It's sad how some people can't handle a little variety.

Calvin: I let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

Mom: I figured you lost your mind years ago.

Calvin: Isn’t it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humour? When you think about it, it’s weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it’s funny. Don’t you think it’s odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?

Hobbes: I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.

*beat*

Calvin: I can’t tell if that’s funny or really scary.

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.

There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

Calvin: Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?.

Hobbes: I'm not sure that man needs the help.

Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius.

Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?

Calvin: *wearing his clothes upside-down* Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help..

Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!.

I think night time is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.

As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

Calvin: They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.

Hobbes: Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.

Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers.

Calvin: Trick or treat!

Adult: Where’s your costume? What are you supposed to be?

Calvin: I’m yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you’re old and weak.
(Next panel shows Calvin walking away with a bag overflowing with candy)
Calvin: Am I scary, or what?

Calvin: Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?

(Dad sits speechless for 2 panels, unable to come up with a good answer)

Calvin: I think grown-ups just act like they know what they're doing.

What fun is it being "cool" if you can't wear a sombrero?

''I'm sick of everyone telling me what to do all the time! I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was DEAD! ... well, no, I don't. Not really. I wish everyone else was dead.'

.