"Stalin was a Democrat."
—Janis Ian, "God & The FBI"
Joe Steele is an Alternate History Short Story
by Harry Turtledove
. It was published in Stars: Original Stories Based on the Songs of Janis Ian
in 2003. Essentially it is the answer to the question: "What if Josef Stalin
were born in the USA?" Why he'd run for President of course! Armed with his Four Year Plan, Joe Steele sets off to battle his chief political opponent Franklin D. Roosevelt
, the Capitalist decadence that brought on the Depression
, The US Supreme Court, Adolf Hitler
, and the very notion of term limits.
This story provides examples of:
- Alternate History: Diverges at the point where Stalin's parent's choose to immigrate to the US instead of Russia. Joe Steele is the 32nd President of the USA while FDR is assassinated by J. Edgar Hoover, the FBI is the Government Bureau of Investigation, WWII is not ended by the atomic bomb and a bloody invasion of Japan ensues, followed by a Japanese Civil War that mirrors the East vs West proxy wars of Korea and Vietnam with Trotsky as Lenin's successor.
- Evil Power Vacuum: Shortly after being elected to his sixth term, Joe Steele dies and J. Edgar Hoover, The Hammer, and Steele's Vice President all scramble for control.
- Full-Name Basis: Joe Steele is always Joe Steele.
- Historical In-Joke: John Nance Garner is described as "not worth a pitcher of warm spit," which was a common Bowdlerisation of his description of the Vice Presidencey: "not worth a bucket of warm piss."
- Insistent Terminology: FDR is almost always Franklin D.—D for Delano—Roosevelt, to contrast his haughty "old money" image compared to Joe Steele's son of immigrants out of Fresno image.
- Landslide Election: Hoover takes Delaware, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine. Joe Steele takes the country. In his subsequent terms, the landslides get even bigger.
- Make It Look Like an Accident: J. Edgar assassinates FDR by setting a fire. No one raises any alarm at a guy in a wheelchair being caught in the blaze.
- New Era Speech: Joe Steele makes several, talking about plans for the country and his love for the people.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: "The Hammer" is a shadowy backroom political dealer who gets things done.
- May be based on Molotov, whose name means "hammer".
- Oppressive States of America: Under Joe Steele and his series of Four Year Plans, people are rounded up into camps and forced into labor for massive public works projects.
- Permanent Elected Official: Joe Steele dies shortly into his sixth term. The 22nd Amendment is nowhere in sight.
- Police Brutality: the people who don't quite agree with Joe Steele's way of doing things, "get it in the neck."
- Secret Police: In this universe, the FBI has become the oppressive GBI.
- The Stoic: The Hammer, "he wouldn't say boo to a goose."