Take one drink when...
- There is a swooping aerial shot of Cardiff from a helicopter.
- Someone delivers or orders a pizza.
- A main character says “snog” or “snogging”
- A main character says “shag” or “shagging”
- A heterosexual snogging occurs
- Someone says “special ops”
- You can read “Torchwood” on the side of the “top secret” Torchwood mobile.
- Rhys Williams phones Gwen, or is used for comedic relief.
- Ianto looks guilty or vulnerable for no apparent reason.
Take two drinks when...
- Jack (doesn’t) die after being killed
- Lesbian/gay snogging occurs
- Heterosexual snogging occurs between two main characters
- Heterosexual shagging occurs
- Myfanwy the pterodactyl appears (exclude during titles)
- Anyone takes an alien artifact home without permission
Take three drinks when...
- There is a swooping aerial shot of Jack (or other cast member) astride a Cardiff landmark.
- A Torchwood member betrays the trust of the rest of the team
- Lesbian/gay shagging occurs
- Lesbian/gay snogging between two main characters occurs
- Heterosexual shagging between two main characters occurs
- There is a cover up for the murder/death of a member of the public
- Anyone refers to sex without resorting to euphemisms like “snogging” and “shagging”. NB: F-words don’t count.
- A random human remarks on how Torchwood is a pain in the ass.
Take four drinks
- Lesbian/gay shagging between two main characters occurs
- A main character get stabbed, shot or otherwise seriously injured or mutilated.
- A dismembered body part appears on screen
- There is a direct reference to Doctor Who
Drink the entire bottle when
- The main characters leave Earth
- The Doctor, the TARDIS or genuine companion appear in the episode (not just a body part)
- An episode ends with no sexual references at all
Take one drink when
- Tosh gives Owen a knowing look
- Gwen gives Jack a knowing look
- Owen gives Gwen a knowing look
- Jack gives Ianto a knowing look (can be substituted for an ‘evil’ if knowing looks are not going spare)
Take two drinks when:
- Tosh has a good day
- Salute her before drinking if it's because she got laid.
- Whole team wears sunglasses outside on a grey day
- There is a shoe horned Americana reference to a) CSI, b) Basketball/Baseball in order to cater to BBC America etc to cater for potential American Network deals
- There is a shoe horned stereotypical Welsh reference, e.g.: Millennium Stadium, anything in welsh, rugby, to take full advantage of Cardiff potentially being marketed over in America.
- Someone/Anyone says something/anything derogatory about London.
- Someone brandishes an impressive weapon (Owen’s not included!) with a torch.
Take three drinks when:
- The CGI utterly lets you down
- There is no CGI in the episode
- Subtle “Who” reference is used knowingly (Can also be interpreted as knowing look between RTD and the Whovians tuning in). Clunking great lady-cybers do not class as subtle.
- Someone brandishes an impressive weapon (Owen’s not included!) in a montage.
- During any montage.
- The Torchwood Blimp takes its inaugural flight
- Weevil gives Jack a knowing look
- Little man from office in Glasgow pops in and after thirty minutes learns the art of the knowing look and leaves to go and grow his own little nest of iniquity in the windy Scottish highlands.
Drink the entire case when
Drink the entire bottle if:
- A homosexual snog (other than Jack/Ianto) occurs under no alien influence whatsoever.
- Harkness says “What?” in response to his co-workers’ incomprehensible Welsh accents.
- The severed hand crawls into someone’s pants with the intention of committing an obscene act.
- A member of the Royal Family guest stars as a werewolf.
- Harkness shags a sheep.
What about drinking when:
- Owen wears his white coat.
- Tosh says/does something that makes her look really uncool and then tries to act normal.
- Some unsuspecting soon-to-be victim does something really stupid (generally near the beginning of the episode).
- We see a scene featuring the Torchwood crew chilling together in the bat-cave.
- Gwen starts worrying about her relationship with Rhys.
Finish the bottle when:
- We see someone’s bare bottom (be honest – it’s only a matter of time).
- Someone says “Torchwood? Who on Earth are they? I’ve never heard of them. They must be ultra-secret.”