For The Lost Files funny moments, see that page.
- From Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang:
Gwen: (to an elderly woman on the street) Excuse me, have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car? (woman points) Thank you.Elderly lady: Bloody Torchwood.
- I'm partial to the moment where Gwen yells out "BLOWFISH!"
- Later on, Jack and John's reunion. First they dramatically walk towards each other in semi slow motion, suck face like they're in a movie, beat the ever living shit out of each other, hold each other up in a Mexican Standoff, then smile at each other and ask how the other has been.....as if this is completely normal.
- Later in that same episode:
Captain John: I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place...she's beautiful...he's stunning...Gwen: Don't you ever stop?Captain John: Five minutes to live and you want me to behave? Oh, that's gorgeous...Gwen: That's a poodle.Captain John: It's nice! (extremely lascivious look)
- From Sleeper:
Tosh: Nuclear warheads. Ten of them.Ianto: It's all over.Owen: (beat) Let's all have sex.Ianto: And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse.
- All of the scene following Gwen walking in on Jack and Ianto's naked makeout session on a desk, particularly the naked hide-and-seek conversation. And, in the category of unintentional puns:
Ianto: There's a package on your desk.
- If you watch the background while Ianto delivers that line, you can see that Jack is already undressed again.
- From Greeks Bearing Gifts:
Tosh walks in; Owen's recent autopsy has gone a bit wrong and Gwen is NOT holding back.Gwen: "It turns out that Owen has made a few mistakes. That body is what gender again, Owen?"Owen: "A...male....a man... a very girly man!"Gwen: "That's not all of it, remember, you said gunshot wound, right? Well, what was the true cause of death?"Owen: "Unidentified trauma."Gwen: "Yes, but what can definitely be ruled out?"Owen: "Gunshot wound..."Gwen: "Gunshot wound!!!! So, Owen, did you actually get any part of your diagnosis correct?"Owen: "....I got that... It...eh...was a skeleton?"
- She's singing the "X bone is connected to the X bone" song when Tosh first walks in.
- From "Sleeper," Owen is trying to beg Tosh to set up a phone. Tosh tells him multiple times, that The entire. Telephone. Network. Is down! Then Ianto comes in:
Ianto: Mobiles, land lines, tin cans with bits of string, everything. Absolutely everything. No phones, phones all broken. (makes a little phone with his hands) Hello? Anyone there? No! Because the phones aren't working!
- Dead Man Walking, when it isn't awesome or tearjerkerish, has the hilarity of Owen Harper's puking scene and Jack's hilarious reaction.
Jack: Only in suffering do we realize beauty.Owen: Yeah, yeah. Who said that?Jack: Proust.Owen: You've read Proust?Jack: Yeah. Well, no. We dated for a while. He was really immature.
- Then there's this from the same episode.
Ianto: I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds," but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.
- Later in the same episode:
- In Something Borrowed, Jack mistaking Rhys's harridan of a mother for a shape-shifting alien and holding her at gunpoint.
Jack: Don't move you shape-shifting bitch!
- And then when she protests she's not an alien:
- The proof that she's not an alien? The shape-shifter can't copy scent and Gwen would have recognized that god-awful perfume anywhere.
- From Meat:
Gwen: Have you ever eaten alien meat?Jack: Yeah.Gwen: What was it like?Jack: Well, he seemed to enjoy it.
- From Exit Wounds:
Grim Reaper Looking Guy: Devils! Blasphemers! Pray to your heathen god, while in the Lord's name we cast you out!Ianto and Tosh open fire with hand-guns.Ianto: There we are then.Tosh: Sorted.
- From Everything Changes:
Jack: Okay, first of all, who the hell orders pizza under the name of "Torchwood?"
- And Owen's response: "That'd be me. I'm a twat."