Funny / Yellowjackets

Here be unmarked spoilers! You Have Been Warned

When the vending machine won't dispense your snack...

Season 1

Pilot

• Randy downs a lot of beer and lets out an almighty belch, before declaring to Shauna "I dedicate that to you, sexy lady".
• When the girls get into a fight over Taissa breaking Allie's leg, Jackie takes them all aside and demands that they each say one nice and true thing about each other. Laura Lee begins with "Taissa, you are beautiful in the eyes of our Lord." Which, fair enough, but then...
  Laura Lee: Van, you are beautiful...
  Jackie: Okay, Laura Lee, fall back!

F-Sharp

• Misty goes on a date with a guy who is definitely not interested. She manages to guilt-trip him into coming home with her. When they go in, they find Natalie toting her rifle and waiting for Misty ("Hello Misty, you crazy fucking bitch.") Stan simply pulls a Screw This, I'm Out of Here!.

The Dollhouse

• One of the grave-markers during the funeral reads "Coach Scott's leg."
• After hiking for miles, the girls find the lake. Most of them are splashing around and having fun in the water. Misty being Misty, she goes over to Coach Scott with a bottle of lake water:
  Misty: Here, take your shirt off. I'll squirt you.
  Coach Scott: Yeah. I'm not gonna do that.
  (Misty gleefully pours out the water on him anyway)
  • This is all happening where all the others can watch and provide commentary.
  Akilah (from afar): If that girl poured water on my hair, Coach wouldn't be the only one missing a limb.
  • Upon seeing a shirtless Travis:
  Mari: (cocking her head for a better look) Is Travis actually...hot?
  Jackie: It's been three days. You guys can't be that desperate.

Bear Down

• The episode opens with Misty helping Coach Scott take a dump in the woods. She suggests singing a song to help him like he was a toddler and the Coach angrily says no. Once he finally looks like he's starting to relax enough, Misty starts singing the opening to Deep Blue Something's "Breakfast At Tiffany's".
• Natalie tells Misty to leave her alone, saying that they're not "Rizzoli & Isles'' and then stalks off. The elderly woman that Misty is with, Mrs. Singh, comments "You remind me of my granddaughter. Nobody really likes her either."

Blood Hive

• Lottie goes into a trance, muttering in French (she and Jackie both take French, but both suck at it) and smashing her head against the window. All the girls are panicking and wondering what to do, when Laura Lee rushes in, shouting, "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" and throwing her Bible at Lottie's head. It actually works; Lottie snaps out of it, yelling at Laura Lee.

Saints

• Natalie and Travis are about to make out, when Travis asks her how many guys she's been with.
  Natalie: The '50s called, they want your dumbass attitude back. Welcome to 1996. Our vaginas have, like, monologues now.
• Lottie grosses Van and Mari out by telling them about how some animals eat their own vomit. Mari taunts her for her possession fit the other night, asking if "Dead Cabin Guy" told her that.
  Lottie: No, we mostly talk about how Danny Myers dumped you for his own cousin.
  • And in the background, we can then hear Mari trying to argue with Van that it was only a second cousin.
• After enduring a dinner of Jackie's mother, Mrs. Taylor, making snide comments about his wife, Shauna, Jeff tells her and her husband that he and Shauna were sleeping together back when he was still with Jackie and that he may have been an idiot back then, but he was smart enough to see that. And then...
  Jeff: And this really is the best tuna quiche I've ever tasted, Mrs. Taylor.
• Coach Scott sits Travis down for a discussion, saying that he and Natalie need to be careful when they have sex because the last thing they need is a baby to take care of. When Travis says he "has it covered", Coach Scott presents him with a large handful of condoms, which he had in his sweatshirt pocket (and clearly intended to use on the trip). To this, Travis says:
  Travis: Weren't we only supposed to be in Seattle for, like, a week? I mean, who even are you?
• Jackie's opinion of rabbits:
  Jackie: A squirrel with floppy ears and a pom-pom on its ass? Like, why? What even is that?
• Kevyn tells Natalie that his son Mason's team won the game, that the move she gave him clinched it.
  Natalie: Funny. Whenever I tried to do it, it never worked for me.

No Compass

• Coach Scott's clear (though carefully hidden from Misty) look of relief as Misty declares that she is going with the others to try to find help is a nice, subtle moment of humor.
• Shauna tells Jackie that she's pregnant. Jackie asks her how this happened.
  Shauna: Well, when a man and a woman...
• While waiting for Natalie to get back from making the blackmail money drop-off, Taissa and Shauna discuss Natalie and the hard life she's led. Taissa admits to having paid for her rehab and says that none of them would be there if not for her, so she does what she can, "Not just for her, but for me." Then Natalie arrives and gets back in the car.
  Taissa: What the fuck took you so long?

Flight of the Bumblebee

• Van has survived the wolf attack, but is so badly injured that the others assume she is dead and try to burn the corpse. Her reaction? A deadpan "R-Really? Fire?" that is also a Call-Back to when she was nearly burned on the plane.
• Misty sees Natalie buying cocaine from the secret cam she planted in her motel room and storms out of her basement to go stop her, muttering a sequence of Rapid-Fire "No!". Cut to Natalie getting ready to snort the drugs and Misty bursts into her room - still sputtering disappointed "no"s - pushing her out of the way and snorting the cocaine herself to stop Natalie from trying.
• After Jackie tells everyone about Shauna's pregnancy, an awestruck Misty tries to touch her belly only for her hand to be slapped away.

Doomcoming

• After Jeff reveals that he was the one responsible for the blackmail, Shauna reveals to him in turn that she was cheating on him with Adam. They discuss this and she mocks his belief of her repeated excuse about attending book club.
  Jeff: What? There's no book club?!
• Natalie goes to get a snack from the vending machine outside the motel where she's living, but it snags and fails to dispense. She shakes it a bit with no luck. She returns with a fire extinguisher, shatters the glass, then takes the snack she purchased only and walks away calmly.
• Shauna, Taissa, and Natalie are in Adam's apartment debating what to do about the body.
  Shauna: So, now, what?
  Taissa: Well, obviously, we can’t leave him here.
  Shauna: Well, we can’t exactly Weekend at Bernie's him out the door, either.
  Taissa: Getting rid of the body isn’t our only problem, Shauna. Your fucking DNA is all over this place. Your fucking texts are in his cloud. God. The police are not gonna have to dig deep to find you.
  Shauna: Yeah, no shit. You’re a lawyer. What-what do we do?
  Taissa: I practiced land use, not murder clean-up!
• Jackie attempts to flirt with Travis.
  Jackie: Isn't this every guy's dream? To be stranded with a bunch of babes.
  Travis: Do ever you feel that your humility holds you back?
  Jackie: I said babes.

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi

• Misty makes awkward chatter about the dead body lying in front of the group, covered with a blood-soaked sheet.
  Misty: Wow. Boy. He sure was a gusher, huh? [chuckles]
• Taissa mocks Van for thinking there is something supernatural in the woods with them.
  Taissa: Van, you believe that Sporty Spice is the most underrated Spice Girl. You believe that Scully is way too good for Mulder.
• Taissa and Shauna right before they go into their 25th high school reunion.
  Shauna: How is it possible that is the most scared I've been all day?
  Taissa: [laughs] Right? "Oh, my God! Oh, hey, girl. Hey! It's been forever. What have you been up to? Tell me."
  Shauna: Um, yeah. You know, gardening, PTA, dismembering my lover's corpse.
• At the reunion, Shauna bumps into Randy (the friend who helped Jeff with the blackmail). She tells him that she'll gut him if he ever tells anyone about the blackmail and that she can't be mad at Jeff right now, so it's him instead. He says that he gets that. "You're a good friend," she tells him.
• Allie is ready for her presentation and tries to get everyone's attention, only to be booed.

  Allie: Shut the fuck up, Doug, you're a grown man!

  • She has set the reunion slideshow to Enya's "Only Time", which makes it extra cringe.
• At the cabin, Shauna and Jackie are having their big fight in front of the other survivors.
  Jackie: It must be hard being this jealous all the time.
  [Shauna chuckles]
  Jackie: What? You're so fucking jealous of me, you can barely breathe.
  Shauna: Are you quoting Beaches at me right now?

Season 2

Friends, Romans, Countrymen

• Misty "helps" Shauna by subjecting her to a mock interrogation, in case the police questions her. According to Misty, Shauna did terrible:
  Misty: The only thing you should ever say to the police is, "I want my lawyer". That's why I put it on the cookie.
  (Cut to shot of a bakery box containing a large cookie, reading "I want my lawyer" in bright red cursive)

Digestif

• Jeff and Shauna are discussing their relationship in a diner. The waitress walks up just as Jeff mentions the words "strawberry lube"... and promptly turns around and nopes out of shot.
• Walter, with Misty feeding him questions through earbuds, interrogates Randy Walsh under the pretense of being an FBI agent. To get results, Misty pushes him to go "Bad cop". Walter's idea of going all Jack Bauer on Randy? Punching him and taking out a menacing... immersion blender.
  • And it does get Randy to talk.

Old Wounds

• Shauna's reaction to Callie calling her on being a murderer. All the more so for how Melanie Lynskey plays it.
  Shauna: No. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, sure... mmm... Yes.

Two Truths and a Lie

• Callie finds out that the guy she's been seeing is a police officer and realizes she has said too much about her mom's affair. She tries to fix the situation by telling him that the man Shauna was sleeping with is Jeff's idiot friend, Randy Walsh.
• After Callie tells her mom and dad, Shauna decides that her daughter is onto something, and orchestrates a faux date at the motel Randy's staying. She sends him to the bathroom with a condom and instructions to jerk off and leave the used condom in the trash, as evidence of sexy times. Before he goes, she barks out one final command:
  Hey. Don't you dare think about me.
  • And to add to the farcical aspect, the loins sleep tonight, so he fills the condom with hand lotion. And it might have fooled the detectives, except Randy used strawberry-scented lotion.
• Taissa and Van reminiscing how they swapped up the fancy guestbook pens for one of the ones where the ink drains to make the image of the woman on the pen naked at Shauna's wedding to Jeff. And how Jackie's mom, Mrs. Taylor, nearly had a stroke.
  Van: (imitating Mrs. Taylor) "You can see her bosoms!"
• Despite how unsettling and sad it is, there is a bit of unintentional Gallows Humor to be found in Crystal's death, namely Misty's reaction to it. While Misty's "sorry, bestie!" is completely sincere in context, considering how the meaning of that word has shifted over the years (in the nineties, "bestie" was a term unironically used to describe best friends, but is now commonly used to sound condescending or mocking in the same way that calling someone "honey" or "sweetie" can be), it can make it sound as if Misty does not feel bad about Crystal's death at all.

Qui

• The girls try to find some way to help Shauna through labor. Lottie suggests they hold hands and "share their hopes" with each other. It turns out less than helpful thanks to Mari...
  Mari: WILDERNESS, I HOPE SHAUNA DOESN'T DIE!!!
  (Everybody gives Mari a "What is wrong with you?" look)
  Taissa: Why the fuck would you say "die"?!?
• After multiple attempts, Misty finally manages to get in touch with Taissa over the phone, albeit sneaking to use the cult compound's land line.
  Misty: You're gonna want to hear this. You'll never believe where I am.
  Taissa: I don't have time for you right now.
  Misty: I am at a residential wellness center off Route 19 in Cherry Hill, New York.
  Taissa: Where you're getting help?
  • And Misty's description of the compound and the acolytes:
    "It's a bunch of granola losers, but the food is great, and the BO factor is surprisingly low."
• As Shauna and Callie are inside the police station being questioned, Jeff is outside in the minivan bumping to N.W.A.'s "Fuck tha Police."
• The plot summary provided for the episode states that "Shauna gets a pop-quiz on her cookie-reading assignment." As viewers will recall, Misty attempted to prepare Shauna for questioning with both role-playing and instructions to only ask for a lawyer, complete with a cookie featuring that advice written in frosting. Shauna fails her pop-quiz.

Burial

• At the compound, Shauna chooses a treatment labeled Self Care. Instead of the massages or mud baths she expects, she is entrusted to care for a baby goat named Bruce. She only accepts because the alternative is mucking out the barn. All day.
• Later, Bruce goes missing and Misty helps Shauna search for him thanks to the bits of food she's been saving in her pockets.
  Misty: I've been kind of hoarding food, in case they decide to enforce calorie restriction to induce out-of-body experiences. (scoffs) My blood sugar can't handle that.
• Misty's treatment involves a sensory tank where she has a vision of a human-size Caligula. After a musical number, she goes backstage and asks Caligula if others see a murderer when they look at her. Caligula gives her a pep talk:
  Take it from a bird named after a Roman emperor who was also unjustly accused of heinous acts. You are not a murderer, Misty! You're a closer.
  • Part of Caligula's speech to Misty is "How many times did you get the ball over the goal line?" Misty was the equipment manager for the Yellowjackets and didn't actually play - the literal answer to that question is zero.
  • Just before that, Lisa has known Misty for less than 24 hours and is already completely sick of her shenanigans.
    Lisa: Please get in this time. (...) There is no lock. Look, it's super safe. No catch, I promise. Truly, no one cares that you are in the tank. Or here at all.
• Though it occurs in a serious scene, there's something funny about how Misty mentions that she in particular will savour Coach Scott's "high-calorie butt meat" when the girls eat him after he's dead.

It Chooses

• At the compound, Misty reveals that she kidnapped Jessica Roberts and in her own words, "took care of it. Like I always do. (Beat) You are welcome."
  Misty: Well, what was I supposed to do, let her go? I'd already held her captive in my basement for like a week.
  Van: Sounds like your hands were really tied. Oh, wait, maybe those were her hands.
• This is followed by Misty revealing to her fellow survivors that she and Walter worked together so he could impersonate an FBI agent and question poor dumb Randy Walsh about Natalie's disappearance. Van, who has not dealt with Misty and her... proclivities for a while, remains a Deadpan Snarker:
  Van: Misty, you are nothing if not proactive.
  Misty: Thank you?

Storytelling

• Jeff and Callie are at the compound. She accuses him of being "awfully judgy" about Shauna, given that he initiated all the trouble by trying to blackmail the surviving Yellowjackets. Jeff gets defensive:
  Jeff: The American family is crumbling, Callie. You try making a living in sectionals.
• Jeff is giving his fake confession to Kevyn Tan when Kevyn just suddenly falls over backwards, dead. Jeff stares in dumbfounded shock, before bending down, all "Kevyn. Hey, Kev..." As he starts cursing, Walter reappears, all "Hiya, me again," and calmly explains that he was the one who poisoned and killed him.