slowbeef & Diabetus's Videos
- How To Disarm A Bomb (Ambition Part 1):
Cop: Hi, my name is Jim. Put your hands in the air! What are you upset about?
- Ted's tendency to pace around the room, with an incredibly loud knocking sound for his footsteps.
- The 'all of the above' option.
Receptionist (after Ted jumps out the window): I need a cigarette.
- The fact that no one in the office is phased by Ted running around with a BOMB strapped to him. They come off more as annoyed and inconvenienced by him.
- How To Disarm A Hitchhiker (Ambition Part 2)
- Yale's goofy grin. And it won't be the only time it'll pop up again.
- The episode has some Accidental Innuendo towards the end: Yale and Ted seem to sympathize with one another, and Yale gets him to calm down. He then assures Ted that he can help him get his kids back, to which Ted responds by kissing him on the cheek - this prompts Yale to declare that "alright, he's coming out!"
- How To Apply The DSM V (Ambition Part 3)
- In which you are lectured about human nature by Ted, the psychotic man who was threatening everyone with explosives strapped to his chest for the past two chapters, while trying to correctly diagnose him. In spite of his behavior, the correct answer is to claim he's perfectly sane.
- His creepy behavior and dialog do lend themselves to great◊ images◊, for what it's worth.
- How To Untangle A Tryst (Part 1) (Ambition Part 4)
- Ted's escape, wherein he pointlessly starts doing parkour on the walls◊.
- How To ... Uh... Untangle A Tryst? (Part 2) (Ambition Part 5). This is where the series really seemed to have come off the rails. Practically all of the characters make truly bizarre and borderline terrifying faces.
Yale: Wow. Good catch.
- There's a random moment where a pencil somehow launches itself into the air from Yale's desk, accompanied by a drum roll and cymbal sting when Angie catches it. The hilarity of the situation is then turned Up to Eleven by Angie confronting Yale despite having suddenly acquired a lazy eye or two.
Diabetus: That was the se-
[Yale makes his goofy grin, the goons crack up. Cut to a cross-eyed Angie, the goons lose it more.]
Angie: I think you're very nervous, and I want to know why.
slowbeef: I... There was nothing we could've said to add to that.
slowbeef: Hello, person! Why are you upset?
- Special note must be given to the entire scenario with Yale's wife and "you beloved aunt"'s violin. She starts screaming like a velociraptor before beating in the player's head.
Helen: I can't trust that son-of-a-bitch! I can't trust anybody!
[Helen suddenly screams at the player character and holds the violin above her head in a threatening manner]
Diabetus: Okaaaaay... that was not necessary.
Yale: You could keep the father a mystery. You have lots of male friends.[The goons lose it again]Angie: You are the only man who has slept with me, Yale.Yale: You have my permission to sleep around a bit.
- Yale finds out that his mistress is pregnant with his child; how does he react?
- How To Solve The Case! (Ambition Part 6) In which you're a police officer who's ordered to make an arrest in 16 hours, when real arrests tend to take much, much longer to occur. (You get 24 after some negotiating with your boss, but nevertheless...)
slowbeef: We're taking another nap?
- You turn out to be the most narcoleptic policeman on the force, too, requiring a four-hour trip to bed every 12 in-game hours or so, lest you get lost in your own city. This is represented by you driving into your bed on the highway◊.
Diabetus: Watch out!
slowbeef: Oh God!
Diabetus: Aaaaaah! [the main menu appears] Oh, that was the coziest crash ever.
- How To Start Interrogating A Suspect (Ambition Part 7) gives us, among other funny moments, a review by a user called "ffextreme," who wonders if the creator is related to Mel Gibson, because they have the same last name. He says that he liked Braveheart and "The Passion". Made even funnier by the fact that slowbeef can barely contain himself while reading the review, as well as the Bane impression he does to interpret all caps.
Bridget: You just don't get it, do you? Ted escaped because he was allowed to escape. Come on, you can do it. Connect the dots.
- During actual gameplay, slowbeef sums up the insanity of the series:
slowbeef: Could there be a giant conspiracy theory that would force a guy to put a bomb on himself, jump out a window, land in a mattress truck, hitchhike with the very people that's [sic] conspiring against him, and then land up in a psychological assessment where it turned out he's actually sane and maybe under this drug Paxwic, which is a drug made for produc[ing] the perfect soldier? I think not!
Diabetus: That's how you connect the dots?
- The incredibly creepy "loverboy" at the beginning with the huge overbite is remarkably surreal-looking - even for this series. In addition, once Bridget spurns him, he stares directly at the player with a surprisingly intimidating (and ridiculously goofy) glare.
- The opening of the game asserts that Rolf Klink was giving a speech at a right-wing political rally. He immediately goes into a rant about how to rule the populace through "fear"... As it turns out, the party he's giving a speech for? The Fascist Party. You know, like two fondly-remembered countries from the 1940s...
- How To Discover The Truth (Ambition Part 8). Two words: Ted sings.
- Then there's what's supposed to be Bridget pretending to be attacked, but looks like her dancing in place whispering "HELPHELPHELPHELPHELP". slowbeef and Diabetus are mystified.
- The option to punch Duke in the nose.
- Near the end, Bridget asks the PC who said that "Facts are the enemy of the truth" and mocks him if the player doesn't answer "Miguel de Cervantes". The gameplay portion of the video ends with Pinstripe Hourglass using Google to show that the quote is from Dale Wasserman, not Cervantes.
- There's one user review slowbeef finds for Diabetus to do his "screaming voice" for, which essentially is "THANK YOU MICHAEL" over and over again. Made more amusing when you consider slowbeef's real name...
- How To Fix a Broken Marriage (Ambition Part 9). The answer: pastries and 24-karat diamond necklaces that look like they came from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.
Helen: Are you suggesting that if I weren't so bitchy and instead acted like a sweet, compliant little wifie, you still would have [had an affair]?
- More specifically, the pastry bit comes out of nowhere in the middle of a (more or less) serious discussion. slowbeef's reaction makes it even better.
Helen: Have a pastry.
[Yale holds a pastry making the infamous goofy grin; slowbeef starts laughing]
Yale: Mmm, Helen makes the most sumptuous pastries.
[slowbeef starts laughing harder]
Helen: Not everyday. If I - [made them every day maybe he wouldn't have cheated on me.]
[the player interrupts Helen]
slowbeef: (still laughing) I'm gonna stop you here. What the hell are you talking about?
Diabetus: What the hell is going on?
[the player selects "Ask Helen what role food plays in her life."]
Yale: Food plays a significant role in her life.
Helen: I think the question was addressed to me.
Yale: Then answer it.
Helen: I'm trying to.
Yale: She makes enormous amounts of food every day which neither of us can eat.
slowbeef: What does this have to do with -
Helen: Are you going to let me speak?
Diabetus: I'm just gonna let this play out.
Yale: Of course dear. I'm just allowing you time to formulate your thoughts into a coherent structure.
slowbeef: Look at this!
Helen: Listen to him. How could anyone put up with that?
Yale: We're all still waiting for you to answer the question about what role food plays in your life.
slowbeef: Interrupt. "I'd like a pastry!"
- Also, players guide the plot in this installment by interrupting them, which greatly amuses the RPers - especially when, near the end of a failed run, the player is prevented from interrupting.
- Near the end of the game, Yale claims that "the white man has achieved world domination because he enslaved the black man". A few seconds later, he offers Helen the aforementioned necklace made out of 24k gold and diamonds, two materials which are in no way related to the exploitation/enslavement of black people.
- "Somehow, even though it started out with a guy strapping bombs to his chest and jumping out a window, the central thesis [of the Ambition series] is 'bitches be crazy'".
- How To Handle The Police (Ambition Part 13)
Duke: [In his usual high-pitched, nasally voice] Because I'm a terrorist!
- The player gets in a taxi cab, and finds the driver has been replaced with Duke. He calmly asks him why he's hijacked the cab, and is met with this response:
slowbeef: [incredulous] WHAT?!
[The two goons are left in hysterics for a good twenty seconds straight.]
slowbeef: Now I'm a terrorist! [continues laughing]
Diabetus: Oh my God...
[The next dialog option tree pops up, with the first option being eight words long and the second being ten lines.]
slowbeef: Oh my God, look at these two options! [more laughing] Duke, sit down a minute for option two!
Diabetus: Can we die so we can go back and see that again?
[A police car drives by in the background with Ted in the back seat]
slowbeef: Look, they caught Ted again!
[Another dialog option tree...]
Diabetus: Wait, none of the three options are "what the fuck?"
slowbeef: "Because I'm a terrorist!" [laughs] I'm sorry, let me redo that: [mimicking Duke's nasal voice] "Because I'm a terrorist! Mooooom!"
Diabetus: Oh, God... [more chuckling] Ugh... You're a terrorist, but you were such a good marriage counselor!
slowbeef: [laughs] He terrorizes divorce lawyers! This is great work counseling!
Diabetus: You know what, I take it back; going through all these parts was worth it!
- Even better: by sheer coincidence, this exchange begins at 9:11 in the video.
- The video also ends with Duke getting kicked in the crotch; a scene so hilarious that it's played out twice for the two goons.
- When Pinstripe Hourglass gets into the taxi and finds out Duke's driving it, his first reaction is to immediately jump out of the moving cab. His second reaction is to repeatedly punch him in the head until they crash into a bus with the word "Karma" printed on the front.
- How To Close Out Your Video Game Series (Ambition part 14) has Duke killing the player in front of a mysterious green light as a guitar riff plays. The green light shows up several times later, and every time it shows up neither goon can comprehend what it is.
- Ambition Babies covers Sir Basil Pike Public School, pretty much Ambition with kids. For some reason, the player now has a "Persuasion Power" meter that fills when you become more popular with the others. It tends to fill up after particularly negative choices (i.e. mocking a boy's speech impediment), and every time it fills or drains lightning strikes the screen.
Ted: What are you kids up to?slowbeef: I DON'T KNOW!!Diabetus as Ted: No seriously, what was that?
- Also, the mouse from The Raise pops up from time to time to tell the player how they're doing, annoying the RPers.
- Ted returns to the series as a math teacher.
- Perhaps capping everything off is a section near the end where a fat girl who had previously air guitared suddenly gets a real guitar and sings about herself, transporting the school into a trippy dimension filled with poorly-animated students. The goons react about how'd you expect.
- How to Woo the Homeless has the duo playing the "Interview with a Vagabond" episode of The Negotiator. On their initial run-through they tell the Vagabond that he's a failure as a human being, resulting in the player character getting a bottle smashed over their head. Then, on their second run-through they decide to give him $500, which... also gets a bottle smashed over the player character's head.
slowbeef: (reading the Game Over message) "Nobody likes to be ignored, patronized or rejected." Or given $500, apparently!