History Quotes / CalvinAndHobbes

20th Jul '17 2:26:34 AM MoPete
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'''Home Improvement'''

->'''Dad''': "Before beginning any home-plumbing repair, make sure you possess the proper tools for the job. Check the following list of handy expletives, and see that you know how to use them."
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 31 May 1987

->'''Hobbes''': What are you doing with all your dad's tools in the bathroom?\\
'''Calvin''': This faucet drips, so I'm going to fix it.\\
'''Hobbes''': '''''You're''''' going to fix it?\\
'''Calvin''': That's what I said. ...And you can keep your comments to yourself, Dr. Doom.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 8 August 1988



-->--Calvin deciding if he will ride his sledge down the hill or not.

to:

-->--Calvin deciding if he will ride his sledge sled down the hill or not.
20th Jul '17 2:11:27 AM MoPete
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'''Calvin:''' I'm only civil because I don't know any swear words.

to:

'''Calvin:''' '''Calvin''': I'm only civil because I don't know any swear words.


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'''Statistics'''
->'''Calvin''': Dad, your polls took a big dive this week. Your "Overall Dad Performance" rating was especially low. See? Right about yesterday your popularity went down the tubes.\\
'''Dad''': '''''Calvin, you didn't get dessert yesterday because you flooded the house!!'''''
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 28 January 1986
9th Jul '17 1:32:34 PM LizardOfAus
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->'''Calvin:''' You're stalling!

to:

->'''Calvin:''' You're stalling!
'''You're stalllling!'''


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->'''Calvin''': I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realised that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report?\\
'''Hobbes''': "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in ''Dick and Jane'': A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender Modes."\\
'''Calvin''': Academia, here I come!
23rd Jun '17 3:49:06 AM MoPete
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Added DiffLines:

->'''Calvin''': What assurance do I have that this education is adequately preparing me for the 21st century? Am I getting the skills I'll need to effectively compete in a tough, global economy? I want a high-paying job when I get out of here! I want opportunity!\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': In that case, young man, I suggest you start working harder. What you get out of school depends on what you put into it.\\
'''Calvin''': Oh. Then forget it.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 30 March 1992
19th Jun '17 6:24:02 PM MoPete
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Added DiffLines:

->'''Calvin''': Why aren't we hooked up to an on-line service, so we can connect to other computers?\\
'''Dad''': Because it's bad enough we have a telephone.

->'''Dad''': It used to be that if a client wanted something done in a week, it was considered a rush job, and he'd be lucky to get it. Now, with modems, faxes, and car phones, everybody wants everything instantly! Improved technology just increases expectations. These machines don't make life easier -- they make life more harassed.\\
'''Calvin''': Six minutes to microwave this?? Who's got that kind of time?!
19th Jun '17 4:51:25 PM MoPete
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'''Customer Service'''

->'''Mom''': ''(at the post office)'' Fifteen people in line and the teller goes on break without a replacement. ''(at the supermarket)'' After I wait ten minutes, they open a new line for all the people behind me who have waited '''''two''''' minutes. ''(at the Department Store)'' I'm waiting to pay, and the cashier puts '''''me''''' on hold instead of the person on the telephone.\\
'''Cashier''': Have a nice day.\\
'''Mom''': Too late.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 11 May 1995
19th Jun '17 4:46:41 PM MoPete
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->'''Mom''': ''(screaming into the phone)'' '''''DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT I HAVE A LIFE BEYOND THIS SALES PITCH AND YOU'RE INTRUDING ON IT?!''''' ''(holding the phone away from her, grinding her teeth)'' There would be more civility in this world if people didn't take it as an invitation to walk on you.\\
'''Calvin:''' I'm only civil because I don't know any swear words.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 1 September 1995
19th Jun '17 4:41:10 PM MoPete
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'''Hobbes''': Maybe Martians don't like Earthlings.
'''Calvin''': Don't like us?! What's not to like?? There's nothing wrong with humans! ''(calling out))'' Hey, you Martian! Come on out! We're not bad! We just came here because people polluted our own planet so much [[ExplainExplainOhCrap that... uh... what I mean is... um...]] ''(talking to Hobbes again)'' So what are you saying? That our reputation preceded us?

to:

'''Hobbes''': Maybe Martians don't like Earthlings.
Earthlings.\\
'''Calvin''': Don't like us?! What's not to like?? There's nothing wrong with humans! ''(calling out))'' Hey, you Martian! Come on out! We're not bad! We just came here because people polluted our own planet so much [[ExplainExplainOhCrap that... uh... what I mean is... um...]] ''(talking to Hobbes again)'' So what are you saying? That our reputation preceded us?us?\\
19th Jun '17 4:40:26 PM MoPete
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->'''Calvin''': '''''What on Earth am I doing in here on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I've got!''''' ''(runs off)'' '''''AAAAAAAAAA!"'''''\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': ''(carrying Calvin back to his seat)'' Next time, try a drink of water and a few deep breaths.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 28 April 1995.



->(regarding Martians being afraid of Earthlings) ''"Would you welcome in a dog that wasn't housebroken?"''
-->--Hobbes

to:

->(regarding ->'''Calvin''': Why do you think the Martian hid from us?\\
'''Hobbes''': Maybe
Martians being afraid of Earthlings) ''"Would don't like Earthlings.
'''Calvin''': Don't like us?! What's not to like?? There's nothing wrong with humans! ''(calling out))'' Hey, you Martian! Come on out! We're not bad! We just came here because people polluted our own planet so much [[ExplainExplainOhCrap that... uh... what I mean is... um...]] ''(talking to Hobbes again)'' So what are you saying? That our reputation preceded us?
'''Hobbes''': Would
you welcome in a dog that wasn't housebroken?"''
-->--Hobbes
house-trained?
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes,'' 28 September 1988
15th Apr '17 10:43:09 AM CurledUpWithDakka
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->'''Calvin''': ''(inner monologue)'' Come on, you are gonna dodge all those trees. You can do it. You'll stop just before you reach the cliff. You won't fall on the lake. Besides, the ice must be really thick. Go on.\\
'''Calvin''': ''(outer monologue [[BreakingTheFourthWall to the reader]]): My brain is trying to kill me.

to:

->'''Calvin''': ''(inner monologue)'' Come on, you are gonna dodge all those trees. You can do it. You'll stop just before you reach the cliff. You won't fall on the lake. Besides, the ice must be really thick. Go on.\\
''\\
'''Calvin''': ''(outer monologue [[BreakingTheFourthWall to the reader]]): My brain is trying to kill me.''
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Quotes.CalvinAndHobbes