The Operative: I'm not threatening you. I'm unarmed...
Mal Reynolds: Good. [shoots him]
The Operative: I am, however, wearing full body armour. I am not a moron!
Ira Kane: Snag one!
Harry Block: Snag one?!
Ira Kane: Yeah. Snag it and put it in the box.
"Hah! I found it! In my 'Vault of Horror' comic book #9! Right after the story of the thing in the swamp that eats up the grandma alive... it tells how to kill a vampire!"
— MAD, "V-Vampires!"
"Oh, I'm so very happy you talked to me. Unless we're especially lucky, characters like me without notable personalities often wind up overlooked and ignored. But I'm happy. You talked to me. You've acknowledged me, in other words. Oh, I'm so happy!"
Aang: (when a pedestal rises from the ground in a Temple of Doom) What exactly is that?
Zuko: It's some kind of mystical gemstone. (runs towards it)
Aang: Well, don't touch it!
Zuko: Why not?
Aang: Remember what happened out there with those spikes? I'm just very suspicious of giant, glowing gems sitting on pedestals.
Aang: You had to pick up the glowing egg, didn't you?
—Avatar: The Last Airbender, "The Firebending Masters"
Guy: (when the rest of the crew try to approach some harmless-looking aliens) They may look cute now, but in a minute, they're going to get mean, and ugly somehow, and there's going to be a million more of them.
Gwen: They don't look dangerous.
Guy: Did you guys even watch the show?
Tret: You assume a castle built on ancient ruins must have a secret entrance infested with traps and monsters?
Amiti: Well... yes.
Tret: Well, you're right... this time.
Betty: It's that old familiar story. You help a timid little soul across a crowded street; she turns out to be a multimillionaire and leaves you all her money.
Joe: That's the trouble with you readers. You know all the plots.
"It's Bowser again, isn't it? Oh no, here we go again! Mario, would you please bring hernote back, like you always do?"
—Toad, Super Mario RPG
Geek Scientist: Look, we have medics and guards standing by just in case. And this is one of our strongest containment rooms. Everything is under control.
Joel: You do realize that the scientist say that in every horror movie, just before things go horribly wrong.
Geek Scientist: This isn't a cheesy B-Movie, Joel. Relax! What could go wrong?
Joel: Are you trying to get us all killed?
Nazi A: "Hans, I've just noticed something."
Nazi B: "These communists are all cowards."
Nazi A: "Have you looked at our caps recently?"
Nazi B: "Our caps?"
Nazi A: "The badges on our caps. Have you looked at them?"
Nazi B: "What? ...no. A bit?"
Nazi A: "They've got skulls on them."
Nazi B: "Hmmm?"
Nazi A: "Have you noticed, that our caps have actually got little pictures of skulls on them?"
Nazi B: "I don't, uh..."
Nazi A: "Hans. Are we the baddies?"
Elan: Will I ever see you again?
Julio Scoundrél: Well, as an older mentor figure, the most likely scenario is that I'd return only to be randomly killed by an enemy of yours so that you can cradle my dying body while swearing revenge — so don't take it personally if I say I sincerely hope we never cross paths again.
Gladiator's Taskmaster: Now listen, because I'm about to tell you how it's going to be in this hellhole for the rest of your short, miserable lives. First I'm going to line you up and shout at you. I'll belitle you, call you a few names and repeatedly mention how you are all probably going to die. Actually, that's the part we're doing right now, so we're running a little ahead of schelude. Then, you will be allowed to wander the common area, where the other prisoners will snarl at you, steal the pieces of bread that are being handed out, and generally act like insecure schoolyard bullies. At the time one of you will defend a weaker prisoner from said bullies, possibly giving him your own bread. This will create a close friendship between the two of you, most likely with strong homosexual overtones, that will not be fully explored. Later, the weaker gladiator will be killed in the arena, and then you will kill the one who killed him in a big climatic match. Oh, and before I forget, you will remain stripped to the waist with your muscles oiled at all times, for no apparent purpose. See the Oil Steward if your skin becomes dry for any reason. Where was I, ah right - The part where one of you catches the eye of a beautiful noblewoman while fighting, only to reject her amorous advances.
Roy: Ok, I think as long as we avoid being tough-looking guys who get knocked out in the first round to show how strong the champion is, we'll be fine.
Nale: You're the one who taught me that bards are underpowered.
Tarquin: They are! With their mastery of narrative structure, they should be ruling the entire cosmos by now, instead of wasting time singing in taverns.
TG: dude monsters arent real
TG: thats stupid kids stuff for stupid babies
EB: maybe. yeah you're right.
TG: what are you an idiot
TG: of course there are monsters in your house
TG: youre in some weird evil monster dimension come on
TG: skepticism is the crutch of cinematic troglodytes
TG: like hey mom dad theres a dinosaur or a ghost or whatever in my room. "yeah right junior go back to bed"
TG: fuck you mom and dad how many times are we going to watch this trope unfold it wasnt goddamn funny the first time i saw it
TG: just once id like to see dad crap his pants when a kid says theres a vampire in his closet
TG: "OH SHIT EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN"
TG: be fuckin dad of the year right there
—Dave (and John), Homestuck
Marlo Chandler: Hey, what's that rumbling? Is it an earthquake?
Rick Jones: Nah, too regular. It's probably giant robots.
Marlo Chandler Giant robots?
Rick Jones: Either that or a two-ton Riverdance troupe.
(Gang of giant robots rip roof off building and kidnap Rick Jones)
Rick Jones: Aw man, I am so friggin' sick of being right all the time!
Angela Moore: This doesn't make any sense.
Shawn Hunter: It does if you've seen as many horror movies as I have. This is classic. The locked door, the scary janitor, the bloody warning and... our soon to be first victim.
-Everyone looks at Kenny-
Kenny: Me? Why me?
"Do it?" Dan, I'm not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I'd explain my masterstroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I did it thirty-five minutes ago.
—Adrian "Ozymandias" Veidt, Watchmen
What's with having to light candles to get to the basement?! Not very subtle, is it...
Don't you know a kid always wins against two idiots?
—Kevin, Home Alone 2 to Harry and Marv
Did you honestly think you could take so many lives and never suffer retribution? Have you never even seen a kung-fu movie, spy flick or western? Shakespeare, for God's sake!
— Jasper Batt Jr., No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle
Ever since I arrived in this dreamland of the incredibly obvious, I've seen nothing but clichés!
—Inspector Gill, Fish Police
Brad: Let's see here...
(Options include WAIT UNTIL NIGHT and GO AND GET HELP.)
So I called that guy I know at NBC. And then I got to thinking — You know what I hate? I hate those lame action movies where the good guy calls just one person who ends up betraying him. So I called ABC, CBS, The Post, The Times, the local news channel, and the FBI.
— Mr. Smith, Shoot 'em Up
Duane: "You do not want to engage me. Have you never been to an opera house?
Duane: "Think of it. A mysterious stranger in unassuming garb, of noble mien, his manner strange, his abilities unknown, selflessly answering the call of innocents. Not one to take lightly, says the theatre. What is your role? The brutish dullard who would raise a weapon to a child? You won't see the second act."
Bett: "You're not accounting for me!"
Duane: "Convince me that I should no-"
Sette:: (interrupting) "Zombies don't banter!"
The true secret in being a hero lies in knowing the order of things. The swineherd cannot already be wed to the princess when he embarks on his adventures, nor can the boy knock on the witch's door when she is already away on vacation. The wicked uncle cannot be found out and foiled before he does something wicked. Things must happen when it is time for them to happen. Quests may not simply be abandoned; prophecies may not be left to rot like unpicked fruit; unicorns may go unrescued for a very long time, but not forever. The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.
With my luck, it will probably trigger some terrible trap... Or summon sand-monsters... Or bring about the end of the world!
— The Prince, Prince of Persia
It's a trick. Get an axe.
— Ash, Army of Darkness
Z: "It’s a talking cat."
Anna: "Head girls are a special breed! Naturally selected over 7 years along strict Darwinian lines!"
Nita: "DESTINED TO RULE!"
Esther: "ED! QUICK! We've got about twenty seconds before they come out of exposition mode!"
Nita: "...en a girl is born under a hunter's moon..."
—Giant Days (part of the Bobbins Verse)