If you have a line from Calvin and Hobbes you enjoy, feel free to add it to this section! Also, if you know the date of the comic in which any quotes on this page appeared, please note it in the same format as those that are already complete.
It's sad how some people can't handle a little variety.
— Calvin and the world around him, in a nutshell
Calvin: I let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
Mom: I figured you lost your mind years ago.
— Calvin and his mom
Calvin: Isnít it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humour? When you think about it, itís weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think itís funny. Donít you think itís odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?
Hobbes: I suppose if we couldnít laugh at things that donít make sense, we couldnít react to a lot of life.
Calvin: I canít tell if thatís funny or really scary.
— Calvin and Hobbes, April 19, 1992
The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
— Hobbes, Dec. 30, 1990
Thereís never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
— Calvin, Aug. 28, 1988
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
Reality continues to ruin my life.
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Calvin: Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?.
Hobbes: I'm not sure that man needs the help.
— Calvin and Hobbes
Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?
Calvin: *wearing his clothes upside-down* Nobody thinks I'm a genius.
— Calvin and Hobbes, Sept. 07, 1993
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants donít help..
Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! Thatís the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isnít good enough for me! I demand euphoria!.
I think night time is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. Youíve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.
Calvin: They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.
Hobbes: Maybe thatís why itís hard to tell if weíre living in a tragedy or a farce.
Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers.
— Calvin and Hobbes
Calvin: Trick or treat!
Adult: Whereís your costume? What are you supposed to be?
Calvin: Iím yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when youíre old and weak.
(Next panel shows Calvin walking away with a bag overflowing with candy)
Calvin: Am I scary, or what?
Calvin: Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?
(Dad sits speechless for 2 panels, unable to come up with a good answer)
Calvin: I think grown-ups just act like they know what they're doing.
— Calvin and his Dad, Feb. 18, 1991
What fun is it being "cool" if you can't wear a sombrero?
—Hobbes, Sept. 30, 1986
''I'm sick of everyone telling me what to do all the time! I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was DEAD! ... well, no, I don't. Not really. I wish everyone else was dead.'
— Calvin, March 21, 1989