Funny / You Can't Do That on Television

  • Some of the preemption bumpers fall into this trope:
  • This memorable exchange, from the episode "Television".
    Christine: Hey listen, I know you're kind of new to this, so if you have any questions about anything at all, just ask me.
    Vanessa: Well, there is one thing I'd like to ask you.
    Christine: Sure?
    Vanessa: How do they make that slime they're always dumping on you?
    Christine: First they take some wa- (catches herself) some liquid, and then they add some jello powder, and some flour, sometimes some soap, and they dump it all over me.
    Vanessa: (looks toward the ceiling) Where do they dump it from?
    Christine: Actually Vanessa, I've always wondered that too. i just don't know.
    (green slime falls on Christine's head)
    Vanessa: Very interesting. Is it always green?
    Christine: Well, yeah it usually is, but I guess it could be red.
    (red slime drops on Christine's head)
    Christine: Or... it could be blue.
    (blue slime drops on Christine's head)
    Christine: (getting annoyed) Or yellow.
    (yellow slime drops on Christine's head)
    Christine: Yep... Okay, you guys think you're so smart? Let's see stripes.
    (red, yellow, and blue slime falls on Christine's head)note 
    Vanessa: (who has been in the "splash zone" of the last few slimes) Boy, must be tough being a TV star. By the way, how do you get this stuff out?
    Christine: Well, it usually washes out with water.
    (water falls on Christine's head and also splashes Vanessa, but by now so much slime has fallen that very little of it washes away)
    Christine: *Usually*.
    • Vanessa recalled later on that even though she hadn't technically been the one slimed in that scene, she took so much of it as it splashed off from Christine that she was given the $50 bonus for that scene that actors got whenever they were slimed. Later in that same episode, Vanessa was slimed for real:
    Christine: Vanessa, why do you think makeup is so important on this show?
    Vanessa: I don't know. [she gets slimed] MAKEUP! MAKEUP! SANDY, I NEED MY MAKEUP! [runs off the set - note: "Sandy" is most likely Sandra Little, the show's makeup artist]
    Christine: Now you know! [laughs]
  • The infamous sketch on "Adoption" where Senator Prevert calls the orphanage to return Adam after using him to do chores, only to learn that "adoption" is forever (even though the orphanage would have had to take Adam back because of how poorly Senator Prevert is treating him).
    (Senator Prevert is on the phone while Adam is in a living room chair, exhausted and moaning)
    Prevert: Hello, hello, l-listen, is this the orphanage? Yeah, look, It's Senator Prevert here. It's about that kid we adopted this morning. Wait a minute...(to Adam): What's your name again?
    Adam (weakly): Adam.
    Prevert: What's your name?
    Adam: Adam.
    Prevert (back on the phone): Adam. Adam. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Listen, here, you can come over here and get him and take him back...What? No, no, no. He's through here...Yea—What'd he do? He did just about everything (as Adam is picking through Senator Prevert's bowl of potato chips): Yeah, he washed the car and he mowed the grass and he raked up the leaves and he cleaned the windows and he did the dishes and he carried out the garbage...
    Adam (interrupts as Prevert leans in to listen): C-cleaned the oven and scrubbed the kitchen floor.
    Prevert: Yeah, (back on the phone): Cleaned the oven and scrubbed the kitchen floor. Yeah, he's done everything that pretty well had to be done, so you can come over here and you take 'im back...What? What do you mean "Adoption is forever"?! Listen, this kid looks like he's getting hungry. He's gonna have to be fed. (venomously): You get over her right away, ya damn bureaucrat! (hangs up; turns attention back to Adam): Hey, listen, kid, what was your name again?
    Adam: Adam.
    Prevert: Adam, yeah, they won't be here for another half-hour, so why don't you go up and clean the toilet? (snatches potato chip bowl as Adam reaches for another chip): AND GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY POTATO CHIPS!
  • In one sketch, a girl is in bed and calls out to her parents for a glass of water. Guess what happens. As if that weren't bad enough, she then gets accused of wetting the bed and then, when Mom asks her, "If you didn't wet the bed, who did?", replies, "I don't know." 'Nuff said.
    Mrs. Prevert: Now look what you've done, young lady. [holds out water glass to Amy] Drink?