worst Writers, on the opening line of Amanda McKittrick Ros's Delina Delaney

I write in a genre that was not defined by me. The examples were not set out by me. They were set out 2,000 years ago by Aeschylus, Sophocles and Euripides. They were called the Greek tragedies...They went from those, to Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, then Jane Austen did it, put a new human twist on it. Hemingway did it with A Farewell to Arms. A Farewell to Arms, by Hemingway. Good stuff. That’s what I write…There are no authors in my genre. No one is doing what I do.
—Literary giant Nicholas Sparks

It simply makes good business sense that where someone of my talent and ability was not going to be used to their capability or capacity, that a parting of the ways was inevitable.

Every once in a while we turn up another P.D.Q. Bach manuscript in a monastery or attic. And every time we do, we have a great feeling of anticipation, a feeling of exultation, you might say. A feeling that this new piece we've found can't possibly be as bad as the last piece. But so far, every new piece we find of his lives up to the same low standards set by the previous one.
Peter Schickele on P.D.Q. Bach, An Evening with P.D.Q. Bach

Me and Robin [Thicke] the whole time said,You know we’re about to make history right now. What’s amazing is I think now, we’re three days later and people are still talking about it.
Miley Cyrus on her performance at the 2013 Video Music Awards