Funny / The Goon

  • The Goon/Ghost of Christmas Present's abuse of the Zombie Priest/Scrooge in the A Christmas Carol issue:
    Aw, what's the matter, can't you pass through walls like me? WHAM! What's that like, slappin' yer face against a brick wall, huh? Does it hurt? I wouldn't know, seein as I'm a ghost!
  • The Goon and Hellboy comparing monster hunting techniques:
    Hellboy: Let me handle this, I'm a professional!
    Goon: Oh, yeah? usually when I come up against something like this, I just try punching it in the head.
    Hellboy: ...Me too.
    • Also, at that issue's end, Hellboy's opinion of the whole mess is basically "I refuse to admit that ever happened".
  • From the Goon Dethklok Intercontinuity Crossover: Doctor Rockzo introduces Franky to cocaine. There are no survivors.
  • The Atomic Rage the foul-mouthed Jack Kirby style superhero from the popular in-universe comic book
    Atomic Rage: *** my big atomic *** you commie *** ***! Only a *** would read another comic magazine!
  • "Jimmy Turtle and the Legendary Box Car of Well-Made Ladies Shoes". Thomas Lennon's prose backup story in The Goon #10.
  • The various celebrity guest appearances, including Gregory Peck, Rod Serling and Bob Dylan as the Hobo King.
    Rod Serling: Submitted for your approval, two tales of bizarre misadventure in a landscape of madness. A fish woman, a skunk ape and blueberry pie. Keep telling yourself that it couldn't happen. Keep telling yourselves that only rational things happen in your rational world. But this is a world of shadow and of little substance. A world outside of space and time. A world where your punk *** better believe I am one suave son of a ***.
  • Franky's commentary on the state of affairs when, after having lost Norton's Bar to the first attack of the chugheads, they then have to deal with zombified midget clowns raiding one of their warehouses.
    Franky: Is it just me or has our entire existence boiled down to nasty little things that want to chew our faces off?
  • Satan's Sodomy Baby. That is all.
  • During his encounter with Zombo the Clown's Theatre Bizarre in the second post-series one-shot comic, Goon has to leave little Roscoe the werewolf pup on his own whilst he takes care of something with Franky. He asks Roscoe what the procedure is should a stranger come along and try to invite him away: the werewolf promptly replies that it's to yell "Stranger Danger!" ...before turning into a wolf and brutally murdering them, graphically describing the mutilation of the body and the threat-posturing he will then make. Goon's response is to proudly declare, "That's my boy".